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  1. #1
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    Default FINALLY TOLD INTP I LIKE HIM... his reaction??

    Update again.. INTJ girl here, I ended a horrible long term relationship with my bf two months ago. I am also friends with his friend Dylan, who I've known for years too. Tbh I have really grown to like him over the past 6 months (he's an INTP). We have A LOT in common, we share the same Christian views, Geopolitical views, Eschatology, same interests, humour, the whole shebang. In person he's so nervous around me and always looks. So anyway, a few weeks ago I asked if he wanted to still stay in touch (due to obvious reasons which I understood if he didn't want to) and he said he yes he wants to.

    He just recently moved up to his parents in the country and I've noticed he's been a bit down, so I messaged him bluntly saying if he never needs somebody to speak to that I'm here for him, he can always talk to me because I really care about him. He thanked me and really appreciated it, a few hours later he opened up to me like a can of worms about his problems. He said he's currently seeing this girl and wants to end things because they're too different, he likes his own space and she is really immature/young mentally. Though, he said he wants to be in long term relationship with somebody who's like him. He also said that he really want get his life together and join the navy etc.

    I just told him how I felt. He said quote "all good, hows work?". "i dont mind still talking to you but probably nothing more than that as it would be right towards Corey" (my ex)

    But why would he still want to keep in touch? .... IMO thats confusing to me considering he doesn't want to disrespect his friend...?
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  2. #2
    Feline Moderator The Cat's Avatar
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    I think he may like you as a person and want to keep getting to know you for now. See what happens. Couldnt hurt.
    SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY...

  3. #3
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by screamingfrogz View Post
    Update again.. INTJ girl here, I ended a horrible long term relationship with my bf two months ago. I am also friends with his friend Dylan, who I've known for years too. Tbh I have really grown to like him over the past 6 months (he's an INTP). We have A LOT in common, we share the same Christian views, Geopolitical views, Eschatology, same interests, humour, the whole shebang. In person he's so nervous around me and always looks. So anyway, a few weeks ago I asked if he wanted to still stay in touch (due to obvious reasons which I understood if he didn't want to) and he said he yes he wants to.

    He just recently moved up to his parents in the country and I've noticed he's been a bit down, so I messaged him bluntly saying if he never needs somebody to speak to that I'm here for him, he can always talk to me because I really care about him. He thanked me and really appreciated it, a few hours later he opened up to me like a can of worms about his problems. He said he's currently seeing this girl and wants to end things because they're too different, he likes his own space and she is really immature/young mentally. Though, he said he wants to be in long term relationship with somebody who's like him. He also said that he really want get his life together and join the navy etc.

    I just told him how I felt. He said quote "all good, hows work?". "i dont mind still talking to you but probably nothing more than that as it would be right towards Corey" (my ex)

    But why would he still want to keep in touch? .... IMO thats confusing to me considering he doesn't want to disrespect his friend...?
    Being friends w/a friend’s ex is generally not frowned upon, unless the breakup was particularly bad, or something.
    Dating a friend’s ex breaks an unspoken code among friends, in most cases, unless the relationship was super short-lived & all parties are at peace with it.

    There’s nothing confusing here, imo.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
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  4. #4
    Feline Moderator The Cat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post
    Being friends w/a friend’s ex is generally not frowned upon, unless the breakup was particularly bad, or something.
    Dating a friend’s ex breaks an unspoken code among friends, in most cases, unless the relationship was super short-lived & all parties are at peace with it.

    There’s nothing confusing here, imo.
    It's entirely possible he could be interested, there are just certain questions of timing Ive never really understood. Or understanding them I choose to ignore them.
    SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY...
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  5. #5
    heel turn 2 Obfuscate's Avatar
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    seems pretty straightforward and simple to me... he told you how he wants to proceed and why... if you are okay with being friends with him, go for it... it is possible he will change his mind later if you are, but don't bank on it... certainly don't expect things to shift rapidly, if for no other reason because the expectation will poison the present...
    "The only intelligent tactical response to life’s horror is to laugh defiantly at it.”
    ― søren kierkegaard

    “Most men are not wicked... They are sleep-walkers, not evil evildoers.”
    ―franz kafka

    “We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.”
    ― kurt vonnegut
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  6. #6

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    It would be unusual for an INTP, if he liked you in a non-platonic manner, to be as definitive as he's been about maintaining something platonic with you. If he liked you in a non-platonic way, he'd do the INTP shuffle, dancing around, torn between his friendship and new potential.
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  7. #7
    somnium tenebris Powehi's Avatar
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    @screamingfrogz
    These scenarios are particularly difficult. The short answer is that one does need to go by the words offered them, rather than reading subtext or hoping for a different emotional meaning. This is because the words offered represent the person's will and choice. Some people can compartmentalize feelings better than others, so whether or not there is potential for more involvement and feelings, the surface words are what are willfully offered.

    It sounds like he has stress, perhaps overwhelm, about this current breakup and may appreciate having a female friend to talk to in order to gain a perspective for dealing with it. It may be that you feel safe right now as a friend because there is that social barrier that you recently dated his friend.

    I can understand the difficulty of the situation for your own sake. If he ever does change his mind, he would be in the position to communicate that. Since he communicated this dynamic of friendship, it would be right for him to communicate if he chose to get involved. He sounds like he cares about doing the right thing, so my impression is that he will be honest with you about what is going on.

    Circus life under the big top world, we all need the clowns to make us smile
    Through space and time always another show, wondering where I am. I'm lost without you. Journey

  8. #8
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by screamingfrogz View Post
    Update again.. INTJ girl here, I ended a horrible long term relationship with my bf two months ago. I am also friends with his friend Dylan, who I've known for years too. Tbh I have really grown to like him over the past 6 months (he's an INTP). We have A LOT in common, we share the same Christian views, Geopolitical views, Eschatology, same interests, humour, the whole shebang. In person he's so nervous around me and always looks. So anyway, a few weeks ago I asked if he wanted to still stay in touch (due to obvious reasons which I understood if he didn't want to) and he said he yes he wants to.

    He just recently moved up to his parents in the country and I've noticed he's been a bit down, so I messaged him bluntly saying if he never needs somebody to speak to that I'm here for him, he can always talk to me because I really care about him. He thanked me and really appreciated it, a few hours later he opened up to me like a can of worms about his problems. He said he's currently seeing this girl and wants to end things because they're too different, he likes his own space and she is really immature/young mentally. Though, he said he wants to be in long term relationship with somebody who's like him. He also said that he really want get his life together and join the navy etc.

    I just told him how I felt. He said quote "all good, hows work?". "i dont mind still talking to you but probably nothing more than that as it would be right towards Corey" (my ex)

    But why would he still want to keep in touch? .... IMO thats confusing to me considering he doesn't want to disrespect his friend...?
    How one word can be so loaded huh? What was the situation with your ex? Seems like this guy still considers him a friend so I imagine the ex didn't do anything too terrible, but who knows. Imho i'd give it a wide berth for now. Allow it time to breathe.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

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