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Being “known” By Your Significant Other

Agent Washington

Softserve Ice Cream
Joined
Jan 24, 2017
Messages
2,053
I think I'm romanticising it when I say that my partner and I have a lot in common, so we "know" each other. I don't have the feeling that I "know" my partner, but my partner knows me well. It's predictive in nature.

...So ... I guess there's something to be said for that. I wonder if my partner is romanticising knowing me well, if I'm actually quite predictable, or if it's just a pretense for both of us. I guess time will prove it.
 

Abcdenfp

Terpsichore
Joined
May 19, 2017
Messages
1,669
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ENFP
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7W8
Having one I love demonstrate that they know me on a deep enough level to understand what I would like, feel, want, and for them to care about making me feel loved, wanted, and cared about is the ultimate in love languages for me. So being known is basically a large part of being loved to me.

I'm not sure that's what you were really asking, though. Did you mean, How do our sos make us feel known? Or?

just curious do you know what your love language is? i need to retake mine but i also agree, being "known" or "seen" is a huge component of that for me.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
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Apr 19, 2007
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Pretty much love is "being known" for me, although I guess I expect investment and some other things too. It's just the most natural, most intuitive part for me personally. When I love someone or want them to know me and want to know them, I have a natural inclination to be an open book with them and feel bad withholding.

Life has been pretty disappointing in some ways for me because my desire I learned pretty early on is unrealistic. I am really non-invasive and try to respect privacy, while at the same time feel closest to people when I "know" who they are and when they "know" me. But being a completely open book to everyone leaves you at some risk (because some people can't be trusted with that, I have learned), and meanwhile for other people who identify love as different things or who are more habitually cautious, then I feel like I can't get close to them in turn. So then it's just easy to resign oneself to not reaching out as much and/or undergoing the arduous revealing process of oneself to another. I tried harder when i was younger, and over time without a lot of payoff, well, the energy just gets directed elsewhere.

Idealism vs realism, the world almost isn't made for total self-disclosure. So when you find someone who wants to engage you on that level, it's difficult to say no -- you might never find it again.

Damn, I am rambling. Sigh.
 

Luminous

༻✧✧༺
Joined
Oct 25, 2017
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Iᑎᖴᑭ
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just curious do you know what your love language is? i need to retake mine but i also agree, being "known" or "seen" is a huge component of that for me.

At different times, I've gotten high scores on words of affirmation, quality time, and physical touch. Right now I think they're in that order...
 

Abcdenfp

Terpsichore
Joined
May 19, 2017
Messages
1,669
MBTI Type
ENFP
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7W8
At different times, I've gotten high scores on words of affirmation, quality time, and physical touch. Right now I think they're in that order...

mine are currently in that order too. Physical touch is always so weird for me sometimes i crave it and then other times i really have a bubble around me. the affirmation is always first quality and physical seem to be interchangeable
 

Luminous

༻✧✧༺
Joined
Oct 25, 2017
Messages
10,235
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Iᑎᖴᑭ
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952
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sx/sp
Pretty much love is "being known" for me, although I guess I expect investment and some other things too. It's just the most natural, most intuitive part for me personally. When I love someone or want them to know me and want to know them, I have a natural inclination to be an open book with them and feel bad withholding.

Life has been pretty disappointing in some ways for me because my desire I learned pretty early on is unrealistic. I am really non-invasive and try to respect privacy, while at the same time feel closest to people when I "know" who they are and when they "know" me. But being a completely open book to everyone leaves you at some risk (because some people can't be trusted with that, I have learned), and meanwhile for other people who identify love as different things or who are more habitually cautious, then I feel like I can't get close to them in turn. So then it's just easy to resign oneself to not reaching out as much and/or undergoing the arduous revealing process of oneself to another. I tried harder when i was younger, and over time without a lot of payoff, well, the energy just gets directed elsewhere.

Idealism vs realism, the world almost isn't made for total self-disclosure. So when you find someone who wants to engage you on that level, it's difficult to say no -- you might never find it again.

Damn, I am rambling. Sigh.

I completely relate. Being able to figuratively stand naked with someone you love, and feel accepted and loved, is amazing.
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
My INTP husband 'gets' me which is such a relief. We share music and eclectic stuff with each other, tailored for each other, all the time.
 

Sacrophagus

Mastermind Fieldmarshal
Joined
Jul 11, 2017
Messages
1,702
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ENTJ
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854
"I've gotten high scores on words of affirmation, quality time, and physical touch. Right now I think they're in that order..."


mine are currently in that order too.



Words of affirmation:
I will kill you.

Quality Time:
*Watching 70's porn together* Look at the bush on that one.


Physical touch is always so weird for me sometimes i crave it and then other times i really have a bubble around me.

Physical touch:

*points his index finger towards her cheek*
Now I'm touching you. Now I'm not. Now I'm touching you. Now I'm not.




I can live with that.
 

Lexicon

Temporal Mechanic
Staff member
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Sep 28, 2008
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sp/sx
Depth of understanding is a vital component of love for me in any form- be it consummate or companionate. A mindmate is a kindred spirit.

And of course one can never truly know every recess of another’s heart and mind. Therein lies the need for acceptance, at times, in the face of that which we may not fully grasp. Can’t fully grasp.

The consistent drive to understand, and be understood can be just as valuable as any existing mutual understanding, I think. And the ability to accept and articulate when we do not understand, without devaluing it. Respect and trust play a large part in that last bit.

What else is there to this whole ‘love’ thing, really?
 

Abcdenfp

Terpsichore
Joined
May 19, 2017
Messages
1,669
MBTI Type
ENFP
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Words of affirmation:
I will kill you.

Quality Time:
*Watching 70's porn together* Look at the bush on that one.




Physical touch:

*points his index finger towards her cheek*
Now I'm touching you. Now I'm not. Now I'm touching you. Now I'm not.




I can live with that.

Promise me it will always be this way
 

Norrsken

self murderer
Joined
Nov 27, 2015
Messages
3,633
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sx/so
How is it that the thing I desire most is what also frightens me?
 

The Cat

Just a Cat who hangs out at the Crossroads
Staff member
Joined
Oct 15, 2016
Messages
23,552
How is it that the thing I desire most is what also frightens me?

 
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