User Tag List

12 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 20

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    130

    Default Building Emotional Intimacy

    So I've shared some things about my relationship with Mr. INTJ here. We are at a growth point with each other, and I want to increase the emotional intimacy with him to bring us closer. However I don't know how to do this as an INTP...especially with him as an INTJ.
    Also, we have been friends for going on four years and I'm already the person he talks to most. Other than his family, I'm the person he spends the most time with. So there is a high level of trust and closeness there.
    So am I overthinking this? I don't want to push something that may already be there and I just cannot recognize it for what it is.

  2. #2
    somnium tenebris Powehi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    496 sx/sp
    Posts
    11,296

    Default

    I was in relationships with INTPs myself, and I do think that strong Ts form intimacy without much talk about their emotions. What you describe sounds like you may already have intimacy established.

    In my own view that I think is relatively objective, I tend to find the measure of established intimacy in how people respond to difficulty and crisis. For example, if someone in a relationship gets cancer, is the other person supportive in whatever way helps the person recover best, or do they make it harder to get well? Help might be listening to their emotions, making sure they have a ride home from chemo, taking an extra job so they can cut back, etc. If the person drops you when you are vulnerable, then true intimacy and trust is not established.

    That is one concrete example intended to represent a principle. In my life, I've generally found that even people who like to chat about emotions can drop you flat when you actually need help, so even though I identify as a Fi-dom, I don't equate emotional talk with actual intimacy. I see it more as them being someone you can count on when life is rough.

    Circus life under the big top world, we all need the clowns to make us smile
    Through space and time always another show, wondering where I am. I'm lost without you. Journey

  3. #3
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    Apr 2020
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    41

    Default

    Not sure what all the fuss is about emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy and emotional intimacy run parallel. If you have a physical connection then you have an emotional connection. If you have a physical connection but no emotional connection maybe the right question is, "what is wrong with me?" Maybe there is a level of psychopathy involved.

  4. #4
    Blessed With A Curse ThisName's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2019
    Posts
    1,435

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by TrueMirror View Post
    Not sure what all the fuss is about emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy and emotional intimacy run parallel. If you have a physical connection then you have an emotional connection. If you have a physical connection but no emotional connection maybe the right question is, "what is wrong with me?" Maybe there is a level of psychopathy involved.
    Que? And what about people who can only feel emotionally connected to people but not physically? What's 'wrong' with them in your opinion?

    Shouting 'psychopathy' based on one short, written message is not okay. Not that there's something wrong with (a grain of) psychopathy necessarily. There are plenty of normal functioning psychopaths. They simply lack feelings. But not everyone who lacks feelings or has difficulties connecting with people is a psychopath (or has psychopathic tendencies).
    I Always Go Back To Me


    Likes Luminous liked this post

  5. #5

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by TrueMirror View Post
    Not sure what all the fuss is about emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy and emotional intimacy run parallel. If you have a physical connection then you have an emotional connection. If you have a physical connection but no emotional connection maybe the right question is, "what is wrong with me?" Maybe there is a level of psychopathy involved.
    Not necessarily. You have emotional connections with family and friends but no physical connection. The vast majority of males and in the last couple decades, a goodly portion of females, can have sex and what's politely known as FWBs, without emotional connection/intimacy. I don't personally know how people can have sex without emotional connections but they can and do, all the time. So, premised on your 'logic', the majority of people might have a level of psychopathy which we know they don't.

    @INTerran, since I haven't read your prior posts, are the two of you platonic friends or FWBs?

  6. #6
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    Apr 2020
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    41

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by rav3n View Post
    Not necessarily. You have emotional connections with family and friends but no physical connection. The vast majority of males and in the last couple decades, a goodly portion of females, can have sex and what's politely known as FWBs, without emotional connection/intimacy. I don't personally know how people can have sex without emotional connections but they can and do, all the time. So, premised on your 'logic', the majority of people might have a level of psychopathy which we know they don't.

    @INTerran, since I haven't read your prior posts, are the two of you platonic friends or FWBs?
    No. I have a physical connection to everyone I am emotionally connected to. It's just necessarily a sexual one. It's not possible to be emotionally connected if you are not physically connected, even if physical is reduced to a memory or a thought of the other person.

  7. #7
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    Apr 2020
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    41

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ThisName View Post
    Que? And what about people who can only feel emotionally connected to people but not physically? What's 'wrong' with them in your opinion?

    Shouting 'psychopathy' based on one short, written message is not okay. Not that there's something wrong with (a grain of) psychopathy necessarily. There are plenty of normal functioning psychopaths. They simply lack feelings. But not everyone who lacks feelings or has difficulties connecting with people is a psychopath (or has psychopathic tendencies).
    Again, I cannot fathom how someone can be emotionally connected but not physically connected. A connection is a relationship to another person. If you are emotionally favorable towards someone but physically neutral, that is still a parallel connection down both channels. Tell ,me how you can think without a body and I'll agree that you can be physically connected with an emotional connection.

  8. #8

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by TrueMirror View Post
    No. I have a physical connection to everyone I am emotionally connected to. It's just necessarily a sexual one. It's not possible to be emotionally connected if you are not physically connected, even if physical is reduced to a memory or a thought of the other person.
    This would be unusual.

  9. #9
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    Apr 2020
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    41

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by rav3n View Post
    This would be unusual.
    Well I am a creature of reflection so that makes sense.

  10. #10

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by TrueMirror View Post
    Well I am a creature of reflection so that makes sense.
    As someone unusual, do you now begin to understand why your psychopathy comment might be a little off, relative to the vast majority of normal humans?

Similar Threads

  1. [NF] Emotional Challenges
    By proteanmix in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 01-07-2016, 04:21 PM
  2. [JCF] emotional intimacy/boundaries
    By sculpting in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 05-23-2009, 09:10 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO