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Thread: ENFP and ESTJ

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2016

    Default ENFP and ESTJ

    Hi, obviously I'm new, and I wound up here because we have ISSUES. I looked through all 4 pages of this subforum and found nothing, so I'm going to post here.

    I only found out our types last night, when a friend recommended I check mine. I'm the ENFP, as I discovered, and when I was reading descriptions, I saw that SJ types would be hardest for me to communicate with, and instantly knew my fiance must fall into that group. Without telling him anything, I asked him to take the test, and I was right. He's the ESTJ.

    We have recently gotten to the point that I have almost decided he's just a total jerk and almost decided to leave. I know that he has felt that I'm flighty and irresponsible (although to be clear on this, I'm not in any way extreme - I pay my bills on time, I keep my house very neat, etc.). He thinks I'm "too emotional" and I think he doesn't care enough about other people's feelings. Reading these descriptions of us was the first time I ever realized that he's not some weird outlier in the world, lol. I've actually never (and I'm 37 years old) had a close relationship with anyone like my fiance before, and I have found him extremely difficult to deal with since we moved in together in January. In fact, we've had difficulties to the point of postponing the marriage, because we do not understand each other at all.

    His lack of empathy has made me feel that my needs and wants are totally irrelevant to him. I can't say how my emotionality has made him feel, but I know it bothers him sometimes. We've been together for over 2 years, and things have reached a boiling point now. I feel that it's possible that we can work things out, if we can learn to live together, but I'm completely unsure of how to do that. Also, and I know this is going to sound stupid, but I have to ask anyway: how do I know the difference between when he's behaving like any other ESTJ could be expected to behave but his intentions are still good, and when he's simply being a selfish asshole? I mean, it sounds simple enough, but believe me, it's not.

  2. #2
    Sweet Ocean Cloud SD45T-2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    1w2 so/sp
    1w2-6w5-3w2 so/sp

    "I took one those personality tests. It came back negative." - Dan Mintz

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