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Being “known” By Your Significant Other

INTerran

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Joined
Oct 29, 2016
Messages
131
Do you know what feels really good in a relationship for an INTP? For your INTJ significant other to know you so well on a deeper level to be able to send music and movie recommendations to you, confident that you will love it...and you do.

And I don’t mean stuff that is generally my taste, but things I would never choose to listen to ordinarily, but that I find I really like. It’s almost like he knows me even better than I know myself to be able to extrapolate data from what I do listen to and find just the right songs/movies/tv shows that I didn’t know I’d like. And he sends the links with a short text “think you’ll enjoy this.” He’s been pretty much on point every time.

Being an oftentimes misunderstood INTP female and knowing INTJ characteristics, this means the world to me. How is it with other types?
 

Luminous

༻✧✧༺
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Having one I love demonstrate that they know me on a deep enough level to understand what I would like, feel, want, and for them to care about making me feel loved, wanted, and cared about is the ultimate in love languages for me. So being known is basically a large part of being loved to me.

I'm not sure that's what you were really asking, though. Did you mean, How do our sos make us feel known? Or?
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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Do you know what feels really good in a relationship for an INTP? For your INTJ significant other to know you so well on a deeper level to be able to send music and movie recommendations to you, confident that you will love it...and you do.

And I don’t mean stuff that is generally my taste, but things I would never choose to listen to ordinarily, but that I find I really like. It’s almost like he knows me even better than I know myself to be able to extrapolate data from what I do listen to and find just the right songs/movies/tv shows that I didn’t know I’d like. And he sends the links with a short text “think you’ll enjoy this.” He’s been pretty much on point every time.

Being an oftentimes misunderstood INTP female and knowing INTJ characteristics, this means the world to me. How is it with other types?
I notice I have a much easier time doing this for my INTP than he does for me. Do you find the same, meaning can you identify things he will like just as easily?
 

Luminous

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I have a much easier time doing that for my INTP, too, than he does for me.
 

INTerran

Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2016
Messages
131
Having one I love demonstrate that they know me on a deep enough level to understand what I would like, feel, want, and for them to care about making me feel loved, wanted, and cared about is the ultimate in love languages for me. So being known is basically a large part of being loved to me.

I'm not sure that's what you were really asking, though. Did you mean, How do our sos make us feel known? Or?


I suppose the question could be interpreted different ways. How do your sos demonstrate “getting” you on a different level? How do you make your so feel “known/seen”? How does it make you feel to have someone know you almost better than you know yourself?
 

INTerran

Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2016
Messages
131
I notice I have a much easier time doing this for my INTP than he does for me. Do you find the same, meaning can you identify things he will like just as easily?

I actually have a harder time identifying things like music, movies, board games, etc that he will like. I sometimes get it right. But sometimes I don’t. What I am able to do is recognize his moods, motivations, etc. I can interpret what he isn’t saying/texting as much as what he is. I demonstrate “knowing” him through our interactions...the questions I ask...the affirmations I give...the latitude I give him when he’s cranky/needs space...understanding his wit and sarcasm.
 

Sacrophagus

Mastermind Fieldmarshal
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Do you know what feels really good in a relationship for an INTP? For your INTJ significant other to know you so well on a deeper level to be able to send music and movie recommendations to you, confident that you will love it...and you do.

And I don’t mean stuff that is generally my taste, but things I would never choose to listen to ordinarily, but that I find I really like. It’s almost like he knows me even better than I know myself to be able to extrapolate data from what I do listen to and find just the right songs/movies/tv shows that I didn’t know I’d like. And he sends the links with a short text “think you’ll enjoy this.” He’s been pretty much on point every time.

That's what I do. I send her stuff and say "I think you will relate" and she always does.

At some point, she said jokingly that I must be spying on her because I know all the stuff she must like and we have many synchronicities going on and she just feels completely naked.

Meh.
 

Peter Deadpan

phallus impudicus
Joined
Dec 14, 2016
Messages
8,883
My last boyfriend was very good at this. It's part of why I more strongly considered e9 over e6 for him. Despite being sexual blind, he was very, very good at knowing me, what I like, and how I like it. He didn't have a 100% batting average, but it was close enough. He was also a musician of sorts, so that sort of artistic sensuality came naturally to him. A sexy quality indeed.
 

Kanra Jest

Av'ent'Gar'de ~
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To be known and truly understood and loved through it all. That's the greatest gift I could ever receive and all I would ever want.
 

Hellena Handbasket

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Its not being known, so much as being accepted. Him loving me fully for who I am and the feeling that I can be totally open and honest and myself with him.
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
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It is a good feeling for someone to be able to predict what you would like. I think the most important thing to me is to be valued for the things I value in myself. I've never had a partner really value me for my artistry or sexuality, and so I've never felt seen by them. I've actually felt misplaced and confused by whatever it is they value in me and often feel like they never had any idea who I actually was as a person. Sometimes they could predict something I'd like - the second one predicted one story and one horror movie I really liked, but he couldn't stand to hear my creative work. He couldn't stand to hear my songs or singing and that devastated me. I did try to understand them, but probably didn't manage it completely either. I admired their intelligence which I think they valued most in their own selves. People are confusing.
 

Kanra Jest

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Its not being known, so much as being accepted. Him loving me fully for who I am and the feeling that I can be totally open and honest and myself with him.

It's easy to accept when you don't 'really' know them. But I get your meaning. For them to both know everything about you and still accept you is a huge thing. Which means without judgement.
 

Betty Blue

Let me count the ways
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Do you know what feels really good in a relationship for an INTP? For your INTJ significant other to know you so well on a deeper level to be able to send music and movie recommendations to you, confident that you will love it...and you do.

And I don’t mean stuff that is generally my taste, but things I would never choose to listen to ordinarily, but that I find I really like. It’s almost like he knows me even better than I know myself to be able to extrapolate data from what I do listen to and find just the right songs/movies/tv shows that I didn’t know I’d like. And he sends the links with a short text “think you’ll enjoy this.” He’s been pretty much on point every time.

Being an oftentimes misunderstood INTP female and knowing INTJ characteristics, this means the world to me. How is it with other types?

pft, you think you know someone but you can only know a certain amount.
 

Tilt

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As long as the person spends quality time with me, I am happy. My interests are ever-changing.
 

The Cat

Just a Cat who hangs out at the Crossroads
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"You can't open the book of my life and jump in the middle. Like woman, I am a mystery."
 

Zhaylin

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That’s a great quote, [MENTION=30038]Eryn Silverfrond[/MENTION].

My hubby and I are about as opposite as they come. Our relationship had an exceptionally rough start, and I worry about what will become of us when he retires.
We’re best friends, though. We live apart (same property though) and we (audio only) FaceTime for at least 30 minutes every day. We give each other boundless space and freedom. We’ll share meals or take in movies but that’s about it.

He gives me support (financial and otherwise). He’s not good at “knowing” what I need or want so he’s taught me to be more vocal and a tad assertive. I support him emotionally and try to make his life a little easier by doing his shopping and all the driving when we travel.
So, while we know and hold each other’s hearts and have the very best of interests foremost in our minds; for us, it takes open communication, work and acceptance (and the occasional swift kick in the rear when ones needed rofl).

I’ve never been with anyone who KNEW me, even though I’ve always been a (almost) completely open book.
 

Cellmold

Wake, See, Sing, Dance
Joined
Mar 23, 2012
Messages
6,266
I think other people's minds are so far removed from mine as to be alien. Without it being a case for uniqueness or anything self-aggrandising, it's just an apparent fact. At the same time, I am average in content and cognition.

And all interaction feels like a factor of assumption. It's why I caution against the rise in popularity and support for empathetic engagement; it's incredibly risky and takes a huge amount of energy and time investment, for something that will most likely be wasted.
I'm not saying never do so, just be very cautious.

But maybe I'm biased. I can give a good facsimile of interaction, even come across talkative, warm and friendly, yet am ultimately quite an empty person, so without saying that, if you met me, you are unlikely to be aware of that.

So my understanding of others is filtered through that reality of myself.
 

I Tonya

Rythym of the night
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It feels quite nice like you've found a soulmate.
 
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Well I don't think men wanna see me for who I really am. I understood I must accept first my past and sufferings (and there is quite a big deal of them), then I know I can feel free not to say everything

_I think having a secret garden is more than necessary in seduction and love, even life more generally speaking-

So actually I'm testing the new one, my positions mean "are you able to be yourself, how deep", and how will I really feel by your side.

But of course I'll give him time. Which wasn't always the case. I am trying not to escape straight away, which means a lot of efforts for the sake of love,

but first of all, let's be honest : for self-improvement and what I must transform on my path........


I wanna be able to offer the next one a better compost, but I must feel the right fertilizer from miles away :smoke:
 

Obfuscate

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Its not being known, so much as being accepted. Him loving me fully for who I am and the feeling that I can be totally open and honest and myself with him.

it is hard for me to take acceptance seriously if the person doesn't know what they're accepting... if i ask a three year old if they want a knuckle sandwich, their acquiesce isn't something that should be taken seriously... if a person says "i love you just the way you are", it doesn't mean shit unless they actually know who you are...

sure, being accepted is a best case scenario after being understood, but you can't have a genuine/meaningful version of it without that foundation to build on...
 
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