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  1. #11
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    There isn’t any “shitty” behavior going on. I do not feel as if I’m being strung along or anything. When I brought up how I was feeling he did not deny that he felt the same way, but rather that going “down that road” would end in “epic disaster.” When I asked him to clarify, he made a comment about history repeating itself. He was in a relationship that resulted in a child and the woman ended up cheating on him. He was deeply wounded by this according to his sister and I’m the first person he’s had any long term relationship with since that happened. So he is afraid to act on his feelings. I just wondered if this was just a him thing or if it was something more universal among guys who have been hurt in the past.

  2. #12
    Soul Reaver Mesmeric_Moon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTerran View Post
    There isn’t any “shitty” behavior going on. I do not feel as if I’m being strung along or anything. When I brought up how I was feeling he did not deny that he felt the same way, but rather that going “down that road” would end in “epic disaster.” When I asked him to clarify, he made a comment about history repeating itself. He was in a relationship that resulted in a child and the woman ended up cheating on him. He was deeply wounded by this according to his sister and I’m the first person he’s had any long term relationship with since that happened. So he is afraid to act on his feelings. I just wondered if this was just a him thing or if it was something more universal among guys who have been hurt in the past.
    If he truly cares for you, he'll make an effort to get over it, sure being an intj might contribute in him having a harder time getting over something like that since intjs don't let that many people in, but if he continues in that mindset I'd attribute his behavior to emotional immaturity more than anything else.



  3. #13
    Senior Member RedAmazoneFriendZone's Avatar
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    Un trauma empêche de se libérer totalement pour avancer émotionnellement dans la confiance. Quelque soit le type.
    ALL THAT WE SEE OR SEEM TO BE IS BUT A DREAM WITHIN A DREAM
    Unfortunately we are all fucking contagious Smile and see what happens around you......
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  4. #14
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    Im Alter wird man härter

  5. #15
    Softserve Ice Cream Agent Washington's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    Im Alter wird man härter
    Mit Hilfe vom Viagra
    There's no love in fear.
    - Tool

    Do we want to remind you of something? Yes: the world is good and we belong here.
    - Richard Siken

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by agentwashington View Post
    Mit Hilfe vom Viagra
    Thats sexist against old white men
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  7. #17
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    I had an INTJ friend that was petrified - almost phobic after a broken engagement. He wasn’t ready for years. In fact, as a friend I saw him date but there was sooo much underlying anger and transferring his prior feelings towards these new girls....frankly, I felt badly for them. It wasn’t their faults but he was very critical. He needed some years to ‘cool off’.

    I would befriend, keep steady but don’t push too much. He may take you up (inferior Se) but not really be dealing with his full normal judging capability. Basically, he was a hot mess that looked in control but no, he wasn’t.
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  8. #18
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    il mio padre di INTJ era stato distrutto da un fidanzamento solo due anni prima di incontrare mia madre. Fondamentalmente, mia nonna ... alla madre di mio padre non piaceva la donna * il suo nino * voleva sposarsi e faceva tutto il possibile per portarla via. Che ha funzionato. Ma non senza che mio padre avesse spostato le montagne per assicurarsi che sarebbe rimasta.

    E lui era decisamente traumatizzato. Aveva persino pensato di abbandonare la famiglia (che ...). Era solo molto della mente che in profondità ... che tu stia insieme e che funzioni. Tra alti e bassi.

    Lo voleva però. Voleva un compagno di vita più di quanto volesse proteggere la sua sensibilità. E così ha fatto.

    Fortunatamente per lui la falsa personalità di mia madre ha ingannato la famiglia fino a dopo il matrimonio.

  9. #19
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    INTerran... ^I was so busy completely butchering one of the romance languages that didn’t underscore what I wanted you to take away from that.

    To this day my father brings up the trauma he experienced when his fiance finally said “your family can go fuck themselves” and vanished like a highly intelligent person that possessed self-respect and desired some semblance of a normal life...

    And those are his actual words minus all the obscenities that really should not be repeated in either English or Italian. He wanted a wife more.

    This had nothing to do with my mom...and trust me...she did nothing to ease his insecurities.

    This isn’t about you and what you are doing or not doing. I just needed to say that.
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  10. #20
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    Not type-related but here's an anecdote.

    My INTJ (954 sx/sp) friend will tell me verbatim conversations of significant females who have hurt him and we will analyze it with a slightly different nuances each time (I have probably heard each story at least 5+ times... some even 10+ times). It's gotten to the point where he tries to define parameters of what he wants out of dating but changes his mind a lot... and he stalls with his decisions because he doesn't want to screw up.

    I would say have low expectations. Be a friend or FWB but I would not have high hopes for a healthy relationship until he works through his issues.

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