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Enfp dating a Estp and an Istp

Abcdenfp

Terpsichore
Joined
May 19, 2017
Messages
1,669
MBTI Type
ENFP
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7W8
Hi :)
so here's the thing, I am a female enfp and I have been seeing two males that are so different and yet I felt like they were oddly similar, it's really the istps fault that I made them take the test because I just could not get inside his head/heart and with him I have the ability to be an emotional mess as he does the hot and cold thing which sends me into a spiral. however I enjoy every aspect of our time physically together we are silly, laugh and the chemistry ( I know , I know we all know) is crazy. We are in constant communication and he loves to share any activity he does with me and I love to listen, for someone that people say is quite and reserved he talks a lot and I for once, just enjoy listening watching his mind work.
But my Estp on the other hand is so loud and the life of the party when we go out people usually crowd around us, but in down time there is none of that silly cuddly fun stuff or sharing any parts of what makes him enjoy something. He needs my constant attention and can feel clingy at times which makes me with draw and miss my istp ughh.
What are the chances I would date the two spectrums of stp and I realize that I'm too feely for the two of them actually, I'm too sexually freaky for the estp and I'm too let's cuddle and talk with my istp ( I said to him let's lay like broccoli and share feelings.. his reply let's just lay like broccoli lol)
i know I need to really just dump them both but just wanted to share my experience as the more I've delved into personality types the more fascinating I've found The Whole experience.
 

Norrsken

self murderer
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I mean, any two types could theoretically work things out if they check everything else out in terms of the overall compatibility, but for the most part, the ENFP's natural partners are the INTJs for a pretty good reason.
It sounds like these two men are ill suited for you, in general, and not just because they're xSTP types. I mean, have fun with them if you want, just don't expect anything long term of out it.
 

Starry

Active member
Joined
May 22, 2010
Messages
6,103
Hi :)
so here's the thing, I am a female enfp and I have been seeing two males that are so different and yet I felt like they were oddly similar, it's really the istps fault that I made them take the test because I just could not get inside his head/heart and with him I have the ability to be an emotional mess as he does the hot and cold thing which sends me into a spiral. however I enjoy every aspect of our time physically together we are silly, laugh and the chemistry ( I know , I know we all know) is crazy. We are in constant communication and he loves to share any activity he does with me and I love to listen, for someone that people say is quite and reserved he talks a lot and I for once, just enjoy listening watching his mind work.
But my Estp on the other hand is so loud and the life of the party when we go out people usually crowd around us, but in down time there is none of that silly cuddly fun stuff or sharing any parts of what makes him enjoy something. He needs my constant attention and can feel clingy at times which makes me with draw and miss my istp ughh.
What are the chances I would date the two spectrums of stp and I realize that I'm too feely for the two of them actually, I'm too sexually freaky for the estp and I'm too let's cuddle and talk with my istp ( I said to him let's lay like broccoli and share feelings.. his reply let's just lay like broccoli lol)
i know I need to really just dump them both but just wanted to share my experience as the more I've delved into personality types the more fascinating I've found The Whole experience.


I hope it's ok to ask this...how do you *date* two people? Don't get me wrong...I can multi-task to the point of all beginnings and no ends...so im a multi-tasking pro is what I'm saying. But I must be too NF-to-the-Jane-Austin because yah this would surely kill me. Even if I wasn't in love and had no intention of allowing myself to go there. Help me feel even more like a grossly romantic prude....
 

ChocolateMoose123

New member
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Messages
5,278
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sx/sp
Hi :)
so here's the thing, I am a female enfp and I have been seeing two males that are so different and yet I felt like they were oddly similar, it's really the istps fault that I made them take the test because I just could not get inside his head/heart and with him I have the ability to be an emotional mess as he does the hot and cold thing which sends me into a spiral. however I enjoy every aspect of our time physically together we are silly, laugh and the chemistry ( I know , I know we all know) is crazy. We are in constant communication and he loves to share any activity he does with me and I love to listen, for someone that people say is quite and reserved he talks a lot and I for once, just enjoy listening watching his mind work.
But my Estp on the other hand is so loud and the life of the party when we go out people usually crowd around us, but in down time there is none of that silly cuddly fun stuff or sharing any parts of what makes him enjoy something. He needs my constant attention and can feel clingy at times which makes me with draw and miss my istp ughh.
What are the chances I would date the two spectrums of stp and I realize that I'm too feely for the two of them actually, I'm too sexually freaky for the estp and I'm too let's cuddle and talk with my istp ( I said to him let's lay like broccoli and share feelings.. his reply let's just lay like broccoli lol)
i know I need to really just dump them both but just wanted to share my experience as the more I've delved into personality types the more fascinating I've found The Whole experience.

Sounds right. I have a estp friend who says I'm a female version of him. Maybe he's a male version of me. Who knows. But there is similarity when it comes down to it. But my phone doesn't ring as much, nor would I want it to and estps like a certain kind of drama. Make no mistake. Good luck. Have fun.
 

Abcdenfp

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Messages
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Sounds right. I have a estp friend who says I'm a female version of him. Maybe he's a male version of me. Who knows. But there is similarity when it comes down to it. But my phone doesn't ring as much, nor would I want it to and estps like a certain kind of drama. Make no mistake. Good luck. Have fun.
The estp is definitely like a male version of me, and I will totally agree that they do like a certain kind of drama where as my istp hates it and I find that calming, the only drama that ever comes up is of my own making with him.
 

Abcdenfp

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I hope it's ok to ask this...how do you *date* two people? Don't get me wrong...I can multi-task to the point of all beginnings and no ends...so im a multi-tasking pro is what I'm saying. But I must be too NF-to-the-Jane-Austin because yah this would surely kill me. Even if I wasn't in love and had no intention of allowing myself to go there. Help me feel even more like a grossly romantic prude....
Lol you know what's so strange I have always been able to multi task when it comes to dating, it's like I will subconsciously seek out another person to fill in the gap where the other person is lacking. I can enjoy them separately. I think also because I have this "soul mate" enfp quest going on which is really annoying I will become disillusioned when I realize that someone doesn't tick off all the boxes in my mind. But I have a hard time ending things. Weird. I don't know if that helps explain? I'm a sexually liberal person that may help explain?
 

Abcdenfp

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Let me explain that better,
the estp is extremely similar to me in the way that he likes being around people and socializing but he socializes very differently, if we are at a party and someone starts a conversation about philosophy or any form of debate I am all over it and usually at the center of that conversation , he is also at the center of something exploding or daring someone to do something crazy either way everyone's entertained. However he will get worked up that I am emmersed in the debates which he finds boring and that I am not watching him do something "cool". Drama ensues.

The istp is totally different in that he's like have a good time at that I'll be here building rediculously detailed spreadsheets and msg me when you want to comeover and get tied to a bed.
 

EcK

The Memes Justify the End
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And they re ok with you dating someone else at the same time?
 

ChocolateMoose123

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And they re ok with you dating someone else at the same time?

I wouldn't expect to be the only person another is seeing if it's still in the realm of casual dating. Which, is what this sounds like. Exclusivity = relationship. If that exclusivity is assumed then there's gonna be bad times. Still, if it was important to these men, or to her, I think the one who is most concerned about that desire to be exclusive, would be the one to broach the subject.

If they haven't discussed it, they probably aren't ready for it atm. If they've assumed it, they have been foolish. If she has lied, then that's OP's wrong.
 

Abcdenfp

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I wouldn't expect to be the only person another is seeing if it's still in the realm of casual dating. Which, is what this sounds like. Exclusivity = relationship. If that exclusivity is assumed then there's gonna be bad times. Still, if it was important to these men, or to her, I think the one who is most concerned about that desire to be exclusive, would be the one to broach the subject. If they haven't discussed it, they probably aren't ready for it atm. If they've assumed it, they have been foolish. If she has lied, then that's OP's wrong.
It definitely isn't exclusive and they are both aware of that, no one has gotten that serious as yet and the istp seems relieved I haven't asked for a "title" the estp will ask every now and then , sulk and decide that he still happy to see me.
I think I've just realized that the missing part of the equation with both of them is the feeling aspect and so that's why both relationships are lacking and so I'm not prepared to be serious with either.
I also have realized I like I vs E in a relationship but I think ultimately I need the touchey feely bits with some sexual experimental aspects. Going out and being the life of the party isn't really what im about anymore. But I would like to stay up late at night talking about my feelings and life in general and neither on of these can do that.
 

ChocolateMoose123

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It definitely isn't exclusive and they are both aware of that, no one has gotten that serious as yet and the istp seems relieved I haven't asked for a "title" the estp will ask every now and then , sulk and decide that he still happy to see me.
I think I've just realized that the missing part of the equation with both of them is the feeling aspect and so that's why both relationships are lacking and so I'm not prepared to be serious with either.
I also have realized I like I vs E in a relationship but I think ultimately I need the touchey feely bits with some sexual experimental aspects. Going out and being the life of the party isn't really what im about anymore. But I would like to stay up late at night talking about my feelings and life in general and neither on of these can do that.

Staying up late talking about feelings. What does that even mean?
 

Abcdenfp

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Staying up late talking about feelings. What does that even mean?
You know to cuddle and say what makes you happy and sad, what drives you daily, your fears.. your hopes .. to be vulnerable with another person and feel safe, share the inner dialogue with SOMEONE ELSE!
feeeeeeeeeeelinggggggggssssssss (watches istp head in other direction)
 

ChocolateMoose123

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You know to cuddle and say what makes you happy and sad, what drives you daily, your fears.. your hopes .. to be vulnerable with another person and feel safe, share the inner dialogue with SOMEONE ELSE!
feeeeeeeeeeelinggggggggssssssss (watches istp head in other direction)

Without context, those kinds of expansive questions leave me "huh?". It doesn't leave me anything to work with and they are frustrating questions. Idk about your ISTP. Mileage may vary but you might get more if you asked what he was thinking about (as opposed to feeling) and keep it within context of his day, his job, etc. Still. It's no guarantee that it's going to be a satisfying answer. Our inner dialogue is pretty easy to put into words. It's mainly grunts, curse words, and sighs with the occasional "fuck yeah" thrown in.
 

Abcdenfp

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Without context, those kinds of expansive questions leave me "huh?". It doesn't leave me anything to work with and they are frustrating questions. Idk about your ISTP. Mileage may vary but you might get more if you asked what he was thinking about (as opposed to feeling) and keep it within context of his day, his job, etc. Still. It's no guarantee that it's going to be a satisfying answer. Our inner dialogue is pretty easy to put into words. It's mainly grunts, curse words, and sighs with the occasional "fuck yeah" thrown in.
usually happy sounds are "shit yeah" "hmmmm mmmmm" .. a ton of abbreviations or when he's annoyed (I think) or Hes not sure why I am acting emotional "oh okay" "sure" or just general silence and the I feel like I'm being observed like a wild animal thrashing about so that he can gauge how far in the feeling jungle I am and then he responds accordingly in a calm sensible manner.
We discuss his day and everyone who isn't a "professional" is a dumbass his moto "there are no grace periods"
so yes when I stick to this realm of conversation which is often he is super talkative. Let's however say I say "you make me so happy, you make me smile randomly during the day when I think of you" his response 😬 Wth am I supposed to do with that, so I say SMH and he says RME .. and that is the end of that conversation. There's no dialogue when it comes to emotion but again I understand why that is.
 

ChocolateMoose123

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usually happy sounds are "shit yeah" "hmmmm mmmmm" .. a ton of abbreviations or when he's annoyed (I think) or Hes not sure why I am acting emotional "oh okay" "sure" or just general silence and the I feel like I'm being observed like a wild animal thrashing about so that he can gauge how far in the feeling jungle I am and then he responds accordingly in a calm sensible manner.
We discuss his day and everyone who isn't a "professional" is a dumbass his moto "there are no grace periods"
so yes when I stick to this realm of conversation which is often he is super talkative. Let's however say I say "you make me so happy, you make me smile randomly during the day when I think of you" his response 😬 Wth am I supposed to do with that, so I say SMH and he says RME .. and that is the end of that conversation. There's no dialogue when it comes to emotion but again I understand why that is.

Well, to be fair, if your situation is somewhat casual...I wouldn't take your words that seriously aside from noting it. I wouldn't ever say flattery, even if sincere, is anything to bet on.
 

Abcdenfp

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Well, to be fair, if your situation is somewhat casual...I wouldn't take your words that seriously aside from noting it. I wouldn't ever say flattery, even if sincere, is anything to bet on.
I couldn't resist and I tried.. it's not flattery, if it's how I feel then it is sincere and it should be not just noted but valued. Just because it has no value in your / his mind because it's not tangible or rational or necessary to say doesn't mean that it doesn't have very real value in mine. This my stp - nfp problem I always feel like i am trying to speak the stp's language and the stp looks at mine like its gibberish not worth learning. When really it's beautiful and full of nuance, we color the world.
i also may have died if I didn't get that expressed, so yeah.(cue dramatic sighs and movements)
 

Tilt

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Well, to be fair, if your situation is somewhat casual...I wouldn't take your words that seriously aside from noting it. I wouldn't ever say flattery, even if sincere, is anything to bet on.

So true, I mean what I say in terms of "mushy content" but that doesn't mean I see "long-term potential". It's an indicator, more or less, that I enjoy the person's company. Fe, huh? jk. :)
 

ChocolateMoose123

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I couldn't resist and I tried.. it's not flattery, if it's how I feel then it is sincere and it should be not just noted but valued. Just because it has no value in your / his mind because it's not tangible or rational or necessary to say doesn't mean that it doesn't have very real value in mine. This my stp - nfp problem I always feel like i am trying to speak the stp's language and the stp looks at mine like its gibberish not worth learning. When really it's beautiful and full of nuance, we color the world.
i also may have died if I didn't get that expressed, so yeah.(cue dramatic sighs and movements)

You're doing a lot of either/or assuming though. Just because istps generally don't prioritize (key word) expressing feelings through words, doesn't mean it's not valued. It's just a part of a bigger whole that gets considered in these situations. Like I said, it's noted. It's understood but it's placed in context of whatever you guys have.

So, even if you mean what you say, it doesn't change your intentions, his or the situation as he sees it atm.
Just don't assume not having verbal reciprocation is to mean you are devalued. Because that would be a mistake. I sort of expect that someone telling me how they feel is just that: something they think I should know. As to what purpose? Time tells.
 

Abcdenfp

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It definitely isn't exclusive and they are both aware of that, no one has gotten that serious as yet and the istp seems relieved I haven't asked for a "title" the estp will ask every now and then , sulk and decide that he still happy to see me. I think I've just realized that the missing part of the equation with both of them is the feeling aspect and so that's why both relationships are lacking and so I'm not prepared to be serious with either. I also have realized I like I vs E in a relationship but I think ultimately I need the touchey feely bits with some sexual experimental aspects. Going out and being the life of the party isn't really what im about anymore. But I would like to stay up late at night talking about my feelings and life in general and neither on of these can do that.

As a female istp aren't you like a bad ass unicorn , rare and hard to understand, why are you even engaging.
 
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