!! Male INFJ Falling Head Over Heels for an Male ISTJ (Need Advice/Tips!!)

[mickey1955]

Sooo this goes all the way back in my sophomore year of high school. I officially got to meet this one ISTJ who I've always wanted to be friends with since freshmen yr, but never got to since I had so many erratic schedule changes. All I knew of him was that he was tall, handsome, cute, geeky and just so charming to look at. He may have not been the traditional standard of what high schoolers nowadays would crush on, but he seemed perfect for me. It was like as if he gave off a knight in shining armor vibe for me. He approached me for the first time and complimented me on my articulation in English, which I really took to heart. We shook hands, exchanged names and little did I know that it was gonna be the start of a new companionship that would bring me both blessings and pain.

It was like as if I had met him before because of the special bond we fabricated. We would joke around both in person and through text, amongst acknowledging each other's strengths and our similiarities. We're both passionate musicians; he plays the guitar and I play the violin. He always admired my usage of the English language and how I viewed the world. It was like as if I was a magnet that kept anchoring him towards my presence. This lovely shenanigan played on for the first few months of our buddyship until I realized that I gradually becoming attached to him. Whenever I made it known to him that I felt sad, he would question the source of my need to send sad emojis or depressing poem-esque texts. I told him that I was too scared to open up about it and that followed up with him going along the lines of, "But this an open space...I'm not somebody who will talk about secrets to others" before going back to talking about our Pre-Calculus hw as a typical ISTJ. I guess my internal sadness was deriving from the fact that I started to feel left out from him over the course of our friendship. More so in the sense that he would be more inclined/enthusiastic to acknowledge other people over me and would wanna hang out with them; I was even rejected from joining his band as a violinist which really hurt me to the core since he knew I had a passion for music but didn't think a violinist was necessary for a punk rock band like his. This eventually all served as the main foundation as what would grow to become known as my strong passion for musical theatre. I wanted to get his attention SO bad. Although I knew nothing about singing and acting in front of a live audience, I didn't want to stay in the dark anymore. So of course I ended up auditioning and booked a character role that would eventually steal the show for the actual performances. When he found out I was starring in the school musical, he told me that he was proud and considered playing guitar for the pit orchestra, to which he did (INTERNAL BUTTERFLIES EVERYWHERE. I GOT TO PERFORM ALONGSIDE MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE CRUSH).

But then something happened after the musical. It was like as if he was holding his breath for something. Like I said before, he barely acknowledged my presence...but this time, it felt simultaneously lowkey and highkey at the same time. Each time I'd walked past him, he'd ignore me or pretend I wasn't there until I initiated the first move. This would all happen when it was just the two of us in the same room until another person walked in, to which he greeted them with a warm gesture. I started to become to angry because I thought I had pissed him off or something. It felt like he tried making me jealous in that I was nothing to him. But then there were moments where he would randomly spark convo with me, either manifesting through random text message in the middle of the witching hours or through deciding to help me out with something when I didn't even ask. I was so confuzzled...he would act like I was some lifeless ghost but somehow puppy back to me for when he was bored. One time I looked over in the direction of his friend who was asking me help on classwork and then I accidentally caught my eyes towards my ISTJ, to which he quickly looked away with a look of stiffness and alertness. I began questioning if he had some feeling towards me but was too scared to show it because he didn't want to look weak or possibly come out of the closet. Keep in mind, that we're both not openly gay...so he (hopefully) doesn't know I'm gay and I wouldn't know if he's gay or not. I know that SJ's are the most susceptible to being on the down low when it comes to this kind of stuff.

Speaking of which, one time he asked me who I liked during sophomore year and my heart instantly screamed. I questioned why he asked and he said he needed stimulation of some sort to decimate his energy. I told him that it was somebody who I've been waiting to confess to for years and he said, "Dude my heart aches for you" and although I know he probably meant it in an empathetic sense, part of me wishes he meant that literally and was dropping hints.

Flash forward to junior year, he got a haircut which instantly had me heart eyeing him and whenever we approached each other, he always gave me a bright smile and would lightly touch me (probably as a broski thing or whatever) which would feel nice because it's like he felt connected to me. I noticed that whenever we made small talk (which we never did before, since our convos were usually deep and emotional back then), he'd always stutter and try to type amuse me with something that he knew we had an commonality in, such as the musical. "He-hey y..I like your jacket"...The more and more I thought about it, I wanted to cry. I felt so desperate and hopeless having him cloud my thoughts and stealing my heart when he probably didn't know. I can't even type this whole thing without pausing in between breaks because I love him so much. I know he was probably fed up with my enigmatic way of texting and all, but at the same time he never really openly turned me away when I talked to him. It was like as if he secretly missed me.

But yeah, we're moving onto senior year and I wonder if I'm gonna graduate as a hopeless romantic or a happily secured, taken INFJ. I just need some tips on everything about this. Does he harbor feelings for me too (as shown by his weird behavior around me) or is he just slowly done having fun with me as a buddy, even though he turns to me to talk about personal stuff. Whenever I'm sad or anxious, he reminds me of my talent and says that he believes I could do anything as long as I put my mind to it. IDK is he gay??? Or bi at least?? He sarcastically flirts with his guy friends, but that's so normal for straight guys to do. However he's always been serious and gentlemen like towards me. How do I get his attention? How should I confess to him without scaring him or ruining our friendship? There's more I wanted to type but
I feel like I've typed so much already and no body will probably read this because it's so long LMAO. But I'd appreciate it if anybody could help me out with my dilemma. I'd be more than happy to elaborate on this if any of you feel the need to garner more info to give me my desired answers. Please and thank you.