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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018

    Default ENFP girl and ENFJ guy: how to fix a broken relationship

    Hey guys, I was hoping some of you could maybe give me some advice on how to fix my very awkward relationship with an ENFJ buddy.

    To make a very long story short, ENFJ and I met and there was a very strong chemistry. I was attracted by his kindness, how thoughtful he always seemed to be with others and how fun he was to be around, always getting along with everyone and making jokes. He started to make a move, but I had just finished a horrible relationship and I was not ready to start something new with anyone, so I freaked out and acted a bit cold with him - without really knowing why. To make things worse, I became super friendly with this friends, and being an ENFP, of course they thought I was flirting with them. He didn't take this very well (but never expressed it openly, he just became distant and passive aggressive).

    Anyhow, blaming myself for how badly things had turned out, I decided to ignore his childish behaviour and 'make amends' by getting closer to him and showing him that I clearly had an interest. We were slowly moving towards a better place until one night, a few months later, we got drunk together and had sex. There was crazy chemistry, I had never experienced anything similar with anyone else. But he freaked out on the same night and decided that he had to leave immediately because he didn't have feelings for me and I deserved so much better and he should have never slept with me blah blah blah. Being an ENFP I was shocked and upset, as I was just going with the flow and enjoying the moment, and was definitely not expecting to marry him after that night, and could not understand why he would react like that.

    After that, our relationship has been super awkward, and it's been almost a year. We see each other in a group setting a couple of times a month, and things just never seem to flow between us. We are fine within the group, but we never speak to each other 1:1 and we barely even look at each other in the eye. When we do speak to each other because the situation requires it, it's one of those movie situations where two people try to communicate and none of them make any sense.

    I would really like to fix this (not in a romantic way, just in a friendly way). I know there is a lot of context missing, but do you guys have any thoughts on how I might approach this? It just saddens me deeply to be at odds with someone that I honestly believe is a good person deep down.

    Thanks in advance

  2. #2
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    9w1 sx/sp
    ESI None

    Default Advice from an ISFP

    You might want to consider being blunt and direct about the whole thing.
    Invite him for a chat. Drag him by the ear if you have to.
    Try to put emotions aside if the talk actually happens (he might take an emotional tone as having feeling for him and he might flake again)
    Talk about what happened and what it means to you and how you want things to move from now.

    ENFJ usually get along with ISFP, so he might just appreciate the blunt and honest approach (if friends is really honestly what you want)

    Good Luck
    Likes SurrealisticSlumbers liked this post

  3. #3
    Stardust StarFollowed's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    4w3 sx/so
    IEE None


    As a married ENFP, I would say that chemistry means very little in regards to how the relationship will play-out.

    That “spark” is just a feeling that will, more often than not, fizzle-out. When it fizzles-out, regardless of how it actually happens, we try to see if we can salvage the relationship. Instead of looking for comfort and someone who will cherish us, we look for unstable intensity.

    What I learned is this: whenever things take a turn for the worse and become awkward between the two of you, it’s a sign the relationship is not working out. I know you want friendship and you want to amend things, but that will probably not happen. Focus on other things, and date new people. Soon, you’ll forget about this ENFJ and his friendship.

    Remember: chemistry is more than just what goes on in the bedroom. If it’s been awkward for a year, it probably won’t get any better. I can’t believe he would just pick up and leave after having sex with you. This man does not respect your emotions, your time, and more importantly, YOU. NO good man will leave after having sex with you.
    “I touch people. I think everyone needs that.”

    “I don’t go by the rule-book. I lead from the heart, not the head.”

    “I think the biggest disease the world suffers in this day and age is the disease of people feeling unloved. I know that I can give love for a minute, for half an hour, for a day, for a month. I’m very happy to do that. I want to do that.”

    “I wear my heart on my sleeve.”

    ENFP, 4w3, SX/SO.

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