ISTPs, INTPs and "Words of Affirmation"

[Magic Poriferan]

Not really for me. I try, because in many cases I feel like it's the only thing I can do, but I'm very awkward doing it and I often think it falls pretty flat.

 

[Sunshine]

I don't know about this for myself. If I'm using someone else's tricks to fake something I don't really want to fake in the first place, I'd probably just rather be myself and screw it up like I usually do.

Yeah. Same here. I mean I hate it when people are fake.

But just to throw my 2 cents in here I don't think trying to communicate love in a way you wouldn't normally is necessarily fake. Maybe not natural but I seriously look at it as if I were speaking different languages. If I genuinely care about someone and I want to communicate it and there's only a few ways in which that person will actually get the message and I use those ways then I don't feel like I'm being fake. I feel like being fake would be saying/implying/showing something that wasn't true. Showing I cared when I didn't or showing I cared more than I actually did. That to me is fake.

 

[aguanile]

Words of affirmation is definitely number one on my list. ISTP here.

 

[betterthandead]

fuck the crosstians

Yes, dear -- I read the books years ago.
The list is not comprehensive.

Coming up through Christian circles, I also got tired of everyone bringing it up like it was as profound as Kierkegaard.

Some people just don't fit the categories, and it was annoying to have people try to force me to be in one.

 

[INTJMom]

Do any of you Ti dominant types have words of affirmation as your love language?

I know one INTP whose love language is words of affirmation.

 

[INTJMom]

Actions. But not acts of service. I mean, I would just feel patronized if they were just words of affirmation. Maybe it is a combination of everything? A kind word (but not put on too thick), a touch, wanting to spend time with me.

If you want to show your love and care for someone else, how do you do it, generally speaking, over your lifetime?

 

[Eric B]

I'm not good on words of affirmation. I would do it in specific occasions when something warrants it. and then I have this ESFJ wife whose love language is words of affirmation (we got the book years ago), and she's constantly trying to pry them out of me. (Which makes it harder for me to genuinely give them).

I was never sure of what exactly my love language was (either giving or wanting). I do some acts of service. Still, it can't be pressured. Words of affirmation are nice, but tend to be "canceled out" at other times in conflict when criticisms are given; and sometimes "universal' ones (such as "you always..."). Then, the affirmation seems fake.

 

[Poser]

If you want to show your love and care for someone else, how do you do it, generally speaking, over your lifetime?

Yeah. Okay, this made me rethink it. I remember the book saying that how you give could also be a sign that is what you value yourself. But I am not sure. Because I think the true measure of caring for someone would be the time you devote to them. I like my time and for me to spend it on someone else would be a big sacrifice for me. But I don't think that this would be something I would appreciate being given to me. For the same reason, I enjoy my time to myself so someone always devoting their time to me would seem smothering.

 

[INTJMom]

So how do you show your love to others?

 

[Poser]

By the sacrifices that I make. In which, my time would be one of them.

 

[INA]

So how do you show your love to others?

*ponders Teh Care and Feeding of Ina's Objets d'Affection* . . .

• make my jealously-guarded time available to them (Quality Time)
• touch them (Physicality)
• do stuff for them that I think they'll appreciate. I'll even go out of my way to do so (Acts of Service)
• listen - this is not easy for me to do (harder than "hearing" them), so if I'm really listening, it's serious business for sure. (not sure where this falls under the love language system)