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The selfish Fi

CrystalViolet

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Hmmmm....I have heard this thrown about occasionally on this forum. What brought it to mind is my experience with a superior at work who I believe displays Selfish Fi.
Has any one seen this in action (examples please) and they dealt with it? Did you manage to type the person etc.
I would like to to get at the heart of why Fi can seem selfish.
 

Orangey

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Moved to MBTI & Enneagram forum from Other Psychology Topics.
 

Snow Turtle

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My basic idea of Fi is that it's personal values therefore it'll always be self-centered. Now depending on the things it adopts, it may or may not make the person seem selfish.

The quickest example would be someone sticking stubbornly to their ideaology refusing to listen to counterpoints. However this is among the more unhealthy Fi types.
 

Eric B

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Fi generally deals in personal values (as opposed to external, or group values). Introverted functions also deal in universals, which are technically "external", but go more in depth than agreed upon norms. It's this universal aspect that keeps Fi generally focused on others and not only on self. If you see someone being abused or whatever, this universal judgment is what kicks in, where Fe might just as well follow the group doing the abuse. Thus, FP's have been said to be "the most friendly", even moreso than the FJ's, who's J gives them a measure of task-focus.

However, when Fi's values are violated, that tends to be when the focus becomes squarey on the self over others. Hence, a stressed or unhealthy Fi.
 

CrystalViolet

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What about when some one throws a tanty, and bursts into tears over what is really an inconsquential detail i.e swapping from glass to plastic for OH and S issues.
It didn't seem to be triggered by an abnormally stressed event, it seemed more of a control issue. The particular test it involved is not affected by either choice. She quite often displays derranged (yes, that word) value judgements, and reacts in the strangest way to things.
 

Verfremdungseffekt

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Whilst shopping for bedding for our new apartment, my former partner -- INFJ -- began to cry, right there in the store, when I suggested deep blue sheets to go with the maroon comforter she'd picked out.

In front of her parents, even. To further the awkward.

She justified it as a feeling of betrayal, because only moments before I had said that it didn't matter to me, and I'd allowed her to get her hopes up. But, uh. No, it was a control issue. Things had to be precisely the way she decided they did, or else. And clearly from my offhanded tone I was absolutely committed to the idea of blue, so ARGH WHY IS THIS MAN SO INFLEXIBLE. GOODBYE ALL-MAROON BED!

And that was just the start of the fun!
 

maliafee

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Whilst shopping for bedding for our new apartment, my former partner -- INFJ -- began to cry, right there in the store, when I suggested deep blue sheets to go with the maroon comforter she'd picked out.

In front of her parents, even. To further the awkward.

She justified it as a feeling of betrayal, because only moments before I had said that it didn't matter to me, and I'd allowed her to get her hopes up. But, uh. No, it was a control issue. Things had to be precisely the way she decided they did, or else. And clearly from my offhanded tone I was absolutely committed to the idea of blue, so ARGH WHY IS THIS MAN SO INFLEXIBLE. GOODBYE ALL-MAROON BED!

And that was just the start of the fun!

Growing up, I had an INFJ best friend who would've done that. My INFJ mom thinks she was SPOI-LED.
 

Verfremdungseffekt

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It wasn't until a year after we separated, and I finally took the initiative to break off contact with her, that I began to look back and realize -- hold on, she was a bit of a spoiled brat, wasn't she.

At the time, I just wondered what I'd done wrong. For four and a half years, just about every day, I found new reasons to wonder that.

Oy.

Well, anyway.
 

maliafee

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It wasn't until a year after we separated, and I finally took the initiative to break off contact with her, that I began to look back and realize -- hold on, she was a bit of a spoiled brat, wasn't she.

At the time, I just wondered what I'd done wrong. For four and a half years, just about every day, I found new reasons to wonder that.

Oy.

Well, anyway.

Haha... yeah, most INFJs wouldn't do that, I don't think.
 

Verfremdungseffekt

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Right. I don't want to draw that generalization. And neither do I want to be completely dismissive of her. It's just... yikes. I've got this stuff in my system.

And the question was about demonstrations of selfish Fi behavior. So! I've got a gold mine, if anyone needs more.

Actually, if this thread goes anywhere, it may help me resolve some of this stuff.
 

Amargith

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Don't INFJs have Fe, not Fi?
 

Verfremdungseffekt

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Oh. Er. I specifically looked this up, but it seems I misread it.

Never mind, then.

Hum. Sorry about that.

Actually, if it's not Fi, anyone have a notion what might be going on there? On the basis of maliafee's young friend, it sounds like it wasn't necessarily an isolated thing. And it does resemble FireyPheonix's glass/plastic issues.
 

Udog

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Aderack, thank you for that post, because it's always good to have these reminders that behavior like that isn't "Fi" or "Fe" gone wrong, but something bigger.

Fi is focused on the self, and being true to the self. It's actually capable of being quite oblivious for the needs of others if the person hasn't tempered that "me me me" voice that goes inside their head.

If you co-worker is indeed a user, then most likely she has some major internal issues, and minor affronts like you mentioned are pushing her over an edge that she's barely standing on. She's so busy with her internal demons she doesn't realize or care how she's behaving.
 

Lauren Ashley

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Whilst shopping for bedding for our new apartment, my former partner -- INFJ -- began to cry, right there in the store, when I suggested deep blue sheets to go with the maroon comforter she'd picked out.

In front of her parents, even. To further the awkward.

She justified it as a feeling of betrayal, because only moments before I had said that it didn't matter to me, and I'd allowed her to get her hopes up. But, uh. No, it was a control issue. Things had to be precisely the way she decided they did, or else. And clearly from my offhanded tone I was absolutely committed to the idea of blue, so ARGH WHY IS THIS MAN SO INFLEXIBLE. GOODBYE ALL-MAROON BED!

I'm currently lying in a maroon comforter. With maroon sheets. Why you would want to mix maroon and blue is beyond me. You might want to add, on top of "inflexible," "uncoordinated." ;)

Oh, and welcome!
 

Verfremdungseffekt

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Aderack, thank you for that post, because it's always good to have these reminders that behavior like that isn't "Fi" or "Fe" gone wrong, but something bigger.
All right, so long as it actually served a purpose! Felt like a bit of a dippo, once I'd realized the mistake.

And honestly, maroon and navy -- they go together marvelously. You're only coordinated when you've something to coordinate.
 

CrystalViolet

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She does have massive egotisical issues. I've never met someone (at her age) who is so self centered. It really is a sight to see. So yes, there are underlying issues there.
The reason I thought it might be unchecked Fi is the whole values thing. This behaviour always comes out as a value judgement.
She was almost crying the other day, because when she was in the middle of telling me off for not doing something, I, very politely, told her it wasn't my job, especially seeing as I didn't run those particular test that day.
There was a resultant temper tantrum again, where she insulted my work ethic (sigh, no one else would dream of questioning my work ethic.) It also got brought up at our staff meeting as a consequence. Everyone did question her on why she thought it was my job.

Sorry this wasn't meant to be a bitch session though. It would actually make more sense if it was a display of unhinged Fe - that need to control.
I thought it might have been immature and untempered Fi, seeing as when I was younger,
like 6-8 I displayed similar behaviour. This women is in her sixities.
 

Verfremdungseffekt

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Oh dear.

It does sound like she's having trouble keeping a grip on the world she knows.
 

entropie

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Originally Posted by Aderack:
Whilst shopping for bedding for our new apartment, my former partner -- INFJ -- began to cry, right there in the store, when I suggested deep blue sheets to go with the maroon comforter she'd picked out.

In front of her parents, even. To further the awkward.

She justified it as a feeling of betrayal, because only moments before I had said that it didn't matter to me, and I'd allowed her to get her hopes up. But, uh. No, it was a control issue.

I dont know if I understood the english completly, but my INFJ is similiar. On the other hand though, if I say I dont want blue blankets, then I dont want blue blankets and stick to it. Otherwise it would be totally insane.

Concerning the OP: I noticed Fi to be more like self-centered. Selfishdom, if that word exists, I never noticed that gravely. I had that encounter with a guy on the weekend, while we were having a barbeque, who suddenly grabbed the last sausage on the dish stating that this one is finally his now. Noone did understand, he could had have it, just had to ask for it nicely or just take it. But obviously there was a movie going on in this fellows mind, nobody foresaw :D
 
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