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INTJs, would you ever date an ESFJ?

Bacopa

New member
Joined
Feb 13, 2021
Messages
55
MBTI Type
intj
Why do you think that? Are INTPs really that compatible with ESFJs?
 

Lord Lavender

Bluered Trickster
Joined
Oct 21, 2016
Messages
5,851
MBTI Type
EVLF
Enneagram
739
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
Why do you think that? Are INTPs really that compatible with ESFJs?

In socionics there's a thing called duality where its said that our ideal relationship is with our dual (i.e your type but all functions reversed like INTP/ESFJ, INTJ/ESFP, ISTP/ENFJ e.t.c). Well technically LII/ESE, ILI/SEE, LSI/EIE. The idea is that with INTP/ESFJ they each are seeking each others dom function (INTP is seeking Fe and ESFJ Ti) and both have Ne/Si in the middle so thats where the idea comes from I presume.
 

Peter Deadpan

phallus impudicus
Joined
Dec 14, 2016
Messages
8,883
To be honest, I would imagine that ESFJ in general rub INTJ the wrong way for two main reasons:

1. ESFJ are Fe-dominant, and Fe is the PoLR function of INTJ, so it's really just not their thing overall.
2. ESFJ value Si in second position, whereas with INTJ, Si comes in last at eighth position.

These two types really don't have anything in common. They are oppositely oriented with regard to I/E, J/P, and axes, and each has the other's PoLR function as a dominant function, as well as the other's eighth function as auxiliary.

In my experience, most INTJ have a difficult time working professionally with ESFJ, and I would imagine that ESFJ are equally annoyed with the INTJ's disposition, so I don't see any reason why these two would be particularly compatible elsewhere. Although I think it's unwise to view human relationships so strictly through the lens of typology, I really don't see there being much of a draw or complimentary dynamic between these two.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,230
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
To be honest, I would imagine that ESFJ in general rub INTJ the wrong way for two main reasons:

1. ESFJ are Fe-dominant, and Fe is the PoLR function of INTJ, so it's really just not their thing overall.
2. ESFJ value Si in second position, whereas with INTJ, Si comes in last at eighth position.

These two types really don't have anything in common. They are oppositely oriented with regard to I/E, J/P, and axes, and each has the other's PoLR function as a dominant function, as well as the other's eighth function as auxiliary.

In my experience, most INTJ have a difficult time working professionally with ESFJ, and I would imagine that ESFJ are equally annoyed with the INTJ's disposition, so I don't see any reason why these two would be particularly compatible elsewhere. Although I think it's unwise to view human relationships so strictly through the lens of typology, I really don't see there being much of a draw or complimentary dynamic between these two.
Basically this. I would hesitate to exclude anyone based on type since people are more complex than that. In my experience, however, ESFJ is one of the types I tend to get along with least. I can maintain a cordial professional relationship with almost anyone, but it is unlikely I would enter any sort of romantic relationship with an ESFJ, or even a close friendship.
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
To be honest, I would imagine that ESFJ in general rub INTJ the wrong way for two main reasons:

1. ESFJ are Fe-dominant, and Fe is the PoLR function of INTJ, so it's really just not their thing overall.
2. ESFJ value Si in second position, whereas with INTJ, Si comes in last at eighth position.

These two types really don't have anything in common. They are oppositely oriented with regard to I/E, J/P, and axes, and each has the other's PoLR function as a dominant function, as well as the other's eighth function as auxiliary.

In my experience, most INTJ have a difficult time working professionally with ESFJ, and I would imagine that ESFJ are equally annoyed with the INTJ's disposition, so I don't see any reason why these two would be particularly compatible elsewhere. Although I think it's unwise to view human relationships so strictly through the lens of typology, I really don't see there being much of a draw or complimentary dynamic between these two.

Very unwise.

That said I have worked with ESFJ's and got unsolicited advice from them far too often, which was off-putting. Socially I think they are fine tho.
 

Bacopa

New member
Joined
Feb 13, 2021
Messages
55
MBTI Type
intj
Most ESFJs I've met are very nice people, except some of the older ones, the boomers. But I don't like that generation anyway.
 

LillyRoar

Member
Joined
Mar 30, 2021
Messages
40
MBTI Type
ENTJ
I think they can compliment each other well in life and perhaps in a relationship if they have common goals and values. A shared mission. But but but. In my experience having a mother and my recent long term relationship being with the ESFJ, as strong N (although I’m Entj and not I) I’ve always felt a huge chunk of what gets me excited about life missing in our relationship. Even when we’ve been able to talk abstractly about a potential thing I’m always aware of “the roof” and that if I’d go further I’d lose them. And they wouldn’t find the conversation interesting or fun anymore.

I’m sure the frustration in reverse is true. So. Yeah, if you’re high N there are limitations in my experience.
 
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