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ENTJ and INTJ Relationships

highlander

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Dec 23, 2009
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26,562
MBTI Type
INTJ
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6w5
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sx/sp
What do you think about relationships between ENTJs and INTJs? The focus of this is really on romantic relationships but it also makes sense to discuss your experience in situations where these two types interact in a significant way – such as friendship, at work, etc.

When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
- How compatible do you think these two types are in general?
- Why are they attracted to each other?
- How to they compliment each other?
- How well do they understand each other and why?
- What are they like together raising children?

When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
- What are some of the communication challenges they can have?
- What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?
- How can they take each other for granted?
- What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?

Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
- What things should each type do to facilitate better communication?
- What advice do you have for each of the two types?
- If you are an ENTJ, what advice do you have for the INTJs?
- If you are an INTJ, what advice would you have for the ENTJs?
 

BadOctopus

Suave y Fuerte
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*cough*

I'm... not the best person to ask about this. I'll let someone else give it a go.
 

Kullervo

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Somehow, I can't see this combination working very well.
 

highlander

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Somehow, I can't see this combination working very well.

Hm. I thought the opposite, though I have at times had problems with them in the past.

My experience with ENTJs has been great. If you're not getting along with them then maybe you're confusing ENTJs for ESTJs. That happens a lot.

This seems interesting: INTJ + ENTJ compatibility

I came across that site recently and thought it was excellent.
 

GarrotTheThief

The Green Jolly Robin H.
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ENTJ
Don't argue with the ENTJ if you are an intj. ENTJ's do not like to mess around. They like observable evidence for conclusions they understand science but they understand statistics better and know that statistically, based on experience, probably are wrong 9/10 even when they sound right.
 

violet_crown

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My experience with this pairing was positive. Complicated, yes. But, nonetheless, I grew a great deal from it.

I think what I valued about the interaction was the way he constantly surprised me. His mind was just active in a way that mine wasn't. There was something lovely to all the angles he saw, and I think that he appreciated that I understood the intricacy that each thought revealed.

I grounded him, or tried to at least. Not in a limiting way, but trying to understand where he was coming from, what he needed and just providing for those things in quiet but practical ways. There was a lot of acceptance involved, which I think was a rarity for both of us. He helped me to open up and own my feelings in a way that made sense to me. We were best friends, I think.

And I think that's kind of a recurring theme with the ENTJ/INTJ couples that I've known--the depth of the mutual respect and loyalty. And overtime that foundation can grow into a pretty lovely symbiosis if allowed to. Are there problems? Sure. I'm not the most emotionally expressive woman, and never will be. If you're looking for a partner who's able to bask in that connection FP-style with endless ruminations about what you're feeling and what I'm feeling and what I feel about what you're feeling, then I ain't your girl.

Similarly, he'd get lost in the conceptual weeds at times. The rabbit hole would go deeper and deeper, and I didn't know how to get him back from the edge. I felt he was more comfortable with the idea of me, than the actuality of me. I changed, but the model stayed fixed. Fighting against something that is purely an image in the mind wears you down after a while. There's only so much shadowboxing you can do before you just end up throwing in the towel.

But as is always the case with Ni, that's not the whole truth, or only a portion of it. There were moments, though, where I knew with transcendent clarity that there was nothing more perfect than what I was sharing with him right now. There were moments he saw me more clearly than anyone, and others where he was lost in my own mirrors. The closest thing to the truth is that we loved each other and we tried. Honestly we did.
 

chubber

failed poetry slam career
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Don't argue with the ENTJ if you are an intj. ENTJ's do not like to mess around. They like observable evidence for conclusions they understand science but they understand statistics better and know that statistically, based on experience, probably are wrong 9/10 even when they sound right.

*cough*
 

BadOctopus

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[MENTION=23213]GarrotTheThief[/MENTION] Is there some sort of hidden meaning in the fact that you capitalized ENTJ, but not INTJ? Or was that an accidental slip?
 

violet_crown

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[MENTION=23213]GarrotTheThief[/MENTION] Is there some sort of hidden meaning in the fact that you capitalized ENTJ, but not INTJ? Or was that an accidental slip?

Like some unconscious assumption of a D/s component as opposed to just a garden variety typo?
 

GarrotTheThief

The Green Jolly Robin H.
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[MENTION=23213]GarrotTheThief[/MENTION] Is there some sort of hidden meaning in the fact that you capitalized ENTJ, but not INTJ? Or was that an accidental slip?

A Freudian slip because ENTJ's prefer the top and love to subjugate intj's because they are naughty in their plotting and scheming.
 

GarrotTheThief

The Green Jolly Robin H.
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Coughing, sideways glares, scowls, eye oogling, laughing, scratching around the nose area and under the eyes, and eye rolls are all no-no's with an ENTJ and considered a form of talking back when coming from an intj.
 

GarrotTheThief

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At least we're not bossy. :alttongue:

Yes...i think that's why an intj/entj pair might work well. ENTJ's are the bosses and would respect the intj's plans and adopt them and even give them limited decision making powers and would enjoy smashing with cold empty stares into each others' eyes, paradoxically, something warm blooded to the nt which nf's might find hideously reptilian.
 

GarrotTheThief

The Green Jolly Robin H.
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One of the biggest challenges with an ENTJ, if you are in a relationship with one, is the light of their mind which is extroverted thinking. I am told quite often to shut up, because I will speak too much about one thing that I am thinking about for days, and days. For example, I will analyze, out loud, everything about the previous day at work, or something I am trying to decipher into straight logic.

The irony of extroverted thinking is that your thinking becomes clearer as you speak your thoughts out loud or teach what you are learning. Literally, I mind meld with the other...so if the other is not willing to speak, the entj will never work....

And this will be an issue for an intj...

But I also have extreme quiet periods where I will not talk for days. At work, I do not talk much at all, nor do I speak much when going out accept to rip on things or say something I think is funny...this mind meld only happens when there is a mastermind alliance. Preferably, it is ideal for a business partnership more than a marriage or relationship or for implementing a strategy.

I find with INTJ's I know intuitively what they are up to and want to help them but I know that they are mistaking or missing some facts or details since they tend to conflate their intuitions with sensory data and don't always separate the two....similarly to how inferior fi conflates values with thoughts.....and ENTJ's are known for knowing where a person will end up, they are good judges of character, hence the human resources thing entj's are known and hated for.

FYI i've never been wrong about a person. I can ascertain by their habit patterns what their probable cause of death, victory, defeat will be...I am not so good at judging when as I am the what and why but the when is just a matter of inevitability.

I can tell when a marriage won't work, when someone will get sick from something they are doing, etc........and I can smell a dead beat from a mile away.
 

Cygnus

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Typecest is best! :D

Heh, I can't find a single thread about Identity type relations on any of these forums.


Overlooking Duality is understandable, but come on, you haven't even considered partnering with your own type?? :dry:

The biggest relationship anyone talks about here is Mirage.
 

GarrotTheThief

The Green Jolly Robin H.
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1,648
MBTI Type
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These two types are hardly any different at all, really...

Ah yes...this comment is the evidence I was looking for. No offense, I am simply assuming the role of teacher here and not trying to speak down to you at all, it is just that you are blatantly wrong here.


The difference between an ENTJ and INTJ is a world apart.

This explains why you erroneously tried to type me as an esfp...which is laughable and made me laugh very, very hard.

You are indeed wet behind the ears.
 

violet_crown

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Yes...i think that's why an intj/entj pair might work well. ENTJ's are the bosses and would respect the intj's plans and adopt them and even give them limited decision making powers and would enjoy smashing with cold empty stares into each others' eyes, paradoxically, something warm blooded to the nt which nf's might find hideously reptilian.

I tried to imagine you trying to have said relationship with [MENTION=9811]Coriolis[/MENTION], but had to stop because of the involuntarily sense of overwhelming dread.

Heh, I can't find a single thread about Identity type relations on any of these forums.


Overlooking Duality is understandable, but come on, you haven't even considered partnering with your own type?? :dry:

The biggest relationship anyone talks about here is Mirage.

I mean, in all fairness, Mirror and Identity relationships are pretty unsexy in the grand scheme of intertype rapports--especially between two TJs. Mirage relationships are "ideal" from the perspective that they could continue on in frictionless bliss seemingly forever. They're not as all encompassing as the Dual, and therefore not as threatening. It's the socionics equivalent of a committed relationship to an internet girlfriend.

I've dated a lot of everything at this point, but my relationships with NTJs have been the most enduring. Why? It's nice to not have to constantly explain yourself, and familiarity tends to breed comfort rather then contempt for someone like me. That said, NTJs are generally terrible people. I was reading an entry from the SCP Foundation earlier today about SCP-682, a powerful and unnervingly intelligent reptilian creature whose virtual indestructibility is only surpassed by it's profound loathing for humanity, and all I could say to myself was, "Yeah and I bet he's a shitty texter, too."
 
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