How to show an ENFJ I like her

[INTP!]

I'm an INTP and I have met an ENFJ who I'm interested in. I met her at 2 social gatherings. She's been very friendly with me, and has initiated conversations a couple times. I'm pretty reserved with people I don't know well. We did talk for a long time one on one. But, likely she wouldn't know from my actions if I like her, unless she is really good at reading me. I joke around some. That and my talking with her for a long time would probably be the only clues, which isn't much. My only indicators that she might like me are that she makes a point to get into a conversation with me, says hi if I walk by and laughs at my jokes. Beyond that, it's just my intuition, which tends to be pretty good, but there's nothing concrete to point to there.

Anyway, I would like to know from an ENFJ perspective especially, what are some things I can do to indicate I like her? I know I can just ask her out. But I'd like to see if this can go beyond friendly conversation first. What about getting into dating or relationship topics? I know she broke up with someone a few months ago and is probably single now. I don't know what an ENFJ would think is too nosy. I'm pretty private myself. But if someone started talking to me about those subjects, I'd wonder if they liked me.

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

Well I'm not an ENFJ but ...I suppose that with Fe dominant she already knows you want her

First of all stop thinking you are running the risk to seem "nosey" and all will be fine with you INTP !

 

[INTP!]

Well I'm not an ENFJ but ...I suppose that with Fe dominant she already knows you want her

First of all stop thinking you are running the risk to seem "nosey" and all will be fine with you INTP !

Thanks. How do ENFJs tell when someone likes them? Don't we all have some doubt until one person makes it very clear? I guess I'm trying to bridge the gap between the point of being interested in someone who I had a couple conversations with, to the point of where it is obvious that one of us is interested.

 

[D'Ascoyne]

Thanks. How do ENFJs tell when someone likes them? Don't we all have some doubt until one person makes it very clear? I guess I'm trying to bridge the gap between the point of being interested in someone who I had a couple conversations with, to the point of where it is obvious that one of us is interested.

They just know! It's weird and amazing. I wish I knew how they know, too. Let's see if the ENFJs comment on this thread and let us in on their special ways.

 

[INTP!]

They just know! It's weird and amazing. I wish I knew how they know, too. Let's see if the ENFJs comment on this thread and let us in on their special ways.

Yes, I'd like them to say. I was wondering if it has something to do with the volume of interactions they have with people. Or they are experts on reading feelings.

I sometimes just know too, but I'm also have doubts, when I like someone, thinking I might be trying to see something that's not there. That rarely happens though. My just knowing is based on things non verbal, like expressions on their face when they see me, their actions and non verbal reactions to things I say. I've also been known to take things too much at face value, like getting asked to hang out one on one, means that they just want to have someone to do an activity with, when the real meaning is to move towards something romantic.

 

[INTP!]

One thing I haven't done that I should, is indicate I'm single. First time I met her I was in a relationship. I talked to another girl and told her that I was planning on hanging out with my gf for the rest of the day. Then I saw the 2 of them talking a lot. They probably didn't talk about me, but who knows. So I should fit into the next conversation something about how I am now single.

 

[ceecee]

Thanks. How do ENFJs tell when someone likes them? Don't we all have some doubt until one person makes it very clear? I guess I'm trying to bridge the gap between the point of being interested in someone who I had a couple conversations with, to the point of where it is obvious that one of us is interested.

They just know and they're really sure. My ENFJ wasn't like in my face overt about it but he made it clear he was very fond of me. I think he actually used those words too - I'm very fond of you. I don't know how much of this was him alone or me being blunt about liking him.

 

[INTP!]

They just know and they're really sure. My ENFJ wasn't like in my face overt about it but he made it clear he was very fond of me. I think he actually used those words too - I'm very fond of you. I don't know how much of this was him alone or me being blunt about liking him.

Wow, that's interesting. So this girl is continuing to talk to me after she knows that I like her? Now I feel kind of embarrassed. Would an ENFJ remain just as friendly to someone who they knew liked them if they didn't like them back?

There is just one issue which would hold this back for a while. She disclosed that she is still living with her Ex and are in the process of selling the house they bought together. I wouldn't want to start to date her while she is living with her Ex (not married and no kids). Although it seemed pretty clear they are living separate lives. It's just not very good circumstances.

The good part is that I have opportunities to hang out with her over the next couple of months where we can get to know each other outside of dating.

 

[ceecee]

Wow, that's interesting. So this girl is continuing to talk to me after she knows that I like her? Now I feel kind of embarrassed. Would an ENFJ remain just as friendly to someone who they knew liked them if they didn't like them back?

There is just one issue which would hold this back for a while. She disclosed that she is still living with her Ex and are in the process of selling the house they bought together. I wouldn't want to start to date her while she is living with her Ex (not married and no kids). Although it seemed pretty clear they are living separate lives. It's just not very good circumstances.

The good part is that I have opportunities to hang out with her over the next couple of months where we can get to know each other outside of dating.

I don't think an ENFJ would be just as friendly if they didn't like you back. I agree with your call on her living with her ex. Yes it's a technicality but you can't force yourself to be comfortable if you aren't. Definitely take advantage of the next couple months. Get to know her better and let her get to know you (I know that part isn't always easy for introverts).

 

[entropie]

pull blank in front of her and give her a rose. I mean take of all your clothes and give her a rose. If she doesnt like it she is no enfj

 

[Kheledon]

ENFj is a prize that must be won. She's also a "victim" in the sense that she wants the attention of lots of suitors throwing themselves at her, making her a "victim" of their romantic interest. That's what makes her a prize. You have to work for it. Don't look at other women. Don't talk to other women. Focus all of your attention on her. Earn her.

Challengers/Trophies: EIE (ENFj) IEI (INFp)

These are the types who unconsciously throw a "gauntlet" down for their opponents. They know on an almost subliminal level exactly who they are looking for, and anyone who does not fit the bill will be subjected to a rather flakey, hot-cold game of courting tag. As a result, they may appear (both to others and to themselves) rather amorphous and can take on qualities of the other romantic attitudes, depending on the situation and who they are "challenging."

They may, for example, give the victim half his aggressor, the psuedo-aggressor a little victim, the caregiver a bit of his child, etc. They react best, however, to those who do not "break" as a result of their games, but grant them a level of autonomy. Healthy examples of this type will have a sense of self-esteem, and may think of themselves as the "prize" that will be given only to the rightful owner.

Socionics - the16types.info - Socionics Romancing Styles

Typical characteristics of the Victim romance style

prone to initial doubts about intensity of own interest in another person
not always confident about revealing that interest
inclined to focus on whether or not the other person might reciprocate the interest
inclined to question whether or not the other person's interest will remain constant with time
preference for partners that provoke in the individual a certain sense of awe in terms of power, physical presence, and the like
appreciation for the sense of power-play present when interacting with such partners, with acceptance of a slight sense of superiority on the part of the partner, without ever actually "submitting" to them
this takes the form of the individual somewhat expecting the partner to be "mean" on occasion
in the case of Victim males with female partners, this latter trait assumes a characteristic analogous to a "knight devoted to his princess"
inclination to openly admit to a relationship having been ended by the partner rather than by the individual himself


This romance style is defined by focus on Symbol t.gif which is dynamic, irrational, and introverted, with perceptions of inner imagery away from the present physical reality. This means that a Victim sees attraction between two individuals as a dynamic state, which he feels is completely natural. This accounts for a Victim's inclination to focus on the mutual attraction, or particularly the attraction felt by the other person, as to its longer-term perspectives and implications, as well as a certain expectation that the partner will continuously take action to confirm the attraction. Failure on the partner to do so results on the individual assuming that it's already changing. The individual counts on the partner to forcefully bring the individual "down to earth from his thoughts " and focus on the immediate physical reality, continuously.

Victim - Wikisocion

Good luck!

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

If it can help you INTP, I don't have a dominant Fe, and I know when a guy is interested in me... Body language and so on... we just know, us women

Sometimes I can even know it before the guy knows himself Maybe thanks to my dominant Se...

 

[Kheledon]

How do ENFJs tell when someone likes them?

Generally speaking, we can't tell, and we're never sure. That's why you have to be so forceful and consistent in demonstrating continuous interest in us. We're very uncertain about someone else's interest in us.

Just fyi, my wife, [MENTION=26289]Silent[/MENTION], says that in order to "catch" an ENFj you have to "beat them over the head" and, presumably, drag them into your cave.

Worked for her.

 

[INTP!]

ENFj is a prize that must be won. She's also a "victim" in the sense that she wants the attention of lots of suitors throwing themselves at her, making her a "victim" of their romantic interest. That's what makes her a prize. You have to work for it. Don't look at other women. Don't talk to other women. Focus all of your attention on her. Earn her.



Good luck!

I met her in a large social setting. We talked a lot for the amount of people there. When we were talking, it was one on one most of the time. I think it would come off as kind of creepy if I didn't speak to other people there and focused all my attention on her.

If we actually had plans to go out together, I would focus completely on her. Part of what you wrote and pasted, sounds too much like a game.

 

[INTP!]

Generally speaking, we can't tell, and we're never sure. That's why you have to be so forceful and consistent in demonstrating continuous interest in us. We're very uncertain about someone else's interest in us.

Just fyi, my wife, [MENTION=26289]Silent[/MENTION], says that in order to "catch" an ENFj you have to "beat them over the head" and, presumably, drag them into your cave..
Worked for her.

Oh, ok. I'm just confused, because others are saying that she would have been able to tell for sure I like her. I'm going to continue to make an effort to talk to her and get to know her more and steer the conversation to more personal relationship topics. I don't think there is ever a point where you should stop working for someone, even after you are dating or in a relationship.

I'm pretty clueless too about knowing peoples intentions, so much so I am often very surprised when people have proclaimed their feelings for me, like I didn't see it coming at all at least half the time. Those are the cases where I don't like them, usually. When I do like them I can kind of tell if they like be, but there is a lot of doubt.

 

[entropie]

ENFj is a prize that must be won. She's also a "victim" in the sense that she wants the attention of lots of suitors throwing themselves at her,

Man that Fe nerd talk, guess that dating thing doenst work out for you like you wish for

 

[Tilt]

I met her in a large social setting. We talked a lot for the amount of people there. When we were talking, it was one on one most of the time. I think it would come off as kind of creepy if I didn't speak to other people there and focused all my attention on her.

If we actually had plans to go out together, I would focus completely on her. Part of what you wrote and pasted, sounds too much like a game.

Just be yourself. Say something or ask something that will maker her think. If she talks about a certain topic, then throw out a random tidbit which INTPs are usually good at. If the atmosphere gets too heavy, throw in a light-hearted remark... banter. Whenever a guy gets me to think in different ways... probes my mind a bit, it exhilarates me as an ENFJ female.

 

[ceecee]

Just fyi, my wife, [MENTION=26289]Silent[/MENTION], says that in order to "catch" an ENFj you have to "beat them over the head" and, presumably, drag them into your cave.

No.

I met her in a large social setting. We talked a lot for the amount of people there. When we were talking, it was one on one most of the time. I think it would come off as kind of creepy if I didn't speak to other people there and focused all my attention on her.

If we actually had plans to go out together, I would focus completely on her. Part of what you wrote and pasted, sounds too much like a game.

If I told my ENFJ he was a victim, the outcome would not be good. I do think earning respect and trust are big things in a relationship and it goes both ways, however, don't put your ENFJ on a pedestal. Just stick to your plan, you sound very sensible.

 

[entropie]

if you go with strategies into dating you lost. rather go with a boner and heart

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

lol. This is the same prototype thread that has been circulating Type C for half a dozen years! It will go on for 100 pages, and everyone will just end up frustrated with you because you won't ask her out and then the thread will finally die.

Just ask her out already!! Then tell us how it goes.