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  1. #1
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    Default ENTJ help!!! (I’m an INFJ)

    LONG POST!!
    Met this guy on an online dating site a month ago. We exchanged messages back and forth on there for a few days (4-5) before he gave me his number because he said it was easier that way instead of logging into this site to check messages. We texted pretty regularly. Long conversations about various subjects. He brought up a couple of times that i should let him know when i was free to go out. So we set up a time to meet for coffee. I only had about an hour of free time but we ended up staying for an hour and 45 minutes. No hugs or anything as we left but he did ask me that night to let him know when i would be free to hang out again. So we made plans for the following weekend. We texted off and on that next week. And he actually called a couple of times. We'd talk for about an hour each phone call. Second date we were supposed to do dinner & mini golf. But we ended up talking at dinner for 4 hours (& the mini golf place closed. Oops!) But i loved it! Both dates i felt completely comfortable with him, like we'd known each other for much longer than just a couple of weeks. I'm usually suuuuuper shy and a little awkward at first but it was really different with him. It was during our second date when he brought up the Myers Briggs test. He said he was an ENTJ. I raised my hand and said "INFJ". It was a really nerdy moment. Hahaha! That night he asked if i would do dance lessons with him. Um. YES! So we talked about that and other ideas for things we'd want to do.
    That night he did give me a hug before we departed. He had mentioned previously that he's very traditional when it comes to dating: he feels like the guy should do the asking, the paying, picking the lady up, etc. So when there was "only" a hug after date two i wasn't too surprised. He texted me that evening to make sure i had made it home and said he enjoyed our date and looked forward to dancing.
    I knew that my kids had Christmas break coming up and so seeing him during that time would be difficult. A couple of days after our date he hadn't said anything about a third date. So i brought up to him that I'd have a free day the coming weekend if he was up for doing something. He said "sure let's do something!".
    Third date we did an escape room & ice cream. I was more quiet this go round because i had started coming down with a head cold and wasn't "all there". But when we went for ice cream we ended up staying until the place was closing because we were talking.
    He gave me another hug that night. Longer than the previous date. I felt weird about how i had acted that night and texted him apologizing if i seemed aloof and told him i hoped I'd get to see him again. He responded "yes! Dance lessons, remember!"
    Then Christmas break. I didn't hear anything from him Christmas Eve (understandable - it's christmas Eve). Christmas morning i did send him a quick Merry Christmas text. He texted right back.
    I decided to give him space (in other words not over analyzing not hearing from him and not contacting him since we were both on vacations) over break since i was going to be out of town with family. He actually texted on the 26th to ask how my Christmas went. We texted back and forth for about 2 hours. He opened up a little about how the holidays sometimes hurt because he doesn't have a wife and kids to share it with so he can sometimes be quiet and hang back at family gatherings. I thought him sharing something he "feels" like that with me was a big deal! We texted a couple of times the next few days. We talked about the New Years. I told him the feeler side of me enjoys the idea of a new year. He was talking about how every year is the same to him when it comes to New Years. I told him it's a good excuse to blow horns and make out at midnight. I told him I'd have to settle for just blowing horns this year. He said "come back here for NYE!"
    That was the first really flirty comment he had made. I loved it! I told him I'd be lying if i said i hadn't thought about it. He's told me things like "I like your attitude" "you're awesome" "you're funny"
    The next couple of times we texted were sprinkled with flirtations.
    He knew i was going to be traveling ON NYE to see friends. He told me to be safe traveling. I thought that was nice of him.
    On NYE he texted me mid day about a project he was working on. Then at 11:00 PM he texted me about the new year being close. I asked if he had made plans. He said he was traveling to a local casino all by himself with a pouty face. Haha. I told him "i got you covered next year!". He said "good!" Then he kept texting. And at exactly midnight he texted wishing me a happy new year. I told him i hoped his 2018 was so incredible that come next year he would no longer be able to say that each year was the same to him. He said "thanks! That's a nice wish. You're awesome!"
    I came back to my home the following day. We texted off and on that day. Flirty stuff
    On the 2nd i heard nothing from him. I knew this was his first day back at his job from his vacation. So i wasn't surprised to not hear from him. I did text him that evening. And we had a full on flirt fest. We were joking about the various bases in dating. He made a reference about the next time we meet (but never asked about when that would be). And we joked about going to the next base next time. Etc. etc. i loved it and it made me giddy thinking that maybe next date i might finally get a kiss from this guy or a hand hold. Or something! We ended our conversation with him saying "I'll talk to you tomorrow"
    "Tomorrow" was yesterday and i heard nothing from him. I wasn't going to text him but i caved in around 10 last night. He texted right back. He can sometimes take 2-3 hours to read a text but he always immediately responds. It was a 20 minute text conversation. Nothing major. A few laughs.
    here are my questions....

    Before Christmas break we had decided to go roller skating in the new year. We found a place that does adult skate this Saturday. So we had agreed to that. Only that's 2 days away and he hasn't mentioned it at all. Do i bring it up? See if he brings it up?

    I feel like when we were first talking our conversations would span over the course of an entire day whereas now i can go a couple days without hearing from him. Everything I've read about ENTJ's are that they'll do the pursuing if they're interested. But i was the one that initiated date #3 and with our conversations waning I'm not sure how to read this? I look back at our flirty conversations and realize that was only 2 nights ago. ENTJ's don't just turn on a dime like that do they?

    Oh! And he hasn't actually called me since before Christmas break. Part of me wonders if it's because he knew my kids would be around so i couldn't talk anyway or if he's just over it and slowly disappearing?

    My husband died 2 years ago and this is the first real interest I've had in another man since. So i feel like a rookie! But i do like this guy. I enjoy being around him. I enjoy our conversations. I feel like we share a lot of commonalities. But we have some different ideas that make it interesting.

    Do i need to just tell him "hey i like you, now kiss me please!" Hahaha! I was thinking with all of the flirting that that was obvious? But again i don't know with ENTJ's what i need to do.
    Likes Digital Lion liked this post

  2. #2
    kaleidescope Forever's Avatar
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    Let me start off with my official stamp of disclaimer before I speak:

    [I don't think type really answers most of the love relationship problems]


    So why don't you just wait until the day before or day of and then say hey are we still on for...?

    If you put all your love and passion all in at once, the love can kind of wane easily.

    You can, it's certainly recommended (if it were me hahaha) but since he said he was a traditionalist.. idk if he'd like you making the moves or if he was just saying that?


    Thanks for the details of the date(s), just don't know this person of you fond of enough unfortunately. And condolences for your past husband.
    Forever Flowing

  3. #3
    Time-OverLord Norexan's Avatar
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    ENTJs are not patient type and they are poor in handling people's emotions.
    Don't expect from ENTJ to be able reading you...
    INFJ is quiet and mistery itself for them... Sorry.
    True Neutral 8 5 4 7 1/8w7-5w4-4w5 Te>Ni>Fi>Ti>>>>>Fe
    "There is no intellectualism in faith. Both atheist and theist choose their belief system based on ego and self-preservation." by 2017


    "People are like a computers. Most of them have a need of someone to menage them. Otherwise they are useless."
    -by myself.

  4. #4
    Member Digital Lion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ladymakk View Post
    Before Christmas break we had decided to go roller skating in the new year. We found a place that does adult skate this Saturday. So we had agreed to that. Only that's 2 days away and he hasn't mentioned it at all. Do i bring it up? See if he brings it up?
    First things first > I know it's hard but stop over-analyzing! Introverted intuition is always scanning for answers to fill in the blanks and connect the dots, so I get it, but sometimes it's good to just go with the flow (access that Se "here and now in the moment") and not read too much into things.

    Having said that, I don't see the harm in bringing it up. He may adhere to traditional gender roles as in the man taking the lead and being the initiator but at the same time, if he's anything like me, he may be prone to hyper-focusing and getting caught up with doing whatever he's doing and especially if it's work or has something to do with goal fulfillment. Time easily flies by and things that I meant to do, I can forget to do or put off, even if they are things I really want to do. That extends to people as well. lol Therefore, you may need to remind him. And I never mind being "reminded" by someone I already like.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ladymakk View Post
    I feel like when we were first talking our conversations would span over the course of an entire day whereas now i can go a couple days without hearing from him. Everything I've read about ENTJ's are that they'll do the pursuing if they're interested. But i was the one that initiated date #3 and with our conversations waning I'm not sure how to read this? I look back at our flirty conversations and realize that was only 2 nights ago. ENTJ's don't just turn on a dime like that do they?

    Oh! And he hasn't actually called me since before Christmas break. Part of me wonders if it's because he knew my kids would be around so i couldn't talk anyway or if he's just over it and slowly disappearing?
    NT extroverts are among the least extroverted extroverts. I've known one or two ENTJs similar to myself who have this lone wolf standing on a cliff above his dutiful pack thing going on. We like being in charge but we also need our space and we also believe in extending that same courtesy to others. He may intuit that you have kids, etc... and, therefore, a busy lifestyle and so he may not want to intrude on that and be bothersome or a burden. ENTJs don't really like vulnerability, as in extending themselves only to be rebuffed. When it comes to sticky stuff like romance and relationships and feelings, we like to play it safe.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ladymakk View Post
    My husband died 2 years ago and this is the first real interest I've had in another man since. So i feel like a rookie! But i do like this guy. I enjoy being around him. I enjoy our conversations. I feel like we share a lot of commonalities. But we have some different ideas that make it interesting.
    I'm sorry about your husband but kudos and much respect for putting yourself back out there. I hope it works out for you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ladymakk View Post
    Do i need to just tell him "hey i like you, now kiss me please!" Hahaha! I was thinking with all of the flirting that that was obvious? But again i don't know with ENTJ's what i need to do.
    Personally, I like for my object of desire to "take charge" every so often. I'm not a traditionalist so much as I'm just a hunter who likes the thrill of the chase but sometimes being hunted (in the right context) can be refreshing. He's given off enough signals to show that he's into you and receptive of what you're giving off. So I don't think you taking the lead should be much of a problem. Again, ENTJs like to strategize and plan in order to mitigate heavy risks, and especially when it comes to vulnerability, but if it's obvious that all parties involved are on the same page, then we're more apt to jump right in and open ourselves up.

    I hope that helps some. Good luck!
    Likes Ladymakk liked this post

  5. #5
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Wall of text. *runs *
    Likes Ladymakk liked this post

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
    Wall of text. *runs *
    Hahaha 😆 Sorry. I didn't THINK it would be that long, but wanted to include as much detail as I could to help others get a full idea of what's going on.

  7. #7
    Mastermind Fieldmarshal Sacrophagus's Avatar
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    This is absolutely not type related.
    I sometimes go on dates with my woman and meticulously pick what she's going to wear, and take care of everything. Other times, well, most of the times, she's being cutely annoying and spontaneously shares her "romantic" ideas of what we should do, how it makes her feel...etc, and I like that.

    It depends on wants, preferences, how we feel about the other person, and vice versa.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Yuu's Avatar
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    You’re rambling like a school girl and getting “ all giddy” over a hand hold but your husband died two years ago? How old ARE you?

    Honestly, a lot of this just sounds like rambling to me. I can’t tell what the over all “ problem” is. He usually texts you right back but sometimes he doesn’t and then he does? I really have no idea what this has to do any ENTJ function.

    Quote Originally Posted by Norexan View Post
    ENTJs are not patient type and they are poor in handling people's emotions.
    Don't expect from ENTJ to be able reading you...
    INFJ is quiet and mistery itself for them... Sorry.
    My husband is INFJ.

    He us niether quiet nor a mystery. He is VERY loud about his emotions all the time.

    As for mystery? Heh. No. If he’s unhappy it is because he is:
    -Tired
    -hungry
    -having an existential crisis

  9. #9
    Time-OverLord Norexan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yuu View Post
    You’re rambling like a school girl and getting “ all giddy” over a hand hold but your husband died two years ago? How old ARE you?

    Honestly, a lot of this just sounds like rambling to me. I can’t tell what the over all “ problem” is. He usually texts you right back but sometimes he doesn’t and then he does? I really have no idea what this has to do any ENTJ function.



    My husband is INFJ.

    He us niether quiet nor a mystery. He is VERY loud about his emotions all the time.

    As for mystery? Heh. No. If he’s unhappy it is because he is:
    -Tired
    -hungry
    -having an existential crisis
    I didn't say it is not possible.
    I said that relationship can have a bit problem...
    But since INFJ possess dom Ni and have very positive veiw of people (aux Fe) it can be overcome...
    Time and maturity are answer.

    For ENTJ calmness of IxxP is much better option then time-bomb INFJ

    Fact:
    INFJ don't like loudness. They are hypersensitive to loud sounds.
    True Neutral 8 5 4 7 1/8w7-5w4-4w5 Te>Ni>Fi>Ti>>>>>Fe
    "There is no intellectualism in faith. Both atheist and theist choose their belief system based on ego and self-preservation." by 2017


    "People are like a computers. Most of them have a need of someone to menage them. Otherwise they are useless."
    -by myself.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Yuu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Norexan View Post
    I didn't say it is not possible.
    I said that relationship can have a bit problem...
    But since INFJ possess dom Ni and have very positive veiw of people (aux Fe) it can be overcome...
    Time and maturity are answer.

    For ENTJ calmness of IxxP is much better option then time-bomb INFJ

    Fact:
    INFJ don't like loudness. They are hypersensitive to loud sounds.
    It’s been working fine for six years. It’s probably easier for me to deal with because I’m used to emotional people constantly screaming. I just tune it out.

    Actually, I hate loudness more than anyone. Not only does it make one look foolish but my hearing range is well above most human’s. High oit hed freaquencies actually hurt.

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