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Letter compatibility

Logitechu

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Feb 20, 2019
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INTJ
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1w9
Hi!

In this post I would like us to discuss the compatibility for each single letter.
In terms of both relationship and friendship.

Which ones are important, which ones are not? if so, why?
Do you have a favorite combination?
Any personal experience or stories?

Here is my take on it.

Introversion x Extroversion:
The traditional recommendation is that introversion balance out extroversion and vice versa.
However, I believe this letter compatibility is not the most important. I can definitely see two introverts be happy together. The same applies to extroverts.
I can understand the recommendation because the extrovert will take the spotlight in unavoidable social situations, it can be very much appreciated by the introvert.
As well as transferring energy to the introvert, in return the introvert makes the extrovert more relaxed.

Sensing x Intuitive:
This one has the highest conflict-potential the way I see it.
People with strong sensing will not easily understand and listen to complex dreams and ideas. They rely on facts and the present.
It can create unbalance and a feeling of not being seen.
However, I do believe they can have much to teach each other about life and can fulfill very different roles. That's good as long as the conflict-level stays low.

Thinking x Feeling:
A bit optional.
If you want a relationship colored with feelings, someone with the feeling trait would definitely contribute to that.
If a more intellectual pursuit is preferable, the thinking trait is perhaps more welcome.
For the sake of diversity, thinking x feeling might be more positive in the long run.

Judging x Perceiving:
To be honest. This is probably my favorite combination.
Not to say perceiving people are messy, but having someone less interested in improvising can bring tremendous balance and order into the family life.
The perceiving will give the family life spontaneity back which can be very important. It brings excitement of not knowing, might bring out the child in the judging-type.
 

notmyapples

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398
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sp/so
There are a few theories when it comes to letter compatibility, the most popular I see are switching the first and last letters (I/E ad P/J) or switching every letter except the second (N/S). For example, if you were an ISFJ your most compatible partner in theory would be ESFP or ESTP.
 

tommyc

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There are a few theories when it comes to letter compatibility, the most popular I see are switching the first and last letters (I/E ad P/J) or switching every letter except the second (N/S). For example, if you were an ISFJ your most compatible partner in theory would be ESFP or ESTP.

This is basically spot on, I think. Romatically speaking, extroverts are ideally paired with introverts first and foremost. After that, Intuitives and Sensors will rub along easiest with their own kind, and differentiation along the J and P axis provides necessary balance. Two P types together can result in unstructured chaos, while two J types will clash for control. As far as T and F goes... from my experience difference here can create sexual chemistry, but for a longer term relationship more equivalence is preferable. Its also preferable for friendship, ie Fs with Fs, Ts with Ts. Less scope for everyday misunderstandings and unintentional offence.
 

I Tonya

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Idk but I agree. As an female ISTJ I think I have a lot of chemistry with this male ESTP, but I have dated ISFP too- something about opposites, whether EP or FP makes me undeniably attracted.

The ESTP I'm into now makes sense, his extroversion makes him comfortable in the external world and makes me enticed. His xSTx and my xSTx weirdly enough understand each other but also kinda hot if I guess you're into yourself? Its a nice blessing since I feel like most types would be bored by some of the ways I describe details while he actually listens and attentive. I think P vs J causes the most conflict, makes me almost believe I'm least compatible with any type- how stubborn I can truly be with my J.

As for ISxx and ISxx its extremely comfortable...maybe too comfortable? FP and TJ, I can only say has its ups and downs but probably my favorite compatibility to be honest.
 

Snow as White

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Dec 29, 2017
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4w3
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sx/sp
The stereotype of s vs n is super cringe here.

I get desiring to find the perfect theoretical match because there is comfort and safety in this. But that’s not how actual interactions work.

Things also change as you grow up and older and start becoming more comfortable with behaving more opposite.
 

tommyc

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The stereotype of s vs n is super cringe here.

I get desiring to find the perfect theoretical match because there is comfort and safety in this. But that’s not how actual interactions work.

Things also change as you grow up and older and start becoming more comfortable with behaving more opposite.

Actually I was gonna add that as people get older S and Ns start to look a lot more appealing to each other. Im thinking specifically ENP females and ISJ males, but the principle probably applies elsewhere. May have something to do with function development and sex drive.

I agree that lusting after a perfect theoretical match is the wrong way to go about things. You shouldnt be looking for a partner or judging the partner you have based on MBTI. But it is useful to explain behaviour and why partnerships do or do not work, and its surprising how frequently partners do match up in type terms. If you want to preserve the mystery of love better steer clear of typology :D
 

Snow as White

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Actually I was gonna add that as people get older S and Ns start to look a lot more appealing to each other. Im thinking specifically ENP females and ISJ males, but the principle probably applies elsewhere. May have something to do with function development and sex drive.

I agree that lusting after a perfect theoretical match is the wrong way to go about things. You shouldnt be looking for a partner or judging the partner you have based on MBTI. But it is useful to explain behaviour and why partnerships do or do not work, and its surprising how frequently partners do match up in type terms. If you want to preserve the mystery of love better steer clear of typology :D

To be honest as I get older the more attractive Te is to me. I don’t really care who’s wielding it I just want to learn from the masters.
 

1487610420

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It always makes me :rolleyes: and :fpalm: re: procuring the perfect type match. What happens when your S.O. decides they are a different type, you dump them? :dont:
 

Jaguar

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20,647
Extraverted thinking:

Extraverted Thinking (Te) involves Thinking-based judgments that incorporate facts, data, or other objective considerations. Through the impersonal and objectifying lens of Te, the world becomes a giant machine, a system of interrelated parts that predictably functions according to the laws of cause and effect.

Empirical thinking is at the core of extraverted Thinking when we challenge someone's ideas based on the logic of the facts in front of us or lay out reasonable explanations for decisions or conclusions made, often trying to establish order in someone else's thought process.

Te-users like to organize; they organize facts, rules, truths, and anything in their outer environment that needs fixing. The Te-user values, above all, truth. Te-dominant and auxiliary users are suspicious of sentiment and emotions, but trust what they can verify through facts, experimentation, and results.


What part of the word "fact" do you not understand?
 

notmyapples

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The stereotype of s vs n is super cringe here.

I get desiring to find the perfect theoretical match because there is comfort and safety in this. But that’s not how actual interactions work.

Things also change as you grow up and older and start becoming more comfortable with behaving more opposite.

I agree. Type compatibility can only go so far when you're not taking things like maturity, life experience and personal growth into account.
 

badatlife

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Feb 5, 2014
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IxFx
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sp
It always makes me :rolleyes: and :fpalm: re: procuring the perfect type match. What happens when your S.O. decides they are a different type, you dump them? :dont:

thiss. half of us here can't even type ourselves right :rofl1:
 

Caribelle

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I think compatibility is good when the first two letters are the same, and the last two switched. E.g ISTP with ISFJ, ENFP with ENTJ etc

From what I've seen, extroverts gravitate and seem to enjoy the company of other extroverts more than introverts, and introverts need someone with similar energies and need for space as they do. So introverts are best with introverts, and vice versa.

The second two letters can remain the same for the reasons mentioned earlier, and the last two switched, because they provide good opportunity for balance within a relationship. A thinker relationship might feel a bit cold, and a feeler relationship might not provide opportunities for logical balance. It think judgers and perceivers can also complement other. I now two perceivers who are married and they are both very laidback parents and not very good at managing their home, finances etc - not a good combination, IM0. I think two judgers together might be a bit rigid as well, or there may be fights for control.
 

Snow as White

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I think compatibility is good when the first two letters are the same, and the last two switched. E.g ISTP with ISFJ, ENFP with ENTJ etc

From what I've seen, extroverts gravitate and seem to enjoy the company of other extroverts more than introverts, and introverts need someone with similar energies and need for space as they do. So introverts are best with introverts, and vice versa.

The second two letters can remain the same for the reasons mentioned earlier, and the last two switched, because they provide good opportunity for balance within a relationship. A thinker relationship might feel a bit cold, and a feeler relationship might not provide opportunities for logical balance. It think judgers and perceivers can also complement other. I now two perceivers who are married and they are both very laidback parents and not very good at managing their home, finances etc - not a good combination, IM0. I think two judgers together might be a bit rigid as well, or there may be fights for control.

Too many stereotypes here really..... Two thinkers within a relationship may not necessarily be cold in how they perceive the connection. And feelers aren't chickens wandering about searching for their cut off heads blindly. Each type and combination has its own areas of flexibility and rigidity... It's more, can you figure out ways to compromise and do so in positive ways.

On paper perhaps there is some theoretical concept of "perfect matches based on alphabet soup" but in reality that isn't how it works.
 

Caribelle

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Just speaking in general terms. Of course, there are nuances and exceptions to everything.
 

wildmoon

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I mostly agree with OP. I think a J/P difference is good for practical reasons. Although I also think that in P/P or J/J dynamics, the person who is closer to the centre will become a little more J-ish or P-ish in order to compensate. (I can become J-ish pretty quickly depending on the needs of the situation.)

I think that, rather than being great at showing us the types we are most compatible with, the MBTI is pretty good at showing us the types we are least compatible with... There are some types that consistently annoy me, haha.

The S/N stereotype can be pointless sometimes, but... I've noticed that in dynamics between a strongly S person and a strongly N person, it's very rare that they will understand or appreciate each other. MBTI at least offers an explanation as to why some people just can't click.

Another thing is that type compatibility theories can give a heads up about future issues in relationships that are easy most of the time. (For example, it has helped me as an INTP with ENFP friends to know that ENFPs often have a secret bossy streak, so I'm not confused when it comes up. But that's a cf thing rather than a dichotomy thing, so I'm not sure if it's really relevant to this thread.)

I think T/F is easily the least important in terms of compatibility. I've never seen it make a real difference at all.
 

tommyc

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I think T/F is easily the least important in terms of compatibility. I've never seen it make a real difference at all.

Interesting... with the exception of ENTPs and the odd ISTX, Ive mostly hung out with F types my whole life. I think its really important for compatibility, following closely behind N/S. Id even expand that to society: I think its one of the key distinctions in arts and culture, politics, philosophy, morality. It influences almost everything.
 

wildmoon

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Interesting... with the exception of ENTPs and the odd ISTX, Ive mostly hung out with F types my whole life. I think its really important for compatibility, following closely behind N/S. Id even expand that to society: I think its one of the key distinctions in arts and culture, politics, philosophy, morality. It influences almost everything.

Hmm yeah that’s interesting. Are you more into the dichotomies of MBTI or the cognitive functions?
Maybe I’m unique in being able to get along with both T and F types, haha.
 

tommyc

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Hmm yeah that’s interesting. Are you more into the dichotomies of MBTI or the cognitive functions?
Maybe I’m unique in being able to get along with both T and F types, haha.

I think cognitive function comes first - where you fall on each dichotomy is a reflection of your preferred function. Having said that I think dichotomies can have their own separate value - for instance "xxxP" types across the board share a certain fundamental quality. Call it a preference for chaos, while xxxJ types prefer order. Those are elemental forces in the universe, so its a really important difference.

And yeh, I guess youre T/F blind... you are the chosen one, sent here to unite us :worthy:
 

Connoisseur

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I subscribe to the theory that every function is complemented by its opposite in terms of introversion/extraversion. So Ti+Te, Fi+Fe, Si+Se, Ni+Ne.
 

Norrsken

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As an extrovert, I guess I do have a knack for picking out who's the introvert in the room and it seems that the introverts have a curiosity over what I have to say, depending on their type. Ti-doms especially want to know what I have to say about things that they're talking about also, and I really do appreciate what they have to say about the subject also. There is a natural understanding here. My INTP brother and I can sometimes finish each others sentences or fill in the gaps exactly what the other one wanted to say, but couldn't. Of all the people who really do seem to gravitate towards me.. I'd say a few were extroverts but most were introverts. I feel like extroverted men (and women) really desire someone even more gregarious than they are, and since I'm ENFJ, of course I can be sociable and outgoing, but like.. I don't like it in the traditional sense. I'm not one to be seen going out every single day or night like some extroverts I know. When there were times in my life that I could go out every single day.. I just couldn't do it. It was too much.

N/S. This is where the real differences and conflict comes to light, honestly. I can fight with both intuitive and sensing types, but honestly, sensing types grate me much harder than the former. I don't know what it is and I do strive to understand those who are different from me. That ISFP woman who was bugging me for attention not too long ago.. I just found her so fucking boring. And she probably found me a little too weird to take me seriously. It just wouldn't work. I know of ENFJ/ISFP couples out there who are together, but I do sense a lot of fighting and tension between them at the same time. ISTP people.. I've met one female that I was absolutely attracted to and wanted to be her girlfriend.. but geez, when Ti and Se gets together, I'm sorry, but you guys can be straight up nasty and it hurts because other than that, I do love having fun with you guys and I do sense something really.. important? Is that the word? Just something very deep within the interactions between us.

Thinking/feeling. My last boyfriend that I haven't seen in a few months now is a T type, though he thinks otherwise. I do like that even if I do feel emotional, that the thinker can slow me down. One time I called a hotline for battered women and I was sobbing because I couldn't stop thinking about the ex-spouse (Ew), and this total ISTJ man on the other line.. at first, I felt unheard or invalid because he just couldn't get that bright emotional response like I do.. but he was so calm and sincere and logically spelled it out to me why I felt that way and what I can do to feel better. And after the call, I did felt immensely better! So there is something very beneficial between a feeler and a thinker when they get together.

Judging/perceiving. This is hard to say, I guess I can go either way? I do love judging types because when it's time to get shit done, I don't need to tell them twice unless they're my dad. :dry: Perceiving types, I just get anxious when pressing matters come into the picture.. Like commitment to a project or to a relationship. Of course, I have met very dedicated perceiving types, so I guess it's a matter of searching through the hay to find that needle. The sucky thing about judging type, is that when they do decide to drop you, they are also very committed to that, too. So it's painful when I want to work something out with the other judging type, whatever that is, but they refuse to budge. Absolutely fucking stubborn. I'm not saying perceiving types can't be stubborn also, but like.. I don't know. I feel like it's a mixed up dice when it comes to J and P types, I feel like I never know what I'm going to get.
 
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