Love and hate on the outside and inside.

[Yloh]

So, I was minding my own business and an interesting question came up.

Certian MBTI types tend to be more liked on the outside, while other MBTI types tend to be more hated on the outside.

While these types may be liked or hated on the outside, what about the on the inside (behind the backs of people)?

Do certin types have more love on the outside but hated behind their backs? Same goes for the hate on the outside and admired behind their backs.

If this is true, then which type seems to have the most love on the outside?
Which type seems to have the most hate on the outside?
Which type seems to have the most love behind their backs?
Finally, which type seems to have the most hate behind their backs?

I don't think there is another thread on this question. I only looked breafley.

 

[Yloh]

I know it is a rather silly question and there are a lot more factors that play along in this, but I find it pretty interesting.

 

[NewEra]

So, I was minding my own business and an interesting question came up.

Certian MBTI types tend to be more liked on the outside, while other MBTI types tend to be more hated on the outside.

While these types may be liked or hated on the outside, what about the on the inside (behind the backs of people)?

Do certin types have more love on the outside but hated behind their backs? Same goes for the hate on the outside and admired behind their backs.

If this is true, then which type seems to have the most love on the outside?
Which type seems to have the most hate on the outside?
Which type seems to have the most love behind their backs?
Finally, which type seems to have the most hate behind their backs?

I don't think there is another thread on this question. I only looked breafley.

I don't exactly know what you mean by loved and hated on 'the inside' and 'the outside'? I'm a little confused here.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I think the answer might be different depending on the environment. Contexts where people are socially aware of MBTI will tend to have certain types emerge as dominant just as occurs in every social dynamic. This can also happen in environments that don't use MBTI terminology, but where certain behavioral traits are preferred and so those who possess those traits (or can appear to) have social power and those who can't demonstrate the traits have less social power.

People tend to hide their favor or disfavor of others if fear is some kind of factor. If the person is especially socially dominant, then others will hesitate to express disfavor and in some cases could be afraid to compliment. Also, if there are internal personal values held in the group that do not result in immediate social power, then individuals with those qualities might be admired, but the favor goes unspoken because the personal value is in conflict with the immediate way to gain social power.

I'm not certain of these ideas, but those are a few thoughts that came to mind.

 

[Poki]

I don't exactly know what you mean by loved and hated on 'the inside' and 'the outside'? I'm a little confused here.

I think its that some people are nice to somones face and talk about them behind there back. Or it seems like someone hates you, but you find out they think the world of you behind your back.

I agree that fear drives alot of this. Fear of being hurt, fear of losing something, fear of being found out, just fear in general, not always an intimidating fear.

 

[Yloh]

I don't exactly know what you mean by loved and hated on 'the inside' and 'the outside'? I'm a little confused here.

Let me give you an example of what I'm trying to say.

At least for me, people who are thinkers seem to give off a negative vibe to me. This is because they just tell you how it is and they can appear to be jerks. An EXTJ would let you know when you did something stupid, broke the rules, were late, and other tedious stuff like that without any sympothy. In public, people can see this kind of additude as "This person is a jerk" and either avoid them, argue with them, or show a negative additude towards that person. That is what I mean by receiving hate on the outside. On the other side of that coin, I see that exact same person and think to myself "This person gets things done, this person isn't afraid to tell me the truth, and this person is proactive". I don't tell that person how I admire them, but I really do. That is what I mean by receving love on the inside.

Here is another example, people who are feelers seem to always give out a positive vibe to others. They show that they care, are always nice, and avoid conflict. XXFP's are good at molding themselves to bring peace and harmony to the enviroment. People will see this kind of additude as "This person is really nice to have around" and will show that same kindness back. Feelers will receive love on the outside because others will show kindness to them. One the other side of that coin, those same people can think of feelers as "fake, unstable, and reactive". Those same people can have negative feelings towards this additude, but might not let that person know how they truly feel. The feeler is receving hate on the inside because others will have negative emotions on the inside, but they will never bring them out.

I hope this makes since. I really don't know very much about MBTI and enjoy reading responces from people who have put more time and effort in learning MBTI. I also love hearing from those who have more experience in life.

I know everything is situational and maturity level plays a HUGE role, but certin personalitiy types do tend to get more praise on the outside, while other personality types tend to get more criticism on the outside. Other personality types get more praise behind their backs, while other personality types get more criticism behind their backs.

Now that I think about it, some personality types just give more praise on the outside and harbor critisisim on the inside, while other personality types give more criticisim on the outside and harbor praise on the the inside.

So, what do you think?

 

[Poki]

The example you give seems to divide J/P down the middle instead of T vs F.

 

[NewEra]

I think its that some people are nice to somones face and talk about them behind there back. Or it seems like someone hates you, but you find out they think the world of you behind your back.

I agree that fear drives alot of this. Fear of being hurt, fear of losing something, fear of being found out, just fear in general, not always an intimidating fear.

Let me give you an example of what I'm trying to say.

At least for me, people who are thinkers seem to give off a negative vibe to me. This is because they just tell you how it is and they can appear to be jerks. An EXTJ would let you know when you did something stupid, broke the rules, were late, and other tedious stuff like that without any sympothy. In public, people can see this kind of additude as "This person is a jerk" and either avoid them, argue with them, or show a negative additude towards that person. That is what I mean by receiving hate on the outside. On the other side of that coin, I see that exact same person and think to myself "This person gets things done, this person isn't afraid to tell me the truth, and this person is proactive". I don't tell that person how I admire them, but I really do. That is what I mean by receving love on the inside.

Here is another example, people who are feelers seem to always give out a positive vibe to others. They show that they care, are always nice, and avoid conflict. XXFP's are good at molding themselves to bring peace and harmony to the enviroment. People will see this kind of additude as "This person is really nice to have around" and will show that same kindness back. Feelers will receive love on the outside because others will show kindness to them. One the other side of that coin, those same people can think of feelers as "fake, unstable, and reactive". Those same people can have negative feelings towards this additude, but might not let that person know how they truly feel. The feeler is receving hate on the inside because others will have negative emotions on the inside, but they will never bring them out.

I hope this makes since. I really don't know very much about MBTI and enjoy reading responces from people who have put more time and effort in learning MBTI. I also love hearing from those who have more experience in life.

I know everything is situational and maturity level plays a HUGE role, but certin personalitiy types do tend to get more praise on the outside, while other personality types tend to get more criticism on the outside. Other personality types get more praise behind their backs, while other personality types get more criticism behind their backs.

Now that I think about it, some personality types just give more praise on the outside and harbor critisisim on the inside, while other personality types give more criticisim on the outside and harbor praise on the the inside.

So, what do you think?

Oh I see. Thanks for the explanations, you two.

Well, like you said the ExTJ's will probably get the most hate on the outside, yet the most love on the inside (people usually respect them and their type is the model type, at least for males).

I don't know if "hated" or "loved" are the right words, but I'll go with them for now...

Hated on the outside, loved on the inside:
ENTJ
ENTP
ESTJ
ESTP

Loved on the outside, hated on the inside:
INFJ
INFP
ISFJ
ISFP

 

[Yloh]

The example you give seems to divide J/P down the middle instead of T vs F.

How so?

 

[Poki]

How so?

The examples was more about being moldable vs take control. Atleast thats how it seemed to me. FPs are moldable with emotions, but TPs are moldable with thought. J types are more take control and are about getting the job done and they will worry about who they stepped on later.

 

[NewEra]

The examples was more about being moldable vs take control. Atleast thats how it seemed to me. FPs are moldable with emotions, but TPs are moldable with thought. J types are more take control and are about getting the job done and they will worry about who they stepped on later.

I think T/F has a lot to do with it. The bolded you're referring to include TJ's, not FJ's. And the OP specifically mentioned the ExTJ type as being controlling and telling it like it is, so he/she was being pretty specific. Also, thinkers tend to put it like it is more than feelers.

 

[NewEra]

By the way, it seems like this thread is more about what types you do and don't 'dislike' and 'respect'.

 

[Poki]

I think T/F has a lot to do with it. The bolded you're referring to include TJ's, not FJ's. And the OP specifically mentioned the ExTJ type as being controlling and telling it like it is, so he/she was being pretty specific. Also, thinkers tend to put it like it is more than feelers.

But EXFJs can just as easily step all over logic. EXFJs can do to thinkers what EXTJs do to feelers. EXFJs are Fe and Fe can be just as blunt as Te, but focus on ethics and morals.

 

[Yloh]

Yea, "love and hate" aren't the best words to use, but those were the only words I could think of at the time. A better way of putting it is certin people receive positive attention from others in person, but those same people have negative thoughts about them behind their backs. Other people receive negative attention from others in person, but those same people have positive thoughts about them behind their backs.

Wow, I made a really jumbled up thread. I can have a real problem with putting what is on my mind into words.

And everybody will have a different oppinion on what types they respect more and dislike more. Yea, it would make sense to have this thread be more about what types do you show positive attention on the outside, negative attention on the outside, respect behind their backs, and dislike behind their backs.

For me I show more negative attention to ExTJs and Ts in general because of how they just tell you how it is with out considering your feelings. When this happens, I get really defensive and either lash out at them or with draw from them. Behind their backs, I do have a lot of respect for them because they say what needs to be said ending all conflict then and there. These kind of people have a quality that I really try to work on and respect.

I show a lot of positive attention to xxFPs because they are very kind people in general. My problem with them is how they have a hard time expressing themselves and that can drive me nuts sometimes because I can express myself very easily. I have leaned to respect this characteristic and know they truly care on the inside.

 

[Yloh]

But EXFJs can just as easily step all over logic. EXFJs can do to thinkers what EXTJs do to feelers. EXFJs are Fe and Fe can be just as blunt as Te, but focus on ethics and morals.

You are very right. When someone is being rude or shows anger for what I perceive as a stupid reason, I jump all over that giving negative attention. What I do doesn't make since to thinkers and they show negative attention towards me.

I believe Fs and Ts respect each other because they have a characteristic that they don't have (If they are willing to admit their flaws). Of course, this can be said with anyone who has a strength where you are weak at.

 

[Poki]

You are very right. When someone is being rude or shows anger for what I perceive as a stupid reason, I jump all over that giving negative attention. What I do doesn't make since to thinkers and they show negative attention towards me.

I believe Fs and Ts respect each other because they have a characteristic that they don't have (If they are willing to admit their flaws). Of course, this can be said with anyone who has a strength where you are weak at.

I think EJ types tend to see hate more whether T or F because since they put it all out there others feel like they have to put it out there. For example, P types tend to get frustrated with J types over things that Js complain about but do themselves. You already explained a EJ vs an EJ and how things turn out. So EJ types probably do see the most hate on the outside. My wife says I turn everything around, but when you put it all out there turning it around comes natural to a T type and just frustrates F types.

 

[Wild horses]

My father an ISTJ was hated alot by many people possibly because he was so stubborn and awkward, however, everyone respected him and those that were his friends actually loved him with a love deeper than you see amongst most friends. Not sure if this ancedote counts!?

Its quite possible that ENFP (Interestingly the ISTJs exact opposite) could be the other way around... not sure though cos I am one and the hate would have to be unbeknown to me

 

[Saslou]

For me I show more negative attention to ExTJs and Ts in general because of how they just tell you how it is with out considering your feelings. When this happens, I get really defensive and either lash out at them or with draw from them. Behind their backs, I do have a lot of respect for them because they say what needs to be said ending all conflict then and there. These kind of people have a quality that I really try to work on and respect.

I show a lot of positive attention to xxFPs because they are very kind people in general. My problem with them is how they have a hard time expressing themselves and that can drive me nuts sometimes because I can express myself very easily. I have leaned to respect this characteristic and know they truly care on the inside.

My 2 cents.
I enjoy being around F's because they are kind people. I also LOVE being around T's because you get the unedited version of hearing it how it is.

Going through life and watching what you are saying to people in fear of hurting their feelings, well it is kind of crap sometimes. Because my weakness is not saying it how it is most of the time, i appreciate those who do. They are not trying to hurt my feelings, they are just telling me the truth. How liberating.
I also have 2 T children, so i am used to real blunt honesty. It is cool.

 

[locus8]

Some people have alot of presence during a social situation but when they leave the group they leave a negative impression. Others come across unnoticed but leave a positive impression after they have left.

Voicing opinions readily and asserting onself may keep others only superficially silent. Most people would prefer not to argue and "spoil" the atmosphere if they dislike someone. If people get irritated internally their feeling will probably stay associated with the memory of the other person after they have left. As such, whatever some people gain from having a strong presence can just as much be taken away from them when they are not present.

 

[Requeim]

My father an ISTJ was hated alot by many people possibly because he was so stubborn and awkward, however, everyone respected him and those that were his friends actually loved him with a love deeper than you see amongst most friends. Not sure if this ancedote counts!?

holy shit, you might just have described my ISTJ father as well

well said