INTP and INTP Relationships

[highlander]

What do you think about relationships between INTPs and INTPs? The focus of this is really on romantic relationships but it also makes sense to discuss your experience in situations where these two types interact in a significant way – such as friendship, at work, etc.

When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
- How compatible do you think these two types are in general?
- Why are they attracted to each other?
- How to they compliment each other?
- How well do they understand each other and why?
- What are they like together raising children?

When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
- What are some of the communication challenges they can have?
- What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?
- How can they take each other for granted?
- What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?

Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
- What things should each type do to facilitate better communication?
- What advice do you have for each of the two types?
- If you are an INTP, what advice do you have for the INTPs?

 

[EJCC]

Paging [MENTION=10251]Red Herring[/MENTION] and [MENTION=8444]Mad Hatter[/MENTION] ?

 

[Red Herring]

When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
- How compatible do you think these two types are in general?
I am currently in a very serious LTR with a fellow INTP and my last LTR was also with an INTP. In my experience the combination has a lot of advantages.

- Why are they attracted to each other?

INTP being one of the rarer types (especially among females) it is very comforting and a great relief (and energy saver) to have a better half who really gets you. You don't have to translate. A fellow INTP is also likely to share or at least get your interests as well as your mode of thinking and your sense of humor. The lifestyle is also likely to be similar and thus easily compatible.

- How to they compliment each other?
Complement? Obviously, not typewise. However, typology isn't everything and 2 people of the same type can still have different cultural or social backgrounds or exeriences in life, so you can still complement each other on that basis.

- How well do they understand each other and why?
Very much so, this is probably the biggest advantage of the pairing. Obvious reason is being obvious.

- What are they like together raising children?
We're about to find out. So far: unsurprisingly nerdy and often using irony when talking about sticky feeling, but overall very caring and sharing tasks as equally as possible, mostly detached from common gender stereotypes

When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
- What are some of the communication challenges they can have?
In the relationships I have lived: 1. conflict avoidance (that baby Fe just wants everybody to coexist in harmony and be left in peace, drama is pain!) and 2. taking for granted that the other person knows what you are thinking because, hey, they usually are, so why not this time?

- What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?

Being so similar also means sharing blind spots and weaknesses. So at least one of you has to give in and do the stuff neither of you is particularly good at. That is often all the things Te users are so good at. In other words: somebody has to be the adult, all you can do to make things easier is to take turns

- How can they take each other for granted?
See above. Another risk (that caused the end of the previous relationship which is now a great friendship) is that the companionship aspect and a general social clumsiness can let the romantic aspect get lost or drop too much into the background.

- What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?

See above

Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
- What things should each type do to facilitate better communication?
- What advice do you have for each of the two types?
- If you are an INTP, what advice do you have for the INTPs?

All these questions seem copied and pasted from a questionaire for mixed couples and not really apply to the case at hand. The lessons learned so far are mainly derived from what I already described: it helps to communicate your intentions and needs more explicitely than you might assume to be necessary. And keep an eye on the companionship-to-romance ratio!

 

[Mad Hatter]

I'm going to answer this one in sections, so here's my reply to the first couple of questions:

When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
How compatible do you think these two types are in general?

Generally speaking, I think that INTP-INTP are among the types the most compatible among each other. In my experience, INTPs in general have quite laid-back and accomodating (often to the point of being conflict avoidant), so that even if things don't run spectacularly great, they rarely go specacularly wrong. If two INTPs aren't compatible with one another, they'll probably just avoid each others' company. Active confrontation (in my experience) is very drainig and exhausting for INTPs and thus is probably not something INTPs would naturally, let alone thrive on. If get together frequently, that's a good sign that there is already some degree of compatibility already.

Why are they attracted to each other?

If they find that they are drawn to each other, INTPs will probably soon find lots of things to talk about. The INTPs I know are intersted in a wide range of topics. The Ti-Ne connection quite soon will offer stuff for discussion, and I've found that it has always been refreshing when Ne-based trains of thought are immediately picked up and expanded by the other. Bouncing off ideas with fellow INTPs can be a really satisfying and insightful experience.
With the INTP's relief Si, similar experiences can reinforce the relief value of Si and make themselves feel very much at home among each other, especially when coupled with Fe.

How to they compliment each other?

That's a tricky one to answer. I can only speak from my own experience of being in an INTP-INTP relationship, so take this one with a grain of salt.
My SO and I have different family backgrounds (type-wise and other), and I think that a lot of the complimenting differences come from this difference in our backgrounds (even more so since we're not only both INTPs, but also both 5w4 and sp/sx/so).
My SO was raised by N parents, while I would describe my own family very much as SJ (even though my dad is probably an ISTP, he's been raised in and influenced by an SJ-style environment).
With most other things being similar, I think that these are the things that account for the majority of differences among us. I would describe myself as being the more SJ of us both, and I have the impression that my SO is more extraverted (and also slightly more self-confident) than I am. Given the different family backgrounds, that only makes sense, but I think that considering that there is so much of common ground among us, it feels like we do compliment each other most of the time.

How well do they understand each other and why?

Can't say that I have ever had the impression that anyone I have known understands me better than my INTP girlfriend. It's not that we agree on everything or see everything the same way, but that we speak each other's language and usually can explain where we don't agree, and in terms the other one understands. We don't always come to the same conclusions, but we often can make clear to each other how we got there in a way the other one understands, and to me that aspect is really invaluable.

 

[RandomINTP]

Smartest Type + Smartest Type = Twice the fun!

 

[Luke O]

I don't know any INTPs in rl (that I know of). Maybe that's why I don't feel like I get on with people...

 

[rmrf]

The INTP-INTP relationship in my experience, is the golden combination for any non-romantic/non-intimate relationship. Most of my friends are INTP, and most of the really great teachers I've had were INTP. The combo is good because the two "speak the same language", and are able to be ourselves and not have to act in the 'traditional social way'. INTPs feel like we are unconventional in style and thought, so we find it pleasing when we find others who share that style.

Because INTPs are generally pragmatic and have a utilitarian manner, when INTPs meet, they feel comfortable with each other because they can speak their mind freely in conversations with dispassionate candidness.

The problem with INTP-INTP intimacies is that emotional tensions will not be effectively communicated, and emotional conflicts will be manifested as INTP debates, communicating the emotional ideas in a symbolic and prosaic way, rather than through Fe mediated intimacy. Each side will have feelings for the other they cannot effectively communicate, leading to cross purposes.

Still for all other relationships, especially buddies, I usually get along very well with other INTPs and can make strong friendships quite quickly when there are shared interests .

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

I have only one thing to say : When I used to go for some enneagram courses, the instructors were often speaking about the mirror effect in intimate relationship in which one both partners are from the same

planet (call it MBTI type, socionics, Enneagramm, whatever).

I am 7 wing 8 and I have a relationship with a 8 wing 7. I'd say it is a quite difficult relationship, very interesting (this is absolutely normal I'm part of the relationship), but the main thing :

we are forced to progress or we would have already break all of it long long time ago...

It is not an easy thing to see your own "weaknesses" being reflected directly into a mirror truly alive

That is probably why those instructors were explaining why so many people rarely choose the same type for an intimate relationship.

+ ....opposite attract