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Building Emotional Intimacy

INTerran

Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2016
Messages
131
So I've shared some things about my relationship with Mr. INTJ here. We are at a growth point with each other, and I want to increase the emotional intimacy with him to bring us closer. However I don't know how to do this as an INTP...especially with him as an INTJ.
Also, we have been friends for going on four years and I'm already the person he talks to most. Other than his family, I'm the person he spends the most time with. So there is a high level of trust and closeness there.
So am I overthinking this? I don't want to push something that may already be there and I just cannot recognize it for what it is.
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
14,037
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
496
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I was in relationships with INTPs myself, and I do think that strong Ts form intimacy without much talk about their emotions. What you describe sounds like you may already have intimacy established.

In my own view that I think is relatively objective, I tend to find the measure of established intimacy in how people respond to difficulty and crisis. For example, if someone in a relationship gets cancer, is the other person supportive in whatever way helps the person recover best, or do they make it harder to get well? Help might be listening to their emotions, making sure they have a ride home from chemo, taking an extra job so they can cut back, etc. If the person drops you when you are vulnerable, then true intimacy and trust is not established.

That is one concrete example intended to represent a principle. In my life, I've generally found that even people who like to chat about emotions can drop you flat when you actually need help, so even though I identify as a Fi-dom, I don't equate emotional talk with actual intimacy. I see it more as them being someone you can count on when life is rough.
 

TrueMirror

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 12, 2020
Messages
36
MBTI Type
INTJ
Not sure what all the fuss is about emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy and emotional intimacy run parallel. If you have a physical connection then you have an emotional connection. If you have a physical connection but no emotional connection maybe the right question is, "what is wrong with me?" Maybe there is a level of psychopathy involved.
 

Schrödinger's Name

Blessed With A Curse
Joined
Jul 20, 2019
Messages
1,693
Not sure what all the fuss is about emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy and emotional intimacy run parallel. If you have a physical connection then you have an emotional connection. If you have a physical connection but no emotional connection maybe the right question is, "what is wrong with me?" Maybe there is a level of psychopathy involved.

Que? And what about people who can only feel emotionally connected to people but not physically? What's 'wrong' with them in your opinion?

Shouting 'psychopathy' based on one short, written message is not okay. Not that there's something wrong with (a grain of) psychopathy necessarily. There are plenty of normal functioning psychopaths. They simply lack feelings. But not everyone who lacks feelings or has difficulties connecting with people is a psychopath (or has psychopathic tendencies).
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
Not sure what all the fuss is about emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy and emotional intimacy run parallel. If you have a physical connection then you have an emotional connection. If you have a physical connection but no emotional connection maybe the right question is, "what is wrong with me?" Maybe there is a level of psychopathy involved.
Not necessarily. You have emotional connections with family and friends but no physical connection. The vast majority of males and in the last couple decades, a goodly portion of females, can have sex and what's politely known as FWBs, without emotional connection/intimacy. I don't personally know how people can have sex without emotional connections but they can and do, all the time. So, premised on your 'logic', the majority of people might have a level of psychopathy which we know they don't.
[MENTION=33084]INTerran[/MENTION], since I haven't read your prior posts, are the two of you platonic friends or FWBs?
 

TrueMirror

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 12, 2020
Messages
36
MBTI Type
INTJ
Not necessarily. You have emotional connections with family and friends but no physical connection. The vast majority of males and in the last couple decades, a goodly portion of females, can have sex and what's politely known as FWBs, without emotional connection/intimacy. I don't personally know how people can have sex without emotional connections but they can and do, all the time. So, premised on your 'logic', the majority of people might have a level of psychopathy which we know they don't.

[MENTION=33084]INTerran[/MENTION], since I haven't read your prior posts, are the two of you platonic friends or FWBs?

No. I have a physical connection to everyone I am emotionally connected to. It's just necessarily a sexual one. It's not possible to be emotionally connected if you are not physically connected, even if physical is reduced to a memory or a thought of the other person.
 

TrueMirror

Permabanned
Joined
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Messages
36
MBTI Type
INTJ
Que? And what about people who can only feel emotionally connected to people but not physically? What's 'wrong' with them in your opinion?

Shouting 'psychopathy' based on one short, written message is not okay. Not that there's something wrong with (a grain of) psychopathy necessarily. There are plenty of normal functioning psychopaths. They simply lack feelings. But not everyone who lacks feelings or has difficulties connecting with people is a psychopath (or has psychopathic tendencies).

Again, I cannot fathom how someone can be emotionally connected but not physically connected. A connection is a relationship to another person. If you are emotionally favorable towards someone but physically neutral, that is still a parallel connection down both channels. Tell ,me how you can think without a body and I'll agree that you can be physically connected with an emotional connection.
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
No. I have a physical connection to everyone I am emotionally connected to. It's just necessarily a sexual one. It's not possible to be emotionally connected if you are not physically connected, even if physical is reduced to a memory or a thought of the other person.
This would be unusual.
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
Well I am a creature of reflection so that makes sense.
As someone unusual, do you now begin to understand why your psychopathy comment might be a little off, relative to the vast majority of normal humans?
 

Swivelinglight

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Aug 5, 2010
Messages
1,070
I cannot fathom how someone can be emotionally connected but not physically connected.

All because physical connection is required for you to have an emotional connection doesn't meant that's true for everyone else; you're projecting (in my opinion).


edit:

even if physical is reduced to a memory or a thought of the other person.

Never-mind - your definition of physical connection is very loose. I think that's where the confusion stems from. I don't really understand why you label this as a physical connection.
 

TrueMirror

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Messages
36
MBTI Type
INTJ
All because physical connection is required for you to have an emotional connection doesn't meant that's true for everyone else; you're projecting (in my opinion).


edit:



Never-mind - your definition of physical connection is very loose. I think that's where the confusion stems from. I don't really understand why you label this as a physical connection.

Because my memory is physical until I die. Then it is uploaded into where-ever.
 

TrueMirror

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Apr 12, 2020
Messages
36
MBTI Type
INTJ
As someone unusual, do you now begin to understand why your psychopathy comment might be a little off, relative to the vast majority of normal humans?

Not necessarily. We are all collectively more psychopathic that we'd care to admit.
 

Lark

Active member
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Jun 21, 2009
Messages
29,569
Not necessarily. We are all collectively more psychopathic that we'd care to admit.

Much less likely to be psychopathy and much more likely to be NPD.

Less likely to be NPD and much more likely to be narcissistic traits.

Traits fostered by the economy and society.
 

TrueMirror

Permabanned
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Apr 12, 2020
Messages
36
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INTJ
Much less likely to be psychopathy and much more likely to be NPD.

Less likely to be NPD and much more likely to be narcissistic traits.

Traits fostered by the economy and society.

No, I think we have a sustained unrecognized level of psychopathy as a collective society. Just look at the industrialization of first world countries and the impact on 2nd and 3rd world countries. I am a huge proponent of economic prosperity but the cost is human life by the score. That's not narcissism. That's psychopath - complete and utter disregard for human life.
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
Not necessarily. We are all collectively more psychopathic that we'd care to admit.
Speak for yourself. It's disturbing that you believe whatever ill-conceived conception in your mind, is objectively real. Disorders such as ASPD and NPD are forms of dysfunctional defense strategies and coping tools. Disorders are collections of healthy traits but to the magnitude of the inability to cope. What you're doing is disregarding magnitude, in order to draw parallels. This is a logical fallacy.

Anyways, it's been a displeasure so I'm out.
 

TrueMirror

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Messages
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MBTI Type
INTJ
Speak for yourself. It's disturbing that you believe whatever ill-conceived conception in your mind, is objectively real. Disorders such as ASPD and NPD are forms of dysfunctional defense strategies and coping tools. Disorders are collections of healthy traits but to the magnitude of the inability to cope. What you're doing is disregarding magnitude, in order to draw parallels. This is a logical fallacy.

Anyways, it's been a displeasure so I'm out.

So when you eat food that was grown with fertilizer that destroys the earth and is made by giant plants that are controlled by the military industrial complex, which drone and bomb Arab nations to keep them divided so that they do not interfere with foreign interests...all that is an illusion? You may be as confused as the girl in my avatar picture.
 

Peter Deadpan

phallus impudicus
Joined
Dec 14, 2016
Messages
8,883
So when you eat food that was grown with fertilizer that destroys the earth and is made by giant plants that are controlled by the military industrial complex, which drone and bomb Arab nations to keep them divided so that they do not interfere with foreign interests...all that is an illusion? You may be as confused as the girl in my avatar picture.

Oh so this must have been that guy who wanted to fuck me but I told him he reminded me of my brother.

Neato.

He seems advanced at building emotional intimacy.

- - - Updated - - -

He got all salty when I said that. There, there.

*does not pat back*
 

highlander

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Dec 23, 2009
Messages
26,562
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Interesting question. For me, an ideal connection involves a depth of emotional intimacy that is hard to describe. It is physical, intellectual and more deep on a level of meeting each other's needs. I really cannot explain it. It's a hole in your life that's filled. Engaging; affectionate, passionate, cooperative would be ideal.
 

INTerran

Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2016
Messages
131
[MENTION=33084]INTerran[/MENTION], since I haven't read your prior posts, are the two of you platonic friends or FWBs?[/QUOTE]

We had been platonic friends for several years, spending time with each other individually and with my brother, his girlfriend, most weekends. Right after Christmas he and I decided to see if a more than platonic relationship would work for us. We mutually decided to not broadcast the relationship outward to family and friends because of several factors. I want to continue growing with him and deepening our bond. But it's sometimes hard to know the best way to do that. I don't have super strong emotional intelligence...and neither does he.
 
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