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  1. #1
    The Devil of TypoC EJCC's Avatar
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    Default Nice things about being sp-first / sx-last?

    Anyone have suggestions for ways to see sp-first and sx-last as strengths and not weaknesses?

    Only recently learned my own correct type (sp/so) and am trying to find a way to use that information to unpack and resolve a lot of things about sx-lastness and sp-firstness, and how they manifest in myself, that I deeply hate - things that I never wanted to be, but apparently am. So that's the headspace this question is coming from.

    To pre-empt the question: I've done the cursory Googling, and everything I've been learning about my type is negative. Especially with regard to being sp-first. I'd like to turn that around if possible to save myself (and others?) from being unfairly discriminatory.

    Thanks in advance.
    ”We know a little about a lot of things; just enough to make us dangerous.”

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  2. #2
    Life and Art Stell's Avatar
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    I envy sp-doms for what I can only describe as their strength, inner and outer. By this I mean that I associate the instinct with a solid vibe that comes across easily to others, healthy bluntness, and a natural sense of boundaries (although like all instincts it is possible for someone to turn away from their natural tendency due to other pressures, but rediscover it later). It’s a physical sense of self-respect, and just like mental and emotional self-respect, it lends a shitload of resources that are applicable outside oneself to do good.

    There’s a scary and vulnerable side of self-care that involves facing fears, such as fear of saying no, the fear of mortality, and fear of standing up for oneself - and I associate sp with courage in this realm. I also associate strong Sp people with a unique capacity to be protectors and stand up for others, because it’s kind of like having to love yourself first in order to love others - the self-preserving instinct needs to be strong before one has the resources to extend that to other people. There is no need for it to be self-absorbed - in fact, it lends extra power to make the most direct sorts of contributions to the world.

    That this would be stigmatized out of anything but jealousy blows my mind.

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  3. #3
    A Moment of Madness Ixaerus's Avatar
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    This puts it very well for me (taken from oceanmoonshine, on E5 so/sp):

    With the sexual instinct least developed, this subtype is in the position of having a strong pull towards understanding the workings of the world around them, without the emotional intensity of the sexual instinct setting up any distraction.
    And I must agree, and I value this in myself. And to put it more simply and generally, being able to get what you value (as an sp dom) done without getting distracted by things you don't value (which happens to be sx)- where and how this would be a weakness, I do not understand.


    Quote Originally Posted by Stell View Post
    There’s a scary and vulnerable side of self-care that involves facing fears, such as fear of saying no, the fear of mortality, and fear of standing up for oneself - and I associate sp with courage in this realm. I also associate strong Sp people with a unique capacity to be protectors and stand up for others, because it’s kind of like having to love yourself first in order to love others - the self-preserving instinct needs to be strong before one has the resources to extend that to other people. There is no need for it to be self-absorbed - in fact, it lends extra power to make the most direct sorts of contributions to the world.
    This. I never thought of it as courage whatsoever, but I did recognize these traits in sp. And yes, I have no idea how on earth this would be stigmatized. Being sx-last, an sp first soc second naturally takes care of their surroundings and community and when healthier extends themselves in meaningful ways, making sure no one is left out. I notice that sp naturally looks at stability- it is our 'love language'- and our most meaningful one, and we can extend these things to who we care most similar to how Stell describes it here. More direct, tangible contributions.

    It is because we go after security (of any kind, depending on enneatype) so much that we can extend that very same security to others. I am sure other types contribute their own share as well, but I do not see how sp's style would be in any way inferior, negative, or stigmatized.
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  4. #4
    必然 Exolvuntur's Avatar
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    Im sp/so and didnt even know there was stereotypes of it being the worse type LOL.

    The courage thing makes perfect sense to me with what Stell said. I think the downside is, those events do not happen enough to make sp-doms stand out. Other types think we are no fun, boring, or too concerned with "trivial" things to understand that we need stability to properly cut loose. Its an sx dom world I swear xD

    @EJCC It sucks, but there really is hardly any sp/so variation explanations in enneagram. It always bothered me when researching my own type. I tgink its the result of it being very self contained.
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  5. #5
    Somber and irritated cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Anyone have suggestions for ways to see sp-first and sx-last as strengths and not weaknesses?

    Only recently learned my own correct type (sp/so) and am trying to find a way to use that information to unpack and resolve a lot of things about sx-lastness and sp-firstness, and how they manifest in myself, that I deeply hate - things that I never wanted to be, but apparently am. So that's the headspace this question is coming from.

    To pre-empt the question: I've done the cursory Googling, and everything I've been learning about my type is negative. Especially with regard to being sp-first. I'd like to turn that around if possible to save myself (and others?) from being unfairly discriminatory.

    Thanks in advance.
    It's interesting that you are coming across more negative things about being sp-first in your research; I have certainly seen more negative things associated with sx last, but I hadn't noticed sp first as much.

    My own sense of sp-first is more of a tendency to be solid in myself, and self reliant. With that comes a stability and maybe in a way more confidence in who I am - I am able to be Me without leaning on someone else for my sense of self or on others. Of course there are negatives to this, but I think it means others view me as being more solid, perhaps more independent (I think I am), and though I don't know it's tied to sp-dom, it might be - just today, a coworker said of me in response to something I said, 'just saying it like it is'. 'Keepin it real', I get too. Apparently many *don't* keep it real? haha. I believe there are ties to boundaries with this tendency; I do protect myself and my needs, and also address my own emotional issues, for the most part, and always have; and in many ways believe I'm the only one who really can; so this means I don't inherently 'expect' others to take care of me, or provide all of the support for me, or whatever. Much of it comes from within. Now again this is not all glorious and those who especially need to be needed will likely not be keen on this/how I am, but it also means I am not likely to become dependent on others in an emotionally or socially sucking way, if that makes sense. So I think that alone can be a positive. And with that, like @Stell said, IF I am healthy and etc etc, I'll have more to give and I don't 'need' as much, in terms of emotional support, etc. Also, I'd say I'm one who is not as likely to be 'used' or taken advantage of, or allow myself to be, and this is something that began when I was fairly young. I'll write more if I think of more.

    p.s. I'm not at all assuming or saying that all of this applies to sp- first, as I imagine quite a bit is also associated with my having been raised to be self sufficient and having learned to handle a lot of the internal stuff on my own without having someone else to assist. Like everything it's prob. a combo of nature and nurture.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  6. #6
    Life and Art Stell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    It's interesting that you are coming across more negative things about being sp-first in your research; I have certainly seen more negative things associated with sx last, but I hadn't noticed sp first as much.

    My own sense of sp-first is more of a tendency to be solid in myself, and self reliant. With that comes a stability and maybe in a way more confidence in who I am - I am able to be Me without leaning on someone else for my sense of self or on others. Of course there are negatives to this, but I think it means others view me as being more solid, perhaps more independent (I think I am), and though I don't know it's tied to sp-dom, it might be - just today, a coworker said of me in response to something I said, 'just saying it like it is'. 'Keepin it real', I get too. Apparently many *don't* keep it real? haha. I believe there are ties to boundaries with this tendency; I do protect myself and my needs, and also address my own emotional issues, for the most part, and always have; and in many ways believe I'm the only one who really can; so this means I don't inherently 'expect' others to take care of me, or provide all of the support for me, or whatever. Much of it comes from within. Now again this is not all glorious and those who especially need to be needed will likely not be keen on this/how I am, but it also means I am not likely to become dependent on others in an emotionally or socially sucking way, if that makes sense. So I think that alone can be a positive. And with that, like @Stell said, IF I am healthy and etc etc, I'll have more to give and I don't 'need' as much, in terms of emotional support, etc. Also, I'd say I'm one who is not as likely to be 'used' or taken advantage of, or allow myself to be, and this is something that began when I was fairly young. I'll write more if I think of more.

    p.s. I'm not at all assuming or saying that all of this applies to sp- first, as I imagine quite a bit is also associated with my having been raised to be self sufficient and having learned to handle a lot of the internal stuff on my own without having someone else to assist. Like everything it's prob. a combo of nature and nurture.
    ^^^ Exactly what I meant, but stated the way I wish I could have.

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  7. #7
    Somber and irritated cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stell View Post
    ^^^ Exactly what I meant, but stated the way I wish I could have.
    I loved your description and thought it was great, but aww thanks
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  8. #8
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    I never knew sp-first was a bad thing!

    Couple of points:
    - You're more okay with being alone, making you less needy compared to other types.
    - You make an attempt (and often a good one) to get your life together and secure, which is something other types might struggle with.
    - From the above two points, you're less likely to have to rely on other people, which lessens their burden of interacting with you. I mean in the sense that you're less likely to have a life-threatening emergency from lack of planning, and having your own safety net means other people don't have to step in and take care of you.

    Of course, there are also drawbacks, but I think these are the main positives. In short, you know how to be safe.
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  9. #9
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    The way I see my combination of Sp first and Sx last is that I prioritize stability and security—of both myself and others. I perfer to get things done independently, and I always strive to be self-reliant.

    Other factors probably also contribute, but I think this combination allows me to detach myself from extremely passionate immediate responses at times, which can lead to rash decisions. I'm a feeler in terms of MBTI, so I could be a lot better at this, but it's a quality I'm learning to refine.

    I also have comparatively thick skin compared to most people. I'm not sure if this is an sp quality. But at the end of the day, if someone is rude or insults me, I often chalk it up as "Well, I don't like it, but if I don't let it impact me, it won't. There are a lot worse things that could happen." I've often said that I don't get offended. That's an exaggeration probably, but I really can't relate to the experience.

    A downside is that I'm not sure how to respond to people who depend more on others. You could call them clingy or needy in a negative sense, but I don't think it's always inherently a negative quality. This is even more apparent when I'm the one being relied upon. I'm willing to try and support those close to me the best I can, but I am at times completely at a loss as to how to act. Especially if whatever is bothering the person is something that would not make a significant impact on me.
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  10. #10
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    SP-first is the part of me that I embrace, even more than being an e8.

    Self-sufficient
    Self-disciplined
    High level planning and organizing
    No issues establishing boundaries and saying no.
    No one would ever call me needy or clingy (this can also be an area of criticism when it moves to unhealthy levels but I'm better sharing my vulnerability)
    If I tell you I'll be somewhere/do something, you can count on it.

    I don't see this thread as being discriminatory. I guess I'm so accustomed to being critiqued on my enneagram specifics, it doesn't have much impact on me anymore.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.
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