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The selfish Fi

Snow Turtle

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ISFJs and INFJs are secondary Fe users. However that doesn't mean they don't use Fi as a function. Going against the tone of the thread here... Aderack that's a perfect example of unhealthy Fi manifested.

It'll probably be influenced by Fe, but that's definitely an example of Fi.
 

OrangeAppled

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This doesn't sounds like Fi. This sounds like people with issues.
I've known Ti's who get that unreasonable over their viewpoints, only they get angry, nasty and belligerent instead of crying. They were screwed up people too though.
 

CrystalViolet

lab rat extraordinaire
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She's definitely not a T in form or shape. I suspect, but cannot confirm she's an SFJ. A really unhealthly one at that, (not really fair on SJ's either).
I could be entirely wrong.
 

lorkan

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Aderack: About your story. It's sounds like your playing games with her mind. Why not be a man of your word? If you say you don't mind, then change your mind... then just tell her that you changed your mind.

Knowing what person she is it doesn't seem very good to push her buttons and then blame her for being unhealthy because she couldn't take your confusing attitude. What do you expect from her? She's just a human like everyoen else.
 

Oom

Your time is gonna come.
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I too have a relationship that is exactly like yours Aderack. It is a crime to disagree. But she can all she wants.:D

As with the selfish Fi, she does have very held values. She isn't afraid to tell people off if they are offending her. Which is a bad deal for me because I have to deal with her in a bad mood for the rest of the day. She is selfish with emotions and likes for all positive emotions to be sent her way, dumping all the negative ones on me like a waste management truck. FieryPheonix, could that be selfish Fi at work?
 

Jaguar

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Whilst shopping for bedding for our new apartment, my former partner -- INFJ -- began to cry, right there in the store, when I suggested deep blue sheets to go with the maroon comforter she'd picked out.

People are murdered every day; starving around the world.
Children are abused everywhere, yet someone saw fit to actually cry about
bedding?

There was an INFJ who claimed her husband was "abusing" her,
by knocking over the coins she carefully stacked on the kitchen table each night.

What's wrong with this picture? :violin:
 

lorkan

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I think it has something to do with INTP's not being so much upfront in opinions. When my father (INTP) and I discussed interesting things, I tend to think that we are agreeing many things. But he seems to have alot of opinions that he deliveres when I'm off-guard, kind of a sneaky way. Exactly when my lighty P-side comes out. And it produces a reaction that seems very much like the ESTP shadow.

So it's not that you don't have the right to your opinion, just don't be so snakelike in your attitude and be more upfront. And also. Im guessing the anger from her (them) could also be that your opinions is of that sort that it is about controling their lives and making it easier for you, and not about aiding them (wich it should be, if you want a healthy relationship). Or it would be good to express it in a sensitive way that you are not there to piss them of but to aid them, with the opinions.
 

lorkan

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Jaguar: It's easy to make anything sound ridiculous.
 

Costrin

rawr
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I think it has something to do with INTP's not being so much upfront in opinions. When my father (INTP) and I discussed interesting things, I tend to think that we are agreeing many things. But he seems to have alot of opinions that he deliveres when I'm off-guard, kind of a sneaky way. Exactly when my lighty P-side comes out. And it produces a reaction that seems very much like the ESTP shadow.

So it's not that you don't have the right to your opinion, just don't be so snakelike in your attitude and be more upfront. And also. Im guessing the anger from her (them) could also be that your opinions is of that sort that it is about controling their lives and making it easier for you, and not about aiding them (wich it should be, if you want a healthy relationship). Or it would be good to express it in a sensitive way that you are not there to piss them of but to aid them, with the opinions.

I am not sure how you got that anywhere in his posts.
 

Jaguar

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So it's not that you don't have the right to your opinion, just don't be so snakelike in your attitude and be more upfront. And also. Im guessing the anger from her (them) could also be that your opinions is of that sort that it is about controling their lives and making it easier for you, and not about aiding them (wich it should be, if you want a healthy relationship). Or it would be good to express it in a sensitive way that you are not there to piss them of but to aid them, with the opinions.


Cut the manipulative crap please. It doesn't fly with me.

No one needs to aid a spoiled woman who cries over bedding,
or a nutcase who accuses her husband of "abuse,"
because he knocked over her obsessive-compulsive disordered coins on the kitchen table.

Frankly, people like that are emotionally unstable. Period.

BTW, I don't know what your INTP point was.
If you are under the impression I'm an INTP you are dead wrong, cookie.
I do find it unfair that you would somehow connect INTPs with being a snake.

I don't know what thoughts are going on in that little head of yours,
but my post was quite direct, as is this one.

So far, the only snake-like creature I see . . . is you.
There is nothing direct about your communication style at all.
 

sculpting

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you guys confused me. But I am knda slow so heh..

For me Fi can be quite selfish, however once I understood the concept of each Fi being nique it did make it a lot simplier to understand why my version may not be quite accurate. Now when arond other Fis I can see when we conflict regarding our own internal version.

(I had another enfp tell me I was unethical and lacked work ethic. It was so not true that it was kinda funny)

Does hold true for Ti as well-Is each version unique? I think I asked this somewhere else... on a long lost thread perhaps.... but the rainbows are eating through my grey matter today.
 

Jaguar

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For me Fi can be quite selfish, however once I understood the concept of each Fi being nique it did make it a lot simplier to understand why my version may not be quite accurate. Now when arond other Fis I can see when we conflict regarding our own internal version.

Well there was an INFP who stepped into the NT room, making some smart-assed comment.
What really struck me was, the person said they couldn't be bothered reading everyone else's posts.
I thought to myself, shit, what a selfish idiot.
Why should anyone bother to read their posts if the INFP couldn't be bothered reading the posts of others?

BTW, does that mean all INFPs are like that particular person? Nope.
 

Costrin

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Does hold true for Ti as well-Is each version unique? I think I asked this somewhere else... on a long lost thread perhaps.... but the rainbows are eating through my grey matter today.

Yes, but in a different way. Each Ti functions pretty similiarly, and so does Fi, but the specific information and experiences they get are different. So for Fi, that leads to different values, but for Ti, it leads to different intellectual positions.
 

01011010

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I'm currently lying in a maroon comforter. With maroon sheets. Why you would want to mix maroon and blue is beyond me. You might want to add, on top of "inflexible," "uncoordinated." ;)

Oh, and welcome!

:D


INFJs like INTJs need to exert control on their external surroundings.
 

wildcat

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Hmmmm....I have heard this thrown about occasionally on this forum. What brought it to mind is my experience with a superior at work who I believe displays Selfish Fi.
Has any one seen this in action (examples please) and they dealt with it? Did you manage to type the person etc.
I would like to to get at the heart of why Fi can seem selfish.
Perception is about the other.
Judgement is about the ego.

Ti and Fi is about the reflection of the ego.
Te and Fe do not reflect.

Reflection is to see in the eye of another.
 

Eric B

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That brings to mind this idea I came up with a while ago:
http://www.typologycentral.com/foru...ces/10920-thought-objective-2.html#post417057

In that case, Fi is definitely the most "subjective". (introversion more "subjective" than extroversion; Feeling more "subjective" than thinking, and judgment more "subjective" ("about the ego") than perception ("about the other"). That's probably why it might come off as selfish.
 

speculative

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My Fi wants to mix it up with this thread. I guess it is selfish... :whistling::smiley_violin: Just remember for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction; Fi is not the beginning or the end, something caused it and it will cause something else...
 

michL87

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This makes sense, but it's more of a misunderstanding (one that strong Fi's should work on.. me included.) Fi lets people know how another person feels, and they don't have to ask outfront. I suppose to others this can be seen as selfishness, but to the Fi, why ask something you already know? It's important to remind ourselves that others can't magically know we understand, and we have to talk it out.

While Fi might appear selfish in verbal situations, people get a clearer understanding of how it's not selfish when reading something written by someone with strong Fi and can experience how they actually are connected with people other than themselves, even if they don't show it 100% of the time.
 
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