• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

Really confused!!! Please help!

Bee1991

New member
Joined
May 14, 2016
Messages
28
Hello,

I'm not dating this guy but trying to figure him out. He is an ISTJ and I'm an INFP. We met about a month ago and I felt we had a connection. He went out of his way to spend time with me and I felt we flirted a lot. When we spent time in groups I could tell he looked over at me a lot and whenever he talked he would look at me and smile.

Anyway long story short I know he is really stressed at the moment as he is preparing for lots of essays and exams but I sent him a message (without questions) just saying a few of us from a group of people we know are meeting up so I wanted to let him know. He read the message but hasn't replied!! It's been over a week. I haven't sent him another message. I have friends who are ISTJ's and they say to me that I need to be direct as he may not know I'm into him unless I spell it out. I don't know if he is into me and I'm afraid to ask him.

Can anyone give me advice? I'm so confused. I don't know if he is thinking of replying or even interests in me at all. My friends who know him said they though he liked me but he was always very reserved emotionally I guess.
 

Numbly Aware

I wanna fcken feel right
Joined
May 4, 2016
Messages
408
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Hello,

I'm not dating this guy but trying to figure him out. He is an ISTJ and I'm an INFP. We met about a month ago and I felt we had a connection. He went out of his way to spend time with me and I felt we flirted a lot. When we spent time in groups I could tell he looked over at me a lot and whenever he talked he would look at me and smile.

Anyway long story short I know he is really stressed at the moment as he is preparing for lots of essays and exams but I sent him a message (without questions) just saying a few of us from a group of people we know are meeting up so I wanted to let him know. He read the message but hasn't replied!! It's been over a week. I haven't sent him another message. I have friends who are ISTJ's and they say to me that I need to be direct as he may not know I'm into him unless I spell it out. I don't know if he is into me and I'm afraid to ask him.

Can anyone give me advice? I'm so confused. I don't know if he is thinking of replying or even interests in me at all. My friends who know him said they though he liked me but he was always very reserved emotionally I guess.

Sometimes you have to work the guy over.... like, um, does he have a girlfriend? He'd probably be a little distant
In my experience, ISTJs.... sort of don't mind when u feed them attention.
Act like a baby almost... since they will be very serious and eventually break in.
When I talk with mine, I avoid "deep" subjects since they just stare at u like, "What?" I talk about evrything and anything... usually the more silly, the more they open up to you and give u the "okay". They don't like to open their emtions easily.
A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR NEVER DID ANYONE HARM. LOL unless it's unbearable..... INFPs are adorable and will probably woo an ISTJ's heart over.
 

Bee1991

New member
Joined
May 14, 2016
Messages
28
Thanks for your advice.

I know for a fact he is single. Don't think he has ever had a real relationship before. He is definitely more career minded than me but I don't mind that, actually it's weirdly attractive.

He looks up to my Dad a lot as they are both in the same field of work.

So you think I should just go ahead and start a convo again?
 

Numbly Aware

I wanna fcken feel right
Joined
May 4, 2016
Messages
408
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
He is definitely more career minded than me..
Ah, a serious one... dear me. :huh:

..I don't mind that, actually it's weirdly attractive.
Agreed ;)

I know for a fact he is single. Don't think he has ever had a real relationship before.
Checkkkkkk....

He looks up to my Dad a lot as they are both in the same field of work.
Go for the kill.:blush:
 
Last edited:

Numbly Aware

I wanna fcken feel right
Joined
May 4, 2016
Messages
408
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Are you sure he's an ISTJ?
Cause I thought the guy I was head over heels for was an ISTJ... He actually was an ENTJ. :(:(
And he didn't particularly like being "bothered" :cry::cry::cry:
 

Jeremy8419

Permabanned
Joined
May 6, 2016
Messages
771
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
925
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Hello,

I'm not dating this guy but trying to figure him out. He is an ISTJ and I'm an INFP. We met about a month ago and I felt we had a connection. He went out of his way to spend time with me and I felt we flirted a lot. When we spent time in groups I could tell he looked over at me a lot and whenever he talked he would look at me and smile.

Anyway long story short I know he is really stressed at the moment as he is preparing for lots of essays and exams but I sent him a message (without questions) just saying a few of us from a group of people we know are meeting up so I wanted to let him know. He read the message but hasn't replied!! It's been over a week. I haven't sent him another message. I have friends who are ISTJ's and they say to me that I need to be direct as he may not know I'm into him unless I spell it out. I don't know if he is into me and I'm afraid to ask him.

Can anyone give me advice? I'm so confused. I don't know if he is thinking of replying or even interests in me at all. My friends who know him said they though he liked me but he was always very reserved emotionally I guess.

Try asking him to go do something that you think he may like. Such as, sending a text that says, "hey, wanna go... ?"
 

Bee1991

New member
Joined
May 14, 2016
Messages
28
He is a definite Introvert!! Needs alot of alone time and finds crowds very stressful and tiring. I think he is the kind of person that you have a spell things out to as I felt one day he seemed clingy to me one minute and as soon as I gave someone else attention he went cold on me. Then when I spoke to him I felt he was being a lot more reserved. Very weird but he doesn't have much self confidence even though he is a really good looking guy and I can tell he has a kind heart which is what I like a lot about him. I feel I can open up to him about anything and be myself which I'm not normally because I'm afraid to open up. I have built a wall vey high since being hurt and don't let many people in but I couldn't help letting him in. He listened to me so well and I felt he got me and we had chemistry. I know this sounds cheesy but I've never felt like this about someone
 

Numbly Aware

I wanna fcken feel right
Joined
May 4, 2016
Messages
408
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
He is a definite Introvert!! Needs alot of alone time and finds crowds very stressful and tiring. I think he is the kind of person that you have a spell things out to as I felt one day he seemed clingy to me one minute and as soon as I gave someone else attention he went cold on me. Then when I spoke to him I felt he was being a lot more reserved. Very weird but he doesn't have much self confidence even though he is a really good looking guy and I can tell he has a kind heart which is what I like a lot about him. I feel I can open up to him about anything and be myself which I'm not normally because I'm afraid to open up. I have built a wall vey high since being hurt and don't let many people in but I couldn't help letting him in. He listened to me so well and I felt he got me and we had chemistry. I know this sounds cheesy but I've never felt like this about someone

Yeah, they tend to do that, as if giving someone else attention is a form of betrayal. :unsure::shrug::huh::shock: (I think this is a TJ thing) lol
Have you confessed your love to him? He might just brush it off as joke. :mellow::cry:
 

Bee1991

New member
Joined
May 14, 2016
Messages
28
No way. I don't think I love him but I really like him. I have only known him for a month and we live about 3hrs from one another. I just don't know how he feels but I'm not normally one to ask as the idea of asking scares me. I'm in two minds about it because I know it would be best to know but I also know it takes time for ISTJ's to find out their feelings and he may be backing away from me because he needs time to think. I don't want to ruin it but I know I should find out as its not helping me not knowing.
 
Joined
Jun 25, 2014
Messages
1,447
MBTI Type
*NF*
Enneagram
852
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
When we spent time in groups I could tell he looked over at me a lot and whenever he talked he would look at me and smile.
I have friends who are ISTJ's and they say to me that I need to be direct as he may not know I'm into him unless I spell it out. I don't know if he is into me and I'm afraid to ask him.I'm so confused. I don't know if he is thinking of replying or even interests in me at all. My friends who know him said they though he liked me but he was always very reserved emotionally I guess.

Why don't you trust your instinct ? The way he looked at you. That seems obvious enough from here, believe me.

Many stories never start because one of the two are thinking "I'm not sure ...well...:thinking: he/she did not jump on my knees...

I think finally he/she is not interested !" , even if they had clear clues about mutual attraction.

I don't think asking about girlfriend is a good idea. And I can tell you why :

Some boys are not happy with their actual girlfriend, and...you can give them a chance to have a better life :smoke:
 

Bee1991

New member
Joined
May 14, 2016
Messages
28
So what do you think I should do?

I don't want to ruin anything but at the same time I feel like if I say nothing then he may not step up and ask me. From what I got to know about him he doesn't tend to initiate things much in the emotional department. He is very hard to read. I am trying to see things from his side. I definitely felt he wanted to spend time with me and he always looked over at me and smiled when I wasn't looking at him but I could tell out of the corner of my eye he was looking at me. I didn't know I would feel like this for him until now but I really do like him.

I'm not experienced in relationships and always end up being the one who Is hurt so that's why I want some advice. I want this to work but only if I know for sure he feels the same.

Are there any hints ISTJ's give when they like someone?
 
Joined
Jun 25, 2014
Messages
1,447
MBTI Type
*NF*
Enneagram
852
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
So what do you think I should do?
I don't want to ruin anything but at the same time I feel like if I say nothing then he may not step up and ask me. From what I got to know about him he doesn't tend to initiate things much in the emotional department. He is very hard to read. I am trying to see things from his side. I definitely felt he wanted to spend time with me and he always looked over at me and smiled when I wasn't looking at him but I could tell out of the corner of my eye he was looking at me. I didn't know I would feel like this for him until now but I really do like him.
I'm not experienced in relationships and always end up being the one who Is hurt so that's why I want some advice. I want this to work but only if I know for sure he feels the same.
Are there any hints ISTJ's give when they like someone?

He is very hard (to read) ;)

I understand you want more advise because you don't have a lot of experience.

That all depends on your values I'd say. What do you wanna do with that man ? Why do you like him ?

Is that just some physical attraction ? How long have you known that boy ? Which kind of conversation do you have with him if any ?

How many people do you know in common ? Do you have any chance to see him again just "by any chance" (which will be of course not the case

but only you will know it) ? How old are you and old old is he ?

I had a friend ISTJ who was into me but to me he was a kind of "daddy cool" and just a friend to me from the beginning.

I have observed an ISTJ will ask questions a lot to if he is interested (more than some extrovert could do). I could be wrong.

My concrete knowledge about ISTJ and experience is a bit poor to tell you the truth. I have not had many ISTJ in my sensual laboratory :unsure:

Body language is much more relevant to me. If he behaves differently with you , compared to his behaviour with other feminine group members...

that is again an obvious sign.
 

Bee1991

New member
Joined
May 14, 2016
Messages
28
i like the fact he is genuine. I know he was being his true self with me. I felt we just got each other. We spoke about our futures and our dislikes and interests. We have more in common than I thought. He has a very low self esteem of himself but I don't know why because to look at he is very good looking and I know he has a good heart. It's not just physical attraction though. I can't really explain it but there's just something about him. I know it sounds super cheesy and I'm not that kind of person usually. I'm just confused because I wish I didn't like him this much. It's driving me crazy and I just want to tell him how I feel but I can't because I am so worried he won't feel the same!

We have only know each other just over a month and live over 3hrs from each other. He is in medicine and works very hard. He is very career minded but not in an awful way. He doesn't have millions of friends but a close group of friends as do I. We have about 10 friends in common.

I hope I will see him again. I want to see him soon but I don't know if he does. When I messaged him over a week ago I told him some of our friends are meeting up in 2 weeks and said it would be great to see him too even though I know he is busy preparing for his medical exams. I didn't ask him any questions so I didn't expect a reply but thought he may reply. I am 23 and he is 24.

He met my parents because he worked with my Dad and they really get along. He looks up to my Dad a lot.


Thank you so much for your advice. I hope what I wrote makes sense.
 

chubber

failed poetry slam career
Joined
Oct 18, 2013
Messages
4,413
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Tell him what to do. Tell him to show up at a place you picked and it's only going to be the two of you. And it's a date. Really it's that simple. So yes, spell it out.
 

Lia_kat

New member
Joined
Jan 6, 2016
Messages
750
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
You keep saying he has low self-esteem. Has he told you this or do you notice by his behavior? If he truly does have this issue, he may very well be insecure and afraid to show his emotions or how to approach you. He may be feeling like you. Is it unlike him to not reply to your messages or talk for a while?

Also, how do you know he's an ISTJ?
 

Bee1991

New member
Joined
May 14, 2016
Messages
28
I know he is a strong ISTJ because he took the Myers Briggs test and it really showed.

The way he talks about himself and the way he carries himself around me I can tell he doesn't think highly of himself a lot of the time. He always thinks of the negative in situations rather than the positive which annoys me but I know it's just his way of thinking.

I'm not completely surprised that he hasn't replied but it did upset me inside. I don't know if he knows that it hurts my feelings because I've never told him. I know from reading up about ISTJ's that sometimes you need to spell it out to them as they may not realise that they are hurting your feelings. I know they aren't the best people to express their feelings comfortably so I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt but I don't want to miss out on a chance of being with him if he feels the same. I'm a traditional person so usually I wait for the man to make the move but I know he may not...

Am I being silly? You can be honest
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
Am I being silly? You can be honest

Ok I will be honest. First - do you really want to be involved with someone like this? Can you actually handle a rather high maintenance person in a long distance relationship? Think on that hard. If the answer is yes, you can move to the next step. Go talk to him. Summon the courage or whatever you need to do and go tell him how you feel. That's the only solution to this problem because he is not going to do it and you're allowing him to do nothing.
 

Bee1991

New member
Joined
May 14, 2016
Messages
28
I know this may sound silly but i know he is a trustworthy person. When we were together I knew he was genuine. I would be able to tell if he was playing me and the thing is my parents know his parents really well and they say he is a really good guy. Because of that I am definitely ok with who he is. Yes I know it may take some adjusting but all relationships need both parties to make some compromises in order for it to work. He is someone who I can imagine spending my future with happily. I'm not the kind of person who just wants to date someone. I'm looking for 'the one', someone who also wants a relationship and is all in. He is the first guy who I like for who he is and who I have let see me for who I am and he accepted me. I wasn't afraid to walk around without make up on and wear scruffy clothes. In fact when I was like that he seemed more interested in me. So I guess what I'm saying is I would definitely want to be with him, no matter the distance!
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
I know this may sound silly but i know he is a trustworthy person. When we were together I knew he was genuine. I would be able to tell if he was playing me and the thing is my parents know his parents really well and they say he is a really good guy. Because of that I am definitely ok with who he is. Yes I know it may take some adjusting but all relationships need both parties to make some compromises in order for it to work. He is someone who I can imagine spending my future with happily. I'm not the kind of person who just wants to date someone. I'm looking for 'the one', someone who also wants a relationship and is all in. He is the first guy who I like for who he is and who I have let see me for who I am and he accepted me. I wasn't afraid to walk around without make up on and wear scruffy clothes. In fact when I was like that he seemed more interested in me. So I guess what I'm saying is I would definitely want to be with him, no matter the distance!


Ok so we all know how you feel. How does he feel? And if you don't go talk to him about how you feel, you'll never find out what he feels. See what I'm saying? So stop analyzing the situation using only YOUR feelings and wants, you're lacking 50% of the information. So go get it.
 
Top