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  1. #11
    cute lil war dog Bush's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    You know what I hate about pursuing a relationship? Indecisiveness. That's maddening, not to mention spineless. If a person can't even decide if they want to be in a relationship with me, can't decide what the best part of being in a relationship with me is - I'll be happy to make a decision on all those points for them.
    Quote Originally Posted by Yuu View Post
    But before then, I never persued one. It just happened. Humanity does stupid, stupid, stupid shit in their inssistence to force relationships upon themselves.
    These are lessons that got beaten into my brain over time -- really, aspects of the overall "life's too short" adage. You know, cut the bullshit; trim the fat; cull the chaff; and don't worry so much about it for its own sake.

    Asking "why?" in the first place is a good idea. The answer might be that there's a stigma against not having one, which is a bad reason for doing anything because it leads to doing stupid, stupid shit for what might turn out to be no gain.
    J. Scott Crothers
    Founder, Truthtology, est. 1952
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    Author, the Holy scripture Elevenetics

    "Just as jet fuel cannot melt steel beams, so too cannot the unshakeable pillars of Truthtology ever be shaken, whether by man, nature, or evidence."
    - Elevenetics
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  2. #12
    👻 Ⓑ 👻 Ⓞ 👻 Ⓞ 👻 👻 👻 Luminous's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTerran View Post
    What is it about a person that makes you want to pursue a relationship with a person? What are you looking for/hoping to find in a relationship? What are the best things about being with another person?

    And on a side note, at what point do you know you want to stop being single and form a relationship with another person? What is the tipping point?
    Finding their spirit beautiful. Loving and respecting the very essence of who they are. Sharing trust, key values, admiration. Both being able to play lightheartedly and being able to share the deepest parts of ourselves, sometimes both at the same time. Feeling excited-physically, emotionally, intellectually-by their presence. Mutual curiosity, and a striving to understand each other. Compassion. The right balance of being challenged to be better, and being able to just be. A partnership that enhances, excites, encourages, comforts, and makes life more beautiful.
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  3. #13
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    I changed the way I prioritise things at the moment, so interpersonal things, ie friends, romantic ties, are second to changes in diet, lifestyle and fitness, I have to sort that out, I've lost 6pounds in about three weeks but I have to lose a further three stone before I can talk about getting closer to my goals on that front, after that, well, family counts more for me than those interpersonal things anyway, although after that I do plan on doing something to improve that.

    I'd like to have more connections. I value friendships twice as much as romantic ties, when they work the way I like them to they can be more long lasting and more important anyhow.

    Romantic ties, well, primary attachments, are important too, mainly because of the fact that people I know are all settling down and some of them, including really old and good friends, have allowed all other relationships to fade or just ended them because they'd prefer to just focus on their settled partnership or immediate family/kids and wife.

  4. #14
    Senior Member anticlimatic's Avatar
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    Safest and most rewarding way to engage in sexual intercourse for purposes of procreation.

  5. #15
    Macabre Reputation Thestralis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTerran View Post
    What is it about a person that makes you want to pursue a relationship with a person? What are you looking for/hoping to find in a relationship? What are the best things about being with another person?

    And on a side note, at what point do you know you want to stop being single and form a relationship with another person? What is the tipping point?
    The first thing I look for in a person is that they are interested in me for the right reasons, and can tolerate my weaknesses as well as enjoy my better qualities. Second, they need to have a life of their own and not be clingy or overly dependent. That is a huge drain, and an immediate turn-off. It helps if we have some shared interests that we can indulge in together, and some that are different so we can learn from each other and again, have some independence. We need to have compatible lifestyles also. Then of course are qualities like honesty, taking care of oneself/staying healthy, trying to better oneself in some way, etc. but plenty of people with this latter set lack the former.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    I guess when it comes down to it, it means that you prefer to be together rather than to be apart and feel like you want to share your lives with each other.
    I like this. Simple and straightforward.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    I've even done a long time of just not feeling it at all, and that was okay for me for a while, but my life was becoming stagnant. Now I am looking for a relationship again, which is weird because all my relationships before were with people I had already known for a while and had build up a repertoire with. Now trying to meet people who are also looking for a relationship from the get go is a bit awkward for me though, mostly because I don't infatuate very quickly and definately don't fall in love at first sight. But I am doing my best to try and be as open towards the idea as possible.
    I agree that this would be a challenge - looking for a relationship from the start. All my relationships have evolved out of existing friendship or work relationships, such that the other person and I knew each other fairly well on some level, and eventually just decided to take it to another level.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sacrophagus View Post
    Don't you love your INTP?
    I know how I feel about him, and he does, too. I don't label this as "love" because I'm not even sure what that would mean. Everyone seems to see it differently, it is easily misinterpreted, so I am more explicit about how I feel. He is satisfied, which is all that matters. (See also my answer to Interran above.)
    They are quite gentle, really, but people avoid them because they are a bit . . . different.

  6. #16
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    For me, relationships first and foremost have to make economic sense: I'm money-centered, materialistic, greedy, anxious about having to endure scarcity, and want somebody who I think is financially stable enough to put my fears at ease. I make no attempt to hide I'm digging for gold, since its bound to come up at some point.

    Secondarily, I have to like the person and enjoy spending time with them. I can't even get aroused sexually towards another person unless I'm really close to them and really love them. Sure, I get "horny" sometimes, but if I'm not in a relationship, I can go masturbate to the good way masturbation feels and be satisfied a long time, or I can think about my weird-ass autoerotic kinks.

    I mostly look for women who make 1.5 to 3.5 times what I make, since I think the truly wealthy women are out of my league, and since I have to put my fears about money to bed before I can enjoy life.

  7. #17
    A Bittersweet Symphony... The Cat's Avatar
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    Same reason as everyone else ever...

    Because.
    I am the Cat who walks by himself; and all places are alike to me...
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  8. #18
    Mastermind Fieldmarshal Sacrophagus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post


    I know how I feel about him, and he does, too. I don't label this as "love" because I'm not even sure what that would mean. Everyone seems to see it differently, it is easily misinterpreted, so I am more explicit about how I feel. He is satisfied, which is all that matters.
    It is as though you're in a similar relationship I had with a woman once. She was perfect. We had a certain level of chemistry, but I could tell it wasn't love.

    If it works for both of you, that's fine. That woman was madly in love with me, and I felt almost smothered because I had to reciprocate something I don't feel and I needed to stop feeling guilty and pity for her. I just let it go.

    "love" because I'm not even sure what that would mean
    Love later has allowed me to discover parts of myself. It means I will occasionally fall from my element and embrace forms of intimate vulnerability unbeknownst to me, embrace unspoken aches within my chest, and know how much lengths I can go for the woman I love. I might even relinquish reason that I much cherish. Not any woman is worth that privilege even if she's unanimously the nec plus ultra of Homo sapiens.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Wunjo's Avatar
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    Various reasons. But for the bottom line, the thrill itself and the aesthetic of pursuing a relationship is a reason enough. It is not always about the ends. Sometimes, the ends can solely exist for the means of achieving those ends are aesthetic and enticing.
    "The owl of Minerva spreads its wings only with the falling of the dusk."

  10. #20
    ƃuıǝǝs | seeing Snow as White's Avatar
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    I only pursued the idea of a relationship when someone sparked my interest, which happens at random intervals. takes a certain kind of person to catch my mind.

    my current relationship is after i decided i was tired of the entire concept of dating and was done. i would be a cat lady and be the Fun Auntie. we met through friends and it was very natural. he's direct and not afraid to say what he wants and he isn't afraid to go for it. directness and simplicity.

    so i am very very glad to have him in my life because i love sharing life with someone who appreciates what i am sharing and someone with whom i want them to share their life with me.

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