ENFJ and ISFP relationships

[SearchingforPeace]

Ok, I don't see one done by Highlander, so I guess I should do one.

Here is his standard questionnaire:

What do you think about relationships between ENFJs and ISFPs? The focus of this is really on romantic relationships but it also makes sense to discuss your experience in situations where these two types interact in a significant way – such as friendship, at work, etc.

When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
- How compatible do you think these two types are in general?
- Why are they attracted to each other?
- How to they compliment each other?
- How well do they understand each other and why?
- What are they like together raising children?

When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
- What are some of the communication challenges they can have?
- What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?
- How can they take each other for granted?
- What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?

Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
- What things should each type do to facilitate better communication?
- What advice do you have for each of the two types?
- If you are an ISFP, what advice do you have for the ENFJs?
- If you are an ENFJ, what advice would you have for the ISFPs?

 

[SearchingforPeace]

My responses

What do you think about relationships between INFJs and ISFPs?


Amazing and challenging. Huge potential for deep and powerful connection, but most often with a lot of struggle. Fe dom and Fi Dom look at the world differently. Ni aux vs. Se aux is another huge difference.

At its best, it is two people working in complete unity, supporting the other where they are weak.

At its worst, it is pure hell, with the lack of good communication modes. Inf Te is unpleasant to others and inf Ti is an abyss to self.

When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?

It is awesome. Fi pulls at Fe like no other. It is a fierce attraction. I can only assume that Fi is pulled similarly to Fe in some way. As such, it is joy, intensity, passion. It is teamwork and thoughtfulness and consideration. It is effortless.

- How compatible do you think these two types are in general?
The Se vs Ni issue is real, but not extreme. But there is a difficulty in FiSe to express feelings verbally and FeNi doesn't really understand its own feelings well and instead strives for the group unity.

Se is the best form of communication, so actions, touch, sex, etc work best.


- Why are they attracted to each other?
Fi dom is an intense pull to the Fe Dom. I sense Fi quickly and it is a strong force. Fi is the opposing personality, the part of themselves that Fe doms repress the most. As such, Fe doms have very intense inner feelings but in their subconscious. Fi therefore pulls at the ENFJ's subconscious.


- How to they compliment each other?
Practical versus thoughtful. When working well together, the ISFP grounds the ENFJ while the ENFJ helps the ISFP have a larger understanding.

The combination is fun and adventurous and practical and down to earth.


- How well do they understand each other and why?

They do, but struggle to verbalize it. It is a more visceral, innate thing. And with communication about the relationship often a real struggle

- What are they like together raising children?

Fun and thoughtful, trying to help the children. Lots of love and affection.


When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?

Well, it sucks. It is awful. It can be really bad. The ENFJ can over accommodate, becoming a doormat, forgiving everything, giving up of self unnecessarily, while the ISFP withdraws and pushes away. The ENFJ wants unity and puts up ideals on the relationship while the ISFP doesn't want to feel trapped and restricted.

At some point, they will face a grave struggle, and the struggles with communication only increase the difficulty.

- What are some of the communication challenges they can have?
They don't speak the same language. FeTi is foreign to FiTe. They can't articulate well their intense feelings for each other. They misinterpretate the words, motives, and ideas of the other. Often, the best form of communication is pure Se, which isn't always clear......

- What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?
Miscommunication. Very different ideas and goals. Different understanding of the relationship. Difficulty discussing the issues.

- How can they take each other for granted?

Ugh, the ISFP relies on the ENFJ to take care of things but rarely verbalizes or acknowledges the appreciation. The ENFJ doesn't verbalizes their own needs, so the ISFP believes that such doesn’t exist. Accommodation leads to unpleasant circumstances when any attempts are made to alter the arrangement.


- What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?

Pure hell. I cannot exaggerate how awful it can become......

It is a high risk high reward relationship. Not for the security conscious.


Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
- What things should each type do to facilitate better communication?

Be patient. Be understanding. Be kind. Sometimes the relationship is held by a very thin thread. Understand that pain and struggles are not always bad.

- What advice do you have for each of the two types?
- If you are an ENFJ, what advice would you have for the ISFPs?

Talk. Touch. Be extremely affectionate both verbally and physically. It will smooth over the rough patches....

I don't know if I would do it again, but I doubt I could resist.......

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

The ENFJ doesn't verbalizes their own needs, so the ISFP believes that such doesn’t exist.

I think this is due to Fi which probably needs you to express those needs (?)

I am an extrovert with Fi as a second function and when I used to tell my partner : "You did not pay attention to this or that",

and that he answered "But you too you didn't pay attention to this or that" (what I call "deaf communication"), I just answered innocently :

Yes BUT YOU never ever expressed any feeling or need to make me understand it was important TO YOU

Et voilà how Fi works I suppose...