Typing future relationships?

[BerberElla]

We've all seen the many threads "help type this guy/girl" that crop up, perhaps we've been guilty of it ourselves at times, I know I've been through a phase of needing to type any guy who expressed an interest in me (gave me good reasons to not go there lol).

Is it really helpful do you think?

I had the perfect chance to type my new boyfriend over the weekend by making him take the test. I even thought about it, but for the first time found that I didn't actually want to know the answer just yet.

I just didn't see the need to find out "who he was" when I was enjoying getting to know him, and figuring it all out on my own.

I mean I have a rough idea anyway, but I'm not really interested in exploring it any further.

On which side of the fence do you lie? type them or don't type them?

Would future knowledge help avoid future misunderstandings, or could having a preconceived idea of who this person should be, actually just cause misunderstandings?

 

[JuneBugGemini]

Well, as far as my experiences go (which aren't much, admittedly) so far, I realized that in spite of my best efforts not to, I have let Type kind of get in the way of me having a straight-forward relationship with my current boyfriend. I was basing certain things on his type and as a result kinda held parts of myself back, and, consequently, the relationship. So now I'm kinda workin' on movin' away from that, though the damage may already have been done...

Anyway, there's my 2 cents.

 

[BerberElla]

Well, as far as my experiences go (which aren't much, admittedly) so far, I realized that in spite of my best efforts not to, I have let Type kind of get in the way of me having a straight-forward relationship with my current boyfriend. I was basing certain things on his type and as a result kinda held parts of myself back, and, consequently, the relationship. So now I'm kinda workin' on movin' away from that, though the damage may already have been done...

Anyway, there's my 2 cents.

Pretty much my fears when I decided not to type him.

I hope you manage to find away to let go of those things though, I'm thinking that once those thoughts take root inside you (if you are anything like me) it would be harder to shake it, than just not knowing from the start but I hope you do if you like him enough.

I've dismissed guys because their type worried me, ie maybe they wouldn;t be loving enough because they weren't an F, perhaps they wouldn't be loyal enough because they were an enfp (oh self insulting I know) and it was silly but it was my silly way of trying to stay safe, this Fi is sensitive at times lol.

I'm quite pleased to be at a stage where I find I don't want to do that anymore, especially since I know my worries were pretty warped.

 

[JuneBugGemini]

Pretty much my fears when I decided not to type him.

I hope you manage to find away to let go of those things though, I'm thinking that once those thoughts take root inside you (if you are anything like me) it would be harder to shake it, than just not knowing from the start but I hope you do if you like him enough.

I've dismissed guys because their type worried me, ie maybe they wouldn;t be loving enough because they weren't an F, perhaps they wouldn't be loyal enough because they were an enfp (oh self insulting I know) and it was silly but it was my silly way of trying to stay safe, this Fi is sensitive at times lol.

I'm quite pleased to be at a stage where I find I don't want to do that anymore, especially since I know my worries were pretty warped.

Thanks for the encouragement...before I knew his type, I used normal, non-type words to define him, [such as funny, charming, cute, witty, etc. he's an INTP] and I'm sitting here today going, "What the hell did I get myself into?" The worse thing is that it's kinda caused some Pygmalion Project behaviors in me, leading to feelings of resentment that the boy doesn't really reserve, which makes me feel really crappy and hopeless.

I agree with all your reasons for not doing that, good thing you figured that out 'fore I did. (then again, you're prolly older and wiser 'n me, so no accounts for maturity, thar.)

 

[Kingfisher]

i think it's better not to type someone too soon, or soon at all. for a romantic relationship, or just casual. but then, i hardly ever think about the MBTI outside of this forum, so...

i think that when you start determining type and psychology for people you've recently met you just give yourself too much to think about, and it bogs you down and overwhelms you.
i really think it is best to just meet people and get to know them, and not overthink or over-analyze it.

but i just realized i have never started a romantic relationship while knowing about the MBTI. i just learned about MBTI last year, and have been in a relationship for several years. so....
i honestly am glad i got involved in this relationship with no knowledge of the MBTI. i know, sacrilege, right?
but i like going into new things fresh and new, without anything to color my perception.

 

[BerberElla]

Thanks for the encouragement...before I knew his type, I used normal, non-type words to define him, [such as funny, charming, cute, witty, etc. he's an INTP] and I'm sitting here today going, "What the hell did I get myself into?" The worse thing is that it's kinda caused some Pygmalion Project behaviors in me, leading to feelings of resentment that the boy doesn't really reserve, which makes me feel really crappy and hopeless.

I agree with all your reasons for not doing that, good thing you figured that out 'fore I did. (then again, you're prolly older and wiser 'n me, so no accounts for maturity, thar.)

This is how I feel now, I can still use basic words to describe his personality, like you said you could.

Damn, your posts really remind me of why I made this better choice (this time round). I may be older lol but no wiser girl, believe me.

I really hope you do find a way to let go hun.

i think it's better not to type someone too soon, or soon at all. for a romantic relationship, or just casual. but then, i hardly ever think about the MBTI outside of this forum, so...

i think that when you start determining type and psychology for people you've recently met you just give yourself too much to think about, and it bogs you down and overwhelms you.
i really think it is best to just meet people and get to know them, and not overthink or over-analyze it.

but i just realized i have never started a romantic relationship while knowing about the MBTI. i just learned about MBTI last year, and have been in a relationship for several years. so....
i honestly am glad i got involved in this relationship with no knowledge of the MBTI. i know, sacrilege, right?
but i like going into new things fresh and new, without anything to color my perception.

Yes, I used to be this way too, but fear can change a person, and in my fear I felt knowing was better.

I have a friend who has alot of precognition on things, she has predicted people dying, people betraying her, people leaving the country, stuff like that and it's always freaky accurate. I thought this would be an awesome thing to have, but it makes her sad and fearful to connect with people and she hates having this "epiphany" moments about people.

This I think is pretty similiar to knowing a persons type, even if it's not a predictor, it could be used as a predictor, and become a self fulfilling prophecy.

 

[BlackCat]

It's hard for me to not, I usually have an idea of someone's type within a few minutes of interacting with them. It's a tool for me, not a bias.

 

[entropie]

You always have to tell yourself: "Typing completly foreign people that would need a lifetime of interaction to be faintly known to you one day, is like modern nazi propaganda"

Say that 3 times a day in front of the mirror to yourself but dont do the mistake afterwards to fall in love with people at first sight, see the world through rose-colored glasses and to get totally busted in the end, cause you've seen someone other in that kind of person.

Bottom Line: Surest thing to fall in love is to develop an unhealthy beer addiction. Costs the same like having a girl + makes you drunk too

 

[BerberElla]

It's hard for me to not, I usually have an idea of someone's type within a few minutes of interacting with them. It's a tool for me, not a bias.

Yes, I know that's what it's supposed to be, but you can't always guarantee that that's what it will be used for.

 

[Halla74]

We've all seen the many threads "help type this guy/girl" that crop up, perhaps we've been guilty of it ourselves at times, I know I've been through a phase of needing to type any guy who expressed an interest in me (gave me good reasons to not go there lol).

Is it really helpful do you think?

I had the perfect chance to type my new boyfriend over the weekend by making him take the test. I even thought about it, but for the first time found that I didn't actually want to know the answer just yet.

I just didn't see the need to find out "who he was" when I was enjoying getting to know him, and figuring it all out on my own.

I mean I have a rough idea anyway, but I'm not really interested in exploring it any further.

On which side of the fence do you lie? type them or don't type them?

Would future knowledge help avoid future misunderstandings, or could having a preconceived idea of who this person should be, actually just cause misunderstandings?

Hey Berbsy,

If it were me, I'd have the same feelings as you, but I would go ahead and type them. I would not let the results get in the way of whatever feelings for them I had manifested, but I would let my (limited) knowledge of type try to help me get to them further a little better as time continued to move forward. Thoughts? You're not making them a guinea pig by typing them...

 

[BerberElla]

Hey Berbsy,

If it were me, I'd have the same feelings as you, but I would go ahead and type them. I would not let the results get in the way of whatever feelings for them I had manifested, but I would let my (limited) knowledge of type try to help me get to them further a little better as time continued to move forward. Thoughts? You're not making them a guinea pig by typing them...

I have so many times before though lol I'm afraid that if I do it this time I will consign him to the heap of lost causes, where now I am truly excited to be going on this adventure without a map.

Maybe in a bit I might change it, I could get a bit too lost out there but for now I just feel that I'm not mature enough to not make a judgement based on the four letters he would be given at the end of the test.

Then again maybe I am, but then again if I was, would I even be asking this question?

 

[Halla74]

I have so many times before though lol I'm afraid that if I do it this time I will consign him to the heap of lost causes, where now I am truly excited to be going on this adventure without a map.

Maybe in a bit I might change it, I could get a bit too lost out there but for now I just feel that I'm not mature enough to not make a judgement based on the four letters he would be given at the end of the test.

Then again maybe I am, but then again if I was, would I even be asking this question?

Maybe we are saying the same thing. Don't type him until he pisses you off? You know, there is nothing wrong with throwing MBTI to the wind in all honesty. There is no guarantee that knowledge of his type will prevent future issues from arising.

I do know that in my 15 year relationship with my wifey, that when the shit finally did hit the fan it was a big deal because both of us were so ignorant of who we were as individuals, and what each of our modes of thinking were, and each of our implicit needs. So, upon direct marching orders from our marriage counselor I did a shitload of self discovery, resulting in me studying MBTI (thus me finding this place!), Enneagram, birth order, adult mode of attachment, etc.

BUT - here's the deal. Who says that if each of knew all this stuff in the first place that those same problems wouldn't have occurred? Who says different problems would not have occurred? That alternate reality is not possible to determine, and you might want to consider that in your case. I say just go forward with this fellow as you are now, in comfort, and in peace, and be the Super-Cool-Awesome-Berbsy-Babe you are to him, and let him give you his best shot at being Mr. Super-Wonderful, and see what happens. Your both grown ups, just be yourselves! If he does get out of line though jack-slap him and tell him how the cow eats the cabbage.

Cheers!

-Alex

 

[wolfy]

I wouldn't go out of my way to type them but if the chance came up I'd take it. Even then though you'd need to take the results with a grain of salt. We all know how fallible tests can be.

 

[Moiety]

Would future knowledge help avoid future misunderstandings, or could having a preconceived idea of who this person should be, actually just cause misunderstandings?

I think it's really unhealthy. You need only to read a couple of threads around here to get a glimpse of what goes on the minds of people who know about MBTI, when they type and think about other people.

The fact you know someone's type will inevitably make some people form certain expectations in regards to their partner. Which is not conductive of a smooth and healthy relationship, in my opinion. You might try to excuse certain kinds of behavior from an INTJ, that you wouldn't if that person were an ESFP. "Oh, he's cold and rational...I can't expect him to be all affectionate and comfortable with his feelings. That ESFP though...he was such an asshole...he should have been more affectionate!!". Stuff like that.


I honestly don't care about type....specially in something so pure/organic as a relationship between two people.

Besides, like someone mentioned earlier...there are other variables to consider such as the accuracy of the typing, how balanced the person is etc .

 

[spirilis]

We've all seen the many threads "help type this guy/girl" that crop up, perhaps we've been guilty of it ourselves at times, I know I've been through a phase of needing to type any guy who expressed an interest in me (gave me good reasons to not go there lol).

Is it really helpful do you think?

I had the perfect chance to type my new boyfriend over the weekend by making him take the test. I even thought about it, but for the first time found that I didn't actually want to know the answer just yet.

I just didn't see the need to find out "who he was" when I was enjoying getting to know him, and figuring it all out on my own.

I mean I have a rough idea anyway, but I'm not really interested in exploring it any further.

On which side of the fence do you lie? type them or don't type them?

Would future knowledge help avoid future misunderstandings, or could having a preconceived idea of who this person should be, actually just cause misunderstandings?

I have a pretty good idea (going to throw out a number here and say 95% certainty) of my girlfriend's type [ISFJ], but I haven't discussed it with her. I've heard her mention the term "personality type" before but it wasn't in any known direct context to MBTI. I just don't want to talk about it. Past experiences talking about MBTI with friends usually didn't turn out anything... productive, as I typically find the best value in MBTI only comes after a long period of study, and none of them seem to care to invest time in that. So the *LAST* thing I need on my mind when I'm cultivating a relationship is MBTI-based misunderstandings getting in the way.

That said, my best guess about her type has colored my behaviors and assumptions about her, but none of that's caused any concern for me yet. It has, IMO, made me very tolerant and accepting of behaviors in her that, had I not known about typology, probably would have confused or intimidated me to the point of alienating myself from her.

 

[cascadeco]

I was telling someone the other day that I actually prefer not knowing peoples' type, and knowing a persons' type actually prevents me from using my natural ability to get to know someone, and figure out what makes someone tick - on a human level. Type, for me, adds unnecessary obstacles and preconceived notions of how someone 'should' be behaving when healthy, or an arrogance in believing you understand someone, based on the functions they 'should' be using, when in fact you may not understand them at all. Frankly no one 'should' be behaving in any way other than how THEY are, as an individual.

The longer I know a person, the more complex they become and I'm unable to fit most people I know well into any one type. So, for me, typing is more of an armchair hobby, something I admittedly can't stop myself from playing around with and from trying to figure out what type a person falls into, and obviously there are general patterns of thought, and of personality.....but to be honest, while there are those who fit a certain type to a T, there are a great many others who don't, and who are more of a mix of 2 or 3 types.