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  1. #21
    somnium tenebris Powehi's Avatar
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    Leading up to my first marriage we were attending a church that taught about no sex before marriage and we waited. It resulted in some sexual incompatibility, but more than that the long wait time actually damaged the sexuality that was there. That's about all I'll say about it specifically.

    The traditional view of no sex before marriage fit better with a culture that had no birth control, and people did hard physical labor all day on the farm, would come home exhausted, eat dinner, and then sometimes have sex when they weren't too tired because they needed to give birth to more farm hands to help with the work. Personal compatibility, sexual preferences, emotional connections, feeling understood, feeling "seen", was all pretty secondary to just getting the work done to survive.

    It is strangely easier to be compatible when there is no time for self-reflection, understanding your emotions, and basically when intimacy isn't really even an option. I had relationships that started in poverty and they worked better when the focus was survival. When the person becomes set with a good career and the focus goes more to the actual people, then intimacy and compatibility reveals its absence. It is a romantic hope and ideal to have actual intimacy and sexual compatibility. It isn't something humans in general achieve very well in my impression of it. I don't know what the answers are, except recognizing that a desire for true intimacy is completely different than the traditional framework and conception of marriage.
    bunny omi


    "Powehi means “the adorned fathomless dark creation” or “embellished dark source of unending creation” and comes from the Kumulipo, an 18th century Hawaiian creation chant. A Hawaiian name given to the very first scientific confirmation of a black hole."

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  2. #22

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    I know I’m hopelessly in love with a woman when I hold her close and give her a forehead kiss. I’ve dismantled the action to see it’s inner workings and for me personally it means it’s the closest I can get to kissing her mind, her soul, the very core of her being. It’s also a display of my willingness to protect her. It means I’d give my life for her.

    I’m a hopeless romantic underneath. Sue me.
    There is no mysterious essence we can call a 'place'. Place is change. It is motion killed by the mind, and preserved in the amber of memory.
    J. A. Baker

  3. #23
    🌼🐇 Luminous's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Cat View Post
    This is why I think it's important to be able to talk openly and honestly with your potential partner about sex. Which given that so much of what so many people actually like is held up as taboo in "polite society conversation" It doesnt make a lot of sense to me to not at least be able to talk about it, even if you choose to wait. (This isnt directed at anyone here, just in general)

    Sex in general communication is key.
    Even talking about it may not actually shed light on possible issues, unfortunately. People sometimes don't know themselves, what they want, etc that well or they tell themselves they want what feels most acceptable. Humans are so complicated.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Cat View Post
    This is why I think it's important to be able to talk openly and honestly with your potential partner about sex. Which given that so much of what so many people actually like is held up as taboo in "polite society conversation" It doesnt make a lot of sense to me to not at least be able to talk about it, even if you choose to wait. (This isnt directed at anyone here, just in general) Sex in general communication is key.
    I definitely agree with communication being a big key element. Mr. INTJ had some big concerns because it turns out he is a soft dominant, and he didn't know how I would handle that kind of thing. Before we took one step forward, we sat down and discussed my boundaries and his kink and quite a few other elements to everything. Once we were sure we understood one another and were in agreement then he was ok with taking the relationship to that next level. And we continue to have very open, frank conversations along the way.
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  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luminous View Post
    Even talking about it may not actually shed light on possible issues, unfortunately. People sometimes don't know themselves, what they want, etc that well or they tell themselves they want what feels most acceptable. Humans are so complicated.
    I guess I am fortunate that my guy definitely has a clear idea of what he likes/doesn't like. He was able to articulate exactly what he meant by being dominant and what it would entail for us. I've had a harder time with it because I have a lack of experience to really truly know. And again I'm fortunate that he has been extremely patient with me, always checking with me to ensure that I'm ok with what is happening, etc.
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  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Population: 1 View Post
    I know I'm hopelessly in love with a woman when I hold her close and give her a forehead kiss. I've dismantled the action to see it's inner workings and for me personally it means it's the closest I can get to kissing her mind, her soul, the very core of her being. It's also a display of my willingness to protect her. It means I'd give my life for her. I'm a hopeless romantic underneath. Sue me.
    That's super sweet! He did the forehead kiss three times this past weekend! I LOVE it!

  7. #27
    🌼🐇 Luminous's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTerran View Post
    I guess I am fortunate that my guy definitely has a clear idea of what he likes/doesn't like. He was able to articulate exactly what he meant by being dominant and what it would entail for us. I've had a harder time with it because I have a lack of experience to really truly know. And again I'm fortunate that he has been extremely patient with me, always checking with me to ensure that I'm ok with what is happening, etc.
    Yeah well, people also change with time.

  8. #28
    Logic Fairy Hermit of the Forest's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luminous View Post
    Yeah well, people also change with time.
    True. Even good marriages can go bad, no matter when sex came into the picture.
    Chase the adventure. Cherish the joy.


    Cu·ri·ous
    adjective
    1. Eager to know or learn something.
    2. Strange; unusual.



    INTP ~ 9w1 2w1 5w6 so/sx ~ Burned Hufflepuff
    Ti > Fe > Fi > Si > Ne = Se > Te = Ni
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  9. #29
    Jesting Philosopher Kanra13's Avatar
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    Strange. But cute. Forehead kisses are a cute thing. But I think kissing their cheeks are the cutest thing ever. Just saying. I liked that, personally, cuz it's much softer like the lips are but not necessarily sexual.
    House: Slytherin
    DnD Allignment: True Neutral/Chaotic Neutral
    Tritype: 9w8, 4w3, 6w7 ?? The "referee", The "Aristocrat", The "Buddy" - cute names
    Instinct: Sx/So - Symbolism

    Seeker, Researcher, My intrigue is with the nature of the world and the humans in it. As well as myself. I collect info, struggle, fascinate, pick apart, learn grow, evolve, skip from one to another. I hope to one day share this data in a purposeful way that positively influences people/the world.
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