ENFP and ISTP Relationships

[Lunar Light]

Dear ISTPs,

Take if from me, never ever pursue an ENFP. They are the hunters when it comes to love and relationships. If they decide they like you, they'll come after you. Go after them, and you'll get your heart broken.

There is an exception to the rule. That is pursuing one will work if you know how to play your cards really really well. Even then, don't keep your hopes up. Try, but never with your hopes up.

Hmm, I don't think this really applies to me. I do tend up being the pursuer but I remember wishing in the past that I didn't have to.

Why, specifically, do you say you'll get your heart broken if you pursue an ENFP?

 

[Riva]

Hmm, I don't think this really applies to me. I do tend up being the pursuer but I remember wishing in the past that I didn't have to.

Why, specifically, do you say you'll get your heart broken if you pursue an ENFP?

Because if a enfp likes u she'll let it know (not in obvious words). And if you are falling for one before she has started pursuing u that means you are pursuing a girl who isn't interested.

I am being a bit negative here though. If your timing is good, choose your words wisely you'll be able to charm any girl including an enfp. (Charm not date.)

 

[Poki]

lol [MENTION=12103]Poki[/MENTION] that thing about talking out her ass is cracking me up.

i think that thing is something that a lot of other types have a hard time understanding. it's something that's caused problems in relationships for me as well. but it's our way of figuring out how we feel about something. to explore multiple sides. that can look like "i really love the X, Y, Z about this, this thing is great!" then "oh but A, B, C kinda sucks, this thing isn't so great." we almost have to put ourselves fully on each side in order to test it out. really the truth probably lies somewhere in the middle. the thing has positive and negative aspects and no GOOD or BAD can really be assigned. ...if that makes sense.

The biggest issue you guys have with this is when you get stuck in a side. Sit in the "bad" way to long. As my gf enfp once said...it's my crap and I love it. Yeah...have fun with that...hey look your crap is available...it's right over there....have fun. She never went suprisingly...lol

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

Because if a enfp likes u she'll let it know (not in obvious words). And if you are falling for one before she has started pursuing u that means you are pursuing a girl who isn't interested.

I am being a bit negative here though. If your timing is good, choose your words wisely you'll be able to charm any girl including an enfp. (Charm not date.)

Hmm. For some reason I tend to attract ENFP's. I think it has something to do with the fact I have never taken them/their interest seriously at first. It always comes off as over the top or infatuation.

(I do not mean this as an insult or a negative). Their effusiveness is met with shrugs and "why not?" or "This is fun. Let's play" And then it snowballs in a natural way. So maybe that is the key. Don't take them too seriously, at first. Lol

 

[inspiredpoet]

All I can say is that my younger brother is an ISTP. The only thing that bothers me is when his temper explodes (and he has a strong temper) and he starts criticizing everyone and bossing them around, just over some little thing (like if they win in a video game against him).
But other than that he is a very nice person. He's strong, quiet, mostly easygoing, and is fun to hang out with. Honestly, if we weren't siblings, and if he didn't get so angry and act like everyone was stupid, then I think it would work very well.
But I mostly recommend ISTPs for ENFPs' friends rather than for romantic relationships. My ISTP brother is kinda casual and he doesn't do deep conversations; and ENFPs prefer deeper conversations.
He prefers to talk about cars and Minecraft (not that I don't like Minecraft).
ISTPs are hardworking, fun, and honest people, but I just think that I'd rather have them as siblings or friends.
But overall, it depends on the person. If you can make it work, then good for you.
But what I do really like about them is that they're very open to whatever you feel like doing. That's always nice, because it means that I feel like my ideas and I are accepted.
They make awesome brothers.

 

[Poki]

All I can say is that my younger brother is an ISTP. The only thing that bothers me is when his temper explodes (and he has a strong temper) and he starts criticizing everyone and bossing them around, just over some little thing (like if they win in a video game against him).
But other than that he is a very nice person. He's strong, quiet, mostly easygoing, and is fun to hang out with. Honestly, if we weren't siblings, and if he didn't get so angry and act like everyone was stupid, then I think it would work very well.
But I mostly recommend ISTPs for ENFPs' friends rather than for romantic relationships. My ISTP brother is kinda casual and he doesn't do deep conversations; and ENFPs prefer deeper conversations.
He prefers to talk about cars and Minecraft (not that I don't like Minecraft).
ISTPs are hardworking, fun, and honest people, but I just think that I'd rather have them as siblings or friends.
But overall, it depends on the person. If you can make it work, then good for you.
But what I do really like about them is that they're very open to whatever you feel like doing. That's always nice, because it means that I feel like my ideas and I are accepted.
They make awesome brothers.

That just means you were talking to him about the right things

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

When ever I think of ISTPS I think of modest mouse...who knows why. ISTPs are enjoyable, and I tend to enjoy making up strategies to use subtle shock factor to excite them. I really love amusing ISTPS...not annoying them. I made a thread about my experience seeing an ISTP. my favorite characteristics in the ISTP is their confidence when they're sure of themselves. Or sometimes I really enjoy the drunk ISTP. which is bizarre to say, because they're known for getting a little too cocky drunk. But I see this side in them sober, when they're comfortable. It's not egotistical it's true emotion. I also like just looking at their facial expressions, which creeped out the guy I was seeing. idgaf. I ended things with him because we weren't on the same page intellectually. I'm no genius, but I'm quick when it comes to some things. But I know plenty of ISTPs who are more intellectually advanced than me.

Ha. When my ENFP and I started dating, he would *stare* into my eyes in a strange pronounced way. Haha. It was...it was like he wanted to lock in with me. Kinda weird and I could see how it would weird ppl out.

My ENFP thinks he is smarter than me. Which is funny to me. It's a one sided competition. I never need to prove myself that way. Plus, I enjoy putting him in his place when he leasts expects it.

You mentioned drunk ISTP's - our filter is lessened and we say more things than we normally would. It is surprising how many laughs I get from him. Then he takes my jokes and gets more laughs with them than I do.

 

[Poki]

Ha. When my ENFP and I started dating, he would *stare* into my eyes in a strange pronounced way. Haha. It was...it was like he wanted to lock in with me. Kinda weird and I could see how it would weird ppl out.

My ENFP thinks he is smarter than me. Which is funny to me. It's a one sided competition. I never need to prove myself that way. Plus, I enjoy putting him in his place when he leasts expects it.

You mentioned drunk ISTP's - our filter is lessened and we say more things than we normally would. It is surprising how many laughs I get from him. Then he takes my jokes and gets more laughs with them than I do.

Yeah, same here with staring, for me its just the situation or timing is makes it strange. I am a touch person anyway, so that seems more natural to me.

She has already given into me being smarter. Maye the male istp/female enfp dynamics where 8Ts typical for man to be think he is smart with you and feel lesser if he is not.It's funny because she will make comment on baby getting her curiosity and my brains to people that know her and not me. They immediately jump in and say, you are really smart and she has to comment, nothing compared to him.

I become alot more social, talkative, and flirty when drunk. Filter goes away

 

[Poki]

I suck at keeping this up to date. Here is are parts of a song list she has been making describing how she feels and what she thinks of me. Over 100 songs long, so here is the start about 2-3 years ago up until recently.

 

[Poki]

When we had issues and I broke up for a bit awhile back.

 

[Poki]

Thought of something else we do alot of. I bring function to her ideas and she brings ideas to my function.

 

[Poki]

I help ground her reasoning. Her mind goes 50 million directions in reasons like a pro/con list and she confuses herself and I help bring her back to what matter, what she cares about which let's her hit things head on and not round about.

 

[great_bay]

lol enfp and istp

 

[Indicated1]

My SO is ISTP. The road is paved with diamonds, but predictable, jagged pits. My emotions take a damn beating.
He's a lot friendlier and generous with people outside the family. It really irks me that he can say to the blond bombshell friend of ours on Twitter that he sympathizes with her when she tweets about dark moments, but doesn't have those words for me. Is he full of shit, or does he really have sympathy only for people outside of his family?

Sorry, ISTP's, I really admire you guys, but I'm still raging inside because mine bought a Christmas gift for each of *our* kids, but not for my oldest who he "raised" (tolerated) from the time she was two. My Ni forethought advised him ahead of his gift buying to make sure all the kids were gifted because I didn't want him to look like an ass again. He didn't hear me...and he looked like an ass...and I was once again angry, hurt and embarrassed when I realized what happened. Once again he turned the issue against me.

I kick myself for still loving him after 28 years of this. When things are good, and they usually are, things are really good. He is simply aloof to certain things that violate my sense of values.

Bottom line - If you lead with your emotions, don't get any closer than next door neighbor with benefits.

 

[Poki]

My SO is ISTP. The road is paved with diamonds, but predictable, jagged pits. My emotions take a damn beating.
He's a lot friendlier and generous with people outside the family. It really irks me that he can say to the blond bombshell friend of ours on Twitter that he sympathizes with her when she tweets about dark moments, but doesn't have those words for me. Is he full of shit, or does he really have sympathy only for people outside of his family?

Sorry, ISTP's, I really admire you guys, but I'm still raging inside because mine bought a Christmas gift for each of *our* kids, but not for my oldest who he "raised" (tolerated) from the time she was two. My Ni forethought advised him ahead of his gift buying to make sure all the kids were gifted because I didn't want him to look like an ass again. He didn't hear me...and he looked like an ass...and I was once again angry, hurt and embarrassed when I realized what happened. Once again he turned the issue against me.

I kick myself for still loving him after 28 years of this. When things are good, and they usually are, things are really good. He is simply aloof to certain things that violate my sense of values.

Bottom line - If you lead with your emotions, don't get any closer than next door neighbor with benefits.

Don't relate at all. Family and GF come first always. It's the reason why her family respects me so much. Yes I do treat other women very well, but I treat the person I am with better.

My niece lives with me that I have known since she was 2. I have taken her to Disney world and lots of other places. She is my exes sisters daugter. I have pretty much "unofficially" adopted her since she was around 10. She is 20 now and has moved in here. I still treat her like my own.

Sounds like you have an ass, irregardless of istp.

 

[Indicated1]

Sounds like you have an ass, irregardless of istp.

He did come around to redeem himself and make peace. Maybe it's the enneagram 3 facet, idk....or you could be right.

 

[entropie]

Don't relate at all. Family and GF come first always. It's the reason why her family respects me so much. Yes I do treat other women very well, but I treat the person I am with better.

My niece lives with me that I have known since she was 2. I have taken her to Disney world and lots of other places. She is my exes sisters daugter. I have pretty much "unofficially" adopted her since she was around 10. She is 20 now and has moved in here. I still treat her like my own.

Sounds like you have an ass, irregardless of istp.

And what do you have for adventure ?

 

[Poki]

And what do you have for adventure ?

I don't know. I have never said...oohhh...let's go on an adeventure or even think of things as adventures. Big difference between enfp and istp. What she labels as an adventure I just see as living. Heading to a different city, going somewhere unkown and such. I don't see it as adventures, it's just a part of living life. I am really up for anything, love physical, sight seeing, etc. I really don't know what an adventure is per se though.

I went snorkeling in Hawaii in the rain when no one else would go, came really close to huge sea turtles and a crazy amount of really cool fish. I don't see it as an adventure, it was just something fun to do at the time.

Cruise was fun, going tbrought Belize on a bus ride and seeing all parts of it, even the run down parts. Took a ride in Hawaii with a local guy down a 4x4 only road to a small little beach that had wild horses, etc. Then he took us through all the back roads and picked some leechee to eat off a tree.

Some of this was with people other then enfp.

I guess this stuff is adventures. I don't know. We categorize things WAY differently. I have this pull w fine tune her categorization because it's very shallow and short sited. But alot of the world is. Abstract example is

Her: xyz is fun
Me: no its not it's abc you enjoy, it just so happens to be during xyz in this instance.
Her: yeah

Alot of stuff like that.

 

[Poki]

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

It's like the Indiana Jones-Marion Ravenwood dynamic.

..although Marion may have been ENFJ or even some form of ST herself. I need to watch Raiders again, it's been a while.