Fallen In Love?

[Justin of Flavia Neapolis]

Me (KWML): You make it easy for me to love you.

Her (ISFJ): You make it easy for me to trust you.

 

[Typh0n]

When you start listening to Barry White.

Seriously though, when it happens you will no longer need to ask.

 

[Agent Washington]

His name is Maynard James Keenan...

 

[Arctic Hysteria]

I've had a lot of relationships, felt insanely strongly for all past boyfriends at one point or another, definitely have said "I love you" to all of them.
But as I look back, I can only count a very few times I truly fell in love.

Of course I loved all of them at different time in my life, but not all kinds of love are the same.

There are 2 people that I've "fallen in love" with the hardest. The relationships I had with these 2 individuals are different from my other relationships.
I'm quite complicated and I've done things I'm not so proud of. But with them, I could reveal all of my secrets, be completely vulnerable and still be loved and desired, if not even more. They could see through my façade and call me out on my bs, lovingly.

Thing is, this understanding of having truly "fallen in love" with these 2 men only came to me after years of knowing them, parting ways and reuniting, with me changing and them also changing, and the feelings remained still the same.

 

[Lark]

Does anyone else get the lyrics to "I Want To Break Free" playing in their head when they read the title of this thread?

 

[biohazard]

When you're at an extremely low point in your life and that person is willing to sacrifice and help you through it, THATS when you know. They will be there with you through the good times and down AF with you in the bad. AND they will still look at you and make you feel like you're the only one who matters. They build you up when youre trying to break youself down. They teach you things about yourself and show you them in a gentle way and help you to become a better person.

If you find someone like this, keep them. The love you'll have together will be unstoppable.


And through it all: they will not mock you, they will not criticize you, they will not tear you down to build themselves up.

They raise you up, they tell genuine, beautiful words everyday filled with gratitude, and they nurture you.

When you stop and do the same for someone, that's how you Know.

 

[frezekiel]

Simple question...how do you know when you have fallen in love with someone? Not lust or infatuation, but all the way, genuine love? What is/was that like for you? How were you around the object of your affection?

In my opinion, genuine love manifests itself as a tangible commitment. Commitment to that person's actual well-being, through thick and through thin, in good times and in bad.

I met my wife 15 years ago, and I was instantly in love with her, from the moment I saw her. There was no doubt in my mind that she was my "soulmate," but she didn't even notice me!

I was working in the bookstore where she went to college. (I wasn't a student there, though, I was just working there.) And I only spoke to her twice, but I was instantly in love with her. And after I quit working there, I didn't see her for another two years or so. But I never forgot her, and she just so happened to show up one day at my new job, a whole two years later, and she was my new co-worker! (Talk about fate!)

Now, I was involved with someone at that time, and so was she. So, I tried to avoid her as much as I could, because I didn't want to betray my current girlfriend.

Well, long story short, we both left our significant others for each other, and our relationship was extremely passionate and intense right off the bat. And it was clear that we both had a whole lot in common. (By the way, I'm an INFJ, and she is an INFP) And we had lots of fun! We spent as much time as we could with each other, and eventually moved into an apartment together.

Now, in reality, this all could have proven to be just emotions and sexual attraction. We actually did break up and get back together again several times, when things got too intense.

But we have been married now for 13 years. And it has not been easy! Not by a long shot! It has taken commitment and patience, and a whole lot of apologizing and forgiving one another. We've had to make the choice to stay together based on a tangible commitment, not just good intentions. And we've had to work together to maintain our marriage and raise our 3 kids, and all that that entails.

So, in a nutshell, to me, true love involves selflessness, forgiveness, patience, a willingness to put the other's needs in front of your own----things that most people aren't willing to do.

Again, in my opinion, true love will just manifest in this way, as a commitment. Not just when things are good, but even when things are bad.

So, that's my two cents.

Incidentally, my wife and I are still very passionate about each other, but it's much deeper now. Especially since we've been through so many tough times together, our relationship is more intimate.

We still have some challenges but it's worthwhile. I love my wife and our children more than anyone else in this entire world. Even more than my family. It's hard sometimes, but it's all worthwhile.

 

[Mole]

Yeah, I've fallen in love, and in love I learnt to play the role of boyfriend and girlfriend.

These are important roles to learn, there is even a magazine called Girlfriend, to help girls learn to play the role, click on Girlfriend.

Of course when we fall in love, we are not conscious of learning the roles of boyfriend and girlfriend, we are carried along on waves of feeling.

However when we have been in love a few times, it becomes plain there are similarities each time. This is because we are carrying out the same role each time, but with different lovers in different situations.

I have an interesting interaction with a women I see every week. We both know how to play the roles of boyfriend and girlfriend, and so we play at being boyfriend and girlfriend in public. It is enlivening, a little exciting, warm and friendly. And creates a warm glow around us.

 

[tinker683]

Simple question...how do you know when you have fallen in love with someone? Not lust or infatuation, but all the way, genuine love? What is/was that like for you? How were you around the object of your affection?

You just know. I know that sounds like a cop-out but it's the truth. If you're not sure that you're in love...then I would say you're probably not.

As for how I am when I'm around my wife, that's harder to answer as I've become so accustomed to her presence and being around her that I've forgotten how I was around her when I *wasn't* in love with her. But right now, I would say there is a feeling of calm, comfort, and security. I feel free around her, open. I do worry sometimes I'm not doing enough to show her how much I appreciate and adore her but when I check in with her about that, she usually responds she feels the same about me.

So...I must doing something right

 

[Mesmeric_Moon]

When I care for them as much as I care for myself.
Infatuation it's a very short lived thing for me, so there's another hint, but I don't overanalyze my feelings, I relate to tinker683 in the sense that I just know when it happens.

 

[Agent Washington]

 

[Mesmeric_Moon]

Why not?

 

[Agent Washington]

Why not?

mfw that handsome cute helpful all around good guy istp is never going to like me

or take me on a ride while listening to deftones

 

[equinoxx]

Love and infatuation are two totally different things for me.

Infatuation is the feeling of rush, excitement & anxiety when I think about/see the person. I'll often have to wait for the infatuation to fade until I know whether it's love or not. This can take from a few weeks to a month.

Love is.... a lot of things, wrapped into one. Comfort, care, & happiness are the most important aspects of it. I know I love someone when I feel like I could do anything to make them happy.... not in a self-sacrificing way, but in a way where their happiness adds on to my happiness.

Sometimes I become infatuated first, sometimes I jump straight into love. Both are pretty fun though, tbh.

 

[Norexan]

Sometimes I feel like Genghis Kahn who like many women but capable to love just one and it hurts...

 

[Magnus]

Her > oxygen

That's a good indication.

 

[Mole]

Romeo and Juliette were in love, and Juliette was only fourteen years old. And naturally there were tears before bedtime.

Falling in love realises a common fantasy held by both an older man and a young woman, who is on the cusp of puberty. This fantasy is played out in disguised form on our silver screens time and time again. This fantasy is being challenged by #me too across the world as I write, and now it is called sexual harassment or rape.

The common fantasy of an older man an a young virginal women is played out in the Koran where the martyrs are promised virgins in heaven. And this fantasy, common to women on the cusp of puberty is called the Electra Complex, the counterpoint to the Oedipus Complex.

And it seems both the older man and the virginal women are determined to act out this fantasy in real life. And now there is a social movement opposed to the acting out of this fantasy.

 

[chubber]

Romeo and Juliette were in love, and Juliette was only fourteen years old. And naturally there were tears before bedtime.

Falling in love realises a common fantasy held by both an older man and a young woman, who is on the cusp of puberty. This fantasy is played out in disguised form on our silver screens time and time again. This fantasy is being challenged by #me too across the world as I write, and now it is called sexual harassment or rape.

The common fantasy of an older man an a young virginal women is played out in the Koran where the martyrs are promised virgins in heaven. And this fantasy, common to women on the cusp of puberty is called the Electra Complex, the counterpoint to the Oedipus Complex.

And it seems both the older man and the virginal women are determined to act out this fantasy in real life. And now there is a social movement opposed to the acting out of this fantasy.

So does fantasy equate to falling in love?

 

[rav3n]

When it's no longer about you anymore, but the other person.

So many times, this!

It's also how I tell when a partner remains committed or not since they maintain or break their caring pattern of behaviour.

 

[Mole]

So does fantasy equate to falling in love?

I have fallen in love oedipally with a wonderful older woman, and I have also fallen in love with Electra, a wonderful younger women.