Tertiary Attracted to Primary Function

[Udog]

Well, since made a post that went way off topic, and then decided to delete it, I figured I might as well make a post that's ON topic.

When it comes to attraction, I think there is a lot of validity to this. This is doubly true if you are an extrovert looking for a fellow extrovert, or an introvert looking for a fellow introvert. It provides an avenue of bonding. I think opposite pairings, where the inferior matches up, occurs when an extrovert is looking for an introvert, and vice versa.

To further muck up the theory, though, I wonder if gender would play a role in having the tertiary of the female better suited with the dominant of the male? This would make the male stronger in the area of bonding, which as controversial as the topic is, is something that BOTH partners tend to appreciate more often than not.

 

[Bamboo]

ISFJ has the bonus (for me) of its tertiary function being my dominant, so it would theoretically be a mutual attraction. If you work that into your theory you get 8 pairs:

ESTJ > ENFP
ESFJ > ENTP
ENTJ > ESFP
ENFJ > ESTP
ISTP > INFJ
ISFP > INTJ
INTP > ISFJ
INFP > ISTJ

The pattern being that I or E always stays the same while the others are always switched.

...

This was one of the first things I noticed, that there were mutual pairings.

It's a clean theory, but...um...so what?

Is there anything significant that could be said about this type of pairing? Anything specific about interactions?

 

[Andy]

This was one of the first things I noticed, that there were mutual pairings.

It's a clean theory, but...um...so what?

Is there anything significant that could be said about this type of pairing? Anything specific about interactions?

If you look at Sof's pairing closer, you will see that not only does the first match the third, but the second also matches the fourth. By interacting and communicating, each exercises the others weakest functions, helping them to become more rounded individuals and see the world in a new but accesible way.

 

[sofmarhof]

Bamboo: From an even simpler standpoint, all the functions have the same orientation, they are just in a different order. I could imagine that two people with Fe, whatever position it occupies, would relate to each other better than one person with high Fe and another with high Fi. And so on with all the other functions. There are other pairings where this is the case, this is just one of them.

Now... does this tell us anything new? Insight into how these pairs might interact?

Guardian/Idealist
ESTJ (TeSi) > ENFP (NeFi)
ISTJ (SiTe) > INFP (FiNe)

Guardian/Rational
ESFJ (FeSi) > ENTP (NeTi)
ISFJ (SiFe) > INTP (TiNe)

Artisan/Idealist
ESTP (SeTi) > ENFJ (FeNi)
ISTP (TiSe) > INFJ (NiFe)

Artisan/Rational
ESFP (SeFi) > ENTJ (TeNi)
ISFP (FiSe) > INTJ (NiTe)

Thinking Guardians > Perceiving Idealists
Feeling Guardians > Perceiving Rationals
Thinking Artisans > Judging Idealists
Feeling Artisans > Judging Rationals

 

[jenocyde]

I can tell you that I am surrounded by an inordinate amount of male ENFJs in my life, so Pink, there might be something there. Maybe I'm attracted to them somehow, but definitely not romantically. I don't know if I know any female ENFJs irl.

As far as ESFJs... I don't know any male ones but I only tolerate the female ones that I know, instead of openly embracing them.

 

[Domino]

I can tell you that I am surrounded by an inordinate amount of male ENFJs in my life, so Pink, there might be something there. Maybe I'm attracted to them somehow, but definitely not romantically. I don't know if I know any female ENFJs irl.

As far as ESFJs... I don't know any male ones but I only tolerate the female ones that I know, instead of openly embracing them.

ESFJs might be attracted to you for the mutual Ne. *ponders*

As to the male ENFJs, just hit them with an old shoe. That'll learn 'em.

You're seeing an INTP, yes?

 

[jenocyde]

As to the male ENFJs, just hit them with an old shoe. That'll learn 'em.

Shoot, don't need to tell me twice...!

You're seeing an INTP, yes?

Yeah.

 

[Domino]

Shoot, don't need to tell me twice...!

Shooting works too. Skip the rubber bullets and go straight for the armor-piercing ammo or you'll have ENFJ hands in your pants/panty drawer/mini fridge after the lovin'.

Take measures now!

Yeah.

What attracted you? Can you put a finger on it for my enlightenment?

 

[sofmarhof]

Of all the things that people use the MBTI to determine, determining relationship success is the worst.

Yeah, not so good for predicting the success of a relationship, but it can be useful to show that specifically are the strengths of a successful relationship, or what are the weaknesses of an unsuccessful one.

I think this does at least predict a fairly conflict-free relationship. Anyone want to disagree? Ever had a huge fight with whatever type this pairing puts you with?

 

[jenocyde]

What attracted you? Can you put a finger on it for my enlightenment?

The first thing that attracted me were the Ti wordplay and puns. The next thing I noticed was how open he was in discussing any and everything without shame or drama. He would state things very matter-of-factly and it would all be very well thought out and detached. He was completely introspective but was missing the point of all of it, or the big lesson. He saw everything but the obvious and was just drowning in details - basically he was missing a shit load of Ne, which I have in spades.

 

[Salomé]

INTP> ISFJ, ISTJ [Si]

Thoughts?

Err...no. Sorry, Pink.
I think this might happen frequently because of population dynamics, rather than compatibility - if the INTP-married-to-ISFJ support group is anything to go by..

I am attracted to Ne-doms. Si is perhaps the least appealing function for me.

 

[Domino]

The first thing that attracted me were the Ti wordplay and puns. The next thing I noticed was how open he was in discussing any and everything without shame or drama. He would state things very matter-of-factly and it would all be very well thought out and detached. He was completely introspective but was missing the point of all of it, or the big lesson. He saw everything but the obvious and was just drowning in details - basically he was missing a shit load of Ne, which I have in spades.

Interesting!

He was overemphasizing Ti to the detriment of his intuitive capacities? I take it his Si is weak?

 

[jenocyde]

Interesting!

He was overemphasizing Ti to the detriment of his intuitive capacities? I take it his Si is weak?

Um, no - his Si is too damn strong. He is almost all Ti-Si. Everything that happens and everything I say, is compared to another time when something similar happened at some other point in his life. Everything that is new and refreshing is not embraced, it is gawked at because "this has never happened to me before".

So this can easily turn to where he feels helpless now in a certain situation because when he was 5 he was helpless in a similar situation, and that's how things always were and hence, will and should be. Like driving. He was never able to get the hang of it as a youth, so obviously nothing will change just because he is an adult. Whereas I assert that everything has changed and will continue to change because he is an adult. Do you get what I mean?

He is also lacking Fe, which is less surprising. It can wear on me a bit but in the end, I can physically see where I fit in his life. And in turn I have a strong Ti but nowhere near his level and capacity for detail (thank God) and since my Si is virtually non-existent, he provides serious grounding for me.

 

[Charmed Justice]

Yeah, not so good for predicting the success of a relationship

Personally, I disagree, but at the same time, that doesn't mean it makes sense to base whether or not to be with someone primarily on type matching. Someone's preferences are just another thing that ought really be considered, imo.

I think this does at least predict a fairly conflict-free relationship. Anyone want to disagree? Ever had a huge fight with whatever type this pairing puts you with?

My biggest conflicts are with XXTJs, excluding INTJs, because I'm not sure I know any irl. Assuming I'm an ENFP or an INFP, my attraction, according the this theory, would be to those I have the most conflict with. If I'm an ENFJ though, this works out great.

 

[sofmarhof]

So what does the source of conflict you have with TJs tend to be, if you don't mind sharing?

Because what I'm thinking is, there are certain problems a P and a J are likely to lave with each other, especially when living together. If a P and a J are going to get along, it's likely they'll be a TJ and an FP or an FJ and a TP, not a TJ and a TP, because the issues the J is most rigid on are the ones the P is the most laid back about.

 

[BlueGray]

I don't really have a reason, but I can attest to the fact that most of my friendships seem to be to ISJs.

 

[Charmed Justice]

So what does the source of conflict you have with TJs tend to be, if you don't mind sharing?

I think the issue is primarily with STJs, and those conflicts have typically centered around:

Dutifulness versus purposefulness; Wanting to have the answer vs. wanting to understand the reasons; Attention to behavior vs attention to the motive; Faith in the traditional vs. exploration of the alternatives; Valuing external structure and control vs. not; Pessimistic outlook vs. idealistic; Valuing most institutions vs. not, or needing to have the worth of an institution proven, etc..

Because what I'm thinking is, there are certain problems a P and a J are likely to lave with each other, especially when living together. If a P and a J are going to get along, it's likely they'll be a TJ and an FP or an FJ and a TP, not a TJ and a TP, because the issues the J is most rigid on are the ones the P is the most laid back about.

Hmm. TJ and FP and FJ and TP getting along best over the long term? What do you base that theory upon? I can see the attraction, for sure. We often want what we don't have, so opposites have a way of attracting.

 

[sofmarhof]

Maybe not best, as in FJ and TP won't be better than two TPs, and yeah--this thread was originally just about attraction, wasn't it? Oops. But Ti people seem to really take issue with Te (I know I do). So I'd take an ISFJ over an ISTJ.

 

[Thalassa]

Personally I tend to be attracted to SPs, NTPs, and the occasional FJ.

No NTJs hardly ever, at all. No SJs, generally speaking, aside from one or two ISFJs. Definitely not ESTJ or ISTJ.

That's why I don't agree with this theory in my own personal experience.

 

[StrappingYoungLad]

I can see how an ISTP might be attracted an INTJ, but what makes an INTJ attracted to an ISFP ? I'm not even sure see how an INFJ might be attracted to an ISFP.