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  1. #21
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    That's reassuring then haha.

    So you're saying him being distant isn't abnormal?
    Man I wish I could read his mind so I don't get so anxious about all of this. I know it's silly but I think about my past relationships which didn't last long because I feel I messed them up by not giving enough space. This time I want to get it right because I feel this guy could be the one. I'm praying it will work out but I don't want to wish to hard and soon!

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bee1991 View Post
    That's reassuring then haha.

    So you're saying him being distant isn't abnormal?
    Man I wish I could read his mind so I don't get so anxious about all of this. I know it's silly but I think about my past relationships which didn't last long because I feel I messed them up by not giving enough space. This time I want to get it right because I feel this guy could be the one. I'm praying it will work out but I don't want to wish to hard and soon!
    Yes. They show it through more actions than words, usually. @bold: Take it a bit slowly because ISTJs need time to process their emotions/thoughts regarding other people. At least with my friend, he likes directness but not a "ball of emotion" hurled at him.

  3. #23
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    I'm glad it's that way round because I'm rubbish with words and much better with actions too. I know he has his mind set on passing his finals as if he doesn't pass he may feel like giving up and I know he is mega stressed so it's probably the worst time for me to tell him how I feel. He isn't one for showing emotion easily and I found when I was with him he started opening up but then withdrew when others came and joined us. He blew hot and cold. I really want him to pass this time so I'm giving him all the space he needs and I just hope he knows I'm here for him. He means a lot to me but like I said before I tend to say things at the wrong time and ruin things so that's why I've come on here for advice and you've all been really helpful!!

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bee1991 View Post
    I'm glad it's that way round because I'm rubbish with words and much better with actions too. I know he has his mind set on passing his finals as if he doesn't pass he may feel like giving up and I know he is mega stressed so it's probably the worst time for me to tell him how I feel. He isn't one for showing emotion easily and I found when I was with him he started opening up but then withdrew when others came and joined us. He blew hot and cold. I really want him to pass this time so I'm giving him all the space he needs and I just hope he knows I'm here for him. He means a lot to me but like I said before I tend to say things at the wrong time and ruin things so that's why I've come on here for advice and you've all been really helpful!!
    Good luck! The main things are to be consistent, follow through with whatever you say, and generally don't expect him to read between the lines. If he sees someone trustworthy in behavior, you have won half the battle.

    Word of caution:
    Many NFs, including myself, tend to read into the emotional subcontext of things that sometimes aren't there. This can create undue drama and hurt feelings. To the ISTJ male, this often is perceived as coming out of left field. If you ever are curious about something or feel hurt or offended by whatever he does or says, just ask him about it directly without assuming too much.
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  5. #25
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    Oh good I'm glad it's not just me haha. I know I always assume things that aren't true and think too much into things. I just hope he does actually like me back.

    It would be very helpful to be able to read his mind
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  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Protege View Post
    Good luck! The main things are to be consistent, follow through with whatever you say, and generally don't expect him to read between the lines. If he sees someone trustworthy in behavior, you have won half the battle.

    Word of caution:
    Many NFs, including myself, tend to read into the emotional subcontext of things that sometimes aren't there. This can create undue drama and hurt feelings. To the ISTJ male, this often is perceived as coming out of left field. If you ever are curious about something or feel hurt or offended by whatever he does or says, just ask him about it directly without assuming too much.
    You should be the official ISTJ relationship spokes person
    Im out, its been fun

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poki View Post
    You should be the official ISTJ relationship spokes person
    Ha. Thanks. I have just spent a lot of time over the last few years sizing up a couple of ISTJ males and trying to get in their head a bit to get them to see my POV without raising their defenses. Never been in a romantic relationship with one though! I will probably end up with some sort of TP in the long run.
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  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bee1991 View Post
    Oh good I'm glad it's not just me haha. I know I always assume things that aren't true and think too much into things. I just hope he does actually like me back.

    It would be very helpful to be able to read his mind
    Hahaha. Remember to take a step back and don't react to anxious feelings.

    P.S. My observations were based on a few ISTJ males in their late 20s-early 40s. They all seemed to be more outgoing and self-assured than the younger ones I have read about online. They are all in somewhat people-intensive occupations, FWIW. Mileage will vary.

  9. #29
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    I am INFP and I really like ISTJs too. Good luck with your guy

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