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Multiple Enneagram Subtypes/Instincts Social Last Support Group

Agent Washington

Softserve Ice Cream
Joined
Jan 24, 2017
Messages
2,053
Yeah, we're more or less boned when it comes to job-seeking.

It's not so bad if I can fake it, but it's just... so utterly boring and horribly draining for me that I'm like. Pls. No. Is torture
 

Doctor Cringelord

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2013
Messages
20,567
MBTI Type
I
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I don't know if I'm Sx or Sp lead but I can say with certainty that I'm So last. Aquarian (the misanthropic humanitarians, or so I'm told), 9w8, So-last, introverted perceiver. This is my lot in life. It sucks, but it is what it is.
 

Peter Deadpan

phallus impudicus
Joined
Dec 14, 2016
Messages
8,883
I avoid saying "hi" and "goodbye" at work. I never even think to greet anyone, and leaving swiftly trumps etiquette. :shrug:

I don't want to be spoken to when I'm eating.

I don't actually care how your weekend was.

Or your kid's birthday party.

And no, I won't come.

I've never done a "play date".

I've never even done a "girl's night". (not counting my brief early 20s drinking stage when I was childless)

I don't know the names of more than 4 people I work with, besides management, at any given moment.

I cannot remember my clients' names. Or faces. Even if I just spoke to them face to face 1 hour prior.

I feel zero obligation to put my clients first, as in favoritism or not being short with them when they are rude, measured against my own standards of what constitutes rude.

I avoid eye contact as much as possible.

I don't care if people who should like me don't like me, like my bosses. (I'll occasionally have Fi guilt over this, but ultimately never care enough to try more than the minimum to manage it just so I don't get fired)

I have a history of opposition to unfair authority, which my peers like, but my "superiors" hate.

I think superiority is a fucking joke.

I judge and rank people on competence and authenticity, not social position.

I really sound like a piece of shit right now, don't I?
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,230
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I avoid saying "hi" and "goodbye" at work. I never even think to greet anyone, and leaving swiftly trumps etiquette. :shrug:

I don't want to be spoken to when I'm eating.

I don't actually care how your weekend was.

Or your kid's birthday party.

And no, I won't come.

I've never done a "play date".

I've never even done a "girl's night". (not counting my brief early 20s drinking stage when I was childless)

I don't know the names of more than 4 people I work with, besides management, at any given moment.

I cannot remember my clients' names. Or faces. Even if I just spoke to them face to face 1 hour prior.

I feel zero obligation to put my clients first, as in favoritism or not being short with them when they are rude, measured against my own standards of what constitutes rude.

I avoid eye contact as much as possible.

I don't care if people who should like me don't like me, like my bosses. (I'll occasionally have Fi guilt over this, but ultimately never care enough to try more than the minimum to manage it just so I don't get fired)

I have a history of opposition to unfair authority, which my peers like, but my "superiors" hate.

I think superiority is a fucking joke.

I judge and rank people on competence and authenticity, not social position.

I really sound like a piece of shit right now, don't I?
You sound like me. I don't avoid eye contact and I try not to be short with anyone, but otherwise I could have written this whole list.

IMO, people with SO last should work to their strengths and not their weaknesses. Rather than playing by SO rules, create your own rules.
The highlighted is great advice, and what I hear more and more now in career development workshops. We need to understand our weaknesses and find ways to compensate, but we get more mileage out of developing and working to our strengths.
 

Avocado

Permabanned
Joined
Jun 28, 2013
Messages
3,794
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
You sound like me. I don't avoid eye contact and I try not to be short with anyone, but otherwise I could have written this whole list.


The highlighted is great advice, and what I hear more and more now in career development workshops. We need to understand our weaknesses and find ways to compensate, but we get more mileage out of developing and working to our strengths.

While there is some truth here, we still live in a society, so there needs to be some compromise.Unless, of course, you can truly be an island and live off the land somewhere.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,230
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
While there is some truth here, we still live in a society, so there needs to be some compromise.Unless, of course, you can truly be an island and live off the land somewhere.
The desire for compromise seems largely one-sided in many cases. This is particularly ridiculous when it is coming from someone who needs or wants something we have or can do. It is even more ridiculous how many SO-last or similar types enable this behavior by catering to it.
 
Joined
May 19, 2017
Messages
5,100
Was the notion of a support group for the unsociable intended irony?

I’ll show myself out.
 

Avocado

Permabanned
Joined
Jun 28, 2013
Messages
3,794
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
The desire for compromise seems largely one-sided in many cases. This is particularly ridiculous when it is coming from someone who needs or wants something we have or can do. It is even more ridiculous how many SO-last or similar types enable this behavior by catering to it.

Basically, its really hard to get everything you need in life without working with other people, and in order for everbody to benefit, people need to cooperate...that said, it seems sometimes like I really don’t get enough say in who I have to compromise WITH.
 

Qlip

Post Human Post
Joined
Jul 30, 2010
Messages
8,464
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Was the notion of a support group for the unsociable intended irony?

I’ll show myself out.

Let's just say it was bonus irony, I chuckled to myself after I created the title. But, I don't think they're actually contrary to each other, the actual instinct stackings, sx/sp, sp/sx aren't really the same as being classically anti-social. As far as this being a real support group, I mean, it is one, if you consider the Random Thread a raucous party, and Type Me threads as tap dance performances.

I might not be so first, but I am definitely not social last.



This is funny :laugh:. The bold stuff? I can do that stuff all day long. Except instagram, because taking selfies makes me feel narcissistic. But like, office politics? Cake and not tiring. Social pecking order? Fascinating to look at! Apperances? Cake and automatic. Cochella? Eh, I'd rather do another venue. The easily offended? Cake to navigate. Grouping? second nature. Remembering names? With effort, cake. Responding to texts right away? Almost always. like, all of that stuff is kind of my bread and butter. Varies from second nature, to inconsequential, to enjoyment.

I'll see myself out :peepwall:.

Though the above is partially horrifying, I find it strangely comforting that the sackings may actually correlate to rl preferences.

IMO, people with SO last should work to their strengths and not their weaknesses. Rather than playing by SO rules, create your own rules.

...
The highlighted is great advice, and what I hear more and more now in career development workshops. We need to understand our weaknesses and find ways to compensate, but we get more mileage out of developing and working to our strengths.

I don't disagree that we should build up and cater to our strengths. But there's *always* the need to compromise in our life. We don't get to choose our parents, we don't get to choose all of our situations, and while we can work towards lives that work well for us, compromise and adaptability are tools that can help get us there. Of course, this may just be the purview of the Perceiver.
[MENTION=10808]bechimo[/MENTION] I'm a web developer, working towards self-employment atm, but not completely ignoring of other facts of life like mortgages, prior commitments, current shit-fests that take energy, etc.
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
[MENTION=10808]bechimo[/MENTION] I'm a web developer, working towards self-employment atm, but not completely ignoring of other facts of life like mortgages, prior commitments, current shit-fests that take energy, etc.
Consider what's in your life and pare away what doesn't improve it. In other words, figure out what are necessities and solely retain them. From there, decide what wants improve your life and retain those. What's left are the things to discard.

Oh excellent since there are sites like Github where you can make your reputation and get piecemeal work or start your own projects and have other developers help.
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
I never respond well to support groups.


Seriously.
Me neither since I'm fiercely independent which has worked well for me in my life. But if I can make suggestions that might help others since it clicks with them where they'll do it in their own way, why not?
 

Yuurei

Noncompliant
Joined
Sep 29, 2016
Messages
4,509
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w7
I never respond well to support groups.


Seriously.

Support groups fucked me up for life. I was fine until someone else said " Hey, I don't think your fine." and put me in group therapy. THAT made me crazy.

But when I see a thread like this, I think more of a venting space than any real "therapy."...or "Group" for that matter.
 

cascadeco

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2007
Messages
9,083
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Networking is an Achilles Heel for me. I hate it. I hate putting effort into maintaining connections that aren't stimulating to me. There's only a small handful of people that don't make me feel more alone while I'm around and/or interacting with them. But then when I need the kind of thing that only a large network can provide, I'm SOL.

Exhibit A:

"At least 70 percent, if not 80 percent, of jobs are not published," he says. "And yet most people — they are spending 70 or 80 percent of their time surfing the net versus getting out there, talking to employers, taking some chances [and] realizing that the vast majority of hiring is friends and acquaintances hiring other trusted friends and acquaintances."​

I wish they'd have cited the source of that number. I remember it was posted at several different sites a few years ago - enough that I trust it's a legit estimation.

Not sure I'm actually social last, but I hate networking too, and I'm terrible at it (since I don't do any of it). I also never schmoozed when I had an office job; actually I don't even do it in a non-office job. :laugh: I too avoid instagram and things similar to it... I just get an icky feeling about it and about spending time on all of that; it feels too much like forcing me to do something I really could care nothing about, though I am aware there is large value in participating in it - particularly when it comes to small businesses and more creative/independent endeavors, which I actually do, but I guess I don't care enough about it to succomb to spending time and energy doing all of those sites that I loathe. Maintaining facebook is about as high as I can reach, lol.

When it comes to knowing the ins and outs of office politics, though, I always picked up on that and what I would 'need' to do IF I wanted to do it / etc --- which is why I always figured I wasn't so-last. So I could smoothly sail through that without really ruffling feathers in any way that was detrimental to me; though this doesn't mean I didn't speak up and wasn't chastised for not identifying/associating myself more strongly as a 'part of the company'.
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
Not sure I'm actually social last, but I hate networking too, and I'm terrible at it (since I don't do any of it). I also never schmoozed when I had an office job; actually I don't even do it in a non-office job. :laugh: I too avoid instagram and things similar to it... I just get an icky feeling about it and about spending time on all of that; it feels too much like forcing me to do something I really could care nothing about, though I am aware there is large value in participating in it - particularly when it comes to small businesses and more creative/independent endeavors, which I actually do, but I guess I don't care enough about it to succomb to spending time and energy doing all of those sites that I loathe. Maintaining facebook is about as high as I can reach, lol.

When it comes to knowing the ins and outs of office politics, though, I always picked up on that and what I would 'need' to do IF I wanted to do it / etc --- which is why I always figured I wasn't so-last. So I could smoothly sail through that without really ruffling feathers in any way that was detrimental to me; though this doesn't mean I didn't speak up and wasn't chastised for identifying myself more strongly as a 'part of the company'.
I loathe Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. They're exercises in inanity and narcissism.
 

Starry

Active member
Joined
May 22, 2010
Messages
6,103
Me neither since I'm fiercely independent which has worked well for me in my life. But if I can make suggestions that might help others since it clicks with them where they'll do it in their own way, why not?



Yah...I think for me it has to do with any type of government...the rituals and rules that tend to accompany groups of any and all kinds... that are meant to control behavior and conduct... they always feel really limiting and artificial to me. Primarily for reasons I can't even access in myself. In other words, it's never the people themselves...it's always the structure/game.


I really liked and agree with your suggestion above that so-last create their own life.
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
Yah...I think for me it has to do with any type of government...the rituals and rules that tend to accompany groups of any and all kinds... that are meant to control behavior and conduct... they always feel really limiting and artificial to me. Primarily for reasons I can't even access in myself. In other words, it's never the people themselves...it's always the structure/game.


I really liked and agree with your suggestion above that so-last create their own life.
But that's the beauty of this support group. There are no rules, no governing, nuffink! Everyone gives what they want and takes what they want, b/s social hierarchies be damned. :happy0065:
 

cascadeco

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2007
Messages
9,083
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
(Also - I have an aversion to joining clubs/ organizations / any organized type of meeting; so, exercise/running groups are a definite no-no, or hiking clubs -- those would be the worst imo ---- I only like to hike by myself or with close friends)

(btw - I'm still not saying I'm so-last, I'm just writing stuff that is usually associated with so-last that I can relate to in this thread :))
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,230
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Though the above is partially horrifying, I find it strangely comforting that the sackings may actually correlate to rl preferences.
Freudian slip?

I don't disagree that we should build up and cater to our strengths. But there's *always* the need to compromise in our life. We don't get to choose our parents, we don't get to choose all of our situations, and while we can work towards lives that work well for us, compromise and adaptability are tools that can help get us there. Of course, this may just be the purview of the Perceiver.
A great way to compromise is to partner with people whose gifts and preferences are complementary.

Basically, its really hard to get everything you need in life without working with other people, and in order for everbody to benefit, people need to cooperate...that said, it seems sometimes like I really don’t get enough say in who I have to compromise WITH.
As I mentioned above, working with other people can actually help, provided they are the right people. "Right" meaning that they, too, are open to the idea that we will all be better at different things, and should work together to make things happen.

I loathe Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. They're exercises in inanity and narcissism.
Amen. I couldn't agree more.

I really liked and agree with your suggestion above that so-last create their own life.
I agree with this, too, and for the most part have been able to do just this. I'm trying now to create my own job, with much more limited success.
 
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