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  1. #101
    somnium tenebris Powehi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    496 sx/sp


    What is it about a person that makes you want to pursue a relationship with a person?
    If I admire their intelligence and kindness, and if I think they have the capacity to *see* me and love me deeply.

    What are you looking for/hoping to find in a relationship?
    I am hoping to be with someone who is madly in love with me. I've had three long-term, live together/married relationships in my life and in each case they had a kind of pragmatic fondness for me, partly because I tried to give them everything they wanted of me, but the process of leaving/separating demonstrated that not one would risk anything to be with me. Not one even said "I love you, you are a wonderful person, a special person, please stay". During the relationship not one made anything beyond a minimal, cursory effort in negotiation with me, so I always had to do all the bending/stretching/adapting. I'll go along thinking the best, assuming I'm loved, and then a line is eventually crossed that undermines my entire paradigm of the relationship and I realize they couldn't possibly love me in a reciprocal way. I end up feeling used because the relationships were always the best when the person had no money and needed me, but when they got settled in a career with good pay, I became minimally relevant.

    I also have the problem of being super laid back and flexible about basic living and so I adapt the specific brands of bread they eat, the shows they want to watch, how often the house is cleaned, what time they go to bed, how money is spent, etc. Then they assume everything about me doesn't matter, but I have some emotional triggers and sensitivities, so they get used to dismissing what I may want or need and transfer it to the emotional realm, I become devastated, my functioning goes downhill, and then I leave. I want to be with someone who doesn't dismiss me emotionally, and especially doesn't dismiss my body - both in terms of the pain it experiences and intimacy.

    Edit: I'll add that in all cases the emotional and physical connections were not high for their values and what they wanted or needed - so I mostly resigned to seeing it as incompatibility. They tended to be relatively content with the relationship before I left (I chose to end each one), mostly because the aspect of my emotionality they didn't like they were able to dismiss until I reached a breaking point, then they rejected it and I left. I'm not so much angry at individuals, but frustrated with the nature of humanity or something. [/edit]

    What are the best things about being with another person?
    I love sharing experiences and jokes, having funny inside jokes, and of course physical intimacy is central. I don't have the ability to sleep with strangers or acquaintances, so it is reliant on having a partner. When one relationship starts taking a tailspin, friends always cite the conventional wisdom - take time alone, etc. But if you just spent the last several years alone and with minimal physical intimacy, that advice feels demoralizing. Then they go one to talk about feminist things regarding individual identity and not needing a man, etc. I have zero investment in identity regarding relationships because I have a very cool identity professionally and so forth, but no one talks about the issue of being very emotionally driven, very intimacy driven, and sexually driven. Having that combination in this world is hell because you actually do need another human being, but a particularly special one. I can tell the people for whom sexuality is important based on how they talk about having relationships. The ones that are fine living at great distances or who treat it casually don't have that much physical need, even if they slap it on the side as identity. Our culture pressures everyone to have an identity of being sexy, so lots of people talk it up, but then in reality after life becomes routine and familiar - it is suddenly optional.

    And on a side note, at what point do you know you want to stop being single and form a relationship with another person? What is the tipping point?There is only one person I feel I can be with, but it is still going to be a while before we can completely be together. I've never wanted to be single and I spend enough time going on walks alone, that I don't need to learn how to be alone. I've spent most of my life alone. I grew up as the younger sister, always shared a room, played lots of fun times together, and that is my framework for living. I'm used to having a buddy, and so I hope this one last hope of mine happens because I'm in a conundrum where it hurts more to be with most people than alone, but it also hurts to be alone.

    Circus life under the big top world
    We all need the clowns to make us smile
    Through space and time, always another show
    Wondering where I am, lost without you

  2. #102
    Feline Moderator The Cat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2016


    What is it about a person that makes you want to pursue a relationship with a person?
    It varies. Usually I feel their potential for a good time. If it's complimentary to my own, why not pass the time together for a spell?

    What are you looking for/hoping to find in a relationship?
    Enjoyable Stimulation. Depth of Connection.

    What are the best things about being with another person?
    Companionship. Survival. Another perspective. Sex.

    And on a side note, at what point do you know you want to stop being single and form a relationship with another person? What is the tipping point?

    In some ways I always do. In others I never do. Its not so much a tipping point as a pivot point.
    The Sleeper must awaken...

  3. #103
    Quetzalcoatl Norexan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    8w7 sp
    LIE Te


    Sex. Family. Fun. Adventure. Mental compatibility.
    Life Path 4. True Neutral 8 1 6 3 7 5 Teexcellent>Niexcellent>Figood>Tigood>>>>Siaverage>Fe unused
    The most sacred of the duties of a government [is] to do equal and impartial justice to all its citizens." --Thomas Jefferson
    ===Logical Crusader===

    Dail [or Daer] ú-[o] chyn [or fyn/thyn] [?] Ú-danno i failad a thi; an úben tannatha le failad.

  4. #104
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance
    Join Date
    Mar 2012


    I'm going to make an effort to pursue them.

    Time to push past my bullshit, accept certain realities and just do it.
    Likes Luminous liked this post

  5. #105
    Join Date
    Apr 2009


  6. #106
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by A-a-ron Carter View Post
    Tax purposes + I don't like going to the movies by myself
    I like this answer although I don't mind going to the movies by myself - kind of prefer it.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.
    Likes Lark liked this post

  7. #107
    Super Moderator Stigmata's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    594 so/sp


    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    I like this answer although I don't mind going to the movies by myself - kind of prefer it.
    I actually don't mind it either. Given that the expectation is for minimal noise throughout the movie, I've never really understood why people feel so insecure about being alone if you're not meant to be communicating anyway. My only guess is that the intent is on a shared experience.
    The order of preference for your cognitive functions appears to be
    Ne > Ti > Te = Ni > Fi > Fe = Se > Si

  8. #108
    Blessed With A Curse Schrödinger's Name's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2019


    I need someone to watch a movie with since I have the attention span of someone with ADD. Having someone who can explain/summarize what just happened is pretty handy, instead of always having to rewind. (Also; I tend to press 'pause' as soon as something awkward is going to happen... Watching a movie with someone else helps. Then I won't take me a whole day to watch a three hour long movie lmao)

    Being able to rest my head on their chest and to snuggle under a blanket in a cold room is also a big plus.
    Until You Decide What Happens, Everything Is Happening At Once

  9. #109
    Join Date
    Oct 2019


    Initially for the hot sex and then the promise of romance and reverie.

    LaTERz, for the hot sex and romance and reverie.

    then the babies

    and of course, finally, the promise of old age companionship and soul-kin.

    Lot's of sex though littered throughout.

  10. #110
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    5w6 sp/sx


    Quote Originally Posted by Hexicon View Post
    I don’t really pursue or search for relationships. I don’t feel lonely when alone, so I guess I’ve never actively felt the need to find “a someone.” Relationships happen organically for me, over time. I don’t chase love. It simply grows on its own under the right conditions.

    When those conditions are right (intellectual chemistry, emotional trust, attraction, etc), I choose to foster that growth (out of a desire to maintain the connection that’s developed between us) because it’s fulfilling. It enhances my life. Love doesn’t really need reason beyond that. Share one another, grow together. And, if we grow apart, it’s okay, too. Healthy love makes us better people, in the end.
    I forgot to add: personal hand warmer is a reason (or perk).
    But they usually hate it.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!

    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.
    Likes The Cat liked this post

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