This INFP girl

[Peter Deadpan]

GUYS, guys, guys guys guys guys.... guys.

So, I was at my hometown arguing with my dad as usual when I decided to hang out with few of my friends. On the way, you won't even believe it, I actually bumped into her studio. Bahaha.

I took a pic of it and sent it to her. She actually responded, and was pleasantly surprised. We chatted a bit before I slowly crept in all the things you all said about understanding her position and being there as a friend. She was again pleasantly surprised. I asked if we could just continue talking as friends, if nothing more , she replied "of course". So, things have cooled down a bit I think .

The visit to hometown really got my spirits up. Excuse me while I tell my lead writer to go f*** himself!

Good, I'm happy for you! Now don't push your luck toooooo far. Take it slow cuz she's probably still jumpy and needs time.

 

[PalebloodHunter]

Good, I'm happy for you! Now don't push your luck toooooo far. Take it slow cuz she's probably still jumpy and needs time.

You're right. She seems friendly but nowhere close to as warm as she was before. Now, I'm still figuring out how to approach this situation and what to talk about and how much space to maintain lol. It's like my save file got corrupted and I have to start from beginning again lol.

 

[PalebloodHunter]

Okay, so while things are going slow here, I'd like to deviate from the current topic to get to know more about you INFPs here (which I think would help me in getting to know her better as well). It's clear that the way you perceive and respond is much different than others.

For eg, just recently I had burnt my left hand pretty deep while trying to cook ( I suck at cooking). While trying to make small talk with her, I had told her about it and just sent a pic. She sent a pic back with a burn she once got, saying she too had a "cookmark" as she put it. That was quirky, simple and got a laugh out of me and worked better than had she just told to put an ointment or something xD. The frequency of texts is still at a snail's pace, but I'm not making a judgement call here because I had made the mistake of it being lack of interest on her side once before when we first started texting which was clearly not the case. Considering she's a lot older, she's clearly a lot busier. There's a certain ease now.

About the things I wanna know is the effect INFPs have on other people. Some friends have stated and even I've noticed the difference in past few months. While back in hometown, girls commented that I was much more mellow and nicer whereas I more of an asshole before. I hung out with office mates last night and I was surprised how I barely talked about myself at all. I had instead tried to genuinely know about others. I found out one of my colleagues had an issue with his right eye which is more about an issue with his nerves. This another guy from Chile I found can open bottles of beer with anything from lighters to paper napkins. I'd keep asking whereas I'd never do that before. Not genuinely atleast, I'd ask out of formality and then zone out. Even at work, I'm finding myself give out compliments more often when someone does a good job whereas I used to be more pre-occupied with my own shit beforehand. As a result, people around too have a positive attitude towards me. This week I also PMed an artist friend of mine to get a comic strip going. Instead of discussing what style and consitency I wanted, I had asked for her inputs and how she could accomodate this without affecting her work (normally I could convince people to put major emphasis onto certain things). I'd never put all my faith on somebody else for projects I want to do but I find myself trusting others more often now (I guess part of this is also due to me actually realising how things work being in a creative agency). It's all going great! I do think this change somehow is happening because of this girl (even though I've only met her twice, and only once was a real date lol).

What I want to know is, do INFPs generally have this kind of effect? Do you also eventually just know when someone is being genuine? Are you also forgetful in replying, even if it is someone you like? How would you react to someone giving you space (I do promptly reply to her messages, but when she stops, I just leave it till when she eventually replies again... which could be a day or two even xD)? Does not meeting physically have much of an effect on you people?

There's so much I wanna know!

 

[PalebloodHunter]

Time for weekly report ! So, I've gotten back on good terms in her and through the discussions that followed I'm happy to tell you guys that I've learnt... nothing much really.

-_-

Okay, so as [MENTION=31348]RareBird[/MENTION] suggested, I did try to make up friendly conversation with her. (I've moved to texting her on FB instead of phone because I'm scared she might find it annoying :| and she's not very active on FB) But, after little back and forth it fizzles out into her giving one word replies. Somehow though, last week I was feeling pretty confident about myself and just let things slide thinking she'd eventually come around. But, on Sunday it kinda ticked me off when I'd keep getting one word replies (add to that the fact that her texts are RIDDLED with typos). I snapped a little, but tried to get it through her in a whimsical way. I texted her something like this :

And #TheGirl continues her cryptic ways of texting, with bare bones exposition. #TheGuy suspected there was more to it than the eye could see.

The phrase "lol" especially caught his interest since it was the one #TheGirl used the most. #TheGuy went to his lab to research. He tried reading the word backwards, vertically from top down and down up but it still read as "lol".

He was mortified at this discovery, what could it all mean?

I pretty much always use hyperbole when it comes to this and it always works. It did this time too, apparently she couldn't stop laughing. (Small successes) She asked me to stop pulling her leg so much. I said I'd agree if she stopped replying with words that contained lesser than 3 letters. She agreed and we had a really nice conversation... FOR 5 BLOODY MINUTES BEFORE SHE DIED AGAIN!

I mean, this should be alright. The situation was pretty much like this even one month before this, and a month before that. It was only between Jan 7th - Jan 15th where we got some really intimate discussion going. I guess the good part is, I suppose she does not seem to mind my presence. Whenever I comment on her usual FB posts, she seems most proactive in replying to me than others (What a leech I am to make such observations I know! Call me a creep -_-). We had a discussion where she pointed out she has no desire to fight anyone and she just chooses to walk away because she likes inner peace. I said that was a temporary solution and not what true peace is about. She said she believes everything is "temporary". true peace is all about protecting your energy and choosing to focus on the right things. I tried to very eloquently point out why I found that to be bullshit... so that was nice. (I'm trying to flesh out her personality here so I suppose you all can get a better idea of her).

As [MENTION=27162]Cloudpatrol[/MENTION] and [MENTION=29314]Novella[/MENTION] said, I am trying to touch base every once in a while to show I exist. We don't at all mention about what happened last month and I'm cool with that. It seems she is aggressively painting as well. She seems to be posting a pic daily, which is nice. She had created a separate instagram account where she only uploaded her art and just followed 5 people 4 of which were running art competitions... and the 5th was me. (OKAY I'M CREEP I GET IT BUT THIS MAKES ME FEEL VERY FUZZY >.<). I did say I am really envious of people who can draw. She can just hang things on the wall for people to see. As a writer, I can only hang myself :|

But, as this week starts all of a sudden I'm in a slump. Forget that I might never get her, I'm pissed that I can't even have a decently long conversation whereas we have had few days where we texted continuously for hours in midnight where she said she had forgotten to even cook dinner >.<. During the last week of January, I had totally fallen off from social media. When I came back, I saw some of her posts being alarmingly about dealing with loneliness. I had somehow tried to spark something in that direction but she would not say anything and she even stopped posting the depressing stuff (WHAT IS IT WOMAN!!).

I think I have no choice but to wait it out another week. Normally, I'd be engaged in work, but I injured right hand and both my legs while playing football with company folks and then worsened it during kickboxing classes. Since there is not much work at office, I took time off and now I'm basically a vegetable who just lies on the bed with either a laptop or a book. I'm trying to shake it off but it's frustrating. I live right between her home and her college (they're both a 20 minute walk away). She pretty much crosses my home everyday and there's still no way I can meet her. I have no common friend that i can use as leverage since we met as two complete strangers. The conditions in which I met would make any reckless move of mine add to her insecurity. I can't talk about her to any friends I know in real life because any normal person would pretty much tell me to drop the chase. It's only you guys who get this <3. Those 5 minutes of small conversations too felt liberating. I feel like I am having withdrawal symptoms lol.

Or maybe I'm in a slump because my friends came over for the weekend and they always joke on how i'll die alone because I'm a total twat.

Or maybe it's just monday.

Maybe women are just strange.

 

[OrangeAppled]

What I want to know is, do INFPs generally have this kind of effect?
It would be nice, but I honesty don't know what effect I have on people.

Do you also eventually just know when someone is being genuine?
Not eventually...pretty readily.

Are you also forgetful in replying, even if it is someone you like?
It's more like I am savouring what has just been, getting all the juice out. It's energy intensive and I may put off replying not out of disinterest, but out of a desire to give my best, meaning I need to be in the right mood and have the energy.

How would you react to someone giving you space (I do promptly reply to her messages, but when she stops, I just leave it till when she eventually replies again... which could be a day or two even xD)?
Space is good, but I appreciate someone else initiating and being consistent, two things I am not good at. I don't like to chase and prefer being pursued, but definitely in a manner that doesn't smother or demand too much. It sounds like you're doing okay there.

Does not meeting physically have much of an effect on you people?
Physical presence is definitely preferable. Nothing can substitute that.
But I can form connections through the written word because I express myself more easily there.

It's interesting to see a guy stressing about all this stuff. Gender divides are so exaggerated

 

[PalebloodHunter]

What I want to know is, do INFPs generally have this kind of effect?
It would be nice, but I honesty don't know what effect I have on people.

Okay, on the flipside. Do other types have certain effect on you? particularly ENTPs? I've read around a lot in this forum and the consensus seems to be that INFPs in general have a love-hate relationship with ENTPs. I'd like to think I am a healthy ENTP and we did not have any argument of sort, mostly me pulling her leg at times but it was all in good spirit. Would you feel overwhelmed by a person like that?

She did say that the way we met and connected was different than anything before and she hadn't talked to or met a guy like me before (now I dunno how much of that is true). Could be that I was the first ENTP that she met, atleast first that took active interest in her. during our good days, her texts outnumbered mine. Even when we met, after a good while, it was mostly her talking and me listening (very strange) where she disclosed a lot without much prodding from me. She only disclosed she had a daughter when we met, it was late in our date.

Do you think as an INFP, you'd double back once you realise you just disclosed so much to someone in such a short span and now you need to bring back that wall?

to better visualise it, does it feel like this:

When I'm actually like this:

Do you also eventually just know when someone is being genuine?
Not eventually...pretty readily.

So how is it that most INFP posts are about bad relationships and not being able to get out/being run over? :\

Anywho, does meeting someone genuine further scare you? Is there a feeling of "This seems too good to be true, so it probably is."? Maybe if this doesn't work out nothing will, so i don't want to find out?

When she said she didn't want to do this, she said she wasn't being cruel but practical, she didn't think this would go anywhere. Which is strange, because few days before that she was the one who said to always keep the heart and mind open and not judge or overthink situations.

We only met twice, and both times were... magical of sort. There was an instant connection. I know not all days are gonna be that way if we met frequently. I suppose she might think this will burn out.

Are you also forgetful in replying, even if it is someone you like?
It's more like I am savouring what has just been, getting all the juice out. It's energy intensive and I may put off replying not out of disinterest, but out of a desire to give my best, meaning I need to be in the right mood and have the energy.

I suppose I get it. It must drain a lot out of her to type out that 'lol'. On a serious note, I'm assuming small talk will not work out and fizzle easily. But I'm sure I can't just go to an INFP and say "Hey, isn't it a nice weather to discuss Moore's Paradox?". If in a situation like this, what sort of discussion would you most be comfortable having? (i know this is a really stupid question). It's just really getting on my nerves that I can't manage to strike a conversation with someone. Communication is my major strength, if anything. What sort of paradox is

Right now, my picture of her is kind of like this:

How would you react to someone giving you space (I do promptly reply to her messages, but when she stops, I just leave it till when she eventually replies again... which could be a day or two even xD)?
Space is good, but I appreciate someone else initiating and being consistent, two things I am not good at. I don't like to chase and prefer being pursued, but definitely in a manner that doesn't smother or demand too much. It sounds like you're doing okay there.

So... like those comical side characters in TV shows who you're always glad to see when they make a special appearance then? Also, given the current circumstance. Would an INFP really actually appreciate someone continuing the chase or just find it highly annoying? If I were to remove the radio silence, I didn't sense any annoyance from her.

I can tell a part of her isn't convinced. When she asked why I liked her, I don't think I told her all she wanted to hear ( how could I? I was a dimwit with limited knowledge). She asked how could I still say all the things after hearing her whole story. All this is very unreal to her apparently.

Does not meeting physically have much of an effect on you people?
Physical presence is definitely preferable. Nothing can substitute that.
But I can form connections through the written word because I express myself more easily there.

I wish I could meet. I have to say, if she represents a good half of INFPs, you people give the warmest hugs :3. (and the best kisses too)
I dunno but I think INFPs too have a way of getting under ENTPs skin. I remember walking with my hands in my pockets (I always do) and she just came up and put her hand under my arm and I had to fight hard to maintain the cool demeanour lest I be taken for a softie.

It's interesting to see a guy stressing about all this stuff. Gender divides are so exaggerated

I am just morbidly curious. If I ask 5 questions and get 5 answers, I'd end up digging those answers for 5 more questions.

And from what I've gathered, getting angry would only make her feel guilty and respond out of compulsion. Anger stems from misguided expectations clashing with unexpected reality. Misguided expectations come from lack of proper rationale. Hence, all this research to keep my expectations in check and stay positive .

Of course all this will go to shit if I find out she ended up dating someone else. In which case I'll take a month of from work and wait outside my home for the moment she crosses and I can throw rotten tomatoes at her. But, that won't ever happen because I won't ever have a way of knowing... so there xD

 

[PalebloodHunter]

Okay, peeps ( I wonder if anyone is even checking this anymore lol). I took it real nice and slow in February. Don't know if I said this before, but I moved on to texting her on Facebook since she's less active there and therefore wouldn't feel pressurised to reply.

I did make the mistake of wishing her on V-day. I know it was a stupid thing to do and every one here will probably want to slap me for it. But, I could not resist lol. Well, she wished back. It was a harmless text anyway. She doesn't seem to be that defensive anymore. The good thing that happened is that I have a lot of graphic designer friends who were participating in this thing called '36 days of type'. Have you heard of it? It's a competition where you draw/illustrate/graphic one alphabet each day. People do all sorts of crazy stuff with it. I tagged her to the post on Instagram. Sure enough, she's been participating and has been posting her illustrations daily on each alphabet . Since everyone in my circle is on it, my friend told me to put up poetry based on each alphabet and so I'm doing that. I feel so out of place being the only one doing this lol, but it's so much fan. The INFP has been liking some of the poetry as well, so that's a win. We had some fun chat too while discussing about the competition where she said she doesn't know how this works but is basically taking this less as a competition and more of an opportunity to get off her lazy ass and make some art. (again it was a pretty short conversation, but I guess it's building up to something).

I'm just happy to see her making stuff regularly and having fun with it and I'm glad I could help her do that though she might never acknowledge me. I guess with this competition, I might have some common ground to talk to her for these 36 days. I'm so hopeless lol. Though nearing the end of February, I thought she was feeling really disturbed about certain things. So I thought I'd ask her. Our convo went like this:

Me:
Something is bothering you isn't it? Somehow I got that feeling for past few days 😐

Her:
👀
Sorry was just out of it

Me:
I could tell
somehow
what's been keeping you off your spirit?

Me (after she was quiet):
Hmm not today I guess.
I hope someday you share why you're hurting.
I'd appreciate that ^^

Her:
Ahh
Stubborn heart
Stubborn mind
You should write a song
Using these words

Me:
who's to say I'm not already writing lol
i wonder who the more stubborn one here is though

Her:
Haha

Me:
don't think I'm not noticing how you're dancing around words
still hiding stuff from me

Her:
Ahhh I don't know

Since the start of March, I thought I'd just step it up a bit and went back to messaging her on her phone. She replied and funnily enough herself went on a spree explaining what's wrong. She said she is thinking about getting into multimedia design. That she was so sick and tired of being in the fashion industry and all the fake attention she was getting. Most of her friends seemed to be fake, etc. (i really don't know about the validity of this). She said that she feels so far she has wasted most of her years. Something like the devil wears prada syndrome (i have not seen the movie so IDK) lol. It was the opposite where she thanked me for listening and I thanked her for sharing.

She then said she had to cook and would text after that after which she rightfully died. To be honest I had expected her to stop texting much before, so this was all bonus.


I guess it's nice that she isn't totally shunning me. I feel she is slowly lowering her defence. I too have gotten involved with a lot of work, so time flows rather smoothly. But, yeah. That's how it's going.

 

[Tilt]

Well, the V-day text was a sweet gesture... as long as you didn't profess your love for her or something to that effect. Thanks for the update!

 

[PalebloodHunter]

Well, the V-day text was a sweet gesture... as long as you didn't profess your love for her or something to that effect. Thanks for the update!

No, I didn't. The exact text was as this:

Happy Valentine's Day. 🙂

Hah, I don't mean to creep you out. I just never had the good fortune to say that to anyone and really wanted to. My sincerest wishes that you find happiness the likes of which you've never felt before ^^

Stay classy.

Well, that was all truth.

 

[Tilt]

No, I didn't. The exact text was as this:



Well, that was all truth.

Awww... *swoon*

 

[PalebloodHunter]

Lol. We've been texting a bit more frequently now. I've been trying this thing where I start with some back and forth banter on a certain topic and then slowly move it into a deep conversation. I know it's sly. But, if it's a chase, it's a hunt. I've gotten to know quite a lot about her.

Well firstly, it's uncanny how [MENTION=6561]OrangeAppled[/MENTION] was accurate about the replying late part. I text a lot and she says that she reads all of it. But, she just needs to have time because often she re-reads messages twice to get all the emotions behind it. Because, without a face, conversations fall pretty flat for her. But, she likes to read and listen.

Then we were talking about stupid shit that happens at school. She said she was shy but popular in her own way probably because of the weird nature. The only issue was that she'd fall in love with anyone she interacted with more than once. Not soul breaching kind, but love. That she'd like the weirdest things from the way they'd drink to the way they'd fart (lol).

So, yeah. That past few days have been good to me . Should I keep this going on for a few weeks before asking her for coffee or something? Her birthday is coming up in two weeks. Probably after that?

 

[PeaceBaby]

Well, I guess you get points for being persistently consistent but since I find myself feeling annoyed reading your latest I have to explore that and it feels to me like the pursuit is becoming the whole point for you. As you said, this is a hunt and you aren't interested in going home empty-handed.

Does she ever initiate contact?

I too would leave space from time to time to consider a message but your need for assurance on that point means you are looking to keep your own hopes high despite not getting any real signals back that she's ready to initiate a relationship.

Here's the thing: if you seemed innocuous enough, and messaged me regularly, in my twenties I might have kept replying to appear polite especially if our circles overlapped in some way and appearing cold could impact me in other ways. Heck, I've even gone on dates to appear polite which in retrospect is crazy but I have done it. So, if you keep pressing her I'm not sure you should interpret text replies as increasing interest or much of anything.

I'm not saying this to discourage you specifically, but in your mind, I sense you really want to 'get' this woman and this is increasingly feeling way more about you than about her. Your need to hold onto this is something that bears examination.

Ask her for coffee sure, but you need to really get some signals back and if you're not getting clear signs of reciprocity, she might just be assuming you will lose interest at some point without her openly having to tell you to leave her alone. It's not a healthy way to deal with things, but there it is.

 

[PalebloodHunter]

Well, I guess you get points for being persistently consistent but since I find myself feeling annoyed reading your latest I have to explore that and it feels to me like the pursuit is becoming the whole point for you. As you said, this is a hunt and you aren't interested in going home empty-handed.

Does she ever initiate contact?

I too would leave space from time to time to consider a message but your need for assurance on that point means you are looking to keep your own hopes high despite not getting any real signals back that she's ready to initiate a relationship.

Here's the thing: if you seemed innocuous enough, and messaged me regularly, in my twenties I might have kept replying to appear polite especially if our circles overlapped in some way and appearing cold could impact me in other ways. Heck, I've even gone on dates to appear polite which in retrospect is crazy but I have done it. So, if you keep pressing her I'm not sure you should interpret text replies as increasing interest or much of anything.

I'm not saying this to discourage you specifically, but in your mind, I sense you really want to 'get' this woman and this is increasingly feeling way more about you than about her. Your need to hold onto this is something that bears examination.

Ask her for coffee sure, but you need to really get some signals back and if you're not getting clear signs of reciprocity, she might just be assuming you will lose interest at some point without her openly having to tell you to leave her alone. It's not a healthy way to deal with things, but there it is.

Ah, I knew using the word "hunt" would give off the wrong implication ( as with many other things I say) and you're right in being annoyed, it was more of a "if it's a chase it's a hunt" and meant nothing in particular. I use the word hunt in the most random things ever. I picked it up from Bloodborne where we play as a Hunter. It's more of a pop culture thing than anything. (Heck my username is a reference to the game).

And the assurance is not for the long delayed responses. It's the "very prompt.. very responsive... sending a huge essay worth of texts... and then dying" that I need explanation on, and I believe rightfully so. (who does that shit?)

And no, I am not making this about myself. I have no idea how I can convince you of that. (i've already answered CloudPatrol what I hope from this) I'm drawn to her as a whole and I'm sick of a person as good as her having such a hard time and I feel like I can help ease that. And I'm not looking for her giving the signals that she's ready for a relationship. I KNOW she is not ready for one. I just wish to build a good friendship at this point and see if things ever go anyway from there. I have never pressured her into anything so far.

As for signals, well. IDK, she kept asking what I thought about her wanting to go into multimedia design, and would it be a waste of time.

And if the part about people going on dates out of politeness is true. That's just fucked up m8.. :|. We don't have a single mutual friend, we met as total strangers.

If it is anything to add.. Pre-date it wasn't me who did the chasing. I added her on FB and chatted with her once, but that was it. It was then she who texted me. She who asked for my number. She who texted me from my number and then SHE who asked we meet up. Infact, when we got off the place and I called the cab to drop her home. She asked if I wanted to do something else instead. This was what led us to walk together where she kept asking what was on my mind. If this was all out of politeness.. Well, I don't even :\

 

[PalebloodHunter]

Hey, everyone! Firstly, I'd like to say that I've never been feeling better. All the anxiety has gone .

Secondly, I'd like to apologise to [MENTION=5999]PeaceBaby[/MENTION]. There seemed to be a lot of truth in what you've said. In hindsight, it was seeming like things were becoming more about me. So, past few weeks I had distanced myself from her. I realised that I too had insecurities and baggage from past relationships that I had not quite come to terms with back then and it showed and I could tell that had made her uncomfortable. I decided to focus on my own stuff instead and life has been going pretty well. Bringing my expectations to rock bottom has really helped me move forward with my own stuff and I've been getting great sleep after a long while.

In middle, she herself did text once. It was regarding a job offer for a writing gig in a really good firm. However, her posts on social media had been getting really depressing off late. So, I had decided to text her after all. There was a prompt reply. She then told me that her friend needed a content writer for some product advertising and connected me to that friend. Now, apparently I have to meet that friend this weekend. I totally did not expect this turn of events lol. But, then she suddenly texted this:

Her: Haha, good luck
Her: Stay in touch

Me: Am I not in touch?

Her: You disappear

Me: I don't.
Me: You just never tried texting XD

Her: I suck at texting
Her: But I do reply

Which is weird, because it was her who disappeared and I backed away because she wouldn't reply so much. I don't know how she processes things lol. Regardless, we've been having good friendly chats after this. She's actually being more proactive now. It's slowly going back to earlier times. Out of nowhere, she drops random info like she dated a guy for 3 months but it wasn't working out because he was super rude. When she decided to walk away, he called her all sorts of names and told her that if she could leave her child she could leave anybody and that she can't be trusted. She says relationships are scary and always end with blood being spilled. (I didn't even bring up anything)

I still have no expectations. Like you all said, I'm here for her support. As a friend if she needs. But, I shouldn't let that mess with my head. It does nobody any favours. Right now things are going well with me. I've managed to take hold of my insecurities and anxieties. I've curbed the overthinking. Whatever happens from here, I don't really know. But, I wholeheartedly thank everyone who helped me out. It must have been awfully irritating to read all this. But, thank you all. You've all helped me shape myself into being a better and calmer person.

I couldn't be more grateful

Cheers.

 

[papiloupapou]

Hi Palebloodhunter !

Don't think that because she is putting distance means that she doesnt like you or doesnt respect you. it is sometimes our way to act, even if we care. More message won't help in most cases. In what you say, I think there is more space about what you want and not what she wants. I think you should understand her choice and not take that as a challenge for you. If she really thinks there is an interest for both of you to be together, she will makes what's needed. And yes the age could be a barrier for her and she might be scared to commit to someone with not as much experience as her, with all she's been through.. Good luck I know it's hard !