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  1. #101
    ϚᗩᑎᑕTᑌᗩᖇY Luminous's Avatar
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    From Instinct Stacking — Enneagrammer

    SO playground in SP/SO and SX/SO

    Interactions and connections are easy but not particular

    Adept at communicating and interacting, but not being hyper-particular about who/what/where/when/how
    SX playground in SP/SX and SO/SX

    The chase without the obsession

    Being drawn to opening yourself up in a vulnerable way to allow the complete takeover of another being, but then being able to move on to another object without becoming completely immersed like SX-first
    There is a crack in everything
    T h a t ' s...h o w...t h e...l i g h t...g e t s...i n

  2. #102
    stable genius Powehi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by uncrowned View Post
    ...
    Which reminds me of something I read about sx-first. It said something about using sx to avoid intimacy or push others away, and this ties in with developing our last instinct to calm our first one. Meaning, too much sx can bypass true intimacy, where you get to know the person over time and build something slowly, more slowly, rather than diving RIGHT IN AND OMG LET'S TELL EACH OTHER OUR DEEPEST SECRETS!!!!! I've been guilty of this bypass, especially as an sx/sp I can give the impression that I'm SUCH friends with someone, but nothing 'true' has actually been established on my end, while they feel a connection. This is precisely what allows me to be able to cut them off without feeling anything. I cut off when betrayed too, very suddenly, but in those cases I'm actually hurt. I'm talking about being so nonchalant and cold about leaving someone behind....
    This part of your post came up in other responses and it struck me as well.

    The only context I can think of as connecting in a sx way that isn't intimacy has to do with the way I have listened to people in the past. If I find out someone has experienced trauma, I befriend them in a way that looks the bull in the eyes in terms of their pain. I see a lot of people running away from people like that and so I go in boldly even when I don't think we have a lot of friendship compatibility. It has caused problems for me because I did this for a woman who turned out to have some paranoid issues mixed in with former trauma, and I'm still confused about what happened. She showed me pictures of bruises on her neck and told me the elder of her church raped her and beat her up and that she had no counselor at the time. I started having tea with her once a week every week for two years, during which time she shared 1-3 hours/week of horrific descriptions to me about the present and the past traumas. It was more than most people could tolerate hearing, and as time went on there started being some indications that there were also elements of paranoid disorders when she thought the rapist was putting cameras on stray animals to come into her house to spy on her, and other stories that started to break with reality. I did get secondary PTSD, but it didn't stop me. I connected with her in her pain, but have had to distance myself after I moved and leave her in the hands of professionals. I never felt a personal connection or dependency on her or expecting that she could fill any personal need, so it was not reciprocal intimacy, but something I would describe as a connection enabled by being sx-dom. I have an absurdly huge emotional bandwidth that few other people I interact with can tolerate.

    A second lady I befriended when I found out her son was tortured to death by drug dealers, and she mentioned that most of her friends felt uncomfortable and distanced themselves. We started having lunch, and she is a woman I admire a lot for her clear thinking and rationality. I feel like that connection was meaningful and real and I listened to what she needed to say, but it wasn't a dynamic where I was sharing my feelings that much. I did see that as a more reciprocal connection, but I never felt an attachment that made it hard to stop interacting because the premise had a certain emotional pragmatism to it for me.

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