ENFP expressing feelings, Fi vs Fe?

[Starry]

I'll try to explain this as best as I can, it's very complicated. I expressed my long withheld feelings from the past and I think made it clear that I still have those feelings. I want to know if he felt for me in the past, the same way I felt about him and whether or not he still has those feelings or ever could have those feelings again. I want to know if he'd be open to pursuing a relationship with me.

If you felt connected with him...if you felt he shared your feelings then I would say he probably did.


My INFJ ex....*my* first ever experience of him expressing his feelings to me was him lashing-out at me in frustration...even anger "So do you want to go out with me or what?" To which I was like wtf?

He insists....insists, insists, insists...that he had expressed his feelings to me many times...professed his love to me many times and I have no memory of the same occurring. All I can think of is that he was communicating to me in a way I didn't understand.

Under normal circumstances I would tell you he doesn't have feelings to share but because of my personal experience I cannot help but wonder if you *think* you communicated your feelings but haven't actually been heard.

I pray this makes sense.

 

[1487610420]

That is an excellent point! I have not and do not want to push him for answers and end up driving him away. I need to find a way to open a dialogue between us that doesn't pressure him, I don't want to do that. I so would love for him to open up to me and I would listen with no judgement, he would be safe talking to me, his thoughts and feelings would be safe with me, I would absolutely keep everything just between us. Even if he can't say these things, showing me works too. I'll take whatever I can get here. But I do understand how hard it must be for him to express, I really empathize with that.

no offenz, but coming here with this isn't something I would equate with the mindset of giving space/time, but rather the opposite and controlling.

 

[goldy]

If you felt connected with him...if you felt he shared your feelings then I would say he probably did.


My INFJ ex....*my* first ever experience of him expressing his feelings to me was him lashing-out at me in frustration...even anger "So do you want to go out with me or what?" To which I was like wtf?

He insists....insists, insists, insists...that he had expressed his feelings to me many times...professed his love to me many times and I have no memory of the same occurring. All I can think of is that he was communicating to me in a way I didn't understand.

Under normal circumstances I would tell you he doesn't have feelings to share but because of my personal experience I cannot help but wonder if you *think* you communicated your feelings but haven't actually been heard.

I pray this makes sense.

Yes, it really does make sense, however, I'm very confident that he knows how I feel, I laid it out very clearly for him. Thing is my instincts have always told me that he has feelings for me too. I always felt very connected to him on an intuitive level, like there was always something there, and we both felt it, but it didn't need words. I guess I fear that either I was wrong about this, or that I was right and there are other reasons preventing him from pursuing a relationship with me. I'm scared that if he wanted to be with me, he would be so terrified to tell me so that he would just let it go and give up because he just can't express his feelings. I think I intimidate him.

 

[Starry]

Yes, it really does make sense, however, I'm very confident that he knows how I feel, I laid it out very clearly for him. Thing is my instincts have always told me that he has feelings for me too. I always felt very connected to him on an intuitive level, like there was always something there, and we both felt it, but it didn't need words. I guess I fear that either I was wrong about this, or that I was right and there are other reasons preventing him from pursuing a relationship with me. I'm scared that if he wanted to be with me, he would be so terrified to tell me so that he would just let it go and give up because he just can't express his feelings. I think I intimidate him.

^^I totally understand your thinking here and because of it I do feel I could work with you to uncover what is most likely going on if you don't mind my questions...

How did he respond specifically when you communicated your affinity for him?

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

That's reassuring to hear you have had a similar finding with ENFPs, I do think this is a common trait for them. I think that the masculinity thing may not be strictly type related, it has to do with the way he was brought up and experiences he has had in the past, I believe. But the fi and the masculinity thing do seem to relate to each other, I think it maybe increases his preference of fi over fe.

All I can say to this is...ok. I understand this thought process but it isn't really accurate when dealing with Fi/aux Fi and it really took me a long time to separate "what I thought a reaction *should be* (coming from an Fe stance, even an inferior one! Fe categorizes with the known. The expressed.)" with an Fi users expression of feelings, how they express is like your Ni or Ti. Super hard to verbalize, right?

I'm not discounting you. You may be right. He may be stunted...but...I would need more information and I will leave that to [MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION] to pull out of you to determine that.

 

[Starry]

All I can say to this is...ok. I understand this thought process but it isn't really accurate when dealing with Fi/aux Fi and it really took me a long time to separate "what I thought a reaction *should be* (coming from an Fe stance, even an inferior one! Fe categorizes with the known. The expressed.)" with an Fi users expression of feelings, how they express is like your Ni or Ti. Super hard to verbalize, right?

I'm not discounting you. You may be right. He may be stunted...but...I would need more information and I will leave that to [MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION] to pull out of you to determine that.

You often explain ENFP better than I do...

[MENTION=28319]goldy[/MENTION]...just for now...I want you to try and let go of all of your preconceived notions of Fe and Fi. Let's just focus on what has actually transpired first.

 

[Evo]

[MENTION=25763]Enthusiastic_Dreamer[/MENTION] do you think it's an Ne "I'm leaving my options open" sort of thing?

Btw, I haven't read through the entire thread yet. I just wanted an excuse to mention you lol.

 

[Dreamer]

[MENTION=25763]Enthusiastic_Dreamer[/MENTION] do you think it's an Ne "I'm leaving my options open" sort of thing?

Btw, I haven't read through the entire thread yet. I just wanted an excuse to mention you lol.

Ohhh...ya, I don't like the sound of that. Just makes me think of some tool regardless of whatever type they are. To treat someone with such low respect like that. I know what you mean though

I'll have to read through the thread though before commenting, but thanks for the mention. They're always fun to get

 

[goldy]

You often explain ENFP better than I do...

[MENTION=28319]goldy[/MENTION]...just for now...I want you to try and let go of all of your preconceived notions of Fe and Fi. Let's just focus on what has actually transpired first.

I want to answer your questions and you're right we'd probably get further trying to figure things out if I fill in those gaps. [MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION] and [MENTION=5223]MDP2525[/MENTION], would it be alright with you to continue this conversation in a personal message? I feel like if I'm going to divulge all the details of my personal life its probably best if I only do that with two people versus the whole internet world lol. Sorry, I'm just a very private person, I hope that makes sense. Would that be ok?

- - - Updated - - -

[MENTION=25763]Enthusiastic_Dreamer[/MENTION] do you think it's an Ne "I'm leaving my options open" sort of thing?

Btw, I haven't read through the entire thread yet. I just wanted an excuse to mention you lol.

that's a good point

 

[Starry]

I want to answer your questions and you're right we'd probably get further trying to figure things out if I fill in those gaps. [MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION] and [MENTION=5223]MDP2525[/MENTION], would it be alright with you to continue this conversation in a personal message? I feel like if I'm going to divulge all the details of my personal life its probably best if I only do that with two people versus the whole internet world lol. Sorry, I'm just a very private person, I hope that makes sense. Would that be ok?

I understand your desire for privacy but to do this via PM would be tedious for me and defeat my interests in being involved here collaboratively... So you would have to count me out. I hope you understand.

- - - Updated - - -

that's a good point

No.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I want to answer your questions and you're right we'd probably get further trying to figure things out if I fill in those gaps. [MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION] and [MENTION=5223]MDP2525[/MENTION], would it be alright with you to continue this conversation in a personal message? I feel like if I'm going to divulge all the details of my personal life its probably best if I only do that with two people versus the whole internet world lol. Sorry, I'm just a very private person, I hope that makes sense. Would that be ok?

- - - Updated - - -



that's a good point

You can PM me if you wish.

 

[goldy]

You can PM me if you wish.

Thank you, I appreciate that!

- - - Updated - - -

I understand your desire for privacy but to do this via PM would be tedious for me and defeat my interests in being involved here collaboratively... So you would have to count me out. I hope you understand.

- - - Updated - - -





No.

I understand