Worst secret keeping mbti types: EXTP...

[Oaky]

It seems to me that if you tell a secret to an ESTP they bring it out to light in a flashy manner and if you confront them they make it look as if the secret is no big deal at all.

As for ENTPs they give you their word yet have to bring it up sometime in a conversation and when you confront them they then give you their word that those other people won't tell a soul.

They both also tend to be very curious about the secret you are keeping and will stop at nothing to find out.

They are pretty much the only two personality types I think have a problem with keeping a secret but some of the IXFPs may let other people's secrets out to their close friends quite easily although if you are telling them your secrets you are probably their 'close friends'.

An incurable scar of life had been put on me because of a problem I had with an ENTP for not being able to keep a secret. I never told a secret again since then.

Anyone else had a similar problem with secret keeping friends? Any other types find it hard to keep secrets?

 

[Antimony]

I used to have a hard time, but it doesn't really matter to me anymore. I tell my two BFF INFJ friends a lot.

However, I will stop at nothing to learn a secret. I have no idea why. It is frustrating.

 

[LEVINA]

Usually, when people tell me a secret, it plays out in these ways.

1) I don't care. I forget about your secret a day later, it doesn't matter then because the people who tell me just wanted to let out some steam.

2) I don't consider your secret that scandalous. Which goes along with 1. No, I don't think telling me about your crush makes me so hot for backstabbing and gossip and secret spilling.

3) I tease them about it. The perfect punchline requires me talking about you're secret, I probably will end up doing it.

4) I refer to the secret teller as "my friend" when I tell the secrets themselves.

 

[INTJ123]

I wouldn't really trust any type to keep a secret, I would trust that introverts have less opportunity to give the secret out to the public though, since they arn't very public in their nature.

I am actually a magnet for secrets, I find a lot of unexpected people confiding in me about things I don't even want to know. They often choose to tell me over one of their closer friends too. Quite odd. But I am not too bad at keeping secrets.

Best way to keep a secret is to keep it to yourself?

 

[paperoceans]

Usually, when people tell me a secret, it plays out in these ways.

1) I don't care. I forget about you're secret a day later, it doesn't matter then because the people who tell me just wanted to let out some steam.

2) I don't consider your secret that scandalous. Which goes along with 1. No, I don't think telling me about your crush makes me so hot for backstabbing and gossip and secret spilling.

3) I tease them about it. The perfect punchline requires me talking about you're secret, I probably will end up doing it.

4) I refer to the secret teller as "my friend" when I tell the secrets themselves.

I concur. 99% of the time "secrets" are not all that juicy so I tend to forget about them in a couple of hours... Unless it was something ridiculous like you had a three-some with Shia Labeouf & Will smith and afterwards sniffed crack off of Keira Knightly's ass with Lindsay Lohan... And then waking up the next morning naked in bed with a stranger, only to find out that they are transgender and you are now pregnant with the anti-Christ

Reminds me of this stupid secret a former friend was "hiding" from me. I kept bugging her, begging for her to tell me (I always want people to tell me their secrets), but she told me to ask a mutual friend. The MF is a moron and didn't tell me anything, so I sneaked up on my friend and teased her about knowing her ~secret... Then she blurts out: "OMG she told you that I lost my virginity to my boyfriend's best friend (who is a girl) at Disney world?!"... Oh wait, this is a horrible example since I remembered it and just managed to tell the entire interwebs. Oh shit, you are right!

Friend, I'm sorry I laughed at you that one time that I found out about your secret. And I am sorry that I told everyone about it. And I'm sorry for repeating it now.

 

[Z Buck McFate]

I had an ENFP friend who'd do that. It wasn't even secrets I'd share, so much as private information that he'd happen to pick up on by being around me. He would just blurt stuff out while we were in a group of people.

He usually tried to pass it off as being playful, and, like you said- tried to argue that it was no big deal. Even when other people would come up to him afterward and tell him that it was inappropriate- he'd continue to argue that he didn't think it would be a big deal.

I think he really did believe he was just being playful- but I also think there was some other underlying reason that he just didn't want to think about. I don't think there was any malicious intent involved, or that it was the same as 'gossiping' per se- but I do think that ultimately it was just about using 'shock value' to draw attention to himself.

E--Ps tend to be impulsive and thrill-seeking, don't they? That's been my experience of them anyway, and I am totally open to hearing about how my understanding of them might be off. But anyway- I suspect that also played a part in why he'd do it, for the tiny thrill.

He eventually got better about it (because he started losing friends and the respect of several people), but it was really annoying.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

I've always thought EXFJs were the worst (at this) for some reason.

 

[Z Buck McFate]

I've always thought EXFJs were the worst (at this) for some reason.

But E--Js don't like having their secrets broadcast to other people, whereas E--Ps (generally) don't care nearly as much as other types do. The E--Ps I know tend to broadcast all sorts of crazy 'inside' information about themselves all the time.

For this reason, I think E--Ps tend to share others' personal information more than E--Js do. I don't think it's on purpose, or with mal intent. The E--P privacy filter just isn't turned up as high as it is on other types.

But I will agree that WHEN an ExFJ does it, the intentions are probably not as innocent.

 

[Oaky]

E--Ps tend to be impulsive and thrill-seeking, don't they? That's been my experience of them anyway, and I am totally open to hearing about how my understanding of them might be off. But anyway- I suspect that also played a part in why he'd do it, for the tiny thrill.

But E--Js don't like having their secrets broadcast to other people, whereas E--Ps (generally) don't care nearly as much as other types do. The E--Ps I know tend to broadcast all sorts of crazy 'inside' information about themselves all the time.

For this reason, I think E--Ps tend to share others' personal information more than E--Js do. I don't think it's on purpose, or with mal intent. The E--P privacy filter just isn't turned up as high as it is on other types.

Although you are right about EPs tending to be more impulsive and thrill-seeking the EXFPs are more likely to be careful of letting out secrets as they usually can't stand the burden of a friend being annoyed at them.
Their own secrets, as long as it won't hurt others, can be shared out quite easily. I know an ESFP who is perhaps the best secret keeper I've met and tells other people freely about his personal information. The EXFPs in my experience are the ones who would only let out a secret if the person they are telling doesn't know the person with the secret or if they don't really think it's a secret to keep and to say it thinking it won't bother the person with the secret.

 

[Z Buck McFate]

...the EXFPs are more likely to be careful of letting out secrets as they usually can't stand the burden of a friend being annoyed at them.

I can see this. Now that I think about it, whilst blurting things out about themselves all the time, the few ExFPs I've known didn't blurt things out about other people. Except the one I mentioned above, but that's just one.

 

[INTJ123]

Although you are right about EPs tending to be more impulsive and thrill-seeking the EXFPs are more likely to be careful of letting out secrets as they usually can't stand the burden of a friend being annoyed at them.
Their own secrets, as long as it won't hurt others, can be shared out quite easily. I know an ESFP who is perhaps the best secret keeper I've met and tells other people freely about his personal information. The EXFPs in my experience are the ones who would only let out a secret if the person they are telling doesn't know the person with the secret or if they don't really think it's a secret to keep and to say it thinking it won't bother the person with the secret.

no esfp are not very good at keeping secrets, but what they are good at is telling the secrets to the right people in discrete manners. The right people meaning people like me who don't really give a crap. So I mean they are good at being secretive about telling your secrets haha.


Sorry I never answered your real question, in my opinion Extroverted Feeling types are going to be the ones to spill the beans. They spend the most time thinking/talking about people.

 

[Athenian200]

If you think that, you've yet to meet substitute.

I would say that while Es might be more likely to blab a secret to a group, an Introvert is more likely to find it difficult to keep secrets from someone they're close to. So it's not that Introverts are better at keeping them, it's just that we're better at keeping people from finding out that we told their secret... usually. Because we might only tell it to one person (almost always another I), and then hint for them to keep it quiet (which actually works better than explicitly calling it a secret), and it would take a few months/years before they found someone to tell, etc...

Also, I don't consider it telling the secret if I'm vague, don't include any details, and tell only people who weren't involved in the situation, who wouldn't be able to figure out what I meant.

 

[poppy]

I would say that while Es might be more likely to blab a secret to a group, an Introvert is more likely to find it difficult to keep secrets from someone they're close to. So it's not that Introverts are better at keeping them, it's just that we're better at keeping people from finding out that we told their secret... usually.

 

[Asterion]

When I saw the title of this thread I was thinking 'nah, no way, I would never sell out a secret to people like that, this is nonsense'... then I realized that I often have because I don't consider it such a big deal. I think EXFJs might be more prone to spilling their own secrets in group settings, I've seen it happen more than once at least, so I suspect it may be true.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

When I saw the title of this thread I was thinking 'nah, no way, I would never sell out a secret to people like that, this is nonsense'... then I realized that I often have because I don't consider it such a big deal. I think EXFJs might be more prone to spilling their own secrets in group settings, I've seen it happen more than once at least, so I suspect it may be true.

I've known a number of EXFJs (all girls) who have confessed to a sordid past of being the school gossip. They'd used gossip and secret-blabbing as a means of becoming liked and gaining entrance to the inner rings of those "in the know". Bartering sensitive gossip for popularity, basically. There was more to it than that though, I think.

 

[Z Buck McFate]

I've known a number of EXFJs (all girls) who have confessed to a sordid past of being the school gossip. They'd used gossip and secret-blabbing as a means of becoming liked and gaining entrance to the inner rings of those "in the know". Bartering sensitive gossip for popularity, basically. There was more to it than that though, I think.

If we're talking highschool age, then I absolutely agree. I can't remember a single girl friend from my adolescence (myself included) that didn't behave badly towards another girl at some point. And in that particular context- yes, ExFJs are the worst.

 

[Chloe]

I've known a number of EXFJs (all girls) who have confessed to a sordid past of being the school gossip. They'd used gossip and secret-blabbing as a means of becoming liked and gaining entrance to the inner rings of those "in the know". Bartering sensitive gossip for popularity, basically. There was more to it than that though, I think.

yep, my ex best friend from HS, ENFJ.. biggest gossiper on Earth. She is not mean person but does mean stuff...

 

[ArchitectofFate]

yea I gossip a lot too lol just to see how people would react.

 

[Totenkindly]

I've always thought EXFJs were the worst (at this) for some reason.

I figured ESxPs, to be honest.

(Although in church settings, the ESFJs always got a bad rap for public gossip, whether or not that's true.)

Introverts tend to gossip more on a personal level (e.g., the phone chain). The introversion really helps them internalize the information and keep a tighter rein on it. I have extroverted friends who seem to be asking questions like, "Oh, gee, did I just say that out loud?" When you operate externally (and that's where you "live" so to speak), the processing and dialogue all happens on that external level; introverts tend to bring everything inside of them or just into very personal 1-on-1 settings before pushing the information all around.

 

[Laurie]

<snip>, but what they are good at is telling the secrets to the right people in discrete manners. The right people meaning people like me who don't really give a crap.

One of my INTJ friends knows secrets from me that he really doesn't give a flip about. The funny thing is that the few secrets I think he would actually care about I haven't told him.

I tend to have to be careful about spilling people's secrets, and if I do it's normally "I know a guy who likes to be dommed but won't tell his wife." So, yeah, it's a secret that is never going to effect him because I wouldn't say that to anyone who would matter to his life.

Truth is, you have to be careful around people who you notice are spilling other people's secrets, because they will spill yours. I've also found that once you get close to "non-spillers" they will spill much of their knowledge anyway.

Interestingly enough I am very good at never spilling secrets that could cause someone to lose a job. I knew someone who was getting legally binding secrets from their bf and passing them around to friends. That seemed rather awful to me.

I would rather be personally involved with someone than just someone telling me their "secrets" - big deal. Most "secrets" are excessively lame anyway.