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Annoyed Mr. INTJ

INTerran

Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2016
Messages
131
Well I’ve finally done it. After two and a half years of seeing him, I have finally annoyed my INTJ to the point where he ALL CAPS texted me. :( And I didn’t mean to. I wasn’t deliberately trying to be annoying. What’s the best way to apologize so that he truely knows I’m sorry?
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,230
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Well I’ve finally done it. After two and a half years of seeing him, I have finally annoyed my INTJ to the point where he ALL CAPS texted me. :( And I didn’t mean to. I wasn’t deliberately trying to be annoying. What’s the best way to apologize so that he truely knows I’m sorry?
That depends on exactly what you did to annoy him.
 

INTerran

Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2016
Messages
131
I texted him. He texted back “Extremely. Busy.” I texted “Ok. Sorry.” He texted back “That meant stop don’t send more.” I thumbs upped. And got an all caps “STOP”. I know this seems super minor, but he has never, ever “yelled” at me in person or via text. I didn’t try to annoy on purpose. I was simply trying to let him know I got the message. :(
 

The Cat

Just a Cat who hangs out at the Crossroads
Staff member
Joined
Oct 15, 2016
Messages
23,553
I think they just wanted you to stop texting them at the time. I wouldn't read too much into it. Just next time, they send you the text to stop. Just dont reply. Then they'll really know you were understanding their needs at the time. 10/10 times ime they will text you back when they can. But dont worry too much. I doubt he'll forsake 2 and half years for one texting faux pas. It wouldn't be logical.
 

INTerran

Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2016
Messages
131
LOL! No! Once I got the all caps “yelling” I didn’t send anything else. I realized my mistake. A little too late to not frustrate him.
 

INTerran

Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2016
Messages
131
I didn’t think he would, but I’ve never crossed the line into him getting actually annoyed to the point of all caps texting me. I want to make sure he knows I wasn’t trying to be a smart aleck or anything. We’ve got a really good teasing banter type relationship, but I truly wasn’t deliberately trying to provoke.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,230
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I texted him. He texted back “Extremely. Busy.” I texted “Ok. Sorry.” He texted back “That meant stop don’t send more.” I thumbs upped. And got an all caps “STOP”. I know this seems super minor, but he has never, ever “yelled” at me in person or via text. I didn’t try to annoy on purpose. I was simply trying to let him know I got the message. :(
I find his response excessive, especially for something so trivial. Apparently he is too busy to read a thumbs up from you, but not too busy to text back in all caps. (You could point out the illogic of his own behavior . . . later, when he is not busy and is in a better mood.) Seriously, I would just tell him later that you didn't mean to be a pest, you only wanted him to know that you got the message. Ask him what you should have done instead to confirm receipt/understanding, or if he perhaps feels it is not necessary to confirm.

This is actually a decent formula for many things that may upset or annoy an INTJ: wait until the situation is over, then explain why you did what you did, and ask how he would prefer it be handled in future. A willingness to do better in future is worth much more than a standard apology to most INTJs from what I have seen.
 

Luminous

༻✧✧༺
Joined
Oct 25, 2017
Messages
10,235
MBTI Type
Iᑎᖴᑭ
Enneagram
952
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I find his response excessive, especially for something so trivial. Apparently he is too busy to read a thumbs up from you, but not too busy to text back in all caps. (You could point out the illogic of his own behavior . . . later, when he is not busy and is in a better mood.) Seriously, I would just tell him later that you didn't mean to be a pest, you only wanted him to know that you got the message. Ask him what you should have done instead to confirm receipt/understanding, or if he perhaps feels it is not necessary to confirm.

This is actually a decent formula for many things that may upset or annoy an INTJ: wait until the situation is over, then explain why you did what you did, and ask how he would prefer it be handled in future. A willingness to do better in future is worth much more than a standard apology to most INTJs from what I have seen.

I think the bolded is a good way for more types than just INTJ. I try to do this myself, by asking that question, though with a certain INTP, it's basically like pulling teeth to get anything useful.
 

INTerran

Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2016
Messages
131
I find his response excessive, especially for something so trivial.


I think it was a little excessive as well considering that I am generally mindful of his work and will not bother him when I know he’s busy. I can only assume that he was either in a very stressful situation and/or was already angry/annoyed with something or someone as he has never in over two years “spoken” to me in that way. I like the format of your suggested approach, and will be using it. Thank you so much.
 

INTerran

Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2016
Messages
131
We’ve worked it out. He misinterpreted my response as being snarky or last-word-itis. Which it wasn’t of course. But he thought it was. We talked. I made it clear to him that while we joke and push at each other, I would never do that in regards to his job. We made a plan for going forward. And all is good.
 

Yuurei

Noncompliant
Joined
Sep 29, 2016
Messages
4,509
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w7
Assuming one is being passive-aggresive when they aren’t is always projecting. Personally, I’d be gone after s7ch an incident.
...but then you aren’t me.
 

Abcdenfp

Terpsichore
Joined
May 19, 2017
Messages
1,669
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7W8
I find his response excessive, especially for something so trivial. Apparently he is too busy to read a thumbs up from you, but not too busy to text back in all caps. (You could point out the illogic of his own behavior . . . later, when he is not busy and is in a better mood.) Seriously, I would just tell him later that you didn't mean to be a pest, you only wanted him to know that you got the message. Ask him what you should have done instead to confirm receipt/understanding, or if he perhaps feels it is not necessary to confirm. This is actually a decent formula for many things that may upset or annoy an INTJ: wait until the situation is over, then explain why you did what you did, and ask how he would prefer it be handled in future. A willingness to do better in future is worth much more than a standard apology to most INTJs from what I have seen.
all of this .... His response would make me mad...I am actually mad at him now and mentally throwing a shoe on your behalf..But this is why i do not understand why Enfp and Intjs are supposed to work so well. they can-be so self righteous.
 

chubber

failed poetry slam career
Joined
Oct 18, 2013
Messages
4,413
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I would say, shut up and start talking the next day rather, starting by noon'ish
 

I Tonya

Rythym of the night
Joined
Jun 24, 2018
Messages
567
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
539
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Why apologize to a friend, what the actual hell. What.

You are never forced to be in a relationship with anyone, doesn't matter the years.

Nvm, not my problem.
 
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