I think INFJs care a lot about the why part of anything that happens, and we also invest heavily once we have decided to invest, so it is not surprising you are having difficulty processing all of this. There are too many possibilities to accurately guess, but I think this is more about him than about you. First there is the whole thrill of the chase thing, but I think also, many people become very uncomfortable with intimacy once it becomes a certain level of intensity. There are many reasons for that, but more often than not it has to do with vulnerability and self-protection. In addition, a person's character comes out through their actions. However, my guess is what is bothering you is trying to figure out the why. His behaviour seems incongruous with the person you fell in love with. In my experience, the more opaque someone seems, the more defendedness there is against vulnerability. When someone seems their most stony or untouchable, they are usually unconsciously covering for somewhere where they feel extremely vulnerable. It is maddening not to know the why for sure, and while you can recognize that his current treatment of you has been poor, it does little to affect the emotions you feel for him. I've found that when that information is unavailable to me, it just takes time for everything to cool back down. Sometimes a lot of time. I think emotionally accepting that this is a futile venture will allow you to adapt more quickly, but probably it's going to take a bunch of talking and processing. I've also realized that what bothers me most in these kinds of situations is not only what could have been, but it makes you question your own judgement and perceptions about everything and shakes your confidence in your ability to discriminate between good and bad. It helped me once I understood this and that it wasn't just that I was unable to let go or oversensitive. I'm sorry.