Life: to be taken ambitiously or laid-back?

[Tayshaun]

More people need ambition to make them comfortable about themselves.

I belong to the smaller group (still relatively big though) of people who prefer a carefree attitude.

When you start reaching certain intellectual plateaux, you need the carefree attitude to avoid a breakdown. Insanity is a coping mechanism to avoid real insanity. The key is to have a carefree basis to which you add "inner-priority" and "intellectual targets" but NOT ambition in terms of being the best or becoming #1.

Ambition of becoming the best at something means becoming the best in a field which already has set standards. This is a problem for introverts (let's call them this) whose targets and goals are usually personal and do not obey external standards. Being carefree helps you be in tune with your internal standards!

To recap. Answer 2 with elements of 1 in the mix.

 

[Metamorphosis]

Ambition of becoming the best at something means becoming the best in a field which already has set standards. This is a problem for introverts (let's call them this) whose targets and goals are usually personal and do not obey external standards. Being carefree helps you be in tune with your internal standards!

What makes you think that ambition only applies to externally visible changes? Ambition does not only have to do with careers.

 

[Mycroft]

Re: op:

False dichotomy. I feel most comfortable and able to appreciate life when I'm moving forward and achieving.

 

[Lookin4theBestNU]

That sounds like a good one to me too

I see I somehow managed to make it sound better then to what it equates to IRL .

Me/Wednesday: What do you want to this weekend?
Him: I don't know it's only wednesday woman!
Me/Thursday: So have you thought about any plans for the weekend?
Him: No not really.
Me/Friday: You know tomorrow and over the weekend we could do this........
Him: Well let's see what we feel like doing tomorrow!
Me/Saturday morning: So what are we going to do this weekend?
Him: I haven't really decided yet! Is there anything you want to do?
Me:


Long range planning forget it! Currently we are sitting at this: "here in about a year we are going to go ahead and buy a house honey".<<<that's pretty much the entire 'plan' btw.

 

[raincrow007]

I find that keeping an open and sharp mind provides plenty of opportunities without much of the drama and exhaustion of chasing them down.

Besides, life becomes a blur at a fast pace -- I'd rather see clearly.

I abstain.

 

[ygolo]

I see I somehow managed to make it sound better then to what it equates to IRL .

Me/Wednesday: What do you want to this weekend?
Him: I don't know it's only wednesday woman!
Me/Thursday: So have you thought about any plans for the weekend?
Him: No not really.
Me/Friday: You know tomorrow and over the weekend we could do this........
Him: Well let's see what we feel like doing tomorrow!
Me/Saturday morning: So what are we going to do this weekend?
Him: I haven't really decided yet! Is there anything you want to do?
Me:


Long range planning forget it! Currently we are sitting at this: "here in about a year we are going to go ahead and buy a house honey".<<<that's pretty much the entire 'plan' btw.

Seems like a type B in addition to being a Perceiving type. In Character and Personality Type Dario Nardi talks about "flavors of type" in which one of the distinctions is "Soft" or "Hard" demeanor.

A harder side meets success oriented needs. A softer side develops out of the process of self-change and self-discovery.

Seems like the type A type B distinction--again, it is a continuum, and probably being on the extreme of either end is self-defeating.

 

[INTJMom]

I see I somehow managed to make it sound better then to what it equates to IRL .

Me/Wednesday: What do you want to this weekend?
Him: I don't know it's only wednesday woman!
Me/Thursday: So have you thought about any plans for the weekend?
Him: No not really.
Me/Friday: You know tomorrow and over the weekend we could do this........
Him: Well let's see what we feel like doing tomorrow!
Me/Saturday morning: So what are we going to do this weekend?
Him: I haven't really decided yet! Is there anything you want to do?
Me:


Long range planning forget it! Currently we are sitting at this: "here in about a year we are going to go ahead and buy a house honey".<<<that's pretty much the entire 'plan' btw.

That's frustrating!
Definitely sounds like a P.
I feel your pain.

 

[cafe]

Heehee. I eventually say something like "Listen, if you don't want to do anything, that's fine. I just need to know so I know how to plan."

 

[ygolo]

Heehee. I eventually say something like "Listen, if you don't want to do anything, that's fine. I just need to know so I know how to plan."

Why do J's put up with P spouses?

You know, if my SO said something like what cafe said, I would be infuriated (because of the hidden implication that I don't want to do anything, and that somehow I am impeding someone else's planning process by just being me). But also think I wouldn't have given her cause to say something like that.

I guess that's a draw back of being a P and a type A.

 

[cafe]

Why do J's put up with P spouses?

You know, if my SO said something like what cafe said, I would be infuriated (because of the hidden implication that I don't want to do anything, and that somehow I am impeding someone else's planning process by just being me). But also think I wouldn't have given her cause to say something like that.

I guess that's a draw back of being a P and a type A.

If you ask and ask and ask for input and no input is forthcoming, then it's unfair to the rest of the family to sit at home all weekend every weekend because one person cannot make up their mind if they want to do anything or not.

Sometimes delay makes a plan impossible to carry out. I don't want him to feel like he can't say no so his only option is to passively resist until the opportunity has passed or be stuck going along with something he doesn't want to do.

 

[MacGuffin]

Want to know how to make God laugh?

Make a plan.

 

[Kiddo]

I used to be very tightly wound (still am to a degree cuz of the cursed Ni) but that changed one day back in high school when I went in to speak to my English teacher about an assignment that I messed up. I was so anxious and worked up that I thought I was going to cry. She just smiled and started laughing which just about flipped my lid and then she said something that I don't think I could ever forget.

"Kid, get a sense of humor. Life just isn't worth living if you can't laugh at yourself."

And it was just that blatant. I had never had a teacher talk to me that way, and the strangest part was I knew she was right. And I left laughing my ass off for ever worrying so much about something so trivial and trite.

Ever since then, my philosophy has been, "We all take ourselves way too seriously." And most people would now describe me as aloof and laid back. That isn't to say I don't worry constantly in my head, but at least now I can laugh about it. So I just go with the flow and let the world provide for me. And it provides lots and lots of laughs.

 

[Vortex]

I'm very, very laid back. I don't think I've ever really had to work hard for anything. The things I'm good at, I'm effortlessly good at. The things I'm not...well, I give up on those and a find another way to do things or get them done. I used to stress myself out a lot as a kid. I would cry over bad grades, physically punish myself (lots of brain cells lost by repeatedly banging my head into the wall), feel absolutely worthless and hopeless if I was not in fact the best at the things I'm good at. My whole identity was tied up in the whole 'being good at' thing and not showing any sort of weakness to anyone. Somehow it has changed with time. I still want the things I'm good at to be done well, but I don't perceive it as an attack on my whole existence if I make a mistake or cock something up.

ETA: It seems that life has always provided for me. It's the basic interconnectedness of all things. That really helps

 

[substitute]

Bit of both. I have plans and goals a-plenty, and I'm very serious about achieving them. But I believe the best way to achieve them is to be laid back and easy-going. That way I find I "achieve" an awful lot without actually having to do as much work, as a lot of it kind of falls into my lap by me being flexible enough to take advantage of opportunities that come up, and to perceive them in the first place.

 

[ygolo]

If you ask and ask and ask for input and no input is forthcoming, then it's unfair to the rest of the family to sit at home all weekend every weekend because one person cannot make up their mind if they want to do anything or not.

Sometimes delay makes a plan impossible to carry out. I don't want him to feel like he can't say no so his only option is to passively resist until the opportunity has passed or be stuck going along with something he doesn't want to do.

You seem frustrated by something here. That much is clear. I also don't know anything about your situation, so I can't comment on that.

But I am having a horrible time understanding your POV. I gone over your sentences a couple of times, trying to parse them.

The only one I can make some sense of is:

Sometimes delay makes a plan impossible to carry out.

But the question that isn't cleared up is HOW? I can see if someone refuses to physically do something till too late, but that didn't seem to be what you were talking about--but to decide on something? What is wrong with deciding yourself?

 

[cafe]

You seem frustrated by something here. That much is clear. I also don't know anything about your situation, so I can't comment on that.

But I am having a horrible time understanding your POV. I gone over your sentences a couple of times, trying to parse them.

The only one I can make some sense of is:

But the question that isn't cleared up is HOW? I can see if someone refuses to physically do something till too late, but that didn't seem to be what you were talking about--but to decide on something? What is wrong with deciding yourself?

Because if he wants to do something, I want to be considerate and include him in the plans. It's only fair. If he does not, that is fine. I just need to know what he wants so I can either do what he wants or plan around it.

 

[ygolo]

Because if he wants to do something, I want to be considerate and include him in the plans. It's only fair. If he does not, that is fine. I just need to know what he wants so I can either do what he wants or plan around it.

This is begining to sound like a cycle of
.
.
.
"I don't know. What do you want to do?"
"I don't know. What do you want to do?"
.
.
.

I am familar with that cycle. I've been in them myself. I don't want to say anything because I don't have any strong preferences and will basically go along with whatever people decide (or not if I don't like it), and the people deciding want my input.

I then have to options:

1. Make up something just to give an answer (even though I don't really want to do it).
2. Or let the other decide w/o my input and either decide to go along or not later

jmo.

 

[INTJMom]

If you ask and ask and ask for input and no input is forthcoming, then it's unfair to the rest of the family to sit at home all weekend every weekend because one person cannot make up their mind if they want to do anything or not.

Sometimes delay makes a plan impossible to carry out. I don't want him to feel like he can't say no so his only option is to passively resist until the opportunity has passed or be stuck going along with something he doesn't want to do.

You didn't say; if you go ahead and make plans, does your husband usually join you?

I am reminded of one example of how we used to deal with my father - ENTP.
My mother would be preparing a light lunch or snack and she would tell my father what she was doing, and ask him if he wanted any.
He would always say no.
Invariably, when the food was ready, he would want some!
Of course, his portion would cut into our portions, or my mother would have to fire the stove back up for him - actually he would get our share, and we would have to wait for the second time around.

After he did that to us a few times, we got smart.
We made him some anyway, even if he said he didn't want any.
He always ended up having some.

Very strange behavior.

My husband is a P.
We never make plans to go anywhere or do anything.
He prefers if I'm just spontaneous; it's more fun for him that way.
But I like having something to look forward to.

 

[cafe]

You didn't say; if you go ahead and make plans, does your husband usually join you?

It isn't quite 50/50 that he will. It just depends what it is and if he's feeling froggy.

 

[htb]

Want to know how to make God laugh? Make a plan.

What if you plan to make God laugh?