I've waffled on whether or not to post this but whateva.
Up until the beginning of this spring, I was under the false impression that I was a flexible person. I laugh maniacally over that thought now. I mean, I think I'm reasonably flexible, but am I really? (<-----sign of low Fi, Athenian) When I think about it, I get my way most of the time with most people except at work and I'm working on that one. Not that I necessarily believe my way is the only Best Way, but I think my way is a strong contender for The Best Way and because I have this belief I act accordingly. Uh, in other words The Flow that people try to go with...I think that's me.
My main weapon is sheer force of will and that can range from at best charm, enthusiasm, and persuasion to at worst intimidation, stonewalling, and belligerence depending on the situation. And you know what, I'm not really ashamed of that although I feel like I should be, but eh, not really. I ask people that know me very well, do you think I bulldoze and steamroll people? I typically get, "Yes, but..." and that confuses me. How can someone agree that I steamroll and bulldoze and then tack on a "but it's OK!" I get these concessions that I make sense but... What works out is my good friends and family give as good as they get (meaning they'll whap me in the head with a quickness) so I don't think that they're afraid to speak their minds. In fact, I like these people especially because they don't let me run amok. I don't do well with people I feel like I must treat gingerly. I think part of this is that the same way I press my will out, I expect people to press their will out and my perception of myself is that I'm way more compromising than I let on if people just push against me, but I'm realizing most people don't and I'm not sure why.
My perception of myself as an EJ basically has these words repeating over and over again. Go. Now! Go. Now! Move, move, move! Take it easy, what's that mean? Once again, I think I'm taking it easy but am I really? And to be honest, that has worked well for me. Yeah, maybe I'll ease up (but ease up on what???) when I'm 70 and my bones are full of arthritis or I fracture my hip or something. That's another thing I realize about myself, I push people. I definitely think an EJ blindspot is knowing when to push and when to ease up. You don't want to break the people you love the most.
Good/bad things happen when I push people. Sometimes my only desire is for something to change directions because stagnation means I don't know where or how to apply myself...there's nothing for me to act with or against and I don't know where to move and I don't like that uncertainty. On the positive side, I think EJ pushing "looks like" confidence to most people and get on board with it and sometimes that's enough to make things go in a positive direction. Here's somebody who seems to know where they're going, seems resolute, will relieve the awesome burden of leading from those who know what a heavy responsibility leading can be. On the negative side you can have someone who cares naught for any individual and the basic mentality is at least the trains run on time.
So if I only care for the shape of things I lose my desire to have my ear to the ground and be in step with what the people want and my populism turns into a dictatorship, but then I think dictatorships tend to be pretty stable governments and I can declare a national holiday in my honor and have marble statues of myself in all government buildings and have a traveling living legend wax likeness of myself going city to city and have schoolchildren sing anthems honoring me, then I get confused all again.
Complete shock and awe.
