The elusive INFJ

[INTJMom]

Toonia the other side of this is I think some people *want* to be typed as INFJ. I had a girl tell me she was an INFJ and I quite strongly think she wasn't.

INFJ are considerd to be *unique and special* (blah blah blah) so I wonder if some people engage in some self delusion. This is a real stab in the dark and based off very little evidence by the way.

That reminds me!
Once I shared the MBTI 8 dimensions of preference with a room of about 10 teens, and almost all of them thought they were ESFPs!
including my ISTJ daughter!

 

[Athenian200]

That reminds me!
Once I shared the MBTI 8 dimensions of preference with a room of about 10 teens, and almost all of them thought they were ESFPs!
including my ISTJ daughter!

Ugh... a lot of teenagers have taken on ESxP behaviors for some weird reason... that's one reason I just can't stand most people my own age... The few times I've had to interact with most of them for much more than a few minutes, I always ended up "parenting" them, and feeling like they're rude, irresponsible brats. That's probably why people in school were so hard for me to relate to.

 

[INTJMom]

I am Jiminy Flippin' Cricket. When I was a kid I was in high demand because parents wanted their kids to hang out with me. I was considered a good influence.

I cannot stand Pinocchio. He put his dad through Hades because he just would not listen.

Yeah! Pinocchio was naughty.
So are the Little Rascals, for that matter.
And Lucy.

 

[cascadeco]

Huh..interesting thread. And I agree with the OP with the skepticism, and mis-typing in general, and also comments on people testing as they *want* or believe they are, and not who they actually are (I sometimes wonder if I'm in fact guilty of that)...

I've decided all of the 'tests' are completely worthless to me at this point, because I've read too much on MBTI stuff!! Also, depending on the test I take, as well as the point of life I've been in, I have tested differently. To the point where I wonder if I shouldn't just type myself as INxx and be done with it.

So the tests themselves, which are how I would think most people end up typing themselves, are the problem. I think, especially with the J/P questions, it's kinda silly. At least for me, the J/P stuff isn't as black and white as the tests make them out to be. Or, the tests don't really get to the interplay between J/P and the other functions. Also, the T/F questions are kind of lame in my opinion. 'Do you consider yourself more compassionate, or more objective?' The reader of that question then might go through subconscious little filters, where 'compassion' is viewed as good, and 'objective' as bad, or vice versa, or they might not be one way or the other 100% of the time....or maybe I'm just speaking for myself, hahaha.

But my newest theory has been to look back at how I was as a kid, and just what my values in life are, and how I'm actually living my life, and how I ultimately act/react towards others, outwardly and inwardly. I have to forget the tests themselves, because I end up just confusing myself in my quest to get to ME. ;-)

 

[Kyrielle]

I am Jiminy Flippin' Cricket. When I was a kid I was in high demand because parents wanted their kids to hang out with me. I was considered a good influence.

I was in the same situation too. Especially in school... Teachers would put the poorly performing kids all near me thinking I'd help them, and I would; yet I always felt a little used, that the teachers didn't care that I wanted to have some peace sometimes. Most of the time I wanted to tell them, "I can't save these kids, okay! They don't care. There is nothing I can do about that! Now stop putting them near me because they're starting to bully me!"

So the tests themselves, which are how I would think most people end up typing themselves, are the problem. I think, especially with the J/P questions, it's kinda silly. At least for me, the J/P stuff isn't as black and white as the tests make them out to be. Or, the tests don't really get to the interplay between J/P and the other functions. Also, the T/F questions are kind of lame in my opinion. 'Do you consider yourself more compassionate, or more objective?' The reader of that question then might go through subconscious little filters, where 'compassion' is viewed as good, and 'objective' as bad, or vice versa, or they might not be one way or the other 100% of the time....or maybe I'm just speaking for myself, hahaha.

I loathe the J/P and T/F sections. Because whatever the question is, I'm both, neither, and one of them all at the same time! It's like...where's the "all at once" answer? To me, being compassionate means maintaining a certain amount of objectivity while experiencing this other person's emotions as your own. Otherwise, it's useless. You get bogged down in the emotions and forget that being compassionate (to me anyway) means not just understanding how someone feels, but finding solutions to solve the problem. The whole point of getting into that other person's head (so to speak) is to gain a new perspective of the situation at hand.

 

[Totenkindly]

Ugh... a lot of teenagers have taken on ESxP behaviors for some weird reason... that's one reason I just can't stand most people my own age...

You are totally right, that's the new spirit of the age. The United States used to be very SJ in the 50's. Now I would call the popular culture very SP, with a dose of N thrown into things (or at least SPs are open to N in a way that SJ is not).

Just watch MTV, what's popular musically, what films are popular, what sort of sports are very popular (skateboarding and extreme sports have largely increased in popularity), many of the video games are SP-action-oriented.

SP kids are having a heyday with things. It is very much a matter of immersing oneself in various experiences and enjoying the moment. And because our country is basically prosperous (in the sense that many of these kids do have disposable income and aren't worrying about survival), they see no need to plan much for the future, they are totally freed up to live like the grasshopper rather than the ant.

 

[aeon]

My sister types as INFJ. I would want to be friends with her if she wasn't my sister. I feel blessed to have mutual sibling affection, and I am blessed, truly.

My beloved types as INFJ. Tovlo's expression-of-self is experienced as beauty by me. The resonance I have with her is one of wonder. I love her very much.

I have a coworker who types as INFJ. He is very much an introvert, but even so, he does not hide his deeply caring nature for those around him.

Yea, INFJs rock.


cheers,
Ian

 

[xNFJiminy]

Teachers told my parents that they put me in the class with the most disruptive pupils every year to balance things out. :rolli:

Ironically, I've become rather anti-establishment in my (very relative) old age. While everyone else is learning to accept and appreciate authority, I'm more suspicious of it everyday. One step away from dressing mainly in foil.

I don't think INFJ is the most rare type, actually. I read somewhere that the statistics were very flawed. From my experience online and off, I'd say it's more likely ISFP, INFP or ENFJ. INFPs are common online but hard to find anywhere else, ENFJs are almost impossible, and I think I've only ever known of one ISFP, and that was online.

 

[TaylorS]

You are totally right, that's the new spirit of the age. The United States used to be very SJ in the 50's. Now I would call the popular culture very SP, with a dose of N thrown into things (or at least SPs are open to N in a way that SJ is not).

And the late 60s and 70s were very very NF, and based on the 1939 World Fair the Depression era and WW2 was NT, the 20's were SPish. Hmmm, I wonder if there is a cycle here...

 

[quietgirl]

I was in the same situation too. Especially in school... Teachers would put the poorly performing kids all near me thinking I'd help them, and I would; yet I always felt a little used, that the teachers didn't care that I wanted to have some peace sometimes. Most of the time I wanted to tell them, "I can't save these kids, okay! They don't care. There is nothing I can do about that! Now stop putting them near me because they're starting to bully me!"



I loathe the J/P and T/F sections. Because whatever the question is, I'm both, neither, and one of them all at the same time! It's like...where's the "all at once" answer? To me, being compassionate means maintaining a certain amount of objectivity while experiencing this other person's emotions as your own. Otherwise, it's useless. You get bogged down in the emotions and forget that being compassionate (to me anyway) means not just understanding how someone feels, but finding solutions to solve the problem. The whole point of getting into that other person's head (so to speak) is to gain a new perspective of the situation at hand.

I was always seated near the poorly performing kids as well. I ended up helping them, but like you, I felt a bit used. I find that happens often now that I am older... In the past at work, I tended to be placed with the more difficult people, poorly performing stores, and really in any situation where it would be my responsibility to improve upon something. To bring it to a personal level, I also tend to attract people who need to be "fixed" & are taken back when they realize the older I get, the less I feel like "fixing" someone.

The J/P & T/F sections drive me up a wall. Do you have a messy desk? Yes, I do - but I'm definitely not a P. I also have a messy room & when I'm tired, my house can look like a downright disaster (though I tend to keep my house clean in case I get company, as I wouldn't want to make my guests uncomfortable - yay Fe). Are you more task oriented or people oriented? Well, my J need for closure & completion tends to be a bit more task oriented - especially when I am in the process of working towards a goal & even more so when I am close to a deadline. Does that make me a T??

I wonder if this is an INFJ thing, actually. I've read that we tend to be the more "T" of the NF's and the more "P" of the J's - whatever that means.

 

[quietgirl]

And the late 60s and 70s were very very NF, and based on the 1939 World Fair the Depression era and WW2 was NT, the 20's were SPish. Hmmm, I wonder if there is a cycle here...

That's interesting. What would you call the 80's & the 90's?

 

[quietgirl]

INFJs do seem to share common interests

I've been posting on a weather board for almost three years now, and it would be safe to assume that at least 90% of the posters there are IN's.... When polled, 38% of the board came up as INFJ.

Which weather board? That's a huge interest of mine & I'd love to find a good one.

Might as well add another INFJ to the mix...

 

[xNFJiminy]

I wonder if this is an INFJ thing, actually. I've read that we tend to be the more "T" of the NF's and the more "P" of the J's - whatever that means.

Interesting. Someone mentioned that INFJ males often appear like INTPs.

 

[Kyrielle]

The J/P & T/F sections drive me up a wall. Do you have a messy desk? Yes, I do - but I'm definitely not a P. I also have a messy room & when I'm tired, my house can look like a downright disaster (though I tend to keep my house clean in case I get company, as I wouldn't want to make my guests uncomfortable - yay Fe). Are you more task oriented or people oriented? Well, my J need for closure & completion tends to be a bit more task oriented - especially when I am in the process of working towards a goal & even more so when I am close to a deadline. Does that make me a T??

I wonder if this is an INFJ thing, actually. I've read that we tend to be the more "T" of the NF's and the more "P" of the J's - whatever that means.

Yes, that's the funny thing...my room is the only place in the house that will be a complete wreck. Otherwise the rest will be pretty picked up. I think it has to do with associating certain physical areas with our brains. As in, the more thinking/brain activity you have in one area of a place, the more likely it is to be messy like our brains.

 

[cascadeco]

Everything outwardly visible in my apt. is quite organized and clean, and I like to have things just so. I also really enjoy decorating and making the aesthetics appealing, and unique to my own tastes.

However, inside my desk drawers, or inside the kitchen cabinets, or how my closets tend to become after living somewhere more than a couple of years...they are kind of disaster zones.

 

[lbloom]

Interesting. Someone mentioned that INFJ males often appear like INTPs.

Having known two INFJ males really well, I strongly disagree. The INFJ vibe is very different. Yes, they will procrastinate quite a bit for J people, and they are drawn to abstract, often T-dominated material. They are, however, much less emotionally detached and more sensitive in their deeper thoughts - closer to a "feminine" stereotype. They conceal it well.

By sensitive, I mean to other people's feelings, an Fe sensitivity. INTPs can sensitive in that they may be hurt by people close to them, but they are less likely to factor other people into decision making.

 

[ladypinkington]

I think percentages might have something to do with this INFJ comparison wrongness. I agree with TLL about how there are 3 million infj's in US but they flock together at what might be commnon interests- like going online and participating in forums so that's why it may seem unauthentic at times to see lots of INFjs and there are probably lots of people who really don't know how to properly or effectively go about typing themselves and mistype themselves period- insert any type here.

Not all INFJ's are going to look the same and I think that is why people can tend to speculate and accuse so much.
Some may be only a little more F then T so they are going to be different then an INFJ who is extremely F. They may seem like an INTJ to a strong F just by comparison but they are in fact both still INFJ's. I know that I have a lot of E in me but I am more Introverted so I am going to look different from an INFJ who is more I then I am but we are both still I's but it looks and acts differently. We both still have/use Ni as the dominant function and Fe as the next one.

I think heart brought up an excellent point of the cognitive functions test as another type of helper if one is trying to learn/distinguish what they are.

 

[Maverick]

Here's one for all you INFJ's: You rock!

 

[quietgirl]

Yes, that's the funny thing...my room is the only place in the house that will be a complete wreck. Otherwise the rest will be pretty picked up. I think it has to do with associating certain physical areas with our brains. As in, the more thinking/brain activity you have in one area of a place, the more likely it is to be messy like our brains.

Makes sense. I've kept a messy room since I can remember. The only times I've kept it neat have been when I had a serious relationship & the person was there a bunch or when I haven't spent much time in there. There was a point in college when I had a very sociable roommate and consequently, a group of friends that were always at the apartment. I kept my room clean during that time. However, the more time I spend in my room, the more of a disaster it becomes. I do find that it gets worse when I'm trapped in Ni or tertiary Ti mode & spending the majority of the time inside of my head (and usually this happens when I'm going through a stressful time).

Does this happen to anyone else? Getting stuck in your introverted functions when you're down in the dumps & not utilizing your extraverted functions enough to pull yourself out of it? If I use my inferior Se to bump my Ni ideas into action, it's like an instant picker upper. It's not the easiest thing for me to access that function - but when I make my ideas tangible, I get this instant high. An example of this is when I get into what I like to call my "artistic mode" - I've made the craziest Ni inspired artwork - very abstract, borderline understandable (well, *I* understand it!), and layering on a mess of unrelated techniques to form one final project. I do the same thing with cooking, too. It's the best form of therapy I've found!

Anyway, I definitely see your theory with the messy head = messy room.

 

[INTJMom]

Have you ever done this?
When I would get angry, I would start cleaning and detailing while I thought about my angry feelings.