ShinySketcher
New member
- Joined
- Aug 15, 2019
- Messages
- 4
I am so devastated right now I feel like I can't breath. I have come a LONG way in self awareness, being aware of my tendency to b*#tch slap if I get pushed crazy far and working on my own personal development. The only person who can even still push me there really is my INTJ husband.
My bff...who is literally my heart outside my body...I'm pretty sure she is door slamming me emotionally. I'm 99.0 sure it has to do with
a) the fact that I told her I felt her starting to distance and that it really hurt my feelings (I reassured her that the ONLY thing I care about is her not blocking me and shutting me out...I'm very good at giving her as much space and time she needs to process...but I could feel the intentional numbing and shut down). I was also concerned for her bc she is in a very difficult life situation and I'm the ONLY person she is open with.
b) I think she has recently decided to let things be what they are with her difficult life situation bc she is exhausted from fighting against the tide. She has told me so much though that I think she is emotionally door slamming me bc she knows how much she's shared and now, for the first time in six years she wants to go a different direction. I would NEVER do anything but be here for her if she told me that...but when she starts looping between her 1st and 3rd functions she pulls so inward that she starts having this distorted version of me and how she presumes I'll act in her head. She has only been doing that type of behavior for the last couple of months though. Before this there has never been any secrecy, angst, or numb underlying passive aggressiveness in our relationship.
I wish so much she woukd just keep keep trusting me like she always has. She has voiced things to me before that she knows I disagree with and we actually appreciate each other's differences. I just feel like it's suddently abruptly over. I was so careful this time. I have had my heart utterly shattered in friendships before so I am VERY careful who I let in. I am also very intuitive and none of this underlying tension has ever been here before. Our kids are best friends...they are all the same ages. Losing them would hurt my kids more than when we had to cut off our toxic families. She's a person I've never had to doubt, it's been so effortless to be there for her even in the darkest places because she truly just needed to be understood and heard, she never energy vampired me, or took advantage of me...it's truly just been this amazing gift of a friendship in my life until now.
I dont know what what to do because as much as I love her, as an ENFP I process emotions now and all the way through. And when I was with her the last time, she made sure we went to a totally different place than we usually go, didn't ride together (SUPER weird for us), and ended right at 1.5 hours (also has literally never happened in our relationship) and ended the night by telling me about a friendship she is rengaging in with someone who has always been a very surface level and hard friendship for her...which makes me think she wants to control the narrative completely right now and with this friend she can do that. She doesn't want anything reminding her of what used to be like when she was actively battling back this difficult life situation. It was hard but she was so proud of who she was becoming in that process.
is there anything I can do guys? I don't think I can stay and keep letting the raw jagged edges of what used to be with us cut into this...whatever this new mutated version of our friendship she has created. It is absolutely ripping my heart into shreds.
I would understand anythkng she fold me...needing space...taking a break from fighting the good fight...anything. I dont know why she stopped trusting me but I have a feeling it's becuase in saying any of those things she is voicing out loud something that goes against her core believs but that she has to do to stay sane right now. It would make it real.
My bff...who is literally my heart outside my body...I'm pretty sure she is door slamming me emotionally. I'm 99.0 sure it has to do with
a) the fact that I told her I felt her starting to distance and that it really hurt my feelings (I reassured her that the ONLY thing I care about is her not blocking me and shutting me out...I'm very good at giving her as much space and time she needs to process...but I could feel the intentional numbing and shut down). I was also concerned for her bc she is in a very difficult life situation and I'm the ONLY person she is open with.
b) I think she has recently decided to let things be what they are with her difficult life situation bc she is exhausted from fighting against the tide. She has told me so much though that I think she is emotionally door slamming me bc she knows how much she's shared and now, for the first time in six years she wants to go a different direction. I would NEVER do anything but be here for her if she told me that...but when she starts looping between her 1st and 3rd functions she pulls so inward that she starts having this distorted version of me and how she presumes I'll act in her head. She has only been doing that type of behavior for the last couple of months though. Before this there has never been any secrecy, angst, or numb underlying passive aggressiveness in our relationship.
I wish so much she woukd just keep keep trusting me like she always has. She has voiced things to me before that she knows I disagree with and we actually appreciate each other's differences. I just feel like it's suddently abruptly over. I was so careful this time. I have had my heart utterly shattered in friendships before so I am VERY careful who I let in. I am also very intuitive and none of this underlying tension has ever been here before. Our kids are best friends...they are all the same ages. Losing them would hurt my kids more than when we had to cut off our toxic families. She's a person I've never had to doubt, it's been so effortless to be there for her even in the darkest places because she truly just needed to be understood and heard, she never energy vampired me, or took advantage of me...it's truly just been this amazing gift of a friendship in my life until now.
I dont know what what to do because as much as I love her, as an ENFP I process emotions now and all the way through. And when I was with her the last time, she made sure we went to a totally different place than we usually go, didn't ride together (SUPER weird for us), and ended right at 1.5 hours (also has literally never happened in our relationship) and ended the night by telling me about a friendship she is rengaging in with someone who has always been a very surface level and hard friendship for her...which makes me think she wants to control the narrative completely right now and with this friend she can do that. She doesn't want anything reminding her of what used to be like when she was actively battling back this difficult life situation. It was hard but she was so proud of who she was becoming in that process.
is there anything I can do guys? I don't think I can stay and keep letting the raw jagged edges of what used to be with us cut into this...whatever this new mutated version of our friendship she has created. It is absolutely ripping my heart into shreds.
I would understand anythkng she fold me...needing space...taking a break from fighting the good fight...anything. I dont know why she stopped trusting me but I have a feeling it's becuase in saying any of those things she is voicing out loud something that goes against her core believs but that she has to do to stay sane right now. It would make it real.
It really doesn't sound like you did anything to deserve a doorslam, and perhaps she is just needing space right now, and to know that you accept her and love her whichever way her life goes.
