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INFJ bf troubles

Moose

New member
Joined
Jan 4, 2019
Messages
3
MBTI Type
INTP
I'm an INTP female and my boyfriend is an INFJ male. Our relationship is great in most regards and we don't have a lot of issues. However, one problem I struggle to deal with, and also struggle to discuss with him (because I'm not really sure if it's a 'me-problem' or an 'us-problem') is that he often gets very excited if/when he finds a new piece of information or learns about something new (about diet, exercise, psychology, etc basically anything). He instantly gets super excited to the point of "This will change the world!" and expects me to jump up and down with him every time. Now, the excitement usually only lasts for a few days, but I can tell he gets annoyed or hurt when I'm not as excited as he is. Thing is, it's not natural for me to be as intense as he wants me to be about those things, maybe also because I don't see the value of the information as much as he does. But I do try to be excited with him, it just exhausts me to force that intensity that he wants (my excitement just don't express itself like that, typical INTP). In comparison he rarely express excitement at all about things I share with him, usually there's a "That's great honey" and then he continues what he was doing or starts another conversation.

I'm just wondering how INFJs usually handle this when people don't match their amazement and/or passion for a topic? It would be really nice if I could give him the positive feedback and support I know he wants, and still express and have him understand my lack of equally expressed excitement. I don't want to reevaluate my life and world every time he is excited about something new, but as an INFJ he's constantly searching for some sort of recipe for the perfection of humanity.

My question is, can some INFJ males please tell me a bit about how they function in a relationship? What you want and need from your partner and what you tend to give back? If you have experience with being in a relationship with an INTP and what that experience is? What's your thoughts on this problem?
 

Forever

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First of all I’d like to congratulate you with your T preference, how you could go on (for a while as you stated) your ecstaticness for his ideas on various topics.

I would have you know that perhaps instead of letting him know right away that his ideas aren’t bringing you the same joy, either ask him to evaluate why this one would be more of value than perhaps the others he has been working on/saying. Over more, to be over joyous about several things and then not doing anything about it is also failure on his part. He shouldn’t expect you to be overjoyed if his actions aren’t consistent with his words. By the way you’re telling me, he has too much on his plate to be overjoyous about every new topic.

So maybe you can (if you have the time and patience) choose one you’ve been excited with him and suggest you move forwards together as a couple and then he cannot question you by your actions.
 

Moose

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Joined
Jan 4, 2019
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3
MBTI Type
INTP
First of all I’d like to congratulate you with your T preference, how you could go on (for a while as you stated) your ecstaticness for his ideas on various topics.

I would have you know that perhaps instead of letting him know right away that his ideas aren’t bringing you the same joy, either ask him to evaluate why this one would be more of value than perhaps the others he has been working on/saying. Over more, to be over joyous about several things and then not doing anything about it is also failure on his part. He shouldn’t expect you to be overjoyed if his actions aren’t consistent with his words. By the way you’re telling me, he has too much on his plate to be overjoyous about every new topic.

So maybe you can (if you have the time and patience) choose one you’ve been excited with him and suggest you move forwards together as a couple and then he cannot question you by your actions.

He has previously expressed frustration when I question the real value of his ideas, even if I do so constructively and not pessimistically, and even if it is true that he was just as excited about another idea not long ago and that didn’t lead to anything. He becomes distant and pulls away, even if he realizes later that his idea wasn’t as epic as he thought. Especially if I mention his previous ‘failures’ (I don’t call them that in front of him or act as though I think they are failures, I just try to calm him down a bit, as his expectations often are way too high and he ends up getting hurt and sometimes thinking badly about himself).
 

Forever

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He has previously expressed frustration when I question the real value of his ideas, even if I do so constructively and not pessimistically, and even if it is true that he was just as excited about another idea not long ago and that didn’t lead to anything. He becomes distant and pulls away, even if he realizes later that his idea wasn’t as epic as he thought. Especially if I mention his previous ‘failures’ (I don’t call them that in front of him or act as though I think they are failures, I just try to calm him down a bit, as his expectations often are way too high and he ends up getting hurt and sometimes thinking badly about himself).

Then this reaffirms my last suggestion for sure.

So maybe you can (if you have the time and patience) choose one you’ve been excited with him and suggest you move forwards together as a couple and then he cannot question you by your actions.
 

Moose

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Then this reaffirms my last suggestion for sure.

Won’t that only work for as long as he is excited about it himself? What do I do when he moves on to something else?
 

Forever

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Won’t that only work for as long as he is excited about it himself? What do I do when he moves on to something else?

Your questions have given the answer. Show him his folly.
 
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