User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 47

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    104

    Default Why do you pursue a relationship?

    I had an interesting conversation with my best friend who is ISFJ to my INTP about relationships and what we seek in a relationship...why we would even pursue one. She and I had very similar answers, and it got me to thinking about Mr. INTJ, and INTJs in general knowing all that I have learned in recent months.

    What is it about a person that makes you want to pursue a relationship with a person? What are you looking for/hoping to find in a relationship? What are the best things about being with another person?

    And on a side note, at what point do you know you want to stop being single and form a relationship with another person? What is the tipping point?

  2. #2
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    9 sp/sx
    Posts
    9,667

    Default

    To love and feel loved and feel comfortable doing so.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  3. #3
    Out riding fences Coriolis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    20,721

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    To love and feel loved and feel comfortable doing so.
    What does that even mean? How do you know when you are loved? How do you know when you love someone?
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  4. #4
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    9 sp/sx
    Posts
    9,667

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    What does that even mean? How do you know when you are loved? How do you know when you love someone?
    I guess when it comes down to it, it means that you prefer to be together rather than to be apart and feel like you want to share your lives with each other.


    Love is not an unknown experience for me, but it is still a weird one. When it all comes together well it is a very fulfilling feeling and when it all comes crashing down it is the worst feeling. But I don't claim to understand the feeling.

    I've even done a long time of just not feeling it at all, and that was okay for me for a while, but my life was becoming stagnant. Now I am looking for a relationship again, which is weird because all my relationships before were with people I had already known for a while and had build up a repertoire with. Now trying to meet people who are also looking for a relationship from the get go is a bit awkward for me though, mostly because I don't infatuate very quickly and definately don't fall in love at first sight. But I am doing my best to try and be as open towards the idea as possible.


    Feeling fulfilled and sharing that connection is pretty much all I am really looking for. I don't really have any other tastes I find 'make or break' important. Well, the only other thing I am looking for is a progressive view on religion, preferably agnostic or atheïst, but at the very least not believing I am doomed to hell for not believing myself. Basicly it is good to be on the same page and not at odds with one and other on these kinds of worldviews.

    Other than that, is there anything that really matters?
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf
    Likes Luminous liked this post

  5. #5
    Mastermind Fieldmarshal Sacrophagus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    MBTI
    XNTJ
    Enneagram
    854
    Posts
    788

    Default

    "What is it about a person that makes you want to pursue a relationship with a person? What are you looking for/hoping to find in a relationship? What are the best things about being with another person?"
    I am highly self-efficient. Companionship of quality women is easy to come by, however in matters of pursueing a relationship, I indulge in a logical socratic discourse. When I ask what do I want in a woman, I ask "Is she going to add more value to my life? Is she bringing other qualities to the table that I cannot?"

    Nonetheless, that logical approach alone, chooses women based on outward and inward qualities, and doesn't count the emotional and chemistry part. I met the perfect woman who meets my criteria once, and I couldn't love her. That's why I let things happen on their own, without forcing what I'm looking for.

    The things I subconsciously desire in a woman are vigorously imprinted, and it sometimes takes a single look at a woman to discern and acknowledge that. The current is seamless, the chemistry is outrageously erotic, as if our lives fit into the same puzzle.


    The best things about being with the right person is that grandiose quietude, peace of mind and the synergically supercharged atmosphere. Her being around me is something I don't mind, our presence in the same room for the longest periods of time is never invasive or intrusive, and we let each other in organically, exchanged the keys to our darkest and most outlandish thoughts.


    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    How do you know when you are loved? How do you know when you love someone?

    Don't you love your INTP?
    Likes Consilience liked this post

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    359 sp/sx
    Posts
    2,154

    Default

    I want someone who is intrinsically inner-directed where I don't need to fill a psychologist type role. Mutual respect and a desire to challenge each other. I am non-religious, don't want children, and I don't care about marriage. However, the guys who typically fit that criteria tend to be emotionally unavailable.

  7. #7
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9
    Posts
    10,662

    Default

    You know what I hate about pursuing a relationship? Indecisiveness. That's maddening, not to mention spineless. If a person can't even decide if they want to be in a relationship with me, can't decide what the best part of being in a relationship with me is - I'll be happy to make a decision on all those points for them.

    As a footnote, pathological indecisiveness has a name - Aboulomania. Look it up.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.
    Likes Luminous, Bush, Snow as White liked this post

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    24,750

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    What does that even mean? How do you know when you are loved? How do you know when you love someone?
    I found some answers to this in the following books:

    The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm
    The Four Loves, CS Lewis
    By Force of Fantasy, Ethel S. Person, MD

    I think that perhaps attachment theory features or figures large in my understand too, however, lately, I've been seeking out alternative perspectives or ones that challenge that, so I'm not 100% settled on that...

  9. #9
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    24,750

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    You know what I hate about pursuing a relationship? Indecisiveness. That's maddening, not to mention spineless. If a person can't even decide if they want to be in a relationship with me, can't decide what the best part of being in a relationship with me is - I'll be happy to make a decision on all those points for them.

    As a footnote, pathological indecisiveness has a name - Aboulomania. Look it up.
    I respect that, although I've been like that in some relationships too, either I've thought the person isnt 100% interested in me or I've honestly known the opposite to be true too.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Yuu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    8w7
    Socionics
    Duno None
    Posts
    1,422

    Default

    I don’t, as I’m married.

    But before then, I never persued one. It just happened. Which I think is best. Humanity does stupid, stupid, stupid shit in their inssistence to force relationships upon themselves.
    "It's a good day to die, Valhalla! Who wants some blue potato chips?"

Similar Threads

  1. Why do you have deficit of self-esteem?
    By Virtual ghost in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 64
    Last Post: 02-05-2009, 03:25 AM
  2. Why do you give rep points?
    By ThatsWhatHeSaid in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 98
    Last Post: 01-30-2008, 02:08 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO