Enfp dating a Estp and an Istp

[Avocado]

Hi
so here's the thing, I am a female enfp and I have been seeing two males that are so different and yet I felt like they were oddly similar, it's really the istps fault that I made them take the test because I just could not get inside his head/heart and with him I have the ability to be an emotional mess as he does the hot and cold thing which sends me into a spiral. however I enjoy every aspect of our time physically together we are silly, laugh and the chemistry ( I know , I know we all know) is crazy. We are in constant communication and he loves to share any activity he does with me and I love to listen, for someone that people say is quite and reserved he talks a lot and I for once, just enjoy listening watching his mind work.
But my Estp on the other hand is so loud and the life of the party when we go out people usually crowd around us, but in down time there is none of that silly cuddly fun stuff or sharing any parts of what makes him enjoy something. He needs my constant attention and can feel clingy at times which makes me with draw and miss my istp ughh.
What are the chances I would date the two spectrums of stp and I realize that I'm too feely for the two of them actually, I'm too sexually freaky for the estp and I'm too let's cuddle and talk with my istp ( I said to him let's lay like broccoli and share feelings.. his reply let's just lay like broccoli lol)
i know I need to really just dump them both but just wanted to share my experience as the more I've delved into personality types the more fascinating I've found The Whole experience.

Find an ISTJ. Their steady, dependable nature will be good for you.

 

[Abcdenfp]

Reminds me of my ENFP GF saying...i felt like i had to be the man in all my previous relationships. They were like emotionally challenged men-childs. In all honesty...you get what you accept and what you look for. You still have alot to learn in the field of people recognition. The inferior Si makes it a slower process as the details trigger interest or an intuitiveness you cant put your finger on so it can be analyzed away and supressed. Your not looking for good/bad, your looking for what works for you personality wise. While you can change actions, personality is here to stay. For example, i dont expect my GF to stop doing what she is doing, we work through things and find that balance. Sometimes i give in, sometimes she does. Our process though functionwise is completely different our personality allows us to find that middle ground when we need to in a way that works. Some do this through hints, or some through talking to others, some do it through talking with each other. Lets take me for example, i do not follow the "norm" so talking to others WILL screw some up when working with me. Because i dont apply to the "man" stereotype much. this doesnt mean i wont do something a stereotypical man does...it means you cant really pull meaning or anything forward or backward from my action based on "stereotypical". My ex tried talking to others...she used her own screwed up perception combined with others "typical man" to understand me. She had an ENFP friend married to an ISTJ husband and tried to use him to explain me...we are so different function wise she missed every reasoning though she wouod have nailed someone else. She had a chance in hell that was so slim it was like playing the lottery. She just expected me to know which didnt work because she didnt like all of who she was...so my uncanny ability to understand people royally pissed her off when i tried to work with her. The dance personality wise was nothing but stepping on toes horribly wrong. Current ENFP steps on toes left and right, but its nothing for me to learn and do a combination of accept, not care, as well as interact with her in a way that works. In a dance it would go something like knowing she is gonna step on my toe so i have more control of her next move as i have control of where she is placed by moving my foot kind of thing.

That's sooo funny and scary because I always say that too! That I'm like the man in the relationship except with the ISTP. Even his response to the break up vs the ESTP. The Estp has argued , called repeatedly, got angry, got sad. The ISTP said "I protest" and then when I listed the reasons I don't think it would work, I could see things working in his mind but then he says " I disagree but I want you to be happy" end of story.
I really am looking for what works for me personality wise, and just trying to understand my type and other types better, I really want to be in a healthy giving relationship. And I want to feel like all my needs are met. You had a point earlier Poki about enfps settling and I think that's true looking too far in the future and building castles in the clouds. I'm tired of doing that

 

[Abcdenfp]

Find an ISTJ. Their steady, dependable nature will be good for you.

I had thought that too. Steady is a good word. Consistency Is key but Poki had some good points about deeper needs not being met and ultimately I'm realizing I want a deeper connection.

 

[Avocado]

I had thought that too. Steady is a good word. Consistency Is key but Poki had some good points about deeper needs not being met and ultimately I'm realizing I want a deeper connection.

The key there is an ISTJ that also shares your values. The S-ness will serve as an anchor for you.

 

[Poki]

The key there is an ISTJ that also shares your values. The S-ness will serve as an anchor for you.

Anchor an ENFP, thats like telling an ENFJ to not be social. The best you got to anchor an ENFP is for short distances to accomplish a task they actually really want to accomplish. I say that because you have to be willing to pull anchor and find something else if the anchor point really didnt fit. You also need to create anchor spots...which this aspect is something the ISTJ is actually good at for future. The depth of those anchor points though with an anchor flakey ENFP will get tiresome and frustrating.

I dont really see a dom and inferior getting along in close quarters as well. I can tell you that if properly distanced the 2 types do work really well together. You will have a sense of security due to dom vs inferior priorities while operating so differently that a close scenario is at a point where it can spiral from build up due to wanting to go different directions due to the dom being in charge.

Just like every other type, your most successful relationships are the ones where you properly balance distance. That is the key to a relationship and requires knowledge of both self as well as other so you know what your good at crossing distance wise and what your not, as well as the other person.

 

[Avocado]

Anchor an ENFP, thats like telling an ENFJ to not be social. The best you got to anchor an ENFP is for short distances to accomplish a task they actually really want to accomplish. I say that because you have to be willing to pull anchor and find something else if the anchor point really didnt fit. You also need to create anchor spots...which this aspect is something the ISTJ is actually good at for future. The depth of those anchor points though with an anchor flakey ENFP will get tiresome and frustrating.

I dont really see a dom and inferior getting along in close quarters as well. I can tell you that if properly distanced the 2 types do work really well together. You will have a sense of security due to dom vs inferior priorities while operating so differently that a close scenario is at a point where it can spiral from build up due to wanting to go different directions due to the dom being in charge.

Just like every other type, your most successful relationships are the ones where you properly balance distance. That is the key to a relationship and requires knowledge of both self as well as other so you know what your good at crossing distance wise and what your not, as well as the other person.

ISTJ creates a sense of order and a safe haven for the ENFP to return to after trying whatever schemes they come with, which often fail. ISTJ is also critical of those who might take advantage of ENFP, as ENFP can be a little naïve (especially ENFP 6's, since they doubt their own judgements and are overly eager to place trust in others due to misplaced idealism and a deep desire for a mentor). ISTJ's also give a common-sense perspective to the often overly theoretical ENFPs.

ENFP creates a little spontaneous fun and emotional support for the overly cautious and emotionally guarded ISTJ, who are often intense perfectionists with an eye towards maintaining their positive health and securing their assets. These perfectionistic workaholics will enjoy the freedom and occasional antics the ENFP provides.

Opposite types are complimentary, but more important than opposing types is shared goals and values, which are often unrelated to type.

 

[Poki]

ISTJ creates a sense of order and a safe haven for the ENFP to return to after trying whatever schemes they come with, which often fail. ISTJ is also critical of those who might take advantage of ENFP, as ENFP can be a little naïve (especially ENFP 6's, since they doubt their own judgements and are overly eager to place trust in others due to misplaced idealism and a deep desire for a mentor). ISTJ's also give a common-sense perspective to the often overly theoretical ENFPs.

ENFP creates a little spontaneous fun and emotional support for the overly cautious and emotionally guarded ISTJ, who are often intense perfectionists with an eye towards maintaining their positive health and securing their assets. These perfectionistic workaholics will enjoy the freedom and occasional antics the ENFP provides.

Opposite types are complimentary, but more important than opposing types is shared goals and values, which are often unrelated to type.

I have yet to see that pairing work more then half ass in regard to meeting needs. Even with the similiar values and goals. Not saying its impossible, but the likely of it actually meeting boths wants is not very high. Opposites are complimentary unless they are extreme opposites. Its like saying that a dominant liberal should marry a dominant conservative. That works in movies only. A good balanced ones though can be complimentary.

 

[Starry]

I knew you were being genuine. And I appreciated the question. It's hard for me too I'm a big ass sea of emotion, I feel everything so deeply. I am moved by the most random things. I feel connected to everyone at times (and then am over come with emotion) I have a hard time watching people experience negative things (even on tv if someone is about to be embarrassed I can't watch I'll turn it off). and I kind of think I that I keep things casual and have more than one partner at times because I'm afraid to concentrate all the emotions on one person. The ISTP made me want to explore that. But I just can't so I left them both.
I don't know how to tell what my variant is I think I'm turbulent is that what you me the T at the end ? I'm ENFP -T

Hmm...I'm not sure where you saw the T...but if ENFP-T is a thing there's a possibility I'm that too.

I was referring to an aspect of enneagram theory. Which I would like your ISTP to also get you into.

 

[Poki]

I knew you were being genuine. And I appreciated the question. It's hard for me too I'm a big ass sea of emotion, I feel everything so deeply. I am moved by the most random things. I feel connected to everyone at times (and then am over come with emotion) I have a hard time watching people experience negative things (even on tv if someone is about to be embarrassed I can't watch I'll turn it off). and I kind of think I that I keep things casual and have more than one partner at times because I'm afraid to concentrate all the emotions on one person. The ISTP made me want to explore that. But I just can't so I left them both.
I don't know how to tell what my variant is I think I'm turbulent is that what you me the T at the end ? I'm ENFP -T

E types tend to be more affected by the world until they access their introverted side more. We (Is) have this disconnect from the world that we maintain. A good balance that works for you is best overall, but thats completely dependent on environment and nurture.

 

[the state i am in]

I really am looking for what works for me personality wise, and just trying to understand my type and other types better, I really want to be in a healthy giving relationship. And I want to feel like all my needs are met. You had a point earlier Poki about enfps settling and I think that's true looking too far in the future and building castles in the clouds. I'm tired of doing that

needs are on a continuum. being alive means being incomplete. to relax into that and accept being slow with that, and to appreciate that much of the creative charge of life comes from this, allows us to be balanced and maximize our real sense of choice. it reminds us to not just flit about trying to feel better instantaneously. instead, it helps us focus on what it is we truly, deep down, want to MAKE.

because that's what it comes down to in the end. if you want your needs to be met, you have to do the work. you meet your own needs more than your partner does. hell, many of the biggest needs that define our overall well-being have to do with our own personal growth. partners and others can help hold space for that, provide extrinsic reinforcement, and help support with awareness, but it's up to us to feel our way through what is actually happening within ourselves. that's required if we want our feelings to truly guide us in deeper, more whole ways than feels good/feels bad. that's where our values become creative and empowering.

enfps actually become good (rather than just enthralling) partners when they learn how to take responsibility (true of everyone, but extra important with someone who wants and craves so much more SPACE than other people do). the e1 side is necessary to earn it, to show that your power of commitment is great enough to handle so much freedom. in whatever it is that you truly want to commit to most. just as, underneath that, the e4 side reminds you that at some point you can only receive your deepest truth, and that you need to be authentic in order for your commitments to truly be aligned with who you really are (and your way of being sparked).

and for those ones of us who are slower, we don't want to live in a casino with you. that need to connect to like rejigger ourselves when we're not quite right is different than when you close your eyes and remember/realize again how much this person matters to you, not just the moment and the decor of that but the deeper thing that is a foundation for you to choose so much of yourself and so much of your life. the deep-seated IMPORTANCE of that, i think, is what lasts, and it's the reality of the priority that makes it what it is, that gives it the gravity it has to hold the rest of the orbits together--just closer and closer to the pool that renews you in this heart centrality sense.

 

[Abcdenfp]

needs are on a continuum. being alive means being incomplete. to relax into that and accept being slow with that, and to appreciate that much of the creative charge of life comes from this, allows us to be balanced and maximize our real sense of choice. it reminds us to not just flit about trying to feel better instantaneously. instead, it helps us focus on what it is we truly, deep down, want to MAKE. because that's what it comes down to in the end. if you want your needs to be met, you have to do the work. you meet your own needs more than your partner does. hell, many of the biggest needs that define our overall well-being have to do with our own personal growth. partners and others can help hold space for that, provide extrinsic reinforcement, and help support with awareness, but it's up to us to feel our way through what is actually happening within ourselves. that's required if we want our feelings to truly guide us in deeper, more whole ways than feels good/feels bad. that's where our values become creative and empowering. enfps actually become good (rather than just enthralling) partners when they learn how to take responsibility (true of everyone, but extra important with someone who wants and craves so much more SPACE than other people do). the e1 side is necessary to earn it, to show that your power of commitment is great enough to handle so much freedom. in whatever it is that you truly want to commit to most. just as, underneath that, the e4 side reminds you that at some point you can only receive your deepest truth, and that you need to be authentic in order for your commitments to truly be aligned with who you really are (and your way of being sparked). and for those ones of us who are slower, we don't want to live in a casino with you. that need to connect to like rejigger ourselves when we're not quite right is different than when you close your eyes and remember/realize again how much this person matters to you, not just the moment and the decor of that but the deeper thing that is a foundation for you to choose so much of yourself and so much of your life. the deep-seated IMPORTANCE of that, i think, is what lasts, and it's the reality of the priority that makes it what it is, that gives it the gravity it has to hold the rest of the orbits together--just closer and closer to the pool that renews you in this heart centrality sense.

I think at the core of if all I am really trying to connect with who I am and what fulfills me. But also to align with someone on the same quest of self awareness. Connecting deeper no matter how scary.
--this really touched something deep within me

"to show that your power of commitment is great enough to handle so much freedom. in whatever it is that you truly want to commit to most. just as, underneath that, the e4 side reminds you that at some point you can only receive your deepest truth, and that you need to be authentic in order for your commitments to truly be aligned with who you really are (and your way of being sparked). " ❤️