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ENTP and INFJ Relationships

highlander

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What do you think about relationships between ENTPs and INFJs? The focus of this is really on romantic relationships but it also makes sense to discuss your experience in situations where these two types interact in a significant way – such as friendship, at work, etc.

When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
- How compatible do you think these two types are in general?
- Why are they attracted to each other?
- How to they compliment each other?
- How well do they understand each other and why?
- What are they like together raising children?

When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
- What are some of the communication challenges they can have?
- What are the biggest frustrations between these two types?
- How can they take each other for granted?
- What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?

Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
- What things should each type do to facilitate better communication?
- What advice do you have for each of the two types?
- If you are an ENTP, what advice do you have for the INFJs?
- If you are an INFJ, what advice would you have for the ENTPs?
 

Fidelia

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Watching tv shows featuring ENTPs, I can see why the attraction would be there. In real life, I think it would be a bit tortured and exhausting. I don't think I know any real life examples of that type though.
 

21%

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No experience with ENTPs in real life... but I have a feeling that I might not get along well with an extravert. I can't match their energy.
 

Fidelia

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I don't think that would be an issue for me, maybe because of being an so/sx? However, I think that there would be a lot of maneuvering and emotional push/pull that I would find exhausting, while still becoming more deeply attached all the time. I also find I like peoe that I can't figure out immediately, which seems to cover a lot of ENTP types. However, those people often have elaborate facades or coping mechanisms in place to avoid vulnerability and I would ultimately become irritated by the lack of real and honest communication. I would be attracted to the outspokenness, spontaneity, and originality, but ultimately would feel better with someone more reliable and stable. Good fora friend, bad for a romantic partner.
 

OrangeAppled

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There is a long thread on this.

http://www.typologycentral.com/foru...fj-compatibility-infj-entp-dynamic-hands.html

I think it's a bad match as couples. As friends they'd be great I have a feeling.

Also quite a lot of INFJs are e4 and quite a lot of ENTPs are e7s. E4s and E7s sounds like a terrible match.

I have a lot of ExxP e7 friends, but Im not sure I'd want to date one either. I think I'd get sick of feeling like I have to be the adult and they'd find me too much of a downer at times.
 

Ene

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I do know some ENTPs but have never been a relationship with one. I suspected my sifu might have been ENTP but the truth is that I'm not so sure now. He moved away and we don't get to talk much anymore.

The one ENTP that I do know is the superintendent in our district and I try to stay below his radar. Something about him makes me nervous. He's fun to talk to, very intelligent, but I feel like I can't trust him. I feel like he'd sell his mother if it gave him more political power and something about that rubs me the wrong way:) Maybe if I knew more ENTPs, I could be more fair in assessing them.
 

Gamine

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Friendships with INFJs - Usually great, but very emotional. Sometimes so much emotion that I don't have the empathy to really understand what is going on. So I try to use the strategy of just accepting them, even when it doesn't make sense to me.

I've never had a romantic relationship with a male INFJ. The idea makes me a bit nervous.

Edit: It makes me really nervous. I don't think this would make me happy.
 

LonestarCowgirl

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I echo [MENTION=5470]Gamine[/MENTION]'s sentiments:

Friendships with INFJs - Usually great, but very emotional. Sometimes so much emotion that I don't have the empathy to really understand what is going on.

Hell, if I know. I don't understand what's going on.

So I try to use the strategy of just accepting them, even when it doesn't make sense to me.

I try to do the same.

I've never had a romantic relationship with a male INFJ. The idea makes me a bit nervous.

Edit: It makes me really nervous. I don't think this would make me happy.

My desire for calm, mature discussions that lead to a constructive outcome are rarely met with the level of respect and cooperation I can respect.

It's not okay for people to distrust us or make accusations; especially, when they've never met ENTP's in real life.


Folks, please ask questions first, next time, instead of making accusations. Thank you! :heart:

 

LonestarCowgirl

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Why

Watching tv shows featuring ENTPs, I can see why the attraction would be there. In real life, I think it would be a bit tortured and exhausting. I don't think I know any real life examples of that type though.

I think it's a bad match as couples. As friends they'd be great I have a feeling.

Also quite a lot of INFJs are e4 and quite a lot of ENTPs are e7s. E4s and E7s sounds like a terrible match.

No experience with ENTPs in real life... but I have a feeling that I might not get along well with an extravert. I can't match their energy.

However, I think that there would be a lot of maneuvering and emotional push/pull that I would find exhausting, while still becoming more deeply attached all the time. I also find I like peoe that I can't figure out immediately, which seems to cover a lot of ENTP types. However, those people often have elaborate facades or coping mechanisms in place to avoid vulnerability and I would ultimately become irritated by the lack of real and honest communication. I would be attracted to the outspokenness, spontaneity, and originality, but ultimately would feel better with someone more reliable and stable. Good fora friend, bad for a romantic partner.

I have a lot of ExxP e7 friends, but Im not sure I'd want to date one either. I think I'd get sick of feeling like I have to be the adult and they'd find me too much of a downer at times.

The one ENTP that I do know is the superintendent in our district and I try to stay below his radar. Something about him makes me nervous. He's fun to talk to, very intelligent, but I feel like I can't trust him. I feel like he'd sell his mother if it gave him more political power and something about that rubs me the wrong way :) Maybe if I knew more ENTPs, I could be more fair in assessing them.

Ouch. Does anyone have anything positive or constructive to add to this discussion?

[This is why I don't post my type. Forgive me, if I don't want to be pigeonholed as the ENTP asshole.]
 

LonestarCowgirl

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What do you think about relationships between ENTPs and INFJs? The focus of this is really on romantic relationships but it also makes sense to discuss your experience in situations where these two types interact in a significant way – such as friendship, at work, etc.
Now that we [ENTP's] look like assholes, this ENTP still has enough tact to shed a positive light on INFJ's.

When it’s working – What are the joys and positive aspects of these relationships?
Both types have a great imagination and see possibilities of what could be.

- How compatible do you think these two types are in general?
Well, from what I'm seeing here, compatibility mostly depends on the attitude of the INFJ and how willing they are to let go of preconceived notions about ENTP's.

- Why are they attracted to each other?
ENTP's would be drawn to the imagination and integrity of INFJ's as long as that imagination stays positive and constructive.
INFJ's might be dawn to the positive and enthusiastic outlook ENTP's have for the future. Also, INFJ's might be attracted to the easy-going, playful and adventurous side of ENTP's.

- How to they compliment each other?
The ENTP can help the INFJ be more objective, so they don't get their feelings hurt.
The INFJ can help the ENTP be more sensitive to others feelings.

- How well do they understand each other and why?
I'm trying to understand INFJ's better because I'm related to two.

To be honest, I don't feel like INFJ's understand me very well. I recently had one jump out of nowhere and call me crazy in the random thought thread. I reached out to her in PM to assure her she's got me all wrong and confused with someone else. I was very kind to her. I was not surprised when she didn't reply as I'm sure she felt foolish. What could she say other than she was sorry? I don't need to hear that. The reality is, I didn't know her, she didn't know me and she was looking all kinds of crazy the way she approached, rep'd me, and had a knee jerk response over absolutely nothing real or time critical.

- What are they like together raising children?
I don't know.

When it’s not working – What are the challenges when two people of this type are in a relationship?
ENTP's are more disorganized than INFJ's
ENTP's are not as punctual as INFJ's

Also...

- What are some of the communication challenges they can have?
ENTP's might have a tendency to dismiss or minimize the INFJ's feelings.
INFJ's may take an absolute right/wrong position that can be stifling to ENTP's when ENTP's love to explore options.
INFJ's seem quick to judge rather than simply listen and encourage a free-flow of ideas.

- How can they take each other for granted?
They don't appreciate the others strengths where they are weak.

- What happens with things “go wrong” between these two types?
The INFJ can be quick to judge. Just read the first few posts in this thread written by INFJ's.

I've been defriended and received nasty emails that had little to NO basis in truth/reality/facts. I have to say, it frustrates me and I don't understand the knee jerk reactions to someone that you're supposed to love. They can do a lot of damage to a relationship in a very short time when they lose their cool. Why not treat people like they're a teammate/friend and try to work through it, first?

Advice for couples – What recommendations do you have?
Never, ever put hurtful rants in writing that you might regret where people can go back and reflect.

- What advice do you have for each of the two types?
ENTP's listen to INFJ's with your full attention.
ENTP's no clowning around when it's time to be serious; be genuine, sincere and respectful to INFJ's.
ENTP's be on-time when meeting with INFJ's.

INFJ's bring up issues right away in a calm manner; knee jerk reactions are not appreciated.
INFJ's make time to brainstorm and debate logically with your ENTP.
INFJ's don't withdraw when you feel hurt; communicate your feelings and trust the ENTP to work through them with you.


- If you are an ENTP, what advice do you have for the INFJs?
Try not to take things personally. Think before you speak. Take time to cool down. Be honest about your big-picture feelings. Practice patience, kindness, and forgiveness. Realize, love conquers all. Do things your ENTP likes to do like engaging in light-hearted debates. Try to relax.
 

Ene

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Ouch. Does anyone have anything positive or constructive to add to this discussion?

[This is why I don't post my type. Forgive me, if I don't want to be pigeonholed as the ENTP asshole.]

Actually, I'd love to converse with more ENTPs because I wouldn't want the one person I know in real life to be the only actually tested representative of the type in my mind. I would love to meet and greet more. I'm not saying I wouldn't trust any ENTP, just the one person that I KNOW is one. So, I want someone to say something positive or constructive. How can I possibly make a fair assessment when I don't really know any ENTPs well? [MENTION=71]JAVO[/MENTION] is an ENTP and he seems very sane and a lot more low-key than the one I know in real life, and so, maybe the superintendent I know isn't a good representative of the type or maybe he is. Maybe it's me. He actually does a lot of good in the community, and a lot of people like him, and in all honesty, he is super nice to me, but for some reason I don't feel I can I trust him. I feel like that if I did, the sand would shift under my feet and I'd fall through a big hole or something. I think it's the constant need for change that bothers me. Same with ENFPs. I love them. They are kind and make me laugh, but I am afraid to put hope in their projects or promises, because they change so frequently and building systems that "last" is very important to me.
 

1487610420

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Actually, I'd love to converse with more ENTPs because I wouldn't want the one person I know in real life to be the only actually tested representative of the type in my mind. I would love to meet and greet more. I'm not saying I wouldn't trust any ENTP, just the one person that I KNOW is one. So, I want someone to say something positive or constructive. How can I possibly make a fair assessment when I don't really know any ENTPs well? @JAVO is an ENTP and he seems very sane and a lot more low-key than the one I know in real life, and so, maybe the superintendent I know isn't a good representative of the type or maybe he is. Maybe it's me. He actually does a lot of good in the community, and a lot of people like him, and in all honesty, he is super nice to me, but for some reason I don't feel I can I trust him. I feel like that if I did, the sand would shift under my feet and I'd fall through a big hole or something. I think it's the constant need for change that bothers me. Same with ENFPs. I love them. They are kind and make me laugh, but I am afraid to put in hope in their projects or promises, because they change so frequently and building systems that "last" is very important to me.



quote_icon.png
Originally Posted by highlander

- If you are an ENTP, what advice do you have for the INFJs?

 

Z Buck McFate

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The INFJ can be quick to judge. Just read the first few posts in this thread written by INFJ's.

This sorta assumes the opinions expressed in the few few posts is based on only a few experiences, doesn't it? (I'm actually asking- it seems to me like you're assuming there isn't a whole lot of experience behind the opinions expressed, so I'm asking if/why it appears that way to you.)

eta: [MENTION=20075]Skinny-Love[/MENTION] Okay, yeah, you're right- they do say that. I have been here a few years, I know they've both been in (or followed) heated forum discussions with a few of the ENTPs here- I suspected their comments were likely products of years worth of forum interaction (which is experience, of sorts). But yeah, they do say that. (Sorry.)

I was in an 8 year long relationship with an ENTP. It was exhausting- I couldn't begin to match the energy for debating every single tiny little thing, as if every single aspect of reality were up for debate. The value in stopping to notice what's actually going on in any given situation- instead of compulsively trying to posit/argue what one wants to be case- was a real blind spot for this person. This isn't to say it's a blind spot in every ENTP- that every ENTP has a problem with relentlessly and compulsively dictating reality to those around him/her, with little or no regard for how much distress it causes (they handle the complaint with yet more arguing about how it 'shouldn't' cause distress)- but I've encountered it enough to say it's a thing that happens with ENTPs. (Just like there are issues that come up in dealing with INFJs and only INFJs.)

INFJ's bring up issues right away in a calm manner; knee jerk reactions are not appreciated.

I do think it's important for INFJs to cultivate the ability to know what they're attaching to incoming information- to parse out what we're actually seeing from the assumptions we make about what it means. At the same though, my experience of ENPs is that they almost never believe the fastest we can express issues is the fastest we can express issues. It seems like an unfortunate default in ENPs (and even some INPs) to start dispatching insults and accusations (to nudge INFJs into expressing things faster when dialogue isn't happening fast enough- instead of believing that it truly is a challenge for INFJs to know how to express what they sense is 'off'), just like it's an unfortunate default in INFJs to withdraw and try to sort it out privately when something seems 'off'. I mean, I get the impression that Ne doms (and some aux) really just don't believe how difficult it is- and react with anger, which only ultimately makes it infinitely more difficult.


INFJ's don't withdraw when you feel hurt; communicate your feelings and trust the ENTP to work through them with you.

Something I have gleaned (from my own experience, but also from conversations in this forum)- is that once that downward spiral of 'pressuring the INFJ to go at a faster pace, and shaming them for the best they can do' has started, it just keeps going downhill. It's a vicious cycle that just feeds on itself. The ENP cranks up the volume on the nudging (as if the INFJ isn't going faster because they didn't hear it), and that volume increase further erodes trust in the INFJ that the ENTP is capable of helping them work through their feelings.

***

[There are questions in the op that I wanted to get to at some point- but I'm not sure I will, so I'll just post this for now.]
 

1487610420

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This sorta assumes the opinions expressed in the few few posts is based on only a few experiences, doesn't it? (I'm actually asking- it seems to me like you're assuming there isn't a whole lot of experience behind the opinions expressed, so I'm asking if/why it appears that way to you.)

I was in an 8 year long relationship with an ENTP. It was exhausting- I couldn't begin to match the energy for debating every single tiny little thing, as if every single aspect of reality were up for debate. The value in stopping to notice what's actually going on in any given situation- instead of compulsively trying to posit/argue what one wants to be case- was a real blind spot for this person. This isn't to say it's a blind spot in every ENTP- that every ENTP has a problem with relentlessly and compulsively dictating reality to those around him/her, with little or no regard for how much distress it causes (they handle the complaint with yet more arguing about how it 'shouldn't' cause distress)- but I've encountered it enough to say it's a thing that happens with ENTPs. (Just like there are issues that come up in dealing with INFJs and only INFJs.)



I do think it's important for INFJs to cultivate the ability to know what they're attaching to incoming information- to parse out what we're actually seeing from the assumptions we make about what it means. At the same though, my experience of ENPs is that they almost never believe the fastest we can express issues is the fastest we can express issues. It seems like an unfortunate default in ENPs (and even some INPs) to start dispatching insults and accusations (to nudge INFJs into expressing things faster when dialogue isn't happening fast enough- instead of believing that it truly is a challenge for INFJs to know how to express what they sense is 'off'), just like it's an unfortunate default in INFJs to withdraw and try to sort it out privately when something seems 'off'. I mean, I get the impression that Ne doms (and some aux) really just don't believe how difficult it is- and react with anger, which only ultimately makes it infinitely more difficult.




Something I have gleaned (from my own experience, but also from conversations in this forum)- is that once that downward spiral of 'pressuring the INFJ to go at a faster pace, and shaming them for the best they can do' has started, it just keeps going downhill. It's a vicious cycle that just feeds on itself. The ENP cranks up the volume on the nudging (as if the INFJ isn't going faster because they didn't hear it), and that volume increase further erodes trust in the INFJ that the ENTP is capable of helping them work through their feelings.

***

[There are questions in the op that I wanted to get to at some point- but I'm not sure I will, so I'll just post this for now.]

Trust and kindness collide with fear and control.
 

Fidelia

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Hey [MENTION=20075]Skinny-Love[/MENTION] - I'm glad you said something. The thing here is, the question was whether INFJs and ENTPs would work well together romantically. I guess the comments do look like we're being disparaging, but I actually don't feel that way about ENTPs. I just know that as an INFJ, I want to know the very worst case scenario, so that I could plan for what to do. INFJs tend to almost want to walk through how things would be in their heads first before they'd consider embarking on anything.

I have been friends with many of the ENTPs on the forum and appreciate their unique perspective. I also do find myself fascinated and interested by the ENTP approach to life. However, I also know that romantically, when I let people in, they have access to my very innermost self. While I might connect well as friends with ENTPs, the very thing that makes them interesting to me (their willingness to explore, their risk-taking, their outspokenness) because I am not that way, is the same thing that could make it very difficult to successfully put our two lives together, even though I could appreciate those qualities in a big way and even benefit from knowing someone who could temper me.

Don't know if that makes any sense, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that for me, at least, this is more about looking at how successful the combination would be, rather than whether or not ENTPs are decent folks. I would also be the first to say that INFJs aren't a great match for a lot of types. It's not that the match couldn't work, but I think it would take a lot of bending in a way that doesn't come naturally and most people don't like to feel either like they are on shaky ground or that they have to walk on eggshells when they are at home with the person they have chosen to spend their lives with. I like knowing what to expect. I find ENTP spontaneity and living by their wits charming, because I am not spontaneous and I'm bad at improvising on the spot, but I would find the Ne dom shifts discombobulating and upsetting if I were in a partnership together, just as they may find my cautiousness and need for stability stifling.
 

1487610420

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The recurring theme underpinning romantic success seems to be how much each individual is up for having their comfort zone disturbed, unafraid of being challenged/challenge themselves versus preferring a bigger sense of control and mental conformity with someone low key in regard to their belief system and values.

Typology is but a very loose indicator of potential individual demeanor with poor correlation for growth and emotional intelligence.

 

Ene

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The recurring theme underpinning romantic success seems to be how much each individual is up for having their comfort zone disturbed, unafraid of being challenged/challenge themselves versus preferring a bigger sense of control and mental conformity with someone low key in regard to their belief system and values.

Typology is but a very loose indicator of potential individual demeanor with poor correlation for growth and emotional intelligence.

That is a good point. I do believe that it is possible for any "type" to potentially pair with any other type. I strongly believe that if any two people are both willing to work on a relationship, it can work, regardless of type. Still, I suppose that part of the purpose of this thread is to show both possible points of connections and possible pit-falls. I don't want you to think that I think ENTPs are a-holes;). I don't think that. I don't know enough of them to think that.
 

JAVO

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[MENTION=71]JAVO[/MENTION] is an ENTP and he seems very sane and a lot more low-key than the one I know in real life, and so, maybe the superintendent I know isn't a good representative of the type or maybe he is.

Thanks. :) I think unbalanced people of any type are difficult. It sounds like the person you're referring to might be unbalanced, but it could also be a symptom of being in an authoritative position--something which not only affects him directly, but also his perceptions of those he supervises as well as the perceptions of the ones who are underneath him on the organization chart.
 

21%

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For me, it's not ENTPs, it's any extrovert... unless they are perfectly fine with staying in cuddling and having tea and conversation and then more cuddles. I have the energy to go out about twice a week (and a grocery run counts as part of that).
 
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