Really like this ISTJ!

[Bee1991]

Hey. I'm an INFP and I really like an ISTJ! What I'm finding really hard is figuring out if he likes me back because he is extremely hard to read. The past month I've been thoroughly reading up about ISTJ's.

I just wanted to ask any ISTJ's on here how you show you like someone. This guy looks at me a lot and smiles. He also occasionally touches me softly on the arm when helping me out with things.

I haven't seen him in a while as he has caved in with everyone due to stress on revising for his finals. I have t spoken to him in a while and I really miss him but I want to give him the space he needs.

I'd really appreciate any advice on what to do. I really just want to know if he likes me but I honestly can't tell and it's frustrating me a lot.

 

[Tilt]

1) They acknowledge your existence.
2) They make time for you/put you into their routine.
3) They go out of their way to help you.
4) They remember little details about you from several months/years back.
5) They will talk your ears off if they feel comfortable around you/will be slightly emotionally vulnerable around you.

Those tend to be signs that an ISTJ values you/likes you as a person.

Just ask him to hang out and see what comes of it.

 

[Jeremy8419]

Hey. I'm an INFP and I really like an ISTJ! What I'm finding really hard is figuring out if he likes me back because he is extremely hard to read. The past month I've been thoroughly reading up about ISTJ's.

I just wanted to ask any ISTJ's on here how you show you like someone. This guy looks at me a lot and smiles. He also occasionally touches me softly on the arm when helping me out with things.

I haven't seen him in a while as he has caved in with everyone due to stress on revising for his finals. I have t spoken to him in a while and I really miss him but I want to give him the space he needs.

I'd really appreciate any advice on what to do. I really just want to know if he likes me but I honestly can't tell and it's frustrating me a lot.

Ask them to take a personality test. Calling him an ISTJ means nothing, if he doesn't view himself as such. He may think he is an ENFP, which would be a pretty important thing to know, if you're looking for a relationship with him. Heck, tell him to guess your type as well. He may see you as ENTJ, for all you know, which is a pretty important thing to know as well lol.

 

[Tellenbach]

Cant speak for other ISTJs but yeah, if he looks at you a lot, especially the face, then he digs you.

I just wanted to ask any ISTJ's on here how you show you like someone.

Protege nailed this one. We'll ignore you less than other people. Try and observe how much attention this person pays to others in comparison with yourself. That should tell you a lot.

 

[Kheledon]

ISTj (in Socionics) is an aggressor. And it's exactly what I need according to Socionics theory. If ISTj is interested in you, you will know it. ISTj will pursue you, presuming, of course, that we're talking about an ISTj in Socionics theory. An ISTJ in MBTI theory may be either an ISTj or an ISTp in Socionics, and those two types are quite different.

 

[/DG/]

ISTj (in Socionics) is an agressor. And it's exactly what I need according to Socionics theory. If ISTJ is interested in you, you will know it. ISTJ will pursue you, presuming, of course, that we're talking about an ISTj in Socionics theory. An ISTJ in MBTI theory may be either an ISTj or an ISTp in Socionics, and those two types are quite different.

I don't see how an ISTj in Socionics could ever be an ISTJ in MBTI. Socionics ISTj = Ti Se, MBTI ISTJ = Si Te. The definitions of the functions are slightly different in the two systems, but not that dramatically.

 

[Poki]

I don't see how an ISTj in Socionics could ever be an ISTJ in MBTI. Socionics ISTj = Ti Se, MBTI ISTJ = Si Te. The definitions of the functions are slightly different in the two systems, but not that dramatically.

I am istp in both.

 

[Poki]

Ask them to take a personality test. Calling him an ISTJ means nothing, if he doesn't view himself as such. He may think he is an ENFP, which would be a pretty important thing to know, if you're looking for a relationship with him. Heck, tell him to guess your type as well. He may see you as ENTJ, for all you know, which is a pretty important thing to know as well lol.

That just means you have free reign to play with him as he may be wrong and not know who he is. Have seen that many times.

 

[/DG/]

I am istp in both.

How/why? Do you ignore functions?

 

[Poki]

How/why? Do you ignore functions?

I would have to go back and verify the why, but the slight shift in Si in MBTI and Si in socionics was actually enough to pin me as ISTp in socionics. It has to do with me having this need to claim eSTP in MBTI...the small E because i have the extroverted non-people side of an ESTP, but lack the "people" side i am guessing due to an inferior Fe. My Se in ISTP is very strong in a manner that fits Si in ISTp description of socionics.

 

[Kheledon]

I don't see how an ISTj in Socionics could ever be an ISTJ in MBTI. Socionics ISTj = Ti Se, MBTI ISTJ = Si Te. The definitions of the functions are slightly different in the two systems, but not that dramatically.

My understanding is that extraverts convert directly, i.e. an ENFJ in M/B is always an ENFj in Socionics. For introverts it's different. An ISTJ in M/B may be either an ISTj or an ISTp in Socionics. What must be determined is whether the introvert leads with her strongest rational function or her strongest irrational function. Said person's ego may be either TiSe or SiTe (and those are very different egos).

Or, so I understand.

 

[Bee1991]

He is a very strong Introvert. He took the test about 6 weeks ago. I know from talking to friends in common with both of us that he tends to hide away and focus on the task at hand when stressed and he even wrote to my Dad yesterday who he is close with saying he is so stressed. They are both in the medical field and can be very stubborn. He tends to think the worst of himself when we talk and it makes me frustrated because I see the positives in him. He hasn't spoken to me since I last saw him a few weeks back. His finals are very important because he failed them last time so he is re-sitting them. He hasn't failed a thing in his life before so that's why I think he may not want to talk at the moment and I completely understand that. I just want him to know I'm here. I'm an introvert too but I can be extrovert in social situations whereas he hates large crowds and much prefers his own company. He only has a few close friends and finds it hard trusting others. I feel I know him pretty well.

I'm afraid I blew it with him because he was giving me all his attention one day and I got worried about showing all my emotions to him that at times I would also ignore him when he was looking at me constantly. I feel then he got very guarded and acted differently around me. I feel bad but I didn't mean to show it in a way that I was meaning to ignore him. I didn't know if he was interested in me and I was really into him but afraid to show it.

 

[Tilt]

Well, keep trying? From what I can tell with my close ISTJ friend is that he values consistency in people. So if you like his company, engage him on a semi-regular basis. If he responds back in kind and you keep giving him positive reinforcement, then at the very least, you will become friends. ISTJs tend to write off people and relationships that don't have some "predictability" element. Things need to make sense to them in a very concrete, linear way... They tend not to like to make assumptions because they want facts and evidence to back up whatever conclusions are made so they will take people's words and actions more at face value.

In short, you are probably reading A LOT more into it than he is/did.

 

[Bee1991]

Ok I will try reaching out to him and see what happens. I just want to know how he feels as if it's not mutual then at least I'll know. I'm not sure whether to contact him now or wait until his finals are over in 2 weeks! Just don't want to stress him out more

 

[Tilt]

Ok I will try reaching out to him and see what happens. I just want to know how he feels as if it's not mutual then at least I'll know. I'm not sure whether to contact him now or wait until his finals are over in 2 weeks! Just don't want to stress him out more

I lean more towards waiting until after finals are over for serious conversations. That will probably be his main priority right now. However, light-hearted banter/texts might give him a welcomed break... Just as long as it's short and not overly involved.

If he doesn't respond, don't take it personally and then just wait until finals are over.

 

[Bee1991]

Thank you for your advice! I think I'll wait but may send a quick Thinking Of You message the day before his exams. So you think that will be ok? Sorry to sound like such a kid haha

 

[Tilt]

Thank you for your advice! I think I'll wait but may send a quick Thinking Of You message the day before his exams. So you think that will be ok? Sorry to sound like such a kid haha

Hahaha. For sure! They are not the most emotive bunch, but he will probably secretly like it.

 

[Poki]

Hahaha. For sure! They are not the most emotive bunch, but he will probably secretly like it.

Yeah, my son is like that soketimes. That internal struggle can be a bitch to work with sometimes. Like you have to accept the bad for the good. I am gonna do this and he will like it, though he may bitch as well or act indifferent for now...lol. the key is to steer his mind in the right path. Tap into that inferior Ne. Gotta do it secretly or security system will burn you to a crisp. Eventually security system sees you as a part of the whole and you can do as you please.

 

[Bee1991]

Thanks guys. You're such a great help. Think I'll do that then so I'll wait until next week and then just drop a quick message to say I'm thinking of him and hope his finals go well. Short and sweet 😊 And I won't expect a reply as I know with him unless I actually ask him a direct question he won't reply usually.

 

[Tilt]

Yeah, my son is like that soketimes. That internal struggle can be a bitch to work with sometimes. Like you have to accept the bad for the good. I am gonna do this and he will like it, though he may bitch as well or act indifferent for now...lol. the key is to steer his mind in the right path. Tap into that inferior Ne. Gotta do it secretly or security system will burn you to a crisp. Eventually security system sees you as a part of the whole and you can do as you please.

Ha. True. My friend is funny that way too.

I will do a nice thing for him or compliment him on something. He won't react much to it but will say a few words of acknowledgment. But then, he will bring it up or say things verbatim MONTHS later.

It shows in how the body language changes though. He freezes up, gets silent, and the mood gets awkwardly intense... Gotta love that tertiary Fi.

With that said, I bet a lot people, especially women, perceive that as emotionally distant and unavailable.