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ENFP and planning- good lord lol (from an INTJ perspective)

McBoatFace

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I'm interested to find out how common this experience is out there:

I'm an INTJ, my social circle is small to the point of being non-existent, but when I do go out, it's usually because I have been invited out by more social friends, especially ENFP types.

I had an amusing experience last night that I now realize is a recurring pattern - ENFP and their idea of planning...

I suppose from an ENFP point of view, it starts out as an urge to be around their friends - just a general feeling of "I'M ALIVE AND I WANT TO HAVE FUNNN!"

The ENFP starts messaging all their friends. I find that typically the event is scheduled for TONIGHT!!! :)

The messages are typically exciting and upbeat.. "Come along! X will be there, Y will be there! We're going to do ABC!!!!"

I rock up to find only a handful of people actually present - it turns out that most people didn't reply, were busy or will be joining maybe later perhaps possibly.

ENFP still seems happy, keeps everyone engaged and happy despite the tiny numbers. The original plans have to be scrapped because there's just not enough people, but the ENFP starts coming up with new ideas.

The group generally has fun, feeding quite a lot off the ENFP's enthusiasm, jokes and random singing and dancing, but the need to create new plans on-the-spot as a committee generally leads to 1-2 hours of uncertainty as people generally pass time talking amongst themselves. The J-types start to dominate here in terms of actually forcing a plan through.

The group finally settle on something they can do together, and head off. The ENFP hits their highest point of enthusiasm yet, now that the group is moving with a purpose.

We arrive wherever we decided to go. Typically this goes 1 of 3 ways: the group hangs out and has fun that night. Or the lack of preplanning means a surprise kills the plan at the door (eg whatever activity was proposed needed a booking, or the place is just closed). Or the group hangs out and has fun - until something happens...they realize they are lost, they realize there's no food or some key ingredient is missing and all the shops are closed, or the bill arrives and they realize they have been massively overcharged because the costs weren't checked/understood at the beginning.

The party starts to get tired and people start to go home. The ENFP will almost always propose some kind of afterparty at this point.

And on it goes.

Dunno about other people's experiences, but there are 2 ENFP party planners in my life who habitually do this.
 

Dreamer

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Couple things that go on in my head when putting something together.

1) Usually, yes, it tends to be spur of the moment because I run off my current state of emotions, and that's not something you can plan for. You don't know how you're going to feel a week from now, so why plan for it?

2) Invite everyone because you understand people have lives and you realize that you are indeed planning something last minute, so the reality is, only a very small number of those you invite will actually attend

3) it's hardly WHAT you do, but WHO you do it with. So long as you get a group of good people together, whatevs!

4) whatever bad happens, at least you're with the right crowd. This totally related to the above mentioned too. And I also find, that it's the mishaps and "adventures" you stumble upon with friends that leave the most lasting impressions and best stories to tell afterwards.

There really doesn't seem to be much planning involved really, and that's sort of the point, and the larger perspective on life too. You don't know what's going to happen in life, so why try to control it? The best you can do is to head forward strong with the right attitude and know that things do tend to work out in the end, no matter how dire the present situation may seem.

I wouldn't call the above an "ENFP" response, but it's how I tend to live life and it's taken me to a place I'm content with so something must be working :D

I tend to keep to an overarching "theme" or direction, but the day to day is all trivial really.
 

Coriolis

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How did ENFPs survive before cell phones?
 

McBoatFace

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Thanks for the input, Enthusiastic Dreamer. So it sounds like it is connected to the types then.

I think it's great my ENFP friends are usually the ones rallying everyone together. It was funny to me how obviously alien our strategies were at navigating the world. I could never see myself organising a surprise get-together the same way, and I think most INTJs would feel the same. I have a theory that: to just jump in and enjoy the ride with no planning is an INTJs worst nightmare. lol
 

Amargith

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This is why when you hatch the idea, you give it to an INTJ to execute :D


I've actually stopped doing this stuff, for fear of not being able to make it come together and disappointing people :ninja:
Otoh, I have become pretty good at coming up with in the moment weird fix its for situations that lack planning, or that have gone off the rails, in order to salvage the night a bit. So, I tend to happily go along with plans that my social group does, but if they run into a wrinkle, (or I see another opportunity to *add* to the fun), I'll start brainstorming crazy ways to distract them from that, and enhance the cheer in the group.

Living with an INTJ does that - you let them plan the main structure and then you fill in the framework they provide with fun surprises along the way - the nuttier the better :happy2:
 
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If an ENFP done that to me, that would be the last thing they'd do.. xD

If no-one tells me where we're going or what we're doing, I'm mostly likely not gonna go. I don't see it as a worthwhile investment, if we're not gonna create any worthwhile memories and just faff about for an hour or two doing nothing and wasting time in a coffee shop, tbh. I could be doing other things and finishing up other projects D:
 

PumpkinMayCare

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Okay, this post comes across as very biased. As if ENFPs are totally incapable of planning and stupid because two ENFPs do it that way, urm, wth. And the title, dear lord.

I can't remember ever doing such a thing. I plan out every detail if I have decided to meet with friends. We check how much time both of us have and of course if the place is open we want to go. Of course we have our spontaneous moments, but they're rare. Aside from that I'm not the social butterfly Enfp-type, cause you know, that type exists too.
:doh:
 

five sounds

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Lol yeah I honestly had no reactions while reading your post that were strong. By that I mean it sounds so normal to me to the point of feeling benign. I honestly don't know of another way to do things. Can't predict the future ya know? Just round up the troops and follow leads so that whoever ends up being there does what's best for that particular group, with room left for new opportunities of course
 

Starry

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Never have done this. The last way I want to be spending my time is calling and texting people to try and get them to go somewhere...that sounds like work.
 

Dreamer

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This is why when you hatch the idea, you give it to an INTJ to execute :D


I've actually stopped doing this stuff, for fear of not being able to make it come together and disappointing people :ninja:
Otoh, I have become pretty good at coming up with in the moment weird fix its for situations that lack planning, or that have gone off the rails, in order to salvage the night a bit. So, I tend to happily go along with plans that my social group does, but if they run into a wrinkle, (or I see another opportunity to *add* to the fun), I'll start brainstorming crazy ways to distract them from that, and enhance the cheer in the group.

Living with an INTJ does that - you let them plan the main structure and then you fill in the framework they provide with fun surprises along the way - the nuttier the better :happy2:

I think that may be another reason why some (is it an ENFP thing?) don't always plan so much, is because just as yourself, I'm actually pretty good with coming up with solutions in the moment and thinking up of things on the fly. These sorts of moments are actually really mentally stimulating for me too as it feels like this super mini puzzle I have to solve and fast! In order to save the world like some super hero. Even if that world really only involved two or three other people haha. But overall, I think a large part of my lack of planning comes from this comfort level I have with thinking in the moment and taking problems as they come. There are some times I wish I DID plan for such scenario, but the issues are never really all THAT great for me to change my ways :D
 

Dreamer

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One solitary plan: meet up with a friend. After that, we roam.

Totally my ideal situation.

Whenever I hang with a good ISFJ friend of mine though, he just takes things WAY too far with planning. He complains that I never plan or help out when we hang together but honest to God, I'd say half the things he plans out really don't even matter in the grand scheme of things, and there are also times I feel his planning just really isn't all that efficient as they include us traveling all over the place unnecessarily. Well, now I'm just ranting. He means well, but ugh, he just needs to chill at times.
 

Dreamer

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Never have done this. The last way I want to be spending my time is calling and texting people to try and get them to go somewhere...that sounds like work.

I'd say most the time I just end up deciding to do what I want, on my own and do things exactly how I want without compromise, precisely because of the above mentioned. It's just ugh, work! And what, you kill 2-3 hours just to get things moving with other people too? I think what actually happens come to think about it, is I'm usually invited to social things and I tag along or I just venture off on my own at the spur of the moment.
 

violet_crown

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Dunno about other people's experiences, but there are 2 ENFP party planners in my life who habitually do this.

If whatever they're doing works consistently enough that you're apparently staking your social life on it, then there's likely some method to it.
 

Starry

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I'd say most the time I just end up deciding to do what I want, on my own and do things exactly how I want without compromise, precisely because of the above mentioned. It's just ugh, work! And what, you kill 2-3 hours just to get things moving with other people too? I think what actually happens come to think about it, is I'm usually invited to social things and I tag along or I just venture off on my own at the spur of the moment.

Yes. I go on entire vacations without planning...like it is weird to see "planning" and "ENFP" in the same thread title really. I totally related to what you were saying about adventure...that's exactly how I feel.
 

The Cat

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It's one of my favorite things about them. Everybody's gotta be somewhere, you might as well be in good company, having fun...
0508051622f4d35c3e86f29be9167166.jpg
 

Amargith

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I think that may be another reason why some (is it an ENFP thing?) don't always plan so much, is because just as yourself, I'm actually pretty good with coming up with solutions in the moment and thinking up of things on the fly. These sorts of moments are actually really mentally stimulating for me too as it feels like this super mini puzzle I have to solve and fast! In order to save the world like some super hero. Even if that world really only involved two or three other people haha. But overall, I think a large part of my lack of planning comes from this comfort level I have with thinking in the moment and taking problems as they come. There are some times I wish I DID plan for such scenario, but the issues are never really all THAT great for me to change my ways :D

I didn't wanna say anything but...yup.

I do that mostly when Im on my own (or with my partner, if he's in a relaxed mood) or we need a rabbit out of a hat coz the planners somehow didnt see the situation we're in coming. But ive stopped trying to enthusiastically suggest places to go and things to do, coz you just get clobbered with 'but what about (insert boring logistical bullshit here)?' and people getting antsy about the whole 'where, when, how' of it :shrug:

So i prefer to just tag along - I tend to be pretty easy going about what we're doing (as long as it's not more boring logistics and work of some sort) and just enjoy our group hanging out. I also really hate people being gloomy and anal about shit, coz it kills the buzz, so the last thing I wanna do is bring out that side in people. Laying low, tagging along, and providing some silliness and fun during dead moments is the way to go, for me, on that. That way, they can plan all they want and organise, and I just get to add 'glitter' or, when need be, distract them from something that would bum everyone out by suggesting an alternative route, kinda like a back-up :shrug:

Fun part of that is also that...when they're the ones who did the planning and it goes to shit (and you dont rub their faces in it), people suddenly are a LOT more open to your completely insane ideas that they'd normally nitpick to death and nix on the spot for being 'weird' and not 'feasible' and 'not logical/realistic'.

Necessity is the mother of invention, that way :D

And it makes for the most epic stories :smile:
 

Betty Blue

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Oh but I love planning... i should qualify that. I love making plans for things to do if I do not have any obligations to see them through. E.g a holiday is booked... I could do lots of research about the area, the people, the culture, events etc I'd have a list of things to do and places to go... I wouldn't necessarily have anything further than that and i'd also scrap it all if something else came up.:smile:
 

Amargith

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Oh but I love planning... i should qualify that. I love making plans for things to do if I do not have any obligations to see them through. E.g a holiday is booked... I could do lots of research about the area, the people, the culture, events etc I'd have a list of things to do and places to go... I wouldn't necessarily have anything further than that and i'd also scrap it all if something else came up.:smile:

:heart: That IS the way to do it, most definitely :cool:
 
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