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ENTP and INFJ Relationships

Hawthorne

corona
Joined
Jan 8, 2015
Messages
1,946
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
I don't think I've ever met an INFJ, let alone been involved with one.

The closest comparison I have is an ambiverted ENFJ. We were going through similar struggles so our bond evolved naturally through supporting each other. Communication issues and problems with mutual acquaintances kept it from working out.

The initial pull was noticing that they always kept something of themselves back even when they were actively participating and I wanted to know what and why. She was also witty and disturbingly skilled at making sense of my jumbled up thoughts and rambles.

The crux of the communication issue was that at the time she was an appeaser and I was excessively bullheaded. Our approaches to solving problems were too different and eventually I started to feel fluffed and became more critical of the things she said. Cue resentment and distancing loop.

I could try to oversimplify things and distill it down to Ti/Fe miscommunication but it would be a cop out since the real excuse is that one unhealthy party drastically reduces the chances of a relationship working out. Two unhealthy parties and you start to enter the realm of the inhumane.
 

SearchingforPeace

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 9, 2015
Messages
5,711
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
My brother is an ENTP. We get along amazingly well today, but horrinly when we were younger. He doesn't care about people as much as me, and is much more willing to use people than me. He mostly doesn't not sweat the human cost of his choices.

We rarely have serious problems today, it just clicks very well and we have great conversations for hours. His biggest issue is that he saw my wife's hostility towards me for many years before I accepted the truth.....
 

chubber

failed poetry slam career
Joined
Oct 18, 2013
Messages
4,413
MBTI Type
INTP
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4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
in theory the INFJ 4w5 and ENTP 3w4 should be a great match.
 

evilrubberduckie

New member
Joined
Jul 16, 2015
Messages
836
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
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sx/so
Honestly, most F types exhaust me. They always talk about how they feel and I don't think that that's real validation ,because using how you feel against me is not fair. I cant tell you what you feel is wrong. Feelings dont derive from logic. So, i always clash with feeler types. The ones ive been with dont understand that. Personally, I feel like the INTJ AND ENTP Are much more compatible. I have countless of INTJ friends where we just "click"
 

Ingrid in grids

Active member
Joined
Sep 1, 2009
Messages
1,748
Honustly, most F types exhaust me. They always talk about how they feel and I dont think that thats real validation ,because using how you feel afainst me is not fair. I cant tell you what you feel is wrong. Feelings dont derive from logic. So, i always clash with feeler types. The ones ive been with dont understand that. Personally, I feel like the INTJ AND ENTP Are nuch more compatible. I have countless of INTJ friends where we just "click"

This is interesting because in my experience, I've always found the male ENTPs I've dealt with to be the far more emotional ones (especially in argument). Of course feelings don't derive from logic, but we all have them. The ENTPs I've known have been especially good at twisting logic to justify their own emotional states or upset, and not very good at understanding their own emotional states and registering that they're upset. Basically emotion is the impetus and logic is the product. By and large, I've found ENTPs to be very volatile, emotional, and immature partners.
 

Hawthorne

corona
Joined
Jan 8, 2015
Messages
1,946
MBTI Type
INTP
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5w4
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so/sp
Gonna borrow this gif right quick. Hope you don't mind.

ikr
tumblr_inline_n8wwhm8Iih1r8azgg.gif
 

Riva

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 26, 2014
Messages
2,371
Enneagram
7w8
This is interesting because in my experience, I've always found the male ENTPs I've dealt with to be the far more emotional ones (especially in argument). Of course feelings don't derive from logic, but we all have them. The ENTPs I've known have been especially good at twisting logic to justify their own emotional states or upset, and not very good at understanding their own emotional states and registering that they're upset. Basically emotion is the impetus and logic is the product. By and large, I've found ENTPs to be very volatile, emotional, and immature partners.

FJs arent' the best at understanding others' or their feelings either. They tend to project a lot. This is a know weakness of FJs. A while ago INFJs carried the torch of emotional maturity and empathy mainly thanks to the overwhelming amount of 'good girl' personality descriptions written of INFJs but it has been time and time again discussed and proven that they were carrying the torch of passive aggression, emotional projection, guilt tripping and hypersensitivity that immediately invalidates anyone else's feelings because 'they know' than the torch of emotional maturity.

Also one should look at the statistics of INFJ females who are either in unhappy relationships or divorces. It's overwhelming. But they never seem to think twice as to whether something must be wrong with them. Because how could it be 'because we INFJs know'. INFJs can learn a bit from FPs. FPs try to truly understand others that are close to them (not all FPs of course) whereas INFJs try to mold them.

Of course I am not saying that ENTPs are NOT immature. ENTPs are one of those types that take a long long time to emotionally mature. But I think with the correct partner or with types such as IXFPs (I don't think EPs should date EPs which is why I left EFPs out) or SFJs or - like what [MENTION=25694]evilrubberduckie[/MENTION] - with INTJs they tend to mature a bit faster.

Going back to the topic -

I think INFJs are better matches for STPs. STPs I think subsoncioussly know that they don't think about feelings of themselves and others enough and that they tend to be a bit too unempathetic with their decision making. So with a INFJs by their side they would feel more filled who naturally think about these things quite a lot (though mostly for different reasons than to that of Fi types). I think STPs would appreciate the moral high ground and the self believed maturity of INFJs more so than NTPs or any other type.
 

chubber

failed poetry slam career
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Oct 18, 2013
Messages
4,413
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sp/sx
I think [MENTION=6561]OrangeAppled[/MENTION] needs to say something here.
 

Riva

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 26, 2014
Messages
2,371
Enneagram
7w8
^

She only participates in INFP or Fi related and enneagram threads.

Actually that's not fair, I once saw her taking part in a thread about the show Sex and the City.
 

EcK

The Memes Justify the End
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
7,708
MBTI Type
ENTP
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738
FJs arent' the best at understanding others' or their feelings either. They tend to project a lot. This is a know weakness of FJs. A while ago INFJs carried the torch of emotional maturity and empathy mainly thanks to the overwhelming amount of 'good girl' personality descriptions written of INFJs but it has been time and time again discussed and proven that they were carrying the torch of passive aggression, emotional projection, guilt tripping and hypersensitivity that immediately invalidates anyone else's feelings because 'they know' than the torch of emotional maturity.

Also one should look at the statistics of INFJ females who are either in unhappy relationships or divorces. It's overwhelming. But they never seem to think twice as to whether something must be wrong with them. Because how could it be 'because we INFJs know'. INFJs can learn a bit from FPs. FPs try to truly understand others that are close to them (not all FPs of course) whereas INFJs try to mold them.

Of course I am not saying that ENTPs are NOT immature. ENTPs are one of those types that take a long long time to emotionally mature. But I think with the correct partner or with types such as IXFPs (I don't think EPs should date EPs which is why I left EFPs out) or SFJs or - like what [MENTION=25694]evilrubberduckie[/MENTION] - with INTJs they tend to mature a bit faster.

Going back to the topic -

I think INFJs are better matches for STPs. STPs I think subsoncioussly know that they don't think about feelings of themselves and others enough and that they tend to be a bit too unempathetic with their decision making. So with a INFJs by their side they would feel more filled who naturally think about these things quite a lot (though mostly for different reasons than to that of Fi types). I think STPs would appreciate the moral high ground and the self believed maturity of INFJs more so than NTPs or any other type.
Yet i think one of the primary thing infjs want out of relationships is to be understood. Most estps i know are playful but not necesserily a good fit for high N infjs. The same way I can't see myself in a relationship with an isfj. Yes she's take care of all the worldly things but that's what i'd want in an employee, not a life partner

I mean at the end of thr day its upto the infj so. Just my view for having interacted /dated quite a few infjs
 

evilrubberduckie

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Jul 16, 2015
Messages
836
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ENTP
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7w8
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sx/so
This is interesting because in my experience, I've always found the male ENTPs I've dealt with to be the far more emotional ones (especially in argument). Of course feelings don't derive from logic, but we all have them. The ENTPs I've known have been especially good at twisting logic to justify their own emotional states or upset, and not very good at understanding their own emotional states and registering that they're upset. Basically emotion is the impetus and logic is the product. By and large, I've found ENTPs to be very volatile, emotional, and immature partners.

The problem with ENTP's that most people miss, and also the reason that I feel we come off emotional and immature. Is because ENTP's (of course not ALL) dont filter thier thoughts because that's the "proper" thing to do in society. Remember, ENTP's don't do things for the status quo, rather they do things in order to challenge and maybe improve on it. ENTP's take that to the extremes and apply it to themselves also.

It doesn't help that emotions arnt our Forte, So when we ARE projecting our feelings, it;s not done on purpose, we dont quite understand them, so if we come off too harsh, snappy, mad, angry, excited, proud. It's not done on purpose, and we dont quite "feel" the same way eternally as we do projecting it externally. It's just that we dont understand our limits and overcompensate for it. The term "Go big or go home" I feel most ENTP's can relate to.

Ingrid said:
This is interesting because in my experience, I've always found the male ENTPs I've dealt with to be the far more emotional ones (especially in argument).

Surprise Surprise. ENTP's are PASSIONATE when it comes to argue and debate. WHAT?! The horror! I TOTALLY didnt see that coming!

... That is LITERALLY what ENTP's do. I dont know why this is a complaint. Sadly, Passion leads to emotion.
 

1487610420

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
6,431
The problem with ENTP's that most people miss, and also the reason that I feel we come off emotional and immature. Is because ENTP's (of course not ALL) dont filter thier thoughts because that's the "proper" thing to do in society. Remember, ENTP's don't do things for the status quo, rather they do things in order to challenge and maybe improve on it. ENTP's take that to the extremes and apply it to themselves also.

It doesn't help that emotions arnt our Forte, So when we ARE projecting our feelings, it;s not done on purpose, we dont quite understand them, so if we come off too harsh, snappy, mad, angry, excited, proud. It's not done on purpose, and we dont quite "feel" the same way eternally as we do projecting it externally. It's just that we dont understand our limits and overcompensate for it. The term "Go big or go home" I feel most ENTP's can relate to.



Surprise Surprise. ENTP's are PASSONATE when it comes to argue and debate. WHAT?! The horror! I TOTALLY didnt see that coming!

... That is LITERALLY what ENTP's do. I dont know why this is a complaint. Sadly Passion leads to emotion.

The whole stereotype toss around is the bane of typology... :dont:
 

Hawthorne

corona
Joined
Jan 8, 2015
Messages
1,946
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
The whole stereotype toss around is the bane of typology... :dont:

Life as the world's most irresponsible, commitment-phobic, yet devilishly charming robot genius lawyer can be rough at times. :unsure:
 

Entpathic

New member
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
2
MBTI Type
ENTP
No experience with ENTPs in real life... but I have a feeling that I might not get along well with an extravert. I can't match their energy.

Hm... I'm alone pretty much 5 days of the week and then I come out swinging. My best friend is an INFJ and she would slowly die without people interaction - much faster than me. The difference between my extroversion and hers in relation to other people is that she will not approach somebody she doesn't know and I will without hesitation.

Otherwise among friends or if drawn into a conversation with new people she does just as much talking as I. And she's the one person I know who has as much self distance and she can always find a joke in any situation no matter how morbid.

I have a lot of ExxP e7 friends, but Im not sure I'd want to date one either. I think I'd get sick of feeling like I have to be the adult and they'd find me too much of a downer at times.

The one ENTP that I do know is the superintendent in our district and I try to stay below his radar. Something about him makes me nervous. He's fun to talk to, very intelligent, but I feel like I can't trust him. I feel like he'd sell his mother if it gave him more political power and something about that rubs me the wrong way:) Maybe if I knew more ENTPs, I could be more fair in assessing them.

Be the adult with an ENTP? Are you kidding me? I grew up being the only adult in my family from the age of 8. When my parents divorced after 38 years n November who do you think left a life in another country to come take care of the practical arrangements and people involved?

An ENTP is a take charge person if you ever met one - only we have no wish to have power over other people (ENTJ?!). We want freedom and independence and to learn - to be our best. You don't get much of that if you have to be responsible/in charge of incompetent subordinates etc. If we take charge it's because we are LOYAL to help the people we love or otherwise see that we HAVE to in order to save the day. You should be pretty happy to have us in your corner.

Overall I think people should stop assuming ENTPs are fickle assholes (especially the females) because no. It's not a fair assessment. Hurts my fucking undeveloped Fi. (My Ti just thought of that btw.)

And let me tell you that if there is one person in this world my friends trust with secrets or call when they're in the shit: It's me, Ne-ing away. Saved my INFJ on numerous occasions because when gets "stuck" I guide her towards a new approach. She does the same for me when I'm in full blown shadow INTJ-mode. She and my INTP friend (also girl) will be the only ones I want to see. And they will make me laugh just being more morbid than me.


ENTP's would be drawn to the imagination and integrity of INFJ's as long as that imagination stays positive and constructive.
INFJ's might be dawn to the positive and enthusiastic outlook ENTP's have for the future. Also, INFJ's might be attracted to the easy-going, playful and adventurous side of ENTP's.
Eh? No.

ENTP's are more disorganized than INFJ's
ENTP's are not as punctual as INFJ's
Haha. Haahahahaha. No.

ENTP's listen to INFJ's with your full attention.
Are you serious? Have you ever met an ENTP who didn't give you their full attention while choosing to listen to you? There is nobody genuinely more interested than us. Motives might vary though.

ENTP's no clowning around when it's time to be serious; be genuine, sincere and respectful to INFJ's.
If I didn't make inappropriate jokes in hard times to get us through my INFJ would feel icky. Vice versa. And we dealth with two very difficult and close suicides during 2014. She's doesn't exactly puke her FE out if that's the general conception here. THANK GOD. We are both direct people in some ways but when it comes to TALKING about emotions we find it just as difficult and often wrap it up in humor. It's like laughing when you're scared.

All in all I'd say I'd say we are a good friendship match and considering how my friend acts in relationships, how she talks etc. I feel encouraged to try with a guy. However, I feel that there is one huge piece missing for me that make me feel like I can't really connect with her on "my" level. Probably the tertiary Ti. I guess we're all different but romantically I think I will do better with other INTs that keep me interested.
 

Ene

Active member
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Aug 16, 2012
Messages
3,574
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iNfj
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5w4
Hm... I'm alone pretty much 5 days of the week and then I come out swinging. My best friend is an INFJ and she would slowly die without people interaction - much faster than me. The difference between my extroversion and hers in relation to other people is that she will not approach somebody she doesn't know and I will without hesitation.

Otherwise among friends or if drawn into a conversation with new people she does just as much talking as I. And she's the one person I know who has as much self distance and she can always find a joke in any situation no matter how morbid.





Be the adult with an ENTP? Are you kidding me? I grew up being the only adult in my family from the age of 8. When my parents divorced after 38 years n November who do you think left a life in another country to come take care of the practical arrangements and people involved?

An ENTP is a take charge person if you ever met one - only we have no wish to have power over other people (ENTJ?!). We want freedom and independence and to learn - to be our best. You don't get much of that if you have to be responsible/in charge of incompetent subordinates etc. If we take charge it's because we are LOYAL to help the people we love or otherwise see that we HAVE to in order to save the day. You should be pretty happy to have us in your corner.

Overall I think people should stop assuming ENTPs are fickle assholes (especially the females) because no. It's not a fair assessment. Hurts my fucking undeveloped Fi. (My Ti just thought of that btw.)

And let me tell you that if there is one person in this world my friends trust with secrets or call when they're in the shit: It's me, Ne-ing away. Saved my INFJ on numerous occasions because when gets "stuck" I guide her towards a new approach. She does the same for me when I'm in full blown shadow INTJ-mode. She and my INTP friend (also girl) will be the only ones I want to see. And they will make me laugh just being more morbid than me.

I meant nothing personal by it. And I hope your Fi recovers.

I just meant that I only really know ONE test-identified ENTP and that while he is extremely intelligent and likable, my gut tells me not to trust him. It may be something besides his type that causes me to feel that way about him. Unless I have a few more ENTPs to compare him to, I won't know. That's why I said that maybe if I knew more ENTPs I could be more fair in assessing them. I simply don't have a wide enough real life sampling to make a fair evaluation on this type.
 

Hawthorne

corona
Joined
Jan 8, 2015
Messages
1,946
MBTI Type
INTP
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5w4
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
I meant nothing personal by it. And I hope your Fi recovers.

I just meant that I only really know ONE test-identified ENTP and that while he is extremely intelligent and likable, my gut tells me not to trust him. It may be something besides his type that causes me to feel that way about him. Unless I have a few more ENTPs to compare him to, I won't know. That's why I said that maybe if I knew more ENTPs I could be more fair in assessing them. I simply don't have a wide enough real life sampling to make a fair evaluation on this type.

What's weird is that you aren't the first IxFJ I've heard say this about ENTPs. You said it was a vibe but can you recall any specific things about the guy that could've contributed to it?

I'm getting the impression that ENTPs are really only seen in one of two lights: perpetual children and self-interested manipulators. This is kind of disappointing. Maybe it's time to visit Personality Page for a nice ego fluffing.
 

Ene

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Aug 16, 2012
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3,574
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iNfj
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5w4
What's weird is that you aren't the first IxFJ I've heard say this about ENTPs. You said it was a vibe but can you recall any specific things about the guy that could've contributed to it?

I'm getting the impression that ENTPs are really only seen in one of two lights: perpetual children and self-interested manipulators. This is kind of disappointing. Maybe it's time to visit Personality Page for a nice ego fluffing.

[MENTION=23915]Sinclair[/MENTION] & [MENTION=25996]Entpathic[/MENTION] This guy holds a position of leadership in the community. He has the ability to rise quickly to the top of whatever profession he is in, but he seems to get bored with things and is always initiating some new project, regardless of the consequences in the lives of those who work with him or under him. Therefore, he comes across as manipulative and insincere. He also comes across as arrogant and self-important. It's the way he speaks, the way he carries himself, his mannerisms and the tone in his voice. It's the way he seems to measure the value of something or someone based on "himself" and "his assessment." Maybe his Fi is out of whack? It's also some of his actions, things he has done that have hurt people, yet he didn't seem to notice or even care once it was brought to his attention. His primary focus is on himself, his agenda, his newest projects. Hmmm...maybe his Ne just totally dominates his personality and every thing he does is just to satisfy it? I don't know. That's a guess.
He also has a tendency to become really, I don't know the word--annoyed, maybe?--by little things that don't suit him or fall into his idea of how things should go. I mean he may get all bent out of shape over the color of a garbage dumpster or something like that.

In all fairness, and I do want to be fair, there is another person that I thought might be an ENTP. I hoped he was. I still think he might be, but folks on here seemed to think he's an ESFP or an ESTP. I really hope he turns out to be ENTP. He is dear to me and if he's ENTP, at least I'll have one example of the type that I can say, "Oh, yeah, we get along really great together."
 

Jazaki

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Joined
Aug 28, 2015
Messages
3
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ENTP
Enneagram
7
The one ENTP that I do know is the superintendent in our district and I try to stay below his radar. Something about him makes me nervous. He's fun to talk to, very intelligent, but I feel like I can't trust him. I feel like he'd sell his mother if it gave him more political power and something about that rubs me the wrong way:) Maybe if I knew more ENTPs, I could be more fair in assessing them.

Are you sure he isn't an entj? A superintendent position and a strong desire for political power fits the bill. ENTPs are highly unlikely to do do whatever it takes for power...In fact, ENTPs are highly unlikely anything at all to gain power.
 
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