Question about S + N in relationship

[BlackCat]

You don't seem like a Sensor to me, btw. I'm curious why you've typed yourself that way.....

I fit the SP temperament pretty well. NF is pretty alien to me. I don't really understand NFs at all and don't relate to them. I don't really care for a lot of theories or deep discussions. Ni fits me better than Ne. Also ISFp is my socionics type; and that fits me very well.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I'm eNFJ and my partner is ISTJ. The N/S difference is where we struggle. Any tips for relating across this difference? Thanks!

I was with an ISTJ for four years. Hope this helps:

Take what the ISTJ is saying as what they really mean. No need to read into their words. You're speaking S now! They usually say what they mean and mean what they say. Be direct in communication. If you're speaking about emotions then if you feel something explain what you are feeling and then why you are feeling that way and what ISTJ can do to help make it better. Any conflict should end very quickly.

I was with an ENFJ for two years and I can't help on that front.

Wait...you guys like verbal affirmation. You need that. So I'd say tell ISTJ that when a nice thought comes into his/her head that you'd appreciate hearing it instead of them tucking it away.

 

[FDG]

I never had a real problem with this dichotomy, I also think that J-P has the potential to be the most problematic. There are many sensors that are intelligent curious and, if you (as N) feel the need to talk about theories, they will at the very least listen to you, and perhaps add their own empirical input, which can be really useful for hypothesis-testing.

 

[psyche]

I was with an ISTJ for four years. Hope this helps:

Take what the ISTJ is saying as what they really mean. No need to read into their words. You're speaking S now! They usually say what they mean and mean what they say. Be direct in communication. If you're speaking about emotions then if you feel something explain what you are feeling and then why you are feeling that way and what ISTJ can do to help make it better. Any conflict should end very quickly.

I was with an ENFJ for two years and I can't help on that front.

Wait...you guys like verbal affirmation. You need that. So I'd say tell ISTJ that when a nice thought comes into his/her head that you'd appreciate hearing it instead of them tucking it away.

Thank you. I forget how important verbal affirmation is for me and how often I go without it and don't realize I need to ask for it.

I like direct communication, personally, so on that front we're okay. I'll try to be more proactive in framing solutions to problems.

 

[psyche]

I never had a real problem with this dichotomy, I also think that J-P has the potential to be the most problematic. There are many sensors that are intelligent curious and, if you (as N) feel the need to talk about theories, they will at the very least listen to you, and perhaps add their own empirical input, which can be really useful for hypothesis-testing.

Thank you for your comments. I've been hearing this a lot. I do see how J-P could be problematic; I guess I take it for granted because my partner and I are pretty much identical in that area.

Your post is solidifying my suspicion that the S-N difference isn't as problematic as the type of S-N difference we have. I think if he were more curious about things that I'm interested in, and willing to listen and respond thoughtfully, I'd be pretty satisfied. It's almost as if he gets lazy when we talk; if he's not naturally interested in a subject, he kind of tunes out and at best responds to my ideas with "uh huh." There's no further input, no questions he asks of me, no desire to communicate further. This is true when I'm talking about emotions (mine or his) or ideas (mine or his)...a lot of the time.

 

[Snow Turtle]

Reading posts like this I'm starting to wonder (for the first time ever) whether the S/N difference is really the problem or whether I'm barking up the wrong tree. If my partner were to communicate like you do, here, in this post, or like BlackCat, just as examples, I think I'd be a lot more comfortable with our communication. There is a marked difference in how you two communicate as Sensors and how my partner does....

You'll find some topic that your partner is interested in. For the people on this forum, the common linking factor is the interest in psychology and human nature.

Just a case of dragging it out of him. I'm sure he has his own ideas on how people operate and stuff. Just a case of whether he's interested in exploring it further.

 

[psyche]

You'll find some topic that your partner is interested in. For the people on this forum, the common linking factor is the interest in psychology and human nature.

Just a case of dragging it out of him. I'm sure he has his own ideas on how people operate and stuff. Just a case of whether he's interested in exploring it further.

Perhaps.....and I'm sure I/E play some role in this. I often wonder if he simply doesn't express what he's thinking. He also sometimes says that he has an idea about something (a feeling, an experience that's not sensory) but "can't find the words" to describe it. Perhaps that's introverted intuition or something.

I know this is off-topic, but it's related. We were recently at a MB workshop. Es and Is were discussing their experience of each other. Es said it was exhausting to cultivate and maintain conversation, to have to work to pull information out of Is. Is said Es exhausted them by overwhelming them with energy and information, or demanding that they engage more.